"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Monday, January 11, 2010

Cheaters Never Win..

I think everyones opinion of cheating depends on their experience with it. What's yours?

Some say, once a cheater always a cheater.

Some say, different circumstances, different people.

Some say lesson learned, doesn't mean it will happen again.

Some say it depends on the conditions of the "affair" was it love, sex, or companionship?

My experience has been this. I'm 34. I've had roughly...8 serious relationships. By serious I mean, the "L" word was used.

Out of my 8 serious relationships, 7 of them cheated on me. I am not for sure about one, its never been confirmed, but that one wasn't *circumsized so if he got someone else to do him, kudos!

One of the cheaters was my husband. We were together 7 years. There was never a day that went by that we didn't have sex. We had good sex. Sex he even came back for long after we were divorced...alot (euw) and begged me for. (yea...he did..once he even broke in my apt at 3 am and tried to get in bed w/me, hes lucky he didn't get killed!)

Cheating isn't always about sex. It's about the cheater. He was a peice of crap so he needed to feel good by being wanted by other women I guess. I duno, cus he sure wasn't a prize. Yet, he found skanks to do him. Several.

His cheating resulted in a child. Guess who still went to counseling to save their marriage? It is definately possible to save if there is 1)genuine regret, and remorsefulness (he never really apologized...) and 2) willing to work on things (mostly he thought it was funny)

Still, it never crossed my mind to cheat on him. After that, I dated another asshole who treated me like even bigger crap, and he cheated on me, alot. I did cheat on him. Not just once or twice. But a lot. And, the person I cheated on him with was also cheating on someone.


I use to think this was horrible! That was the one and only time I ever cheated on anyone. But I sort of felt like I wondered what the big deal was. What was so exciting about it? I found nothing exciting about it at all. This was in my mid 20's. Before I knew who I was. Now I know, that is not a part of who I am.

So, from personal experience, I know cheating doesn't make you a cheater. I've never done it since, and it's never even crossed my mind. Even when guys buy me drinks. Or ask to come over in the middle of the night, or say how much they miss me because they screwed up in the past and want to come back. It doesn't occur to me to cheat. It doesn't make me want to hurt anyone because I've done it before.

So, in my experience, people can learn a lesson, and not do it again. I've been on all sides of this issue.

Speaking of. New guy msgd me this wknd. Wanted to hook up. I've since moved on from that and on to something else. And again, it didn't cross my mind even though it would be easy to do, logistically speaking.

I'm a changed woman. Why don't you think people can change?

*I know, gross...I'm sorry it wasn't the best for me either.


Anonymous said...

I'm going to ask this, but not to be snotty.

Why do you think you pick men who cheat?

Before you assume I'm an anonymous bitch, I'm not, I'm married, we both cheated in the past (yes, on each other) and the cheating was a SYMPTOM, the CAUSE was marital misery. I believes that both of us would have been faithful had we chosen to deal with what the problems were. That said, I'll hit 20 next year and the last ten have been faithful for both. So I'm just wondering out loud... what's going on in your life that you're meeting idiots?

You can delete it, I just wanted to throw that out there.

heather said...

i believe in lessons learned, if the person really wants to change. i cheated, learned my lesson and will never do it again. so not worth it. i guess it depends on if the person really values love and trust and honesty.

Teena in Toronto said...

Different circumstances, different people.

I think it depends on the situation, who you are with, etc.

Patti Cake said...

Ehhhhh...I dunno. I think there is a difference between cheating on a spouse and cheating on a boyfriend/girlfriend. The level of cheating is different I guess..the hurt is the same but it isn't as bad if its a gf or bf.

LiLu said...

I think different people/situations... I also think age has a lot to do with it. People mature. But if someone's 40 and messing around... yeah, they're probably not shaping up anytime soon.

Fizzgig said...

i think it was always a subconcious thing...i never felt i deserved to be loved, so i picked men who didnt love me. i spent a long time to fix this problem...at least i love me! i know its a symptom. usually the relationships were bad anyway. usually, i was codependant and couldnt let anyone have their own life.

we fought horribly. Looking back its no big loss, but seriously, it does get to you, i asked a few of them why they did it, and they always say that they were stupid...because they always come back! always. so i thought maybe its not me....but i wasnt a happy person, and i had to fix that.

true...if i hadnt done it myself and never thought to do it again, i might be skeptical too.

very true. some people make it their jobs to cheat ...hey like my ex husband lol

true, and the length of time your together can play a part as well..

i think you are right

merider (M.E.-rider) said...

I don't read your blog to judge you and I find you nowhere near gross. I do think you fascinating, funny as hell, and the kind of gal I'd be best friends with should you live in my neck of the woods. You admit things I would never - even as much as I share. You also write your experiences and inner thoughts with a kind of offbeat candor that is endearing. From a woman who shies from all male connections, living vicariously through you is infinitely entertaining, albeit a tad sad at times (remember, this too shall pass).

Fizzgig said...

awwwww thanks m.e!

blogjem said...

Broke into the apartment at 3am to get in bed with you?
You do pick the dramatic ones don't you?
Hopefully this time around all will be well.
Sending my best