Love/Hate...

I rejoined bootcamp. I'm on a 12 week program, and it's no joke. I'm tired. Sore. Tired. and here are some hilights.

• We have to wear all black. Because the instructor likes it. Anything you wear that isn't black, including under garments if they show, is $5.

• You have to track all your food. If you don't bring your meal tracker, $10.

• You weigh in once a week, for every pound you gain? $5.

• If someone in the class stops any given exercise, we start all over. If anyone doesn't do the exercise right, they are called out over the speaker system, and we are all made to do them over again "this one is for soo and soooooooo"

• They don't care if you can't do a push up. You will do them, or the whole class has to keep trying until you succeed. I can't express how badly my arms hurt from this.

• Not counting out loud, and LOUD results in starting back at 10. If someone isn't counting you want to punch them in the face. This is suppose to promote teamwork.

• Can't do 1,000 jumping jacks? You'd be suprised what you can do when the whole class is pissed at you.

• No bread, or even whole grains. (sob)

• And the worst most horrid thing ever. No alchohol. I am sure I'll sneak a vodka soda here or there, with fifteen limes. But it will be straight vodka. No delicious cherry or chocolate vodka. And only after I've been on a consistent weight loss for a few weeks.

You can bet your bottom dollar that I am going to meet my May 31st goal of losing 30 lbs, or 2 sizes whichever comes first.

I love the department of motor vehicles!

As stated last week, I made the big trek to the BMV and got my liscense reinstated, and my plates back from the horrid drunk plates. (I feel sorry for people who visit Ohio from NY, just so you know, everyone thinks you are a drunk because of your plates)



I had some trouble with the girl trying to tell me I couldn't have my old plates, and she had to make phone calls and do her job. If you are in training, you pretty much shouldn't be left alone on a busy Saturday to your own devices!



When I got my liscense I asked, don't I need to fill anything out? " No, its a duplicate liscense, you dont fill anything out." Guess who got a letter in the mail yesterday from the BMV stating that they have some new people and unfortunatly they made a mistake and I need to go back and provide proof of who I am.



So, if you live in the Fairlawn area and you'd like a new identity apparently it's pretty easy to get one at the BMV there. Oh, it's not an inconvenience at all that I have to go back. I don't have to wait in line, simply present my letter at the desk. I mean, what else could I ask for? Money for the gas it will cost me to make an extra trip?



(here's where I become my mother) I'm going to write Columbus and tell them what a bunch of dickwads they have working there, and how much of an inconvenience they have made this entire process. I doubt I get anything out of it, other than the satisfaction that someone will feel the need to call me a bitch, and pass around my letter for the day. And...that's ok.

Fancy Feast® Cat Food Commercial - The Engagement

Wherefore art thou....Romeo?

Three Things...

1. I'm suppose to go out to see a band tonight. But I'm contimplating not going, because I'm not being picked up. Is this too much to expect from a guy, or what? I don't think it is. Or am I expecting a mind reader and I should tell said person I prefer to be picked up? Or, should I make up a story and just not go, and say...see you on Saturday, when you come pick me up?

I've got a little thing going these days called a zero tolerance for bullshit. I am too old and have no time for it. I know what I want so why pretend that I don't? I wouldn't want to be a (insert exassholemanfriends last name here) and drag someone along with me while I pretend that what I want really isnt what I want.

Supriiiiiise!

No thank you!

Also, I still dont have liscense plates. I have a peice of paper in my back window. I have a wobbly tire, a headlight out, and a prior dui. I'm like screaming to be pulled over.

I might just become a hermit. It's way less stressful.

2. More changes at work. Where now I'm responsible for making sure management gets their pay/promotions/ increases in a timely manner. Ummmm, this has made me "annoying in your business all the time boss" because I am so scared someones going to fall thru the cracks. No one really ever notices the good things you do. But fuck up their pay? You better change your name and move to Canada.

3. I start bootcamp again this weekend. It's cheaper than crossfit, and I know that it works. So, I'm prepared to do 1500 jumping jacks in a row, and be responsible for other people suffering if I fail in a class. I work best under pressure!

I Like Projects...

Here is Mr. Magoo. We've almost been together for a year now. This was him when he was first rescued from his puppy mill cage, and shaved of all his pretty hair. And some adorable pictures of him since, like, you know, him showing off his tinkler. So, in my responsible voice, I urge you to take a chance on a rescue dog, because look how totally handsome he is! Sure, he has one bad eye, he's already 5, and took months to come out of his shell...but he loves me more than my dog of 15 years ever did. And he was way easier to potty train than a puppy!

This is my ugly brown cabinet from the Goodwill, that I painted for about 6 hours and put some new knobs on. I have since added two bottles of vodka, and some bar accessories as well inside.

Here we have it in its natural habitat! I got that palm on the clearance rack at Lowe's for $5. My best unkept secret is the plant clearance rack at Lowe's. If you like houseplants, you know they cost a buttload. You can get half dead ones cheap, and love them back to life. My ivy on top of the new wine cabinet, was $2.50.

Sweet Taste of Freedom...

So this weekend, marked my return to the road. Of course, first I had to deal with a bunch of dipshits at the BMV, not suprisingly. I got to swap out my drunk plates for my personalized plates that I've had since my Dad died, and he had for years before that. They mean something to me, so when I got the notice that I had to have drunk plates, I made sure to ask what happened to my personalized plates in the meantime.


They hold them for a year.


After having to do her job and make TWO PHONE CALLS, I am getting my plates back. I have no idea why everyone in the world seems to be smarter than workers at the BMV.


And then they took my liscense picture, where I have half a smile and look like I may have had a stroke at some point in my life. But, hey, I can drive so fuck it!


In fun news, I took Magoo to the dog park for the first time ever. He LOVED it. He ran around and met all the dogs, sniffed tons of butts, and penises, and peed on lots of trees! Remember little gooder is a puppy mill rescue who is super shy to everyone but me. Well he ran around and stopped at strangers for pets, and played with dogs.

We all stood around and talked about our kids when they played together. I think I found a place that I belong. I felt like a proud Mom watching my kid interact with others for the first time. He was well behaved, well liked, and everyone thought he was so handsome.

Who needs stretchmarks, and a sore vagina?

Look Mom! I got friends!

He got extra excited when he found little dogs! This shih tzu (Magoo is in the blue collar) behind him had a tongue that stuck out!

This was when we first got there, he was so excited.

Reason 345,678,902 not to have kids, I didn't have to buy my dog something to make his day, he was so happy to run around and play with other dogs.

The Wait Is Over....

FREE AT LAST.

FREE AT LAST.



THANK GOD ALMIGHTY.



I AM FREE AT LAST!

Boxed In...

I am so super excited about the release of Scream 4 that I can barely contain myself. I love nothing more than a good scary movie, especially when it contains the right amount of cheese to make it worthwhile!

But..I'm kind of pissed that I will have to turn in my Scream trilogy box set for a new one.

Owning box sets is like a secret club. It makes me feel like I'm better than everyone else, because I paid a buttload for a cardboard box to house all the movies other people already own.


And then you realize that box sets aren't all that, because when I bought the Friday the 13th box set, I learned it does NOT include the tenth installment..."Jason goes to space" as it was made by a different movie company. What a total rip off.

I imagine this is how nerds feel, having to re-buy Star Wars and Lord of The Rings 15 times, whenever its digitally remastered, a song is changed, or they add a storm trooper or elf here or there.

What's your most prized box set? Mine is the Nightmare on Elm Street. Complete with 3D glasses for that one scene in "Freddy's Dead". My favorite of the movies is New Nightmare. Which was the one that was a movie within a movie. Kinda like Wes Craven also did in Scream 3. I love that!

Moments I'm not proud of...

Today, I may have said to an employee "Just change it, make it happen, I don't care (insert name), it's just fucking font!!" while maybe raising my voice. Firstivly, you don't argue with your supervisor, which she was. What I say goes.

I would like to think that in comparison to like, the President's job, this particular font incident, was as important as going to war or something. I mean, Arial is a common font, and all of Microsoft's programs have it, so arguing with me that it magically changed from Arial to Tahoma when you moved something from Word to Publisher, is just crap, and telling me the font isn't available in Publisher vs. admitting you made a stupid freaking mistake, will just get you cussed at. Damn.


But, it wasn't as important as war, I just lost my cool. Actually the rest of the department said they are suprised it took me two years to blow up on this particular employee, so that has to mean something, right?

I'm awaiting my call from H.R.

Long Gone...

I am not dead, but I almost was. I have had pneumonia. It came on fast, and I had no idea why I felt like I was on deaths door after being sick for 5 days, until I finally went to the Dr. and he said "You look too sick"


And, it's not easy to drive a car with no power steering, and a breathalizer on it when you have pneumonia. It wore me out just to go upstairs and take a crap!


I couldn't sleep for days because of how loud I was wheezing, and how much I was coughing. I took night time robitussin, and trazadone, which is a prescription sleeping pill and couldn't sleep! I was starting to feel like Edward Norton in the Fight Club.

"I am Fizzgigs mucus engorged lungs"

I have never been so sick, and can't say I have enjoyed it. The only few moments of relaxation I had was taking one of the 10 scalding hot baths a day I took. I've been on antibiotics and inhalers for over a week, going on week number 3 of being sick. I feel better, and I'm back to work!


Needless to say this put a damper on my first 5k, and I was unable to attend. I am still not even suppose to do housework. Not being able to do piddly mundane tasks is annoying because although I feel fine now, my body still lets me know I need to rest as much as I can.


I imagine this is a preview of what its like to get old. I can hardly wait.


Who suffered most, was my dog, who was so bored from my lack of energy to entertain him, I woke up to him eating cat hair out of the cat brush, with a little snot rag in there for good measure.

Mmmm...fiber!



Reason 456,987,214 not to have kids, with my luck, a kid would not just eat cat hair, it would eat comet and I'd wind up in jail.




Reason 567,904,123 not to have kids, you can't ignore them for 7 days aside from letting them outside to pee and poop, and dumping food in a bowl for them without going to jail.