I'm On Island Time, I just need the island...

I'm still on vacation time. To me, I'm still at the beach, with my feet in the sand. Basking in the sunshine. Relaxing with my sister. *Sigh* Reality is such a drag, isn't it? Do you know, she lives literally, two minutes from the beach, and never goes? I think she should have her residency revoked or something. That's just not right!

Soooo....I gained one measley little pound on vacation. This is monumental. I ate at Cheeseburger in Paradise. I had IHOP. I ate crackers (CARBS!) And alchohol. I had champagne. Sangria. A six pack of Corona, and TWO pina coladas. (When written out in this fashion, that's a hell of a lot to drink in 3 days!) Yet, I managed to maintain my weight for the most part. I'm so excited about that little fact! I also only worked out the one day! If you need me, I'll be here....patting myself on the back! Burping.

So I talked to my brother last night. He told me not to worry about him (at home). He said being there, is giving him more incentive to clean the place up. Mmmmm hmmmm. That's what I thought. Him doing it is another story. I'll still have to go over and keep an eye on him. Make sure he's doing stuff. He's suppose to work every day so he said he just needs some stuff from my house, and we'd work out getting everything over there. Only time will tell how this all pans out. But what I can say, is I've enjoyed my two nights of freedom! It is a little quiet, but I've been feeling shitty and its nice to lay on my couch and watch my TV. I can hear the dollar signs dropping from my electric bill. Just in time for winter. Joy.

I don't want to brag or anything, but I think I'm the favorite at work. Another girl was on vacation when I was, and my boss did a lot of my work for me. And had another girl do my awards. Vacation girl hasn't gotten anything done for her. Now, I'm right on track for month-end (we have jacked up fiscal months) and she is behind. I told her, it's cus she's always finished before the rest of us, so she shouldn't work so hard in the future.

I'm Baaaaaaaaack....(and more on the boy)

I know the internets probably shut down while I was on vacation. Riiiight. I really enjoyed my few days of "freedom". We went to see the new Halloween, had a drink at Ruby Tuesday's. Spent time at the beach, and went to the A.R.E. (Association for research and enlightenment) and took a meditation seminar. I really enjoyed the meditation, I can't explain what happened to me, but that it was a feeling of happiness that kept washing over me. Amazing. I can't wait to see if I can re-create this on my own. Meditation may keep me sane! I also got a new mantra out of it, "be still and know that I am love" this will help me I think, on my journy of self love. I still have my moments, and this is what I'll say.

As soon as I got home though, the tension, and stress all came washing back over me. I wanted my brother to go home, my Mom didn't. It's not my fault, I have my own life to get together, I've had him with me FOUR months! C'mon! So I took him home yesterday. I told him he can come back some time. But I need a few days to myself. Then I got a call from the police station, the girl working 3-11 took another shift, so they need people to work 5:30-10:30 M-F. I'm going to call and pick up some hours during the week. That money will greatly help me, especially missing three days at the real job to go out of town. Good thing I had some R&R! Plus, the days I work at the police station, I'll have to get up at 6 am to workout, since I wont have time at night.

Did I mention how I got sick on vacation? On the way home I started feeling like shit. Sinus infection. Today I got a huge ball of bloody mucus out my throat. I know, that's disgusting, but that's how I roll!

And I told you how I've been talking to that boy from the internet. Well we talked a couple times, and we've been texting a lot. He seems normal. Shocking. Normal? By normal I mean, like me. So of course this really means..."awesome".

Something about this boy... I dunno. I really like. Is it weird, because I havn't met him? I can see how this whole online thing works. He's not a freak, and we have had time to talk and get to know each other before getting involved otherwise. I guess you never know. We have a lot of the same interests, one being buddhism. It's fun to talk to someone else about it, who truely gets it, and doesn't make fun of it.

We also have the same sense of humor. Who loves laughing? I do! Who else does? That boy! Who knows what will happen.. we talked about meeting when I have some time off in October. Meeting?!!? Eeek! I feel like it's pretty damn sad I can't make plans cus I'm always working! But, with picking up these extra hours, who knows. I might be able to quit before Christmas. I'll keep you updated. I get a good feeling about it. One that I can't explain, but I trust.

Wach this video. It's only a minute long. It will make you appreciate nature. The sun was hitting the ocean so it looked like it was raining when the waves came in, and it's an amazing, beautiful thing. I'm a dork like that!

P.S.

I made "phone" contact with this boy I have been talking to online. We talked a couple times on the phone while I'm on vacation, and texted. I think he sounds like someone I wanna meet. We have the same sense of humor, which for both of us is huge. He sounds cute, and not axe murder-y. Not many people "get" me in the funny way. Well I should say, most BOYS don't. It's been wasted.

I have no idea about this dating thing, let alone, on the INTERNET. I've never met anyone this way. And I wasn't even looking to date someone. It just kinda happened to be that a cute boy messaged me. So, we'll see.......It's a big scarey world out there, and I'm not use to it. I'm just a small town girl. Livin in a lonley world. (journey rocks!)

Somebody's On Cloud Nine...

Well I made it to Virginia Beach safe and sound. The plane ride only moderatly scared the shit out of me. I got to watch the sunrise all the way to Atlanta, and it was a quiet, peaceful time, that I'll not soon forget. I've never seen anything like it. I stared at it for hours. Stuff like that makes me realize, how amazing this world is, and how my small role in it all seems insignificant.

Onto better things. You know who is in LOVE with Edwin McCain, right? You know, my sole purpose for the trip was to see Edwin, right? Well I got to MEET EDWIN!!!!! Second time! I figure, by the third time, he will be so smitten with me, we'll for sure run off and get married! We're still in the 'dating' stages. We stalked his tour bus after the show, conveniently located by the women's room...and got our picture with him. I told him (cus you know, we're old friends) "we'll leave you alone after this". You say the stupidest things when confronted with your crush. Seriously though, he wasn't the least bit bothered by the droves of people who wanted autographs and pictures. Don't mind that this is the most horrible picture.

We even followed him to the hotel. But we kept our distance. That's how we roll people!

My sister has DIAL-UP....so, it will take forever to upload the hundreds of pictures we took. She got a new camera, so OUR picture will be forthcoming...not to mention, they don't have any photo editing programs so I can size them, or crop them, or remove red eye. Someone should tell her she's living in the stone ages or something.

I won't yet get into how Edwin had on the same shirt he had on the last three times I've seen him. (People, go buy his album or something, the man must be poor!) But he does have different hair each time.

I'm going to edit this later, and add pictures. Seriously, unless you have dial-up you don't know that it's taken 20 minutes to think about uploading one stinking picture. I'm if they at least had Microsoft photo editor here, I'd be golden. But, no. So until then, bask in my glory. For I am on top of the worrrrrrrrld.

P.S. I will no longer be washing my left hand, for it touched Edwin's sweaty back. Back sweat from a rock star is HOTT!!

Getting The Hell Outta Dodge!.....

So, I'm getting the hell outta dodge. I leave at 5:45 a.m. for Virginia Beach. Vrooooooooom. Think of me flying over in a plane and how safe I'm going to be from everything that can be unsafe on a plane! I'm pretty sick over it. Bleh. But, I'm really excited to get out of town for a few days, of course I GET TO SEE MY EDWIN TOMORROW!!! And, I met my weight loss goal of 35 lbs for the trip, and exceeded it by 1 pound. Yay for me.

Last night I finally met up with someone. We'd been missing communications for a few days and it was getting old. I had the best time, because that was just what I needed. And by 'that' I think you know what I mean.

He also asked me what I wanted out of life. I didn't hesitate to mention, that I wanted a boy who loves and adores me. Cus, well...who doesn't? I think he was wanting to know if I wanted more than a booty call. I do. But I also want the person to want it just as much as I do. You know..... some day, I'll be swept up by another boy and he will be sorry he didn't marry me or something. Cus, girls like me don't come around that often. Wink wink... See how I am learning my own value?

No further developments with my brother. I'm putting that drama on hold until I get back from vay cay. I can't let anything ruin the ride I'm on right now. Cus it's pretty nice. I am however, going to miss my Mommy. My leaving only means I'll see her one more night when I return from the beach, and then she's gone again. I tried talking her into moving back to Ohio...because it IS the heart of it all. (Ok so that was totally cheesy)

Goodbye cruel world.....I'm off to join the circus!

Where Somehow It Get's Turned Around on Me...

I'm not sure how this happened. Somehow, the fact that my brother screwed up his life, has become my problem. I was hoping my Mom could help get him back on track. Get him to clean up his place, and go home. Turns out, he doesn't want to go home. Turns out she wants him to be with me. Permanent. This is my problem how? He said he has no choice but to go home but he doesn't want to. Well see, you do have a choice, it was before you decided to let your house go. That was the choice you made. My Mom feels bad for him. Ok, she's the Mom. But then she said I should let him live with me, and not charge him half the bills. "You shouldn't expect that" she said. Oh, ok, cus him living with me for free for 3 months was better?

I don't know how the fuck I went and got stuck with the responsibility of getting him fed. Getting his meds. Buying him cigarettes. DRIVNG HIM TO WORK each day. Wasting MY GAS. Not getting paid a penny. I'm over it. The shits going to hit the fan. I don't want to be mean to him but he is a grown man. And why it is my job to take care of him. I don't have kids. He's not mine. He is 34. Time to stop letting life get you down and DO SOMETHING about it. God. I'm sick and tired of working two jobs, and I can't quit with him there. I'm not getting ahead at all. He is making me hate my own life! You know, no one has rescued me. So don't ever expect me to rescue you. I've done all I'm doing. I don't care if it sounds heartless as my Mom seems to think. If I could do it, anyone can. I've been through a LOT more than my brother has..... A lot! And what am I doing? Still living my life. That's all you can do.

On a lighter note, I've exchanged a few great emails with someone online! On paper, everything's really perfect. But you know how that goes. I guess. I havn't done this before, but he seems to be everything I'm looking for, and funny. I like funny. Cute too! Of course, only time will tell if he's only after the booty. I've had a shitty morning at work. I have so much to do to prepare for being gone Thurs, Fri, and Mon.

Laboring On Labor Day...

I'm at work. Thankfully, it hasn't been too bad here today. I mean, I AM online and all. However, Olive Garden brought in a fuck-ton of food. So, I had a peice of lasagna. MEAT sauce. A breadstick. And a peice of Tiramasu. The peice of Tiramasu should have been 4 peices, but who am I to say? Now? I feel like ass. Bleh. This is precicely why me and carbs do not get along. They make me tired, bloated, and miserable. But for that short time I ate them it was fabulous. I wouldn't feel so bad if I got in a good workout today,but I only got in 40 minutes, so I could drive my Mom around.

Mom was convinced by Kat, that there is some gambling place in my town. I'm telling you, I live in a small town. No gambeling. She wouldn't believe me. I had to drive her there to show her. I said kat doesn't even LIVE here, let it go!

I'm a dumbass cus I left my parking pass in my old car for work. I didn't need it last week cus I parked in one of my VP's spots. (this is pimp shit when the parking lot has over 2,000 cars and parking is a mile away) So, I got a new one on Friday. I lost it. All I did was pick my Mom up in WV, and it's gone. Poof. I havn't even had time to really look hard for it. No time for anything. Work is ruining my life.

I'm sorta sad today. I think it's that I miss being in love. Why can't someone rescue me from myself? Whisk me away! I'm a totally awesome girl - takers? I like to go to the movies? Trivia? Beer? I'm free for a few hours the end of September. Ugh. See why I don't date? I'M ALWAYS WORKING!

I missed three attempts at contact from Someone this weekend who tried to call me AGAIN last night after I got off work. Seriously, that would've snapped me right outta my funk. But then it's only a distraction. And really, it's kinda getting old. By the time I got the message it was 1 a.m. And, I'm leaving Thursday on a jet plane to see Edwin. I can't even be all that excited, because now I'm terrified of people driving my car while I'm gone. Namely my brother. I know my Mom won't keep him from going out in it. Cus, she is the Mom and see's only the good in him. Not the fact that he goes out drinking and lies about it. And will do so in MY NEW CAR. I don't want him driving it at all. Hopefully his friend can take get him for work.

Oh, look, it's 6:11. Only 4 hours and 49 minutes until I get to go home. uggh

More On Becoming my Mother...

You know, I have my Momma staying with me this week. And, of course, my brother is still there. Last night after I got home from work at 11:30, we watched a family reunion DVD Mom had from her family. I got changed into my PJ's and got out the sweeper. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Sweeping" I say. "At 12:00?" "Yes, why?" "I could have swept if you wanted it swept today I didn't do anything". She turned to my brother and asked "Who does she remind you of?" I asked "Who?" and she says "Me".

At this point, I told my Mom, that I often curse her for half the things I do. You know when you live at home, and your MOM makes you do things you don't want to do, you say: "WHEN I GROW UP I'M NEVER DOING THIS!"

Like:

1) I fold my towels in three's. I cannot accept them folded any other way, because they simply don't stack nice in the cupboard. In half. In half again, then in three's. Mom made you do this, and do it right.

2) Re-folding towels that someone else folded, incorrectly. If they aren't neat, they get redone. Mom made me re-do my towels a lot.

3) Do the dishes as you go. I hated this dumb rule! Who wants to interrupt cooking with cleaning dishes? Who has time for that? Who wants to prolong enjoyment of a delicious meal, to wash dishes? Now, I can't stand someone in my kitchen, not cleaning as they go!

4) Wipe your crumbs off the counter. Now, I say to myself, "how fucking hard is it to clean some fucking crumbs off the counter w/o wiping them onto the damn floor, huh?"

5) Clean the cat hair off the furniture. Oh, I went rounds with my mom on this one. She even threw my cat outside once. My one stinking cat! I of course, layed in the yard and cried for hours with my kitty. Now, I have to do it, at the very least once a week.

6) Keep the house "red-up". (I dunno if 'red-up' is a patented phrase, or if other Moms use it...?) I'd think as a kid, big deal. It's just going to get messy again. Now, my internal 'can't deal with shit' button is pushed, if I spend 6 hours on my half a day off, cleaning when I work 2 jobs, and would love to lay around. Sorry Mom, I just didn't know!

7) Clean out the lint trap. I thought this was really dumb. Who cares if there is lint on the lint trap? When you get older, and OWN YOUR OWN WASHER AND DRYER. You realize, that this can affect it's ability to dry clothes. Burn out the heating element! I thought it was dumb of my mom to yell at me for that. But, I guess she was right. Same with having the washer go off balance. I sure as shit don't sit and listen to it now, I run to its rescue!!!!

This is but a small list of things I thought were stupid. I don't aspire to be Martha Stewart, But I swear I never thought I had an anal bone in my body. See why I don't want kids? My favorite Mom phrase? "Half-assed". I can see why she used it a lot. "get in there and rewash those dishes, you did it half-assed" You would even get the half-assed in note form, such as at the beginning of a list of things to do: "If you do it half-assed you will do it again" I don't think I ever threatened to do anything 'full-assed' but I bet if I did I'd probably have gotten slapped!

Reason 456,780,100 not to have kids. They will grow up and curse you for their own stupid habits in their blogs.

Things I miss about my old car....

I wish right here I could simply type "nothing" but I'd be lying, and I'm not a lying girl. I do however, only miss two things.

1) easy-to-use cruise control. I took a 2 hour solo trip to WV last night, and only got it to work twice. By accident. I mean, since when did using the cruise control require so much effort? On my old car, you pushed two buttons to set it. Don't ask me how to do it on this one. Obviously I need to read the book.

2) The headlights. I never once in three years had to touch my lights. They came on by themselves, they went off by themselves. I didn't have to think about it. I think in the past two days I've left my lights on a total of 20 times.

Other than that things are awesome with the car. I got lost as fuck in West by god Virginia when I got off the expressway. Stopped at an Exxon and all the rumors you hear about people there are totally true. Judging from the creepy pervs giving me the eye at the pumps, to the toothless man behind the counter, in his jumpsuit and name badge sewn on "Earl". I only wish I was kidding. I really expected one to jump me from the hills, like in that movie "Wrong Turn". (I totally get to be Eliza Dushku tho cus shes hot!)

For a city with a casino, they sure don't want you to find it. I spent over a half hour driving around trying to find the damn place. I found my way to "The Wheeling Inn" and told my mom to come find me. I was done driving around. I mean, even on the city website, it's the very last attraction. You would think they would want to advertise it. But then again, like the movie maybe the cannabalistic mountain men eat too many tourists so they don't like to advertise.

Missed a call from someone due to the freaking mountains. But other than that I didn't mind the trip alone.

P.S. Did you see the pics of my car below? Sweet!