"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

The first step is admitting you are powerless...

I feel fabulous, and I can't say that I'm not excited to be a mere 18lbs from my goal weight! (say what???)

But along with weight loss, come some things you don't think about when you are busy wishing yourself thin.

Like, how being addicted to junk food is like a drug. And, you really do have to take it one day at a time. I prefer, hour by hour. While over time, it does get easier, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about eating an entire cake until I puke. Or a box of cheeze-its. Maybe just one burrito won't be so bad?

More than making the right choices with meals, and sticking to 3-a-day work outs, not giving into cravings is also really hard work. I personally thought when you get to be thin, all your troubles just melt away along with your fat.

I'm a smart girl but that's totally retarded!

It's a 24 hours a day, 365 days a year life change, that I have to wake up each day and make the choice to live with.

Like most addicts, my drug of choice has to be avoided. Like a crackhead, I can't eat a little bit of junk food and think I'll be ok. Because, a little bit is never enough. Like an alchoholic, I can't have just one drink.

One phrase my instructor told us on day one that is my mantra is "you don't want to work out just to eat, losing weight is 50% diet and 50% exercise."

I did this for years. I worked out 6 days a week, and ate pretty much what I wanted. I lost a quick 45lbs that way years ago but for so long, I was stuck in a rut. Confused as to how I was not dropping more weight as much as I exercised. I ate healthier food, but still had indulgences, and over-ate on the good stuff too.

One day I want to conquer this, and be one of those people that can share a dessert and not wish I'd had the whole thing. Or have a couple pieces of pizza and not fight the urge to eat the entire pie by myself.

Ending on a positive note, while I wake up every day and have to talk myself out of having a breakfast bagel, the reward is my inner peace. I love my alone time running a trail, I listen to my favorite music, think about the past, present, and future, and reflect on choices I've made. All while enjoying the greatest gift we have in this universe....nature!

I'm happy to be alive. I'm thankful for the ability to challenge myself, and accomplish things I never thought I would. I love having cheek bones without make up, biceps, and the ability to hold a pencil under my butt cheeks. (I saw this on an infomercial, as a sign of firm buttocks, and when I tried it, I squealed out loud at 3am!)

Taking this past 6 months to MYSELF to be single, and work on ME has turned out to be the best decision I've ever made.

I've taken this time to change, and work on myself on the inside, and yes.....more noticeably, OUTSIDE!

Boy, the future Mr. Me is going to be one lucky sonofogun! I can't wait to meet him, and wow him with my awesome-ness!


Allison M. said...

way to take time for yourself. most of us (me included) don't take enough time for ourselves. ever. I've started to try this myself.

Amber said...

You are truly an inspiration. CONGRATULATIONS on all you've accomplished. I plan to take your wise advice to heart to get to a new me, some day. I just wish I liked to exercise just a little bit. Keep on truckin', girl!

Teena in Toronto said...

I know what to do ... alas, I keep falling back on my old habits :(

Fizzgig said...

its hard to do, especially when you are in a relationship, but so important! I vow to stick to my commtitment when I couple up again one day!

the secret password is....no one likes it! I have a post all about it to post! I hate it! But, I hope that it does inspire you to achieve your own goals, that is the best part about goals, you are the one in charge!

give it a month, a month isnt hard, 4 weeks. I promise after that, it gets easier, and sticking to it seems less like work and more like habit. That was always my downfall. I never stuck to anything long enough.