"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort










Wednesday, December 08, 2010

In Memory...


She was my first dog all my own. I saw her in the pet store and I had to have her. A small ball of fluff, full of life. Her entire life she suffered illnesses which I now know, are a result of buying her from a store, and subsequently, a puppy mill.

She was my tissue for every heartbreak, starting with my ex husband, and ending with exmanfriend. She muffled my cries when my dad passed away, I lost my house, my job, my car. She never minded being the one to silence my screams and sobs.

She didn't question how I would provide her with medical care, or afford to feed her, she simply trusted me with her big brown eyes, that everything would work out.

She was my crutch, and when I was sad, and lonley, she went everywhere with me. She loved to stick her head out the window, and feel the wind in her face, even when she was going to the vet.

I never felt like I was alone and she never complained when I told her the same story, or asked her why so and so broke my heart. She sat with me quietly, and let me spill my guts. I never slept alone with her, she always kept my feet warm, and hogged the blankets.

Little Hill (named for her parents, Rolling Hills Flory, and Pattyanne's Little Junior) was born April 6, 1996, and died today, December 8th, 2010. She was almost fifteen.

I petted her this morning, knowing that I planned to take her to put her down after work, and asked her to please go on her own. The thought of having to end her life wrenched me. I've had to put two cats down, and it is never easy.

I would say her passing was a blessing. I didn't want to make that choice for her. She didn't die alone, she had little Magoo by her side. And the only good thing I can say is that she looked very peaceful when I found her. Head on a blanket, laying on her side. Her body not in a final act of agony, but as if she had just laid down to go to sleep.

She had lymphoma, and lived several years with it. But recently tumors in her head, and throat made breathing and eating difficult for her, and it finally caught up with her.

The conclusion is, it's never easy to say goodbye to a friend. Whether they die on their own, or you make the decision for them. I feel somewhat relieved as the past few weeks she has been steadily declining, and I felt the impending decision I had to make for her.

She will meet two cat sisters, on the bridge. And I know my Dad will look out for her too.

Goodbye old girl.

14 comments:

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

aw friend, i'm so so so sorry for your loss.

this was a beautiful tribute to her!

xo

Carmen said...

Sorry to hear about your pup. *hugs*

Debbie said...

I'm so sorry for you loss. I read this with tears in my eyes.

Allison M. said...

Little Hill - what an adorable name.

RIP.

Sister Copinherhair said...

I'm so sorry. Hugs to you.

Suzanne said...

This makes me so sad. I am sorry for your loss. Bacon sends his love to you, too.

Fizzgig said...

Ty everyone! I know she is no longer hurting. I had a sweet assistant to help me bury her, despite the cold and snow, and someone to wipe away my tears, and make me feel ok about how much I tried to care for her.

Kelly said...

I completely understand your pain. I have had to make sad decisions too often.
K

Amber said...

So heartbreaking. She was very lucky to have such a loving momma. Your words are a beautiful tribute to a trusted and loyal friend. RIP Little Hill.

Milk-2Sugars said...

:(
hope youre ok

Adorably Distracted... said...

awwww this just made me so sad! :( I'm so sorry about your dog. Losing a friend is the worst!

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

OMG I'm tearing up over here, so sorry for you!!!

Teena in Toronto said...

I'm so sorry. It's always hard to say good-bye to our furry friends.

Organic Meatbag said...

This hits home with me very much because we found out just two days before you lost your sweetie that our beloved beagle has nasal cancer...she has been given only 2-3 months to live, and that was over a month ago now...it is wrenching my heart and my stomach...she is our little girl, and I have no idea what I'm going to do without her...
So far she's doing good, but it is so difficult waiting for the inevitable as you know...I'm so sorry you lost her...