Where Work Gets in the Way....

I was pretty sad today, when during workout #2, I see on the 5:00 news that my future husband #3, (Right behind Edwin McCain, and Jason Stathom) Matthew Fox (Jack Shepherd, and Charlie Salenger!!!) was a mere stones throw away from my very own apartment, filming with Tyler Perry in the new movie about a series of James Patterson books I love about Alex Cross! Perry is Alex Cross? ( I always pictured as a sexy Blair Underwood, and in the past was played by Morgan Freeman...really, movie makers? Didn't you read these books??)

This is a sign that I should read the local paper like a real adult.

I could have totally taken vacation. I have a week left with nothing to do, and no promising proposals on the horizon. I could have innocently walked Mr. Magoo down to the cemetary, and peeped some celebrities, if even from afar. I could have walked the same street he walked.

Sure, they also filmed at Stan Hewitt, which I attend once a year in October for the craft fair, and enjoy hot cider, and hot fresh gingerbread cookies. Or on the occasion that a friend gets married there. But, I can't walk there in minutes like I could at the cemetary. Just thinking they were so close, makes me want to cry.

Yes, Clevelanders, most of this is filmed in your city, but nothing ever happens in Akron. This is the biggest thing since that one rock lady opened the vegan restaurant downtown!

Sigh.

I'm just not meant to get married yet. I think he'll wait for me.

But, I swear, if I see the lunatic lady that lives across from me, and wears duct tape on her mouth in the movie, I will just die.

Cute things, like Edwin and a new Dog...

Here is little Moses. I am changing his name. One because I'm not religious, and two, from what I hear that Moses fella led everyone the wrong way.

And third..he's too cute to be called moses. He needs a cute dog name. Like little taterskins. Or pooper. Or some kind of one eyed pirate name like Jack or something. (he has one eye the one on the right is partial) Like...Jack Sparrow.

I've also made the conclusion that he is a shih-poo. I've had a shih-tzu for 14 years, and so did my Dad. They have straight hair. Moses has shih poo hair. Which is awesome cus he'll shed next to nothing.

He only barked once, when he wanted out of bed...cus he had to poo and it was 6am...ok? But I got up. And, he poo'd.


He's just another one of the clan at my house. No one notices he's there really. He needs to learn to trust me, which wont take as long as I thought. He's terrified to be picked up and latches on with his paws for dear life. Terrified to come inside after potty, and very skittish, and cowers when you go to pet him.

We've already gotten past most of the above things, by past, I mean they are better than day one. He mostly lays in another room unless I snuggle him up with my older dog on the couch. But if I get up and do anything, he runs in to see what I'm up to. We'll be buddies in no time.

He also farts a lot. I'm pretty sure its his nervous belly, and the fact that he wont eat the food he's use to eating (dry) and has been on canned mixed w/dry.

And um, yea that's my Ediwn there, he came out to the audience to sing Teddy Pendergrass' "Love TKO". I touched him. I only abandoned manfriend for a minute to do so.

Speaking of manfriend. He slow danced with me to "I'll Be" at the concert. Which I found to be completely and totally adorable!

Ode to corey haim...

I'm not a poet. So this isn't really an ode. But really, its about me.

Growing up girls have dreams. Dreams of getting married and living happily ever after. Of course, these dreams are usually to princes, that don't exist, but we seem to think they do.

Or, celebrities, that we never think will let us down by having real life problems. Like...drugs.



So, to that end, I will miss Corey Haim. He was my favorite Corey. But it just goes along with the fact that I always go for the druggies and alchoholics.



Maybe this finally has freed me from the chains?



I wonder sometimes if a real live boy will ever realize that I am an awesome catch, and want to marry me? I feel like I'm standing still. Then I tell myself to enjoy the ride. I'm starting to think the ride is long, and my ass is starting to hurt.

Things I find horribly important...

*Reason 235,687 you should help me with my evil plot to slip my manfriend some untraceable homeade rufies, and lock him in my closet...he's a good cook. I mean if the list of things I like about him gets much longer, I might have to start thinking he is a robot created by one of my crazy ex boyfriends as part of their evil plan to steal my soul by sucking me into a happy abyss and then having my manfriend short circuit, leaving me broken hearted.

And, then I'll have to buy a boyfriend pillow. But seriously, I bet if I got one of these, I might be able to sleep in my bed again vs. the couch. Kidding, that's not the part of the manfriend I miss. When they make a spooning manfriend pillow....send me the link.

I swear I don't do drugs.

I want to see the New Kids on the Block at blossom. I think getting drunk on $7 white zinfandel (probably boxed, my favorite) and watching the new kids prance around on stage and do the "oh, oh, oh, oh oh...hangin tough" dance is a killer time! while I scream "donnie i love you!" would be so freaking awesome. The shitty thing is that my friends aren't as cool as me, and no one wants to go. Who wants to adopt me as a friend and take me to New kids? I say take me because obviously, I will need a designated driver. And B) you can't also like donnie. He's mine. Back....off.

Speaking of concerts, and what's mine. Edwin McCain (my future husband) is coming to concert in August. I'm going to take my manfriend, and he will have fun, of course cus it's a killer time. I think it'll be a true testament of his love for me. If he can still love me high on Edwin, then he's totally going to marry me. (don't squash my dreams) You have no idea how hard it is to not buy tickets to this concert until this Friday. I can't use credit. Bad, credit.

Anyone want to adopt me? And by adopt I mean, be my sugar daddy that get's nothing but the satisfaction of calling me his sugar pop? Cus, I'm kinda in love with someone else. Please?

I miss my cable pretty bad. I mean, I don't even have cartoon network. Appartnely, cartoons aren't in gods plan. Because I have god/family tv. Cus its cheap.

Reason 345 I should write a book, someone may deem me god some day when they come across my brilliant writings.And everyone will say what I say is what everyone should do. Kinda like the bible. (unbunch your panties)


Books! I read a book once about a group of girls that murdered a classmate by beating her with a tire iron in the head, stuffing her in the trunk, and setting her on fire. This was during my true crime/Aphrodite Jones phase. The truth is way worse than any fake stuff.

I have to take three cats, single handedly to the vet this weekend at 9 am. On a Saturday? This is blasphemy. I believe in sleeping until at least 11 on a Saturday. Being a single mom is way hard. I don't know how anyone takes human kids anywhere. Especially more than one. I have some serious anxiety over how I'll manage! At least I don't have to dress my cats. Bonus for me. Even though I don't want kids, I think Moms should be sainted or something.

This weekend I watched The Unborn, A Haunting in Connecticut, Bride Wars, The Eschelon Conspiracy (which is a total low budget rip off of Eagle Eye), and Monsters Vs. Aliens. All in my PJ's on a comfy couch with a comfy movie partner. Illegal schmillegal.

*Reason 235,688 would be that I can bribe you with jewelry. Everyone loves diamonds!

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

I remember back in 2006, it was still kinda cool to like Bret Michaels. He was that one hottie from the past you use to lust for.

Remember back when Poison use to be heavy metal, and you felt kinda bad-ass for jamming out to "talk dirty to me" and "Unskinny bop" (seriously?).

"I was on Bret Michaels tour bus".





Now the answer to this is, what skank hasn't been on his tour bus? Are you calling me a skank?

I got to not only meet Bret, but hang out on his bus and chit chat! Get photos, and an autograph (which was a vintage BOP magazine picture of him!!)

My girlfriend, won a radio contest, where we got to sit in the VIP box at his concert, which we didn't sit in, because it was further away than being front and center. We got down on the floor and jammed out with everyone else!
The best thing about the night, was waiting by the back door, to go out to the bus, knowing "we had this"...and looking at all the people begging the radio DJ to get them on the bus.

They said Bret was sick and only had a few minutes for us. Whatever. A few minutes? Better than no minutes! I'm pretty sure he asked my friend to email him some pictures she had from concerts over the years too. He was impressed we had the old school magazine pics to sign and he said "I remember this photo shoot"..........awesome!

He was a super nice guy, and it was cool to be on a rock stars tour bus. And even if rock of love has tainted the worlds image of him....I still met someone famous, that was a huge rock star in my day...and that's still big to me.

Happy New Year....

I happen to be working only 4 hours today. Then I plan to workout, and rest up for some festivities tonight. By festivities I mean...drinking. I'm headed to the big city (Cleveland) because no one ever does anything of excitement in the little city (Akron). I don't remember the last time I had a fun New Years at home? I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but perhaps it's a challenge to be more exciting? I could have tried to plan some elaborately fun event, but no one would attend. I really never thought it would be so hard to get folks together. Haters.

I believe we are headed to a couple of parties, and ending the evening at the manfriends with friends. We were going to do wine but if we're traveling to parties, I certainly am not stashing my wine in someone elses fridge. I take my drink seriously. Like, seriously, I'd pound you if I caught you drinking my shit. Getchur own!

I've realized in my quest for fitness (a.k.a giving up beer, hey, you gotta start somewhere) it's the pits to party away from home or bars. No one has alchohol at their house to offer. Beer? Sure. Maybe some plastic bottle vodka or something (yack).

And, I sure as shit am not going to leave my unfinished alchohol at your house so you can drink it, that shit aint cheap. It's quite the predicament. The manfriend and I were at BW3 watching UFC with is friend and the friends girlfriend, when they decided (after we'd had one whole drink, and they were trashed) we should go see their new house. "you can come over and have some beer, and play cornhole". I'm so socially unacceptable anymore. Maybe I'll invent a mobile liquer delivery. Go ahead and laugh. I have fabulous ideas.

I usually don't do this, but it's the year for change.
In the new year, I plan to:

• work towards meeting my bootcamp goals
• Getting pretty drunk New Years, kissing my cute manfriend, and then getting lucky. Wink.
• Quitting smoking with the help of Chantex (the manfriend is gonna quit too so we can really test our love for one another.......wink)
• Eating more spaghetti squash w/marinara and kidney beans. I mean really, there is nothing more dee-dilly-icious in the world. Besides maybe, nutter butters. But we won't go there.
• Get a shih-poo
• Perfect a nearly no-calorie yet delicious, well-traveled alhoholic bevy
• Finish my closet so I can steal the manfriend and lock him inside
• Pay off my employee account at work
• Stop buying jewelry so I can do the previous task
• Go to the dentist A.K.A conquer my phobia, that has kept me away since my horrific wisdom teeth experience at 17 where I was fully awake and had my teeth ripped from my gums. This one is necessary...but hard.
• Move. Preferably into a house. Screw this apartment searching, it's pretty pointless. Especially if I am going to get a shih poo, and have two dogs. I have too much crap to move into an apartment.
• Buy an IRA or some other smart sounding investment into my old age so I don't have to die alone eating cat food
• Pay my city taxes. I guess. (I have not done so for like, 4 years, because oh yea, I already pay city taxes out of my check and paying to the city I also live, that claims they are not a city therefore need to tax me, is fucking stupid)
• Print the last 4 years of digital pictures like real pictures you can hold
• Put said pictures into albums
• organize all my pictures, and burn to CD

Mine aren't resolutions. I think resolution means you have problems. I have no problems, I'm at peace with all these things, but I'm a self development whore, and I like to improve my mental state, so why not branch out.

What are your goals?

Buy me a shih poo I'll let you kiss its nose!

Yer Doin it Wrong..

Look! Edwin has new publicity photos! Loves it! Doncha wanna kiss his cute lil face? I went all over to get his album yesterday. Ok, to Target, and Best Buy. Of course, it wasn't out because TODAY is the 24th... dumbass! (Ever notice dumbass looks like dum bass..?) The guy at Best Buy was like, are you sure it doesn't come out Tomorrow? (today) Releases are always on Tuesday. Uhhhh....yea. I gave him attitude for not having it out too. Cus, notoriously they never have his stuff when it's released. I can be such a tool!

Anyway..I had a free class with one of the VP's husbands at work last week, who owns a boxing fitness joint. He comes in once a week for classes, they cost money. I got a free pass attached to one of the water bottles in the gym at work. So, what the hell? The first class is a one on one. Where I got to ask such questions as....why am I working out 5 days a week, at 4 and 5 miles and not losing weight? What the hell is the problem?

Awesome news, he told me that I am overworking my body, and that you should rest between workouts. I know, I've heard it all before, but then I see shows like The Biggest Loser, where they work out every day for 5 hours, I think, what the hell, I can do it too. One thing I did right was to stop jogging. Say huh? Yea, walking fast at a 4.4 and below is plenty. He said doing his class twice a week, and one more day of cardio is all you need. Um, 3 days versus 5 days? Yessssss! I'm still doing 5 but 2 will be at home, 30 min weight sessions. I'm givin it a week to see how it goes. Lest we forget, I'm um, going to the beach in 32 days. Squeeeeeee!

I'm so super excited to spend a week with my lovebug! (shut up!) I keep checking the website to see what's going on that week as they add things to the schedule. Last night he asked me if my sisters got good soundproofing. I can't imagine what he means by that. But I told him she takes sleeping pills....wink.

Somebody's On Cloud Nine...

Well I made it to Virginia Beach safe and sound. The plane ride only moderatly scared the shit out of me. I got to watch the sunrise all the way to Atlanta, and it was a quiet, peaceful time, that I'll not soon forget. I've never seen anything like it. I stared at it for hours. Stuff like that makes me realize, how amazing this world is, and how my small role in it all seems insignificant.

Onto better things. You know who is in LOVE with Edwin McCain, right? You know, my sole purpose for the trip was to see Edwin, right? Well I got to MEET EDWIN!!!!! Second time! I figure, by the third time, he will be so smitten with me, we'll for sure run off and get married! We're still in the 'dating' stages. We stalked his tour bus after the show, conveniently located by the women's room...and got our picture with him. I told him (cus you know, we're old friends) "we'll leave you alone after this". You say the stupidest things when confronted with your crush. Seriously though, he wasn't the least bit bothered by the droves of people who wanted autographs and pictures. Don't mind that this is the most horrible picture.

We even followed him to the hotel. But we kept our distance. That's how we roll people!

My sister has DIAL-UP....so, it will take forever to upload the hundreds of pictures we took. She got a new camera, so OUR picture will be forthcoming...not to mention, they don't have any photo editing programs so I can size them, or crop them, or remove red eye. Someone should tell her she's living in the stone ages or something.

I won't yet get into how Edwin had on the same shirt he had on the last three times I've seen him. (People, go buy his album or something, the man must be poor!) But he does have different hair each time.

I'm going to edit this later, and add pictures. Seriously, unless you have dial-up you don't know that it's taken 20 minutes to think about uploading one stinking picture. I'm if they at least had Microsoft photo editor here, I'd be golden. But, no. So until then, bask in my glory. For I am on top of the worrrrrrrrld.

P.S. I will no longer be washing my left hand, for it touched Edwin's sweaty back. Back sweat from a rock star is HOTT!!

Getting The Hell Outta Dodge!.....

So, I'm getting the hell outta dodge. I leave at 5:45 a.m. for Virginia Beach. Vrooooooooom. Think of me flying over in a plane and how safe I'm going to be from everything that can be unsafe on a plane! I'm pretty sick over it. Bleh. But, I'm really excited to get out of town for a few days, of course I GET TO SEE MY EDWIN TOMORROW!!! And, I met my weight loss goal of 35 lbs for the trip, and exceeded it by 1 pound. Yay for me.

Last night I finally met up with someone. We'd been missing communications for a few days and it was getting old. I had the best time, because that was just what I needed. And by 'that' I think you know what I mean.

He also asked me what I wanted out of life. I didn't hesitate to mention, that I wanted a boy who loves and adores me. Cus, well...who doesn't? I think he was wanting to know if I wanted more than a booty call. I do. But I also want the person to want it just as much as I do. You know..... some day, I'll be swept up by another boy and he will be sorry he didn't marry me or something. Cus, girls like me don't come around that often. Wink wink... See how I am learning my own value?

No further developments with my brother. I'm putting that drama on hold until I get back from vay cay. I can't let anything ruin the ride I'm on right now. Cus it's pretty nice. I am however, going to miss my Mommy. My leaving only means I'll see her one more night when I return from the beach, and then she's gone again. I tried talking her into moving back to Ohio...because it IS the heart of it all. (Ok so that was totally cheesy)

Goodbye cruel world.....I'm off to join the circus!

If I Only Had a Heart....

This love thing, is for the birds. I have turned into someone that I took great joy, in making fun of. Someone is in love? PFFFFT! on that! What happened? I dunno, I think I fell! I think I fell, cracked my head, bumped my elbows, and scraped up my knees. That is the only explanation I can think of.

I don't pretend to understand it. Because, I can see myself with WG forever. I hate to even say these words, because lurking in the back of my mind is that evil voice,

"some day you are going to be sorry you wrote those words for everyone to see"

I don't think I will. Because, even if something happened with us, and we didn't make it, I know that I can be this happy. I thought it couldn't happen again. This is why I don't believe in soul mates. If you believe that, you lose out on your chances at happiness. Oh, whats the point, I thought SO AND SO was 'the one'.

There are not many people who claim to have found 'the one' so why not call it, someone to love? That can happen more than once. And it can still feel fantastic!

In my true colors, I started thinking of reasons I shouldn't be with WG. I call this stinking thinking. I tend to do it alot. I'm afraid I will be hurt, so I think up reasons to not like him so much, so that I wont """"Get Hurt"""". I never said it made sense. Maybe I should listen to the reasons not to like him? Who knows!

I keep thinking, I really hope it is for real. I was so against meeting someone at this point in my life. Sometimes, we don't know what is best for us though. Everything happens for a reason. I don't remember the last time I felt the things I feel now. It is nice. I might even say, I love being in love. I had gotten so bitter, because I was miserable. I thought it was me.

I am still capeable of love. Amazing.

This line is perfect, from of course, an Edwin song:

'You're my survival, you're my living proof, my love is alive and not dead'

I stopped feeling about 6-7 years ago. Because I was tired of hurting. Once you start to have feelings for someone, you remember what you are missing. It actually takes more effort to not have feelings, then to let your feelings show.

I laid it all on the line for WG when we started to talk at first. I said that I didn't do this, or that, and this wasn't me, or that wasn't me. You won't buy the cow, you know....

Most of those things, have gone out the window. I didn't do those things, because I didn't have feelings like I do now. I am pleasently suprised.
I love it. Sometimes, it drives me crazy, that I can be sitting, or laying with him, and feel like, I want to be closer. I can only describe it as a hole. I just wanna put him in my hole....ok, well, that sounded reallllly bad! LOL!
I have no idea how to get closer. I keep thinking, the relationship is still new, of course I feel this way. There is more to it than that.

I use to be one to say "their all nice at first"

"your always happy at first"

Not really. You aren't 'always' happy to begin with. You get clues, warning signs, signals. At least I did, and I ignored them. You are normally on your best behavior at first, sure. But their not 'all nice' at first. It took my ex 'Z' exactly one week to spit in my face and call me a whore for talking to a guy in a public place, and I simply told him my name when he asked me. I wouldn't call that 'nice at first'. Maybe some people have better luck, and find guys who are 'nice at first'?

WG...genuinly makes me happy. He makes me want to be selfless. I have always called myself selfish, and to a point, I still think I am. But I have been more giving with him, than w/any man, in years. I don't remember the last time that I wanted to make someone happy. VS. wanting to be made happy. I am happy. I was happy when I met him. I think that is the key! I am not looking for someone to 'make me' happy anymore. I do that for myself. He enhances my life.

My main worry is finances. I worry about money a lot with myself. That is why I work 2 jobs. I am afraid to lose job #1. I have never been employed this long somewhere, so I am terrified to lose it. I know, I couldn't make it w/o my income. I am afraid. It scares me. I really don't want someone to 'take care of me' I want to work for what I have. But I also want to know that if God forbid something happened, I could make it. 'We' could make it. That holds me back. Money sucks!

This brings me to my shoe theory again. It really isn't my theory, but my counselors. That if you wear a size 8 shoe, and you put on a size 7 and it doesn't fit, what is wrong? The shoe, or your foot? I answered, the shoe because it's the wrong size. Wrong. Neither is wrong, the shoe is fine, for someone who wears a size 7.

People are the same. Everyone likes a different type of person.
Ever said this?
"If he's so great, why is he still single?"
Well, why are YOU still single? Same difference! And when someone makes you feel great, you want to do great things. (sometimes I'm Gay!)

Everyone is going to have annoying habits. Like leaving lights on all the time, or cupboards open. I did learn, that if something bothers me and you ask them to stop and they don't-- to do it yourself. Because everyone has different issues. Things don't bother you that bother them. So, I close them, and turn the lights out. It's nicer than bitching about it.

I will admit there are a lot of things about WG that scare me, that hold me back from thinking it will be forever. Just that glimmer of doubt. I do have a little apprehension left from being afraid of being hurt. But nothing like I normally have. For some reason I trust him, more than I have ever trusted anyone else. And according to his track record with his past, it makes no sense. Maybe because he was up front with me about it from the get-go?
I told him my deepest darkest secret, that only 1 other person knows. (That goes to the grave with Bubba) After only knowing him like a week! Why? Don't ask me!!!!

I know that people don't generally change. But, I also believe that the right person can bring out the best in you. It's happened to me. I never thought it would. I found someone who makes me want to be a better person.

I have always wanted to say that. And now, I mean it. If it can happen to me, it could happen for him right? I like to think so. I am mostly worried, about finances. I wont be working 2 jobs forever. Right now, I am living comfortably. Paying my bills. Spending money. I know once I quit working another job, I wont be able to spend money. He is not good with money. I am not great with it, but I am not in the poor house. I pay the bills. I am responsible.
He told me he isn't good. I am hoping he can change that. My ex husband was that way, spending all the money, while I had to pinch pennies and go without, to buy things.

For instance, I told WG I don't have the money to go out this past wknd, cus I was getting my hair done. It was going to cost almost $100. He couldn't believe it. I said, well, it'll be $70. (It actually costs 58 for a hilite/cut but with tip its 70) Different things are important to different people. I will never stop having my hair done by Angie. I'm a girl. You don't find someone you like to do your hair that often. It took me about 24 years to find someone I like! It's important!

Those are the little sacrifices you have to make when you are a couple, sharing a residence, and life together. Let each other have their thing. As long as you can afford it, I don't see a problem. As long as you work for it, you deserve it.

I have always been super responsible with work. It's the way I am wired. I think my divorce and losing everything is what did it. I did get fired once for missing work, and that is scarey. It'll never happen to me again. And, it helps when you like what you do, and where you work.

So, I'm still happy. It's been almost 2 months we have been together. I keep having deeper feelings. I think I question it so much, because I didn't want this, and now, I am up to my eyes in love. If I had made the decision to find someone, I might trust it. Even if it didn't feel right, because I decided it.

Things do happen when you least expect it. Good, and bad. I always told my friend Dusty, that when God found the perfect child for her and her husband, they would be able to adopt it.
They tried for so long, and kept getting let down, and I'd say, you wait, when you find that baby, it will be right. It will be perfect, because of all that you have been through.

You know, they found a baby. He has been like their biological son since he came home. It is really weird, how well he adjusted. He is perfect for them,and they for him. Thats what the wait was for.

If I can believe this for them, I have to believe it for myself.

Maybe, everything did happen for a reason. I do know, that if I had not gone through all the bad, I wouldn't appreciate the right thing when I found it. I probably would've taken it for granted.

And in closing, this is for the Momma. I was talking about leaving TWDSO and told her how he is jealous of my pets. She told me that every guy would be. (I am a little extreme in my love for them, some might think) I am thinking this time momma may be wrong. I knew there was a guy for me, that loved animals. Can I say that last night, Chelsea jumped up on the couch a few times for cuddles, and laid down on WG? He petted her too! It was only the cutest thing EVER!

I've rambled enough! I have to weigh in today. I'm not feeling any lighter. I didn't work out much. I have been slacking. I gotta get my butt in gear before someone beats me!!!!!

Today's Question:

When do you love yourself most?

I love myself most when I stick to my food/exercise plan. I have had problems w/this area of my life for YEARS!! So, when I do good, I feel good! Which, isn't exactly good, because its going from one extreme to another. But no one said I was perfect!