Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Way More Shocking than the "F" bomb...
I'm happy as a clam with school friend, aside from my inner voice asking me, is this THE ONE??.
I kinda like school friend. But then there is the fact, that he likes me a whole lot more than I like him. Or, he is better at showing that he likes me. At this point, I don't know and I don't have to.
I think, I'm so not use to being the one that is cherished in a relationship that I'm cautiously optimistic in this case. And on the night in question, I actually felt myself let go a little bit more. I let myself be vulnerable. And, nothing bad happened.
The only complaint I can say I have is that I'm not head over heels for him. He makes me say "awww" a lot, and we have definite chemistry, we laugh all the time, have amazing conversations, and I do think about him when we are apart.....but I don't have that loving feeling.
One particular night we were cuddled up watching wolverine, kissing during commercial breaks like kids do when their parents leave the room....because you ONLY have a few minutes! (sidenote: #1 flaw? NO TIVO! who watches commercials?)
I was giving him shit about something or other for about the 10th time that evening..... when it happened.
In a "I just love when you roll your eyes at me" ...non-chalant...said it a billion times kind of way, while we were both laughing about what I'd said......he blurted out "I just love you".
My heart stopped, and I just continued laughing and said "I love giving you shit". I wanted to get up, gather my things, and run home. But I acted like it never happened.
But it did happen.
I was sort of freaked out about it. I told "the girls" in the morning. And school friend texted me the usual "good morning sunshine" and I texted him back.
A few hours passed, and he said something was bothering him. He couldn't sleep the night before. He was stressed out about something he said that came out wrong, when he said it he "saw the look on my face". (hello, I thought I totally played it off, but I guess not.....)
I knew what he meant, and I tried to play it off by saying "I took it as a playful gesture, if that was how you professed your love for me, I'd ask for a re-do".
Instead of packing up and running for the hills, I tried to think of it in a friendly way.
And just like that, I returned to the moment. The one where I like a boy a lot, but I'm not in love, and I can be myself with him.
I don't have to figure it all out right now. And what is meant to be, will be.
I know everything happens for a reason, and just because I don't see myself walking down the aisle with him, doesn't mean we shouldn't see where it leads.