Exes and Oh No You Didn'ts...

Some people think that it is flattering when an ex tries to come back into your life. You think they must still love me! They realize they were wrong in letting me go!? Surely, they have seen the error of their ways and want to be in my life again!!??

Being a wise 39 years old..I think it is mainly due to the sixth sense that the opposite sex seems to have, that knows you are finally trying to move on.

Nine times out of 10, they are the ones that tell you to move on! And, after being prodded to move on and see other people, you begrudgingly seek a new relationship, and then...you know how it works. It never fails, once you start seeing someone else, the ex always comes sniffing back around.

There have been a few times that I was all too happy to try things again with a guy, and break off a possible promising new relationship.

But it was only to realize that leopards don't usually change their spots. Or, more fittingly, people don't tend to change unless they really put their heart and soul into it.

My #1 guilty relapse relationship is with ex-manfriend. We've been broken up for real for like 2 years..and I can't count the number of times I tried to make things work with this guy, or how many potentially great guys that I dated that I tossed aside to pursue what was so obviously (in retrospect) broken.

Enter in 3 months ago when I finally realized after a turn of events that I probably really did need to shut the door on exmanfriend.  I realized that in fact, I was probably holding onto something that was no longer there.

And as with most relationships gone wrong...in time I realized...despite the feelings, we just were not meant to be!

He told me to delete his number, and I blogged that if it were only that easy to forget someone. But it worked out pretty well for me. I stopped thinking about us in the future. I finally shut the door on what could have been, and I started to see things for what they were.

While he kept contacting me sporadically..I came to realize, that if he felt 1/10th about me the way I felt about him, we would be together. No questions asked, and I finally started to realize that I am the one who deserves more!

So, you know, I have been spending time now and then with a guy that I have been casually seeing, friends...but who knows where it's going, and I'm enjoying our time together..It may not be an official boyfriend, but it is just enough to get the ex radar going.

And today I was out shopping with my Mom and I got the text.

From exmanfriend.

Who told me to delete his number 3 months ago.

Simply saying Hi...and asking how I've been..And for the first time my initial reaction wasn't a pang of the heart..or wondering if this meant we could rekindle our "romance"...I was kind of ticked off because he was the one that told me to delete his number. HE thought that it would make it easy to forget about me.

But I'm grateful for what happened, because I finally realized that I in fact deserve more.

I am tired of being with guys who realize what they lost after they lose me. I want the guy who realizes what he has while he has me...and never lets me go.

Older and Wiser!

I celebrated another birthday, internets! And I must say,  I heart my late thirties (ok..I'm now almost 40!)

Sure, sometimes..I still freak out that I may never be married again, and that I might die alone, with my cats, and/or dogs licking the eyeballs out of my lifeless body...but other than that, life is pretty great!

As usual, I took an extended leave from work to celebrate my birthday/use up all my leftover vacation time I didn't have time to take because I'm too busy at work.

My best friend in the world that got engaged and moved three hours away from me came up for the occasion with her fiance. I had a delicious dinner at a swanky restaurant with them and my other BFF who was my date. After that we went to the local pub for some drinks, and we did a throwback shot of tequila.  (I remember why I no longer do those now)

With just two hours left until the bars closed, my bff, her fiance and I headed to my favorite dance spot (the local gay bar which has the best DJ and the most awesome people) and I danced until I was dripping in sweat, like I actually knew how to dance. The perfect ending to the evening!

I rounded my time off of work out with spending some time with HS friend, Christmas shopping with my Momma, taking my semi-new dog on a 3 mile run (and he loved it!)

I also spent an entire day in my PJ's watching Netflix and drinking chardonnay! Not because I was so sore from all of that dancing or anything.

I'm pretty sure, it doesn't get much better than that!

Mr. Bohannon still wanted to play after our run, while I was ready to chill.

Being Alone Finally Feels Worth It...

Being alone use to terrify me. I was always so wrapped up in my partner's life, that without him, I was lost. I always put someone else before myself, so the absence of that distraction forced me to focus on me...and THAT me was obviously not a happy girl. I didn't want to think about myself!

The best thing that ever happened to me was to be single for 3 years! Sure, it is scary to transition back into being alone, so I never in a billion years thought I would think this way!

That being said, it has been a very long time since I spent any more than a few hours with a guy where I wasn't counting down the seconds where I could get back to my comfortable "single existence".

This is the curse, or blessing of living alone for over 10 years!

Two weekend's ago I actually had a really great time with HS friend, and I wasn't even counting the moments until he left. A night out turned into spending a lot more time together than I thought we would. 

He took me to lunch the next day, where I watched an entire football game, and  tried to like it! And I hate football!! And if I'm being honest, it is kind of fun to watch how bent out of shape people get over a sports game! They act like it's "The Bachelor" or something!

I even wanted to see him again at the end of last week without giving it too much thought. I mean, usually I prefer to be alone..I am alone so much, I really enjoy the time I spend with me! I'm kind of awesome. 

Am I in love? No, silly! It's really OK to like a boy's company without wondering how well his last name will suit your first name!

And for the time being, I'm OK with that. Being alone for so long has taught me that it isn't the end of the world if someone decides they don't like you. Or if you decide that, as it turns out...things wouldn't work out in a serious relationship. I can finally understand that if things don't start to progress, it wasn't meant to be. It was a stepping stone, a lesson... a means to get you from one place to the next.

But necessary, nonetheless!

I'm confident in my ability to decide when something has gone on long enough without a commitment. I'll know when I feel like I want more, and if I ask and don't receive...I am just as confident in my ability to walk away.

Even though being alone for such a long time felt like torture at times, it turns out it was a blessing in disguise!