"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Monday, February 13, 2012


I'll never understand that boy radar. You know, the one that they have that goes on red alert when you are either happy, or seeing someone else?

Surely someone could harness this power for some sort of good? Instead of making it cause them to remember "oh...I fucked up....she seems to be doing really well, I should totally call her!"

I got some texts today from some exes. One was of oh....13 or so years, to tell me that he saw me on FB, and obviously I had been hitting the gym pretty hard, and I am looking really good. I won't lie, it did make me smile a bit. In the "you're loss, buddy" category.

What didn't make me smile, was that he is now living with his fiance, and has 3 kids with her. I see some things never change. Still seeing whats out there while pretending to be happy.

I just responded "yes I have, thank you, say hello to your fiance, and kids for me!" And ignored all future texts in response.

Maybe I am not fully together emotionally, but I will NEVER be "THAT GIRL". That girl ruined many of my relationships, along with the assholes that partook in the "thatting" of the girl.

I may not have found him yet, but the right one is out there for me, and he sure as hell does not have a fiance, and kids at home.

Then, TDH texted me today to "see how I was doing" and "did I want to get together to talk" or "am I not even interested anymore". It's been a few months since I broke things off with him, "to get over my ex".

When I broke things off, I told him I needed time...to "do my own thing"....the least I could do is talk to him and explain where I am at this point in my life. He didn't do anything wrong, other than fall for a girl who didn't have an available heart to give.

I think until I can be with a guy that is seemingly awesome, not afraid of committment, and is super sweet to me....and not think about how he isn't exmanfriend, I'm no good for anyone.

I've also pumped the brakes on the development with school friend for the same reason. Yes, things are going well, but no, I am not ready for a full on relationship yet. I don't wanna end up being someone I hate, that hurts people. So we are dialing it back a bit. We are still going to talk, and date.

I'm trying...but with baby steps.

The best part is that he is so understanding of that, and not wanting to mess things up with us, that it doesn't even phase him.


Teena in Toronto said...

Good for you! You'll know when you're ready.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Allison M. said...

OMG I feel like you are speaking my language.