Long gone...

I lost yet another laptop, and posting via mobile is not as fun since I'm a pretty sucky texter. I would have already purchased a replacement but it turns out being maid of honor in your bff's upcoming wedding takes all of your extra cash! I refuse to break into my "house savings"..tempting as it may be!

I got another medal, via my second warrior dash! I signed up.last year and almost did not run it because I had no one to run with. Turns out runners are awesome and I got help out of the muddy pits, and claimed my medal anyway!



My new cats are awesome, and I'm so happy I rescued them

Saying Goodbye and..Hello!!

I had a pretty awful year and a half when it comes to pets!! I lost all four of my beloved senior cats, that I had since birth!

Most recently, I said goodbye to my sweet Fozzie girl, after her battle with lymphoma! She really gave it a good fight! It may sound stupid for some, but once I told her to let me know when she was ready to say goodbye...she did. She no longer came around me. She didn't eat for 4 days, and wouldn't even lay next to me, she would turn her back on me. Cats know more than most people think they do!

Like I did for all of my pets..when the time came, we went to the hospital for our final goodbye. I petted her, and whispered into her ear how much I loved her, and what a good cat she is...until her little soul left her sick body.

I have a really hard time with euthanasia. I understand that it is humane...but in the back of my mind I still feel like it is should not be my decision.

She was the last of my kitty family. I had these cats when I was married...we met at a completely different time in my life, and they have been through so many moves, and break ups. They have heard all of my heartaches, and you can't just "get another cat" to replace such long term companions. I cried until I thought my eyes would explode!

That being said...it felt like cheating, but once I knew Fozzie's diagnosis, I began looking for two new cats. I wouldn't adopt until we had said goodbye, but I had a tricky wish list, and I wanted to get my feelers out.

The cats had to be bonded, and adults! I don't have the patience for kittens, as cut as they are!  I was accustomed to adult snuggley cats!

I prefer persians...but wanted long hair cats, because believe it or not...(having had both) long hair cats shed less than short hairs.

In short, after putting my feelers out with several rescues, I was lucky enough to adopt a bonded male and female from my favorite rescue!

I adopted Garret and Aurora. (named after Jack Nicholson and Shirley McClain's characters in Terms of Endearment) 

They were from a hoarding situation, so they were loved, but had to be given up.  I hope their former owner knows that these two hit the jackpot coming to live with me! 

Life goes on. 

"C" is for Cat...Screw Cancer!...

I've been real busy lately. Mostly, with laying around, not running, and feeling every pound pack on because I fractured a toe slamming it in my back door. After two weeks, I did successfully run 3 mostly non-deathcon level pain miles twice. I can't give in to it, I can't stop eating food. 

When I am old and sick, I hope someone parks me in front of the birds!

In between all of that awesomeness, I've been micro-managing my cat. Analyzing every move she makes...even if she's made it her whole life, for some reason now...I find it to be cause for alarm. Reason 435,679 I don't have kids. 

She's been to the vet weekly since her diagnosis. She had to go back for a weigh in (she gained a POUND!) and a med check. The prednisone is already helping the inflammation in her intestines from the cancer. 

I started her on weekly B12 shots, and kitty vitamin treats. 

The outcome has been favorable. I trusted the vet on the "b12 and vitamins can only help her at this point" and just did it. She explained how no one tests cats for vitamin deficiency, and while it won't cure her cancer, it can help with her being old, and her intestinal issues. 

I won't say she is a brand new cat, but since starting this she has had more energy. Instead of latching on and climbing up things, she is jumping again. Instead of taking the stairs one at a time, she's jogging. (do cat's jog?) 

She isn't cured, let's face it...it's cancer. But every day I get with her feeling good is a plus for me! It doesn't help the overwhelming guilt that I feel over losing her brother in April for the exact same symptoms. I try to tell myself he didn't respond well to the treatment, and she is just a different cat. 

And...just so you don't think I forgot about my adorable pups, they have been getting out to the parks as well!

After a year (we just celebrated his gotcha day), Bohannon went in the water with Mr. Magoo...

A "Healthy" Cat That Just Won't Eat, or In My Case, Cancer....

I'm writing this post in hopes that it finds others who have had the same struggle. Your cat has been tested for everything, examined, xrayed, ultrasounded, blood, urine, feces, thyroid.., only to find that it seems perfectly healthy...and it just won't eat anything. You've tried every type of cat food, treat, hard, soft, baby food, pureeing cat food, buying the most expensive fish, putting fish juice on food, ...but they just won't eat.

It starts with last year, I lost one of my cats, Fizzgig. She had kidney disease, which we treated, but ultimately after a couple years, she had heart failure, and I had to say goodbye to her.

Pretty Fizzgig

Fizzgig was the Mom of Fozzie and Pikachu, and they lived their entire lives together. 

Fozzie and Pikachu

A few months after Fizzgig passed, Pikachu started losing weight. He started having diarreah, and he felt really thin. 

At the vet, his CBC blood tests, perfect. Couldn't believe these were the results of a 14yo cat...nothing suspicious whatsoever!! Sent me home with an anti diarreah medicine. 

Then, he obviously quit eating. I tried everything. Every type of food, dry, canned, treats, baby food...pureed tuna, salmon...you name it. He would get the food in his mouth and spit it out. 

And, it's funny what you do when you have a sick cat, I had food stashed all over the house to "entice" him. I sometimes caught him eating on my night stand. 

Back to the vet for Xray...nothing. Ultrasound, nothing. His teeth, in good condition. They suspected IBS, or a type of bowel cancer/lymphoma (only detected by an endoscopy) the treatment for both was steroids, so I opted for that, and they gave him a shot. 

At this point he had gone in a few short months from 12lbs down to 5. 

The steroids worked for a bit, and he would crunch on hard kitten chow only, but still left remnants of the food, and only ate about 1/3 cup a day for a while, and was still losing weight. 

When he was down to 4lbs, and started to act like he was giving up, he lost his sparkle, and as much as it broke my heart, I had to let him go. The vet had no answers, and I couldn't watch him waste away anymore, He only wanted to be held, and cried as if it hurt him to be held. It was one of the hardest things to do...letting a seemingly healthy cat leave my life. 

Mother and son reunited in heaven!

Almost as soon as he passed, his sister Fozzie started acting almost the same way. I got her a brand new cat condo since she was the only cat, and placed it right in front of the window where I hung my window bird feeder. She happily spent most of her time there, watching birds, and seemed to feel better. 

But just the same, one day I noticed...she felt thin.  She didn't have diarreah, but something was wrong.

Having just gone through this with Pikachu, I opted for less testing, but the blood and xrays all showed she was a healthy 14yo cat!  The vet felt maybe she was depressed after losing her mother and sibling.

She got appetite stimulants, which made her interested in food, but she acted like it bothered her to eat. And then she gave up. She's acting normal. Still active...she just wont EAT!

There is a video of her doing this here, she takes food in, and moves her head around as if it bothers her to eat.

Back to the vet, to have a closer look at her mouth/throat thinking maybe something was preventing her from eating. She had lost another pound in just a week. Now, this once 14lb cat was 5lbs. and she can't lose more weight, yet, Nope. No answers. I left with prednisone tablets, and a referral to an internal specialist. 

Prednisone, he said would help if she were experiencing any pain we couldn't see, or if there were a psychological issue with her not eating. 

Two days after the prednisone (4 doses) she actually ate a half a tiny can of wet cat food. (still acting like it irked her to eat) Then, that same night, she ate the other half!!!!

The next morning, (5 doses) she woke me up crying for food. I had a small plate of kitten chow by the bed, maybe a tablespoon, that she had eaten during the night. She ate another half a tiny can of cat food. And, has been an eating machine ever since. 

Today, we saw the internal specialist. And, what an amazing vet! 30 years as a specialist, plus all her time as a vet, was well worth the $160 foot in the door/exam fee. She spent an hour with me, explaining all the test results she'd already had done at my vet.

She said in fact, her teeth were in poor condition, and she needs a dental and a tooth pulled but that had to wait until she put on weight.

An interesting fact she shared, my cat has eaten hard food for 14 years. Eating it hurt, so when she ate the canned food, and acted like it was weird, it is because cats are highly sensetive to texture. She thinks food should crunch, and it is just feels weird for her to eat different food.

She did an extensive exam. I've had many vets, but she just had a way with animals. Most vets are very clinical, and you could tell she was compassionate about her job. She answered a billion questions, and explained everything she told me in real people terms!

She's an active cat. She is seemingly healthy.

Diagnosis.....she has lymphoma. Intestinal cancer. It could be IBS, only way to tell was an endoscopy, but in all her years practicing 99% of cats over 12 it was cancer vs. IBS. She said it doesn't show on tests, and she could tell by her exam of her intestines, they were hardening.

It's not all sad news, because unlike my last cat, she is already responding to the medication they use to treat lymphoma. And she'd put on almost a pound in 5 days.

We have to monitor her, blood pressure, and kidney levels on the meds, but the goal is for her to live out the rest of her fabulous life, for as long as she is willing!

In the end, I feel a bit better about knowing what is wrong with her. And knowing that, we tried the same thing with Pikachu, but he didn't respond to treatment. (I felt a lot of guilt about that!)

Fozzie watching the birds on her "cat TV".

My advice for anyone going through this, which I would have known...is if there seems to be nothing medically wrong with your pet, seek out an internal specialist. Most vets are general practicioners, and you can save a lot of time, and MONEY, by going straight to the experts!

The Worst Half Marathon Ever...

I have never been one to set out on any race to beat a previous time. I'm not that kind of runner. I run to finish. I listen to my body. But I have always had my usual finish time in the back of my mind when doing any race.

My worst half marathon time was 2:55 and my best was 2:20.

My first half marathon of the season...I finished at 3:05. Worst. Time. Ever!!!

I went into the race knowing it was going to be super hot, and humid, but the course was really hilly, and I have never trained on hills because I hate them. There were so many "ups" and only a few "downs".

When the 2:20 pace team passed I felt good, because I had expected to finish around 2:40. But my foot pain was so severe, that I started walking/jogging around mile 6.  My feet were on fire.

Have you ever walked 7 miles? It's tedious! When you run 7, you think, well in a little over an hour I'll be done...but walking? It takes an eternity!

Once the  3:00 pace team passed, I had already resolved that this was not my race. I tried to run off and on, but had to walk. The bike team kept circling me, and I knew at that point, I must be at the back of the line.

I got to experience the other side of the race, the people in the back are so great, not so serious, and offer such encouragement!

In the end, of course, I did it...on my own two feet. Many of my running friends said it was a challenging course, which made me feel better. And I had a calf muscle spasm as soon as I stopped at the finish, that still pains me to get moving around after 3 days.

There is always next time!

Race Training, Another Sick Cat, and Happy Dogs...

I have been trying to focus on training for my next half marathon that is coming up in just TWO days! Add a dash of work stress, and another sick feline, and a girl who is a total stress eater, (and ok, drinker!!) , has bad feet when training long distances, an 80+degree temperature day...and you wind up with someone who is not 100% sure about the outcome of her next half!

Yes, I will finish. I never expect a time, I just want to finish the race, get my medal, drink my beer, and lounge on the couch with netflix for the rest of the day!! It's all anyone can ask for, really!

I had a bit of a stressful situation at work this week, and in the middle of the ordeal, I was in our parking lot, where I witnessed a giant crow attacking a small bird. At first I thought it was a carcass, but the other little birds trying to attack the crow drew my attention. The little bird it had pinned down was trying to break free.

I'm a sucker for animals. I got emotional, plugged my ears, and closed my eyes. After a few seconds I had to try to save that bird, so I ran toward the crow yelling, and stomping! The little bird was free!

It hopped three times, went airborne...and it flew full speed... right into our office window...and promptly fell to the ground. It broke my heart.

I know it's nature and all, but I felt awful for that little birds demise. Totally ruined my day!

I've also been having the same issues with my last and only cat, who can't eat. She's back to the vet tomorrow to undergo anesthesia to look at her mouth, since just like my last cat, all of her tests revealed NOTHING is wrong, but she just can't seem to eat food, despite her interest in it! Stay tuned for this story.

Last year I had 4 cats, now I have just Fozzie girl. 

In happy news, the doggie pool is open, and these two have been enjoying it!

And these two participated in our bark for life event, to benefit the american cancer society. They are wearing their bandanas proud!

Being a Runner...

I love all of my bibs and medals!!

I've only been running for about 3 years now. I started at the urging of one of my best friends, who caught the bug. I did my first race, which was a relay where I earned a medal for a mere 3.2 mile run.

I was hooked! Running for a medal felt fantastic! I've since run countless races from 5k to 15k, and I have 5 half marathons under my belt (soon to be 6!!)

I don't consider myself fast at all. I run a half anywhere from a 10.9 to a 12.3. Sometimes on a half, I need to walk for a bit. I have issues with my feet, or I get overheated. For some reason, this - mixed with the fact that I have a slow pace makes me think I am not a "real" runner.

I recently offered to run a 5k with a coworker, who had never even walked a mile. She wanted to sign up for a half marathon and I encouraged her to start small. Sometimes you can have big dreams when you don't first take the small steps.  I told her I would run with her at her pace, no pressure.

Before we hit the one mile mark, she asked if we had run a mile. I said no...so we had to walk. I coached her through trying to control her breathing, because she felt like she was too out of breath. I encouraged her to get out of her head because I knew her mind was telling her to quit, because I'd been there.

In the end she did her first 5k at 44 minutes, and there were about 40 people who finished after us.

She was so thankful that I encouraged her, and helped her be the best that she could be. It felt amazing.

And...she wants to do another race!

We have already found our next one, an 8k (just under 5 miles) and this one...has a MEDAL! She is going to actually train for this one!

I read an article recently that stated "there are no slow runners". I guess I am beginning to believe this. Just because I don't blow past everyone on a race doesn't mean I am still not doing my best. And I am the only one I am competing with in the end!

If you ever felt the urge to run a race, do it! No one cares how fast you run. And you just migh be amazed at all of the support you get along the way from fellow runners...from the ones you pass, to the ones that pass you! It's a really neat community to be involved in. You shouldn't be intimidated, because in the end we are all out there for our own personal reasons!

Most of all...because we kind of like it!!

Hiking With Little Dogs...

I am very lucky to live near the Cuyahoga Valley National Park. I guess I had taken this for granted until I got into running. I have discovered so many beautiful places along the trails over the past few years.

Today I decided to take the dogs on a hike to see blue hen falls, which is a short marked path from the trailhead,  and buttermilk falls..which is a bit further, and an unmarked trail that required about 5 water crossings, and a leap of faith that you would find it.

These two rescues made my heart smile with how happy they were today just being loved dogs! Magoo is so timid, but he followed Bohannon over big logs, and climbed steep riverbed walls!

Mr. Magoo and Mr. Bohannon surveying the land! Brothers!

The boys had to cross a lot of water and other obstacles to get to the falls, but they loved it!

Blue hen Falls

buttermilk falls

There were a few rock stacks, so I left one in memory of my 5 pets I have lost over the years. 

Mr. Bohannon never sits still...he actually sat and looked out over the water today!

I have also recently found success with the thundershirt for Magoo, my puppy mill rescue that has extreme noise anxiety. I was skeptical, watched the videos, read the feedback...but I still didn't believe it.

I took a quick video of Magoo who hates medical shows for the equipment beeping..laying back down after hearing the beeps with his shirt on...and a shot of him without it on, running scared. 

Video here. 

And not to leave my lone survivor cat out, I recently bought her a new cat tree to watch the birds at the window feeder. 

When You Know, You Know...Losing Another Cat...

Nothing knocks the wind out of your sails quite like losing 3 of your 4 beloved cats in just a little over a years time. Of course I knew that they would all leave me one day, but having them leave so close in succession .........was a real ass kicker!

Pikachu..2000-2015

Pikachu was doing better.. until he wasn't. That's the best way I can sum up the decision to let him go.

He'd been tested for everything under the sun. Almost a grand in vet bills trying to find out what was wrong with this guy in the last two months, but nothing came to light. 

Last Saturday morning, he kept crying, and wanting held...he had been really needy for over a week..he hadn't left my side...when I was immobile, there he was. 

I could still feelt his bones thru his fluffy fur when I pet him, once a big stocky cat well over 10 lbs,  he was reduced to an under 5lb bag of bones and fur...and then,  he couldn't seem to get comfortable.

I put him on the electric blanket and I watched him sleep...his eyes not fully closed,  and his breathing slowed to a stop for longer than I felt comfortable with, a few times.

And then..something snapped in me. I had been through this before, and I didn't want him to suffer any longer. I felt like he was telling me he was ready to go. 

I reluctantly said goodbye to that handsome guy last weekend. While the decision to say goodbye never gets any easier, the decision to not let them suffer any more becomes a bit easier. 

Pikachu's Mom was my own cat. I watched him come out of the womb. I loved him from the moment he was born, and 15 years  later, I was still not ready to let him go!!

I have one remaining cat. I went from 4..to one. This girl lost her brother and her mom, and after a bout of sadness....seems to be ready to get on with her life...

If Being a Superfan is Wrong..I Don't Wanna Be Right...

Whenever I gush about my favorite artist of all time, Madonna...people actually say "she still releases albums?" Um...excuse me? She's always been relevant!

When I saw her for the first time in 2012..some people sitting next to me, who also obviously paid $200 for their tickets as well...were upset she was playing music from a new album. I wanted to push them off the balcony for being half assed-fans, but I was having way too much fun dancing and singing!

The countdown for Madonna's latest album annoyed many of those close to me. The arrival probably annoyed people even more! It's all I talked about! When her new single Ghost Town hit the airways...I screamed in the car...I was so excited, you would have thought that it was my song I was hearing on the radio for the first time!

Superfan? That's an understatement!

After 27 years of loving her,  I finally got to see Madonna. Live. In concert!!   It was a pretty magical moment, even if I had to sit alone because no one I knew wanted to pay that much for a ticket.

And now, in 2015, she is once again, not coming to Cleveland! But now that I am 39 years old, and not 10...I have the means to see her in the nearest city!! For once, being older has its perks!

I was able to first buy two tickets of my liking to the Detroit, MI concert, a mere 3 hour drive. Next step, was inviting someone to a FREE Madonna concert!  Who can resist that?

No one!

Most importantly...Madonna is FROM MICHIGAN!!  A home town show is going to be even more awesome!

One of my longest BFF's is  road tripping it with me to the big (and honestly...scary) city with me! She works for a hotel chain, so we get a discount on our room, and we got a respectable suite for dirt cheap.

I mean, there are concerts I go to that I love...but not as Iconic as Madonna...and not of an artist who has been such a constant in my life!

I am probably not going to shut up about this for the next 7 months. And then, probably never!

Cat Lady Problems...When Your Cats Get Old...

I wish I could say my absence of posts has meant that I have been off doing something fabulous which left me no time for posting.

No, I've been busy caring for another aging member of the household. I lost two of my seniors last year, and this is the son of one of those cats.

Hopefully this may find another cat person, that is going through an equally puzzling journey!

 This fluffy 14lb pile of adorable.....

..is now down to 5.75lbs for no obvious reason!

This cat had been to the vet exactly one time in his life...to be neutered. 15 years and 3 vet visits later, he is baffling us!

He had been slowly losing weight since I put his biological mom to sleep last summer, it was almost un-noticable until he pooped watery diarreah on the floor in front of me,  Then..I knew something was up. 

First vet visit, antibiotics...maybe he had an underlying infection?

But eventually... all I could get him to eat was hand-fed hard cat treats.

I tried every type of food you can imagine. Every brand. Every texture. Every package. Every can. Even tuna..and real chicken, and human baby food!

No go. Hard cat treats.

Back to the vet. His teeth were checked. He was prodded. He had a complete blood work up, and urinalysis. He got fluids because he was dehydrated. There was a huge snowstorm this day, so his blood didn't go out, and I had to wait 3 days for results.

They revealed that all of his levels were perfect, and his vet couldn't believe he is as old as he is. No thyroid, kidney, liver, diabetes....nothing. 

Still no change. still losing weight, having diarreah. I was hand feeding,  and syringing pedialyte...it was a lot of work, but there was no change, and he lost almost another pound in 2 weeks when I took him back to the Dr.

The next visit, he had a fecal test, which came back negative to parasites. No blood, no mucus. He had another check of his teeth, and feeling for tumors. Then? An xray. Which 3 vets looked at within the hospital and found nothing. At that point, she thought he had either a bowel disease, or an intestinal cancer, but felt the xray should go to a radiologist for the final say. So it did.

This time,  he got a steroid shot, which could treat the bowel disease, or cancer...it would also stimulate appetite, and water consumption. 

That night he ate (treats) 4 times! He got fluids at the hospital, but he also drank water on his own, and I still gave him the pedialyte. He was more active than he had been in weeks, and things were looking up!

The radioligist found....nothing weird on his xray at all. So now, the task is to get him to put some weight on! The steroids seem to be making him more interested in food..and by food I meant only treats.

And then, after weeks of expensive canned and dry food and treats trials, we finally had a breakthrough with plain old purina KITTEN CHOW!!  He had one morsel, cried for more, and ate a couple handfuls on his own!

We still don't know for sure what is wrong with this handsome fellow...but despite his pinching my pocketbook, and soaking up most of my time with feeding and watering him..I know he still has a lot of life in him! He isn't just laying around, he is still living his kitty life.

I firmly believe you know when your pet is ready to leave this life, and I'm not getting that at all.

And, until he shows me he has given up, I am not  going to give up on him!!

If this makes me a "cat lady" I wear the badge proud!

Technology Rules the World...

Like most people, I've become accustomed to modern conveniences. I love being able to watch Netflix on my phone. Taking calls wherever I am, having instant access to my email.

But the last two weeks have reminded me that I am in no way ready should tragedy ever strike!

I was at the hair salon (getting 7" cut off my hair for the new year, new me!!!) and I lost my wifi connection...it happens.

On the way home, my local talk radio station was talking about how there were reports of AT&T cell phone outages, and AT&T internet is down. Stopped at the gas station, and the credit card machines were down. Went to two ATM's...OUT OF SERVICE!! I never carry cash! I'm broke!! The radio said several restaurants were unable to take your credit cards.

I got home, and MY internet was down. I had no cell service, yet I have Sprint. I turned on the news...nothing. I wanted to listen to the radio, but who still has a radio? I use the computer for I heart radio!!! I found a small portable radio in my closet...But I had NO BATTERIES!!

As the hours ticked by without even emergency cell service.. I thought what if it's terrorists? 911 lines were all down in several counties according to the local radio station, you had to call the police direct, but if you have no phone...good luck! What if someone breaks in? I have no land line!!! I headed to my Moms at 10:30pm because I knew she would worry, and her phone worked just fine.

The next week, I'm cleaning the snow off my car, go to get back in...and my DOORS ARE LOCKED. Now, my car will not even lock if I try to lock it while it is running in park unless I lock them manually, not with the key fob.

My purse is in the car. My cell phone. My car is running. I only have 1/4 a tank of gas. The keys to my apartment...in the ignition! I have no cash on my person, but there is a pay phone nearby. I try to call work collect. You can't. I call information to find out our 1800 number because I don't have it memorized! (just as I have no ones phone number memorized for that matter) Information charges 65 cents to give you a number, but they take debit cards...helpful.

I went back home and drug a park bench to all my windows trying to break in my apartment. Good to know that it is not so easy! I finally broke down in tears and went to the circle K and asked if I could use their phone I am locked out of my apartment/car. I called a coworker to come get me, and drive me to my Moms to get the spare key to my apartment, so I can hopefully find the spare key to my car.

Long story short...sure technology is convenient, but it can also backfire on you at any time! I am making plans to avoid these things in the future!

Giving Yourself A Break, Shouldn't Last Too Long...

For my Birthday/Christmas/New Year, I bought myself a Fitbit. Because I needed a kick in the pants. I mean...a BIG one!

I always take "time off" after my "last" half marathon of the season, to eat, drink, and be merry...usually it's just a few weeks, and I'm back to running and boot camp, like nothing ever happened.

I went to Florida after this last race, and then I pushed my time off so far that my gym trainer was actually texting me ideas to try to get me to come back to the gym. (I heart her!!)

Aside from a few random 3-4 mile runs, I had not worked out significantly for almost 3 months. Fitbit opened my eyes to my laziness! I also got off of my clean eating kick. And my pants had something nasty to say about that...it went something like...."bitch, you can't squeeze much more in here, can't you see that muffin top???"...)

It's NEVER easy to stay on a path of health and fitness. If it were, everyone would do it! My upside is that over that last few years instead of a "diet", or a set time of working out, I've finally decided that I have to eat well and be active to be happy. Not just with my weight, but in the way I feel when I do those things. I feel so much better when I run faster, or lift a bigger weight!

And now...it's just 137 days until my next half marathon.

Here's to the new year, and staying on a path that makes me happy

Exes and Oh No You Didn'ts...

Some people think that it is flattering when an ex tries to come back into your life. You think they must still love me! They realize they were wrong in letting me go!? Surely, they have seen the error of their ways and want to be in my life again!!??

Being a wise 39 years old..I think it is mainly due to the sixth sense that the opposite sex seems to have, that knows you are finally trying to move on.

Nine times out of 10, they are the ones that tell you to move on! And, after being prodded to move on and see other people, you begrudgingly seek a new relationship, and then...you know how it works. It never fails, once you start seeing someone else, the ex always comes sniffing back around.

There have been a few times that I was all too happy to try things again with a guy, and break off a possible promising new relationship.

But it was only to realize that leopards don't usually change their spots. Or, more fittingly, people don't tend to change unless they really put their heart and soul into it.

My #1 guilty relapse relationship is with ex-manfriend. We've been broken up for real for like 2 years..and I can't count the number of times I tried to make things work with this guy, or how many potentially great guys that I dated that I tossed aside to pursue what was so obviously (in retrospect) broken.

Enter in 3 months ago when I finally realized after a turn of events that I probably really did need to shut the door on exmanfriend.  I realized that in fact, I was probably holding onto something that was no longer there.

And as with most relationships gone wrong...in time I realized...despite the feelings, we just were not meant to be!

He told me to delete his number, and I blogged that if it were only that easy to forget someone. But it worked out pretty well for me. I stopped thinking about us in the future. I finally shut the door on what could have been, and I started to see things for what they were.

While he kept contacting me sporadically..I came to realize, that if he felt 1/10th about me the way I felt about him, we would be together. No questions asked, and I finally started to realize that I am the one who deserves more!

So, you know, I have been spending time now and then with a guy that I have been casually seeing, friends...but who knows where it's going, and I'm enjoying our time together..It may not be an official boyfriend, but it is just enough to get the ex radar going.

And today I was out shopping with my Mom and I got the text.

From exmanfriend.

Who told me to delete his number 3 months ago.

Simply saying Hi...and asking how I've been..And for the first time my initial reaction wasn't a pang of the heart..or wondering if this meant we could rekindle our "romance"...I was kind of ticked off because he was the one that told me to delete his number. HE thought that it would make it easy to forget about me.

But I'm grateful for what happened, because I finally realized that I in fact deserve more.

I am tired of being with guys who realize what they lost after they lose me. I want the guy who realizes what he has while he has me...and never lets me go.

Older and Wiser!

I celebrated another birthday, internets! And I must say,  I heart my late thirties (ok..I'm now almost 40!)

Sure, sometimes..I still freak out that I may never be married again, and that I might die alone, with my cats, and/or dogs licking the eyeballs out of my lifeless body...but other than that, life is pretty great!

As usual, I took an extended leave from work to celebrate my birthday/use up all my leftover vacation time I didn't have time to take because I'm too busy at work.

My best friend in the world that got engaged and moved three hours away from me came up for the occasion with her fiance. I had a delicious dinner at a swanky restaurant with them and my other BFF who was my date. After that we went to the local pub for some drinks, and we did a throwback shot of tequila.  (I remember why I no longer do those now)

With just two hours left until the bars closed, my bff, her fiance and I headed to my favorite dance spot (the local gay bar which has the best DJ and the most awesome people) and I danced until I was dripping in sweat, like I actually knew how to dance. The perfect ending to the evening!

I rounded my time off of work out with spending some time with HS friend, Christmas shopping with my Momma, taking my semi-new dog on a 3 mile run (and he loved it!)

I also spent an entire day in my PJ's watching Netflix and drinking chardonnay! Not because I was so sore from all of that dancing or anything.

I'm pretty sure, it doesn't get much better than that!

Mr. Bohannon still wanted to play after our run, while I was ready to chill.

Being Alone Finally Feels Worth It...

Being alone use to terrify me. I was always so wrapped up in my partner's life, that without him, I was lost. I always put someone else before myself, so the absence of that distraction forced me to focus on me...and THAT me was obviously not a happy girl. I didn't want to think about myself!

The best thing that ever happened to me was to be single for 3 years! Sure, it is scary to transition back into being alone, so I never in a billion years thought I would think this way!

That being said, it has been a very long time since I spent any more than a few hours with a guy where I wasn't counting down the seconds where I could get back to my comfortable "single existence".

This is the curse, or blessing of living alone for over 10 years!

Two weekend's ago I actually had a really great time with HS friend, and I wasn't even counting the moments until he left. A night out turned into spending a lot more time together than I thought we would. 

He took me to lunch the next day, where I watched an entire football game, and  tried to like it! And I hate football!! And if I'm being honest, it is kind of fun to watch how bent out of shape people get over a sports game! They act like it's "The Bachelor" or something!

I even wanted to see him again at the end of last week without giving it too much thought. I mean, usually I prefer to be alone..I am alone so much, I really enjoy the time I spend with me! I'm kind of awesome. 

Am I in love? No, silly! It's really OK to like a boy's company without wondering how well his last name will suit your first name!

And for the time being, I'm OK with that. Being alone for so long has taught me that it isn't the end of the world if someone decides they don't like you. Or if you decide that, as it turns out...things wouldn't work out in a serious relationship. I can finally understand that if things don't start to progress, it wasn't meant to be. It was a stepping stone, a lesson... a means to get you from one place to the next.

But necessary, nonetheless!

I'm confident in my ability to decide when something has gone on long enough without a commitment. I'll know when I feel like I want more, and if I ask and don't receive...I am just as confident in my ability to walk away.

Even though being alone for such a long time felt like torture at times, it turns out it was a blessing in disguise!

Dating...?

I never thought of myself as fickle.  But when it comes to dating, I have to believe this is a good thing? You know, you see what's out there...find what you like before committing to any certain guy?

I mean, back in the stone age, (your teens and 20's) you would meet a guy, hit it off, and fall right into a long-term relationship. At least that is how it has always worked out for me.

I hadn't heard much from high school guy. I was also dating new old guy, and that seems less exciting since he is really shitty at communication. I seem to be remembering why things didn't work out the first time. Isn't it funny the things you forget over time?

Meantime I've told high school date guy that I am only dating, and nothing is serious, and until someone I like enough to be exclusive with asks me to be exclusive, I'm doing just that! And, I don't see the harm! I'm not sleeping around, I'm going out to dinner! Seeing movies! Hanging out, drinking coffee, and seeing what I see!

That being said, I have a date with high school guy this weekend.

I guess I am still paddling in this dating pond! But at least it is a leisurely pace, and I don't seem to mind as much.

Another Date....

It's weird to say I had a second date with someone I dated sort of seriously before...but it was our second new date!

I was even more nervous for this date, because I had less than 24 hours notice of said date.

I am a planner. I have my whole week planned out on Sunday! Actually, I have my whole life planned out.  I know the days I go to the gym, the days I run, the days I take my dogs to the park, when I grocery shop, when I prepare my food for the week...and yes, I realize how very single, and tragic this may sound!

So, I got a text one evening asking if I'd like to meet the following evening...after WORK..because he was working near my side of town the next day (we live about an hour apart)...my first instinct was to say I was busy. I mean, I go to the gym at that time every single week... But my second instinct was that I am trying to break out of my shell, and this wouldn't happen very often, and I wanted to see  him, and so I said YES!

At dinner, in the spirit of being honest, I told him that I am a planner, and this was outside of my comfort zone, and that I usually like a 48 hour advance notice to go out, but that I knew this was something that just came up so of course I said yes, and it was good to do once in a while....even though I was laughing when I said this, I meant it.

He got some extra points for saying he noted that I like advance notice for going out. And it sparked a really great conversation after that!

It was about 20 degrees that night, and he walked me to my car, like a gentlemen...and we hugged...and still no kiss!!

I remember the last time that we dated, years ago..it took him about 4 dates to finally lay one on me. I remember thinking he didn't even like me, because he didn't make a move.

The Last Race of the Season???....

I was so caught up with my Disney vacation, and my new date that I never posted about my last race!

That, and the fact that it was just for "fun" and swag, and not for time, were both factors!

I did the Bernie Kosar Shuffle in Cleveland in October.

Sure, I don't like sports, let alone the BROWNS, and my Mom is a huge Steelers fan, and Bernie may be washed up for some people...but I am a sucker for a great medal. And an even bigger sucker for awesome swag.

It was raining, 30mph winds, and miserable. All of my friends that talked me into the race never signed up and it sold out. I luckily found two girls at work (that I didn't even know) and hitched a ride to the big city with them.

It was one of the most miserable runs due to the conditions (a level below canceling on the race advisory). And I've run at the beach in 90+ degree days, and in the snow.

That is a pretty sweet medal ..you rarely get a 5k medal, and well, it's glittery!! 

The swag was nice, a tshirt, medal, and a browns colored sweatband that may have saved my ears from freezing off!

Rest assured, we got a picture with Bernie, but letting the world see that would be a great injustice to all of us gals. It was a really rough day! But here he is right before we got our picture!

Is Timing Really Everything?....

You hear it all the time, right?..."timing is everything"....

Is it? When things never seem to go as you want them to go...this sounds like a bunch of malarky...but on that off chance things seem to fall into place...you can begin to embrace this as truth!

As I mentioned before, I had dated a guy a couple years back, and I was too hung up on my exmanfriend to give it a real go, and we just recently re-connected.

Great conversation, lots of laughing, and I felt 100% at ease from the moment he walked thru my door!

I felt like a lady the entire night...I can't remember the last time a guy took me out and made even the smallest effort to do so!

Even though we had a *cough* "history", he still kept it classy!!! He drove me home in the wee hours of the morning, and asked me on another date before giving me a hug and a few little kisses and went on his hour trek home....

I am kind of in love with the idea that he didn't assume that since we had gone further than this before, that "it" was not where our date was heading.

I didn't know guys like this even existed anymore?

He said the next day he wanted to see me again...SOON. I told him I felt the same way.

Dating mostly sucks...but sometimes you actually have a fun time!