Natures Bounties....

On a quest to be more creative with with being active, in extreme heat (90 degree's is not commonplace for Ohio residents) I decided to finally check out a park that I pass by every day on my way to the gym, on my lunch hour. The Nature Realm. So close to work and home....what was I waiting for??

I couldn't think of a more enjoyable way to spend a lunch hour.  I spent several minutes trying to find the frogs in this pond, that were croaking, and jumping into the water.

After a quick, leisurely 1.4 mile walk on a trail (so I can still say I was active on my lunch hour..), I found this spot on a big, covered deck.. overlooking this beautiful pond where I sat and listened to the birds, and frogs singing....and got re-acquainted with my 50 shades of grey trilogy. Sheer bliss in the middle of the work day!!!

It also has an indoor area (built into the ground!) with naturalists on duty. Plus, several of these tanks full of frogs, and snakes, and turtles -oh my!


My tax dollars at work! I have really begun to realize how lucky I am to live in the city with all its conveniences, yet be so closely surrounded by these amazingly beautiful, and state protected places where I can not only get some miles in, but relax in the presence of nature.

I saw such colorful birds here,  that I didn't know even existed!!

I am lucky to live and work so close to such amazingly beautiful places. 

50 Shades of Oh. Mah. Gawd..

I was kind of against jumping on the 50 shades of grey bandwagon, despite all of my friends' urgings...because I know its a sincerely sexually charged series and I am but a poor single girl in the city, with no one to take out sexual frustrations on. Plus, I usually don't like popular things.

 Then I decided, what else does a single girl in the city really have to live for, if not for smutty books and unattainable romances?

Since being laid up with my tooth extraction, I've nothing better to do, because the life of a sickly spinster with no one to care for her is pretty boring.  I decided to pick up the series to keep my mind off of what else I couldn't do for one to two days (besides the usual "not getting any") I couldn't drink, smoke, or work out. I mean, really, that's the extent of my life.

So, I lost myself in the seedy yet oddly adorable world of Anastasia, and Cristian for a day and a half, and have moved on to book number two already!


I felt like I was buying pornography when I bought the books, and I felt the need to pair it with stuff I didn't really need but would run out of one day so it wasn't a total waste of money, like bathroom necessities. 

But I am really a fan, and I feel like these two are a staple in my day. I talk about them like they are my friends. 

Follow the Leader...

Am I the only one who stalks people when they run? In a not-so-creepy stalker way, I mean. You find someone who runs your pace and you follow them? I like to think I invent things, but I know I can't be the only one. It's kinda like drafting in racing, right?

I kept getting too close to this poor girl today. And I had to keep backing off.

Unfortunately my pace stalkee didn't turn around at 2 miles to do 4, but I did shout out "thanks for pacing me." In a totally playful, non creeper kind of way. I like to think, she had her headphones in so she didn't hear me, and she wasn't thinking "thank god that freak show girl turned around", because she totally ignored me.

So I was stuck folloiwing this girl home. She kept up a pretty good pace too, if she does say so herself!

I am so loving this winter weather. I need to do more long runs, so I am ready for my half marathon this spring!!

It will be my second bucket list goal of the year to cross off. #1? Getting Madonna tickets.

Only two days until I am able to purchase pre-sale tickets due to my life long fan club status.

Choosing my next path...aka becoming an ass kicker...

All the running I've been doing solo, got me thinking about self defense. I mean, I have a can opener (old school) and a whistle, but really if someone tried to steal me, I have no idea what I'd do. 99% of my outdoor runs are done solo. What does one do?

I still can't believe its January in Ohio...I could get use to this. Especially since I am trying to keep up running thru the winter! I took the city side of the towpath this past weekend.


This is my beautiful city. Sure, we have crackheads, but we also have a nice picnic area too!



I had to stop when I, for the first time in my 36 years, traveled over a hi-way overpass. This kinda scared me to take this picture.


And, because he's handsome..Mr. Magoo

So, I joined an MMA (mixed martial arts) class. I start next Tuesday. Helllls. Yea. I'll be learning the self defense art of Muay Thai. I'm going to be so bad-ass it isn't even funny! I'm also certain this will help me develop my core strength which has been my winter goal for the upcoming beach season! I originally called about kickboxing, but this sounds way more interesting!


I've been looking for something I will enjoy doing, for weight loss maintenance, in addition to running. because I gave up boot camp for many reasons, but mostly because It's becoming monotonous.

I am so excited to not only learn how to take someone down, but learn how to not be taken down! The best part for me, is you can earn your black belt. So it's something to work towards, to keep it interesting!

As a bonus, I look forward to some male type eye candy as well...can you blame me?

Lonley Swedish....

I'm going to see Tom Green tonight at Pickwick and Frolick in the big city of Cleveland. Where my two best girlfriends and myself, will sing the bum bum song
the entire way there, and laugh stupidly about various show episodes until we cry, because that is what we do.

This is probably most exciting to only a handful of people, who actually enjoyed his show on MTV. Where he was the original antagonizer of his parents for the cameras. (screw the skateboarding jackass posers who copied it from him)

I wondered if Glen Humplick would be there, but I heard he doesn't leave Canada, eh?

I am wearing my knee high boots (with jeans of course...but I'm still wearing them cus like sexy underwear they make me feel good even if no one else knows I'm wearing them!) and my new top, and freshly coiffed hair!

There will be dancing at the square to close the night. (my favorite gay bar!)

Did I mention enjoying singlehood?

Miss Self-Sufficient...Keep Your Distance...

I was in dress barn, utilizing my birthday discount (I'll be 35 again soon doncha know..) where I uttered these words to the sales lady in a totally serious manner...

"Yes, I'm looking for a cute holiday top, for pictures with Santa this weekend. So far, I think my dog is either wearing a red sweater, or a reindeer costume." She didn't even bat an eyelash, and we got a super cute top! Black, and sparkly, it'll match whatever we find Magoo!

What's more, Mr. Magoo and I both have hair appointments on Saturday, for said holiday photo. Score!

See, I don't need a romantic interest to be happy. I am a happy person with a tiny obsession with my dog.

Is this normal? Probably not!

I simply won't settle for less than the (as Carrie Bradshaw so eloquently stated) "zsa zsa zu" and until that crosses my path....

I have lots of interests to take up my time, a core to strengthen, 13.1 miles to achieve, muscles to build, and friends, and family to enjoy laughs with!

I have a very blessed existence partly because I can recognize that I do.

Little Red Corvette...(or white fusion...)

I have long since been afraid of the trusty Stratus' wonky struts, wobbly wheel, and lack of power steering, and ability to burn thru a set of brakes, and tires like nobodies business! But I was still sad to see her go.

A nice couple wanted to buy her for their daughter on the lot and then the sales guy told her she was on a trip, to the scrap yard.

What?!

I said but she's a nice car, someone could fix her up, she shouldn't be thrown away. I've never been so attached to a car before. She served me well.

And then I drove off in my new ride! She's an 09 Ford Fusion, Dad would be proud, Built Ford tough! He tried to sell me a flashy Mazda 3 which I adore the look of but I said no foreign cars for this girl!

The best part is that its super smart and comes with that talk thing where i can talk to her and she does stuff like dial my phone and text, and sirius radio. None of which I have the first clue how to use, but I'm sure a smart boy will happen along and learn me the ropes. Or...I could read the manual.

But! My payment is only $15 more a month, and I can park anywhere I want without worrying about getting back out due to my lack of steering.

And, I am enjoying one of my very last bottles of wine tonight, sick and all....in celebration.

Guess what? My insurance actually went DOWN 150/year on a newer car. Hells. Yea. I knew this was a smart grown up car!

So it works out to be exactly what I have been paying on the old car! score!

Yay. Me.

Where Work Gets in the Way....

I was pretty sad today, when during workout #2, I see on the 5:00 news that my future husband #3, (Right behind Edwin McCain, and Jason Stathom) Matthew Fox (Jack Shepherd, and Charlie Salenger!!!) was a mere stones throw away from my very own apartment, filming with Tyler Perry in the new movie about a series of James Patterson books I love about Alex Cross! Perry is Alex Cross? ( I always pictured as a sexy Blair Underwood, and in the past was played by Morgan Freeman...really, movie makers? Didn't you read these books??)

This is a sign that I should read the local paper like a real adult.

I could have totally taken vacation. I have a week left with nothing to do, and no promising proposals on the horizon. I could have innocently walked Mr. Magoo down to the cemetary, and peeped some celebrities, if even from afar. I could have walked the same street he walked.

Sure, they also filmed at Stan Hewitt, which I attend once a year in October for the craft fair, and enjoy hot cider, and hot fresh gingerbread cookies. Or on the occasion that a friend gets married there. But, I can't walk there in minutes like I could at the cemetary. Just thinking they were so close, makes me want to cry.

Yes, Clevelanders, most of this is filmed in your city, but nothing ever happens in Akron. This is the biggest thing since that one rock lady opened the vegan restaurant downtown!

Sigh.

I'm just not meant to get married yet. I think he'll wait for me.

But, I swear, if I see the lunatic lady that lives across from me, and wears duct tape on her mouth in the movie, I will just die.

Hood Life...

You know if you live in NE Ohio that we got spit up on with snow last night. About another 8 inches. After work I'm shoveling my steps, which I complain about but it's really good cardio, and I'm going out with the girls tonight, and of course, not driving, so I have to burn off my pre-alchohol calories, right?

When along comes a man..."Hey, hey, why don't you let me get that for you, I'm a man, I don't like to see young ladies doing stuff like that"

I reply that I don't mind and he insists on being nice. And says how women shouldn't have to do things like that. Even when I had a boyfriend, I still did menswork, so I'm pretty use to it by now.

Of course, once he starts he begins to tell me how he's just trying to buy a pack of cigarettes, and if I could give him a couple of dollars.....

I tell him I don't keep cash at home, because this is always my stock answer for beggars, and I say but I do have fifty five cents in my pocket....

He says "every little bit helps" and he takes my money, and hands me the shovel.

Mind you, my steps are still snow covered. But he wont be back asking for money either.

The lady across the street from me that wears duct tape on her mouth, hasn't gotten the hint that I don't give hand outs, and waits for me to leave each and every morning for work, and comes out of her house and yells at me "hey neighbor lady...." over. and over. and over. and over. Until I get in my car. Or finish cleaning the snow off of it. I don't even look at her. She wants cigarettes.

She asked my duplex neighbors once for money for toilet paper, so they gave her toilet paper and she threw it at them. She's a real peach!

City living is definately a real treat! I made it a year! I wish I could move my apartment, and my landlords to the country. I'd stay here forever.

I'm the big 3 5...

I'm 35 Today. So heres 35 mostly pointless things to say.


1. 35 isn't old. I remember thinking 35 was mature. But, well lets face it, I'm still a kid in a lot of ways. A kid that pays her bills, and lives on her own.


2. I'm logically half way thru my lifetime. But we wont go there.


3. We got a ginormous storm in NE Ohio. I don't remember a time when it more than dusted with snow before my birthday. This is a bunch of horse shit. According to Mark Johnson, the devil himself was outside waiting to pitch fork you if you left the house. We got like 3 inches. I hate weather people. And this guy.

4. I didn't get drunk for my birthday. I'm growing up!




5. I ate three peanut butter with reese cup cookies today a girl at work made. Stay tuned, it's still early.


6. I'm not working out for my birthday so I'll probably gain 5lbs from the eating in #5. That's how my body works for me. Not very well.


7. I'm pertty sure I have arthritis in my foot from my old running injury. Getting old sucks.


8. My desk at work is decorated with all hello kitty stuff cus shes awesome. Yes, I realize I'm 35. So is Hello Kitty so shut up.


9. A crackhead decided to stand at the end of my driveway today for no other reason than he is a crackhead, and shuffeled into the street when I just kept backing up at him. I heart the city.


10. I am thinking of cutting most of my hair off. I'm afraid though, so don't quote me.


11. I had a mouse in my broiler of my oven, and I just caught him Saturday. Poor little disease ridden guy.



12. I turned my heat up to 55, which is huge, because I'm a cheap ass who never has a gas bill over $100, or really even close.


13. My favorite Christmas music is the Muppets Christmas w/John Denver. I really wish they'd put the muppets back on TV. Not a remake. The real original muppets. Please, and thank you.




14. I'm in love with a stripper.


15. Just kidding, but I was singing that song, cus we rented the wrestler this weekend, and I was suprised that Marissa Tome took it all off for that movie


16. I don't feel good from eating too many cookies. And a bagel. And chip dip.


17. Someone should come to work and clean my desk for me. It's really bad, and I'm setting a bad example to the department.


18. It's almost christmas, and I bought three gifts. I suck.


19. When I say I'm the big 3-5 i feel like it should be followed with "Elizabeth, I'm comin to join ya honey" ala Fred Sanford. Even though, its not old.


20. I thought when I was in high school, that I'd be practically retired at 35.


21. When you are in high school you are a total freaking dumb ass, aren't you?


22. I really miss Lost. They don't make shows like that anymore. I miss how excited I use to get when it was on, and how I'd slow mo the tivo to see hidden clues. I feel like all TV hope is lost. Especially now that the Walking Dead is over.



23. I learned at my ripe young age, I'm a clencher.



24. Don't be gross, that means I clench my teeth too much, and the dentist had to file down my teeth and recommended a mouth guard. I have sore teeth, and no cracks, cavities, or decay. What the fuck?


25. Doesn't wearing a mouth guard sound pretty hot? I bet next, it'll be circulation socks, and granny panties or something.


26. Just like everyone looks at their poop in the toilet, I know everyone picks their nose.


27. P.S. do you ever get mad at a self flushing toilet, when you don't turn around fast enough to look at your poo and it's flushed down???!!!!



28. I get mad when I don't get to see the fruit of my labor. Dr. Oz says you have to evaluate your poo.


29. Why do boys' legs fall asleep on the toilet? It's like the 8th wonder of the world.


30. I sent my mom a picture of my poo recently, because she sent me a picture of gum in her mouth.


31. You may not know but I have a gum phobia, so she deserved a poop shot.


32. Just like boy babies, boy dogs have crappy clothes, so I think I'm going to just dress him up as a girl cus they have the cutest sweaters and stuff!


33. I feel sorry for people who have boys. Isn't that weird? Cus i totally like boys, so someone has to suffer through the trouble of having and raising them. Just dont ever let it be me. If the universe wants to screw me over and give me a kid despite my carefulness, it had better not be a boy.


34. I had to get an echeck for my car and you know how i have that stupid breathalizer on it? Too bad I didnt have to get a real echeck, cus they cant mess with my electronics boyeeeeeee!

35. Thats the only good thing thus far about having a DUI. and in the grand scheme of things, its totally not worth it.

Sports...meh...

I'm not sure how other places work, but growing up in Ohio, it always seemed like our sports teams were the suck. Except for Ohio State, who from what I hear never seems to disappoint.

I havn't been to a Cav's game since the whole lebron phenominon. Prior to Lebron, you could find tickets to a game laying in the streets. No one went. I dated a guy who had season tickets, and we were there with like 20 other people. Seriously.

(Right around the time the Cavaliers underwent their makeover. From orange and blue to wine and gold)

It was a lot of fun to go this time, post lebron (cus even though I dont like sports i really didnt like him) to see that all the seats were filled, and the game was close right up until the very last second, and everyone stayed to support the team.

I may have had alterior motives for cheering them on (a free chalupa if they hit 100 points, or if the other team doesnt score 80) but after they surpassed my free food expectations, I still wanted the team to win.

Despite my hatred for sports, and especially squeaky basketball sneakers, I had a good time! Even though we still had to pay $10 to park, AND THEN walk 2 miles. (my biggest Cleveland complaint besides traffic, is their ridiculous parking prices! I'm from the little city down South, we don't roll that way. We have things like.. free parking. Or Parking for a dollar! And free concerts every week! And mostly our homeless hang out around the shelter, and don't venture too far to hassel you at every turn)

Fun, that is..until my brother texted me that my being at the game made their winning streak stop.

We're a really loving family. Can you tell?

Who's that knocking on my door?...

Saturday night, I was having a glass (or two) of wine, and watching some of my 25 episodes of "Who's the Boss", when there was a knock at my door. It was midnight. I live in the city. With crackheads. And ladies who wear duct tape on their mouths. And, um, shady characters. I looked out my side window and no one was in my driveway, I had been texting with new guy, but he wouldn't just show up. Plus, he'd park in the drive. No car.

Knocking again...

I left my front blinds open so clearly whoever was knocking, saw me sitting there ignoring them..drinking and smoking when they came up on my porch.

More knocking...

I snuck out of my own living room and upstairs to see if I could determine who it was from the bedroom. I didn't see a thing. I went back downstairs. I watch too many horror movies so by this time, I'm pretty scared.

Knock knock...of course, no dog barking from my attack dogs!

You would think, that at midnight, at someones house you obviously don't know, if they aren't going to answer after the first time, maybe you should just give up?

Knock knock...I had to look up the police number on google, because who has a phone book anymore? This took forever!

And by the time I found it, they had left. And I fell asleep (passed out) on the couch. The next afternoon, when I left to go tanning I noticed my sunroof was open. And my car windows were down. It had rained. My car was flooded.

I thought, what if it were just a concerned neighbor telling me I left my car open in the rain? I'm such an ass. Clearly a crackhead could've taken the valuables (CD's or cigarettes) out of my car as it was wide open.

But a single girl can never be too careful. I never open the door even in daylight, if I don't know you!

*Thats a pic of my little rescue, gooder (Magoo) desperatly waiting for me to wake up and play with him which is his new most favorite thing to do. Both wake me up at the butt crack of dawn, and playing.

Which you can watch a clip of here. I may or may not have been on the toilet for that. Don't judge.

Heres another one.

It's taken him 5 months to play!

In the city they like Jesus....

(i have no idea what happened to my template btw)

I'm still getting use to city living. No one ever came over to my house uninvited in the country, except maybe my neighbor from time to time.



Now, I have annoying neighbor kids, crackheads, and the latest..
"jesus freaks"*.



I mean, to each his own, if you love jesus, good for you! You gotta believe in something, and it isn't like I'm some god hater, I just have my own spiritual beliefs.



You know my ones that include practicing my own way, and don't include knocking on people's door at 9 am on a Sunday. Or, when I don't answer, coming back at 11 a.m. And then again at 2. he last time finally manfriend was up, and I asked him to answer it. But they had moved on to save someone else.



They were nice enough to leave me a card saying that Jesus loved me.



Maybe I should tell them about the crackhead who likes to pee in the church yard in broad daylight across from my house. I think they should spend their time saving him instead of me. I wonder if this has to do with the fact that I have this on the back of my car. Or this. Or this?



The only thing I dislike about "jesus freaks*" , is they don't have much tolerance for any other beliefs.

I've decided to make my own pamphlet about buddhism. And when they come back, we'll swap information. Actually, I look forward to this!

*this is not the same as being a run of the mill christian

I made a brochure. I included info on christianity vs. buddhism. You know, like how buddha doesn't threaten you with hell and whatnot. That outta burn em.

Crack Is Wack...

This morning, a lady tapped on my window while I warmed up my car in my own driveway. She had silver duct tape on her mouth and motioned to me that she wanted my cigarette. I said "sorry last one" and rolled the window up. She removed the duct tape and said Please im desperate.

I backed out and left. I kept saying I have to go to work. Then I kept picturing the gypsy curse from "Drag Me to Hell". I don't think crack whores have gypsy demon powers though. Then I thought, what if it was Jesus testing my generosity. Then I remembered, I don't really believe in all that religion stuff. And if I thought there was a Jesus, he certainly wouldn't be asking for cigarettes. right? Your body is your temple or something? Seriously. Drugs make you a total fucking moron.

As illustrated by several of my ex boyfriends.

I msgd back and forth last night w/notsomuchamanfriend. We established a lot of things, except what he avoided was, my asking about the elephant in the room...what made him have an interest in someone else in the first place. All the breaking up may have been a mistake (duh) but what about the mistake of someone else? How bout that?

You know, ending a relationship with me for her? Remember? Hello? Cooking dinner for said skank, and not even taking me out for a drink anymore cus you had no money and I was understanding of your job-less state? Becaue you know, I love you, but she gets dinner?

So I told him today that until hes ready to have an honest conversation about it, theres nothing else to say. I don't know that it would help. But you have to be honest, right?

The new guy finally called me last night just to chat. Which was nice. But hes not the ex. And we've been thru all of that already. I have no idea what I'm doing. I keep thinking that people tell him to call me because he knows people I know. And it seems like whenever I'm fed up with not hearing from him he'll call. We have voice communication from time to time. Imagine that. He makes me laugh.

I really dont know what I'm doing. Did I mention that at all?

So.. I drank wine. I found the yummy wine that me and notsomuchamanfriend couldn't find together after looking and looking, that we had at a restaurant w/his parents. And I drank myself asleep.

Because, why does everything have to be about him? Every song. Every TV Show. Every movie. Every store. Every word. Every-THING.

I've been trying to think away thoughts about him, but I'm reading Understanding our mind by Tich naht hahn (also recommended by said notsomuchamanfriend. Every THING.) and it says you can't do that. You have to feel everything or it will always consume you.

I hate this.

I wish he would try harder to win me back. But maybe he'll make it easier to move on by not doing so. Why wouldn't he come see me? Or I dunno...call me on the phone? Write me a letter? Sing me a song? STAND OUTSIDE MY HOUSE AND PLAY IN YOUR EYES BY PETER GABRIEL ON YOUR 80'S BOOMBOX?? (of course, he might get accosted by the crackhead lady asking for smokes..)

He needs to make an effort, and prove he is sorry and that he wants more. Otherwise he's wasting my time, and preventing me from moving on. And being selfish! And I don't need any of that.

In the meantime I made a nice meditation area at home. I put my buddha head, and candles, and my living wisdom w/the Dalai Lama study cards there, and hooked up my mp3 player w/my speakers to play meditations. I get a card out and think on it each day. And it helps me a bit, at least for a few minutes I clear my head.

This week has been patience. Yea. Imagine that.

Time. Time. Time....