Exes and Oh No You Didn'ts...

Some people think that it is flattering when an ex tries to come back into your life. You think they must still love me! They realize they were wrong in letting me go!? Surely, they have seen the error of their ways and want to be in my life again!!??

Being a wise 39 years old..I think it is mainly due to the sixth sense that the opposite sex seems to have, that knows you are finally trying to move on.

Nine times out of 10, they are the ones that tell you to move on! And, after being prodded to move on and see other people, you begrudgingly seek a new relationship, and then...you know how it works. It never fails, once you start seeing someone else, the ex always comes sniffing back around.

There have been a few times that I was all too happy to try things again with a guy, and break off a possible promising new relationship.

But it was only to realize that leopards don't usually change their spots. Or, more fittingly, people don't tend to change unless they really put their heart and soul into it.

My #1 guilty relapse relationship is with ex-manfriend. We've been broken up for real for like 2 years..and I can't count the number of times I tried to make things work with this guy, or how many potentially great guys that I dated that I tossed aside to pursue what was so obviously (in retrospect) broken.

Enter in 3 months ago when I finally realized after a turn of events that I probably really did need to shut the door on exmanfriend.  I realized that in fact, I was probably holding onto something that was no longer there.

And as with most relationships gone wrong...in time I realized...despite the feelings, we just were not meant to be!

He told me to delete his number, and I blogged that if it were only that easy to forget someone. But it worked out pretty well for me. I stopped thinking about us in the future. I finally shut the door on what could have been, and I started to see things for what they were.

While he kept contacting me sporadically..I came to realize, that if he felt 1/10th about me the way I felt about him, we would be together. No questions asked, and I finally started to realize that I am the one who deserves more!

So, you know, I have been spending time now and then with a guy that I have been casually seeing, friends...but who knows where it's going, and I'm enjoying our time together..It may not be an official boyfriend, but it is just enough to get the ex radar going.

And today I was out shopping with my Mom and I got the text.

From exmanfriend.

Who told me to delete his number 3 months ago.

Simply saying Hi...and asking how I've been..And for the first time my initial reaction wasn't a pang of the heart..or wondering if this meant we could rekindle our "romance"...I was kind of ticked off because he was the one that told me to delete his number. HE thought that it would make it easy to forget about me.

But I'm grateful for what happened, because I finally realized that I in fact deserve more.

I am tired of being with guys who realize what they lost after they lose me. I want the guy who realizes what he has while he has me...and never lets me go.

Older and Wiser!

I celebrated another birthday, internets! And I must say,  I heart my late thirties (ok..I'm now almost 40!)

Sure, sometimes..I still freak out that I may never be married again, and that I might die alone, with my cats, and/or dogs licking the eyeballs out of my lifeless body...but other than that, life is pretty great!

As usual, I took an extended leave from work to celebrate my birthday/use up all my leftover vacation time I didn't have time to take because I'm too busy at work.

My best friend in the world that got engaged and moved three hours away from me came up for the occasion with her fiance. I had a delicious dinner at a swanky restaurant with them and my other BFF who was my date. After that we went to the local pub for some drinks, and we did a throwback shot of tequila.  (I remember why I no longer do those now)

With just two hours left until the bars closed, my bff, her fiance and I headed to my favorite dance spot (the local gay bar which has the best DJ and the most awesome people) and I danced until I was dripping in sweat, like I actually knew how to dance. The perfect ending to the evening!

I rounded my time off of work out with spending some time with HS friend, Christmas shopping with my Momma, taking my semi-new dog on a 3 mile run (and he loved it!)

I also spent an entire day in my PJ's watching Netflix and drinking chardonnay! Not because I was so sore from all of that dancing or anything.

I'm pretty sure, it doesn't get much better than that!

Mr. Bohannon still wanted to play after our run, while I was ready to chill.

Is Timing Really Everything?....

You hear it all the time, right?..."timing is everything"....

Is it? When things never seem to go as you want them to go...this sounds like a bunch of malarky...but on that off chance things seem to fall into place...you can begin to embrace this as truth!

As I mentioned before, I had dated a guy a couple years back, and I was too hung up on my exmanfriend to give it a real go, and we just recently re-connected.

Great conversation, lots of laughing, and I felt 100% at ease from the moment he walked thru my door!

I felt like a lady the entire night...I can't remember the last time a guy took me out and made even the smallest effort to do so!

Even though we had a *cough* "history", he still kept it classy!!! He drove me home in the wee hours of the morning, and asked me on another date before giving me a hug and a few little kisses and went on his hour trek home....

I am kind of in love with the idea that he didn't assume that since we had gone further than this before, that "it" was not where our date was heading.

I didn't know guys like this even existed anymore?

He said the next day he wanted to see me again...SOON. I told him I felt the same way.

Dating mostly sucks...but sometimes you actually have a fun time!

I May Be an Official Re-Virgin...

I just love the dating scene....said no one over 21, ever!

I am not ashamed to say that while dating here and there, I have been celibate for 17 months. Good Godfrey in writing it seems even longer!!

I say celibate, because it sounds more like a decision vs. an affliction. Which...I guess it is, because if all I wanted was sex, I could certainly make that happen, right?

The last time was with exmanfriend. Someone that while I was not in a relationship with at the time, I once deeply loved, so it seemed perfectly OK. Now,  the thought of just tossing it away after all of this time seems silly. After you go for so long without being intimate, your goods turn back into a gift again.

While I have not lost the desire for sex, the thought of waiting gets easier the longer I wait. I have the most amazing dreams about sex with the most random people in my life, which is quite amusing.

That being said, I have yet to find those "fireworks" again, and I'm holding out until I do! (I think...) And despite the long cold spell...I still want it all. Nothing less!

Plus, it's going to take a very special man to understand that while I may love spooning, I would never make my Mr. Magoo get out from in between us in the bed.

I mean, just look at him. He's so completely worthy of a double spoon!!

Turning Bad Neighbors Into a Positive...

I have long been thinking about delving back into the great big world of home ownership!

I'm a single girl. I'm scared. Plus I have a pretty pimp apartment, spacious, beautiful, and only 6 miles away from work. One mile from my hair salon. Centrally located to every important thing in my life. I've become pretty happy here.

And then, my ideal duplex neighbors moved out. And I have spent the last year of my life cursing the day my new neighbors moved in. They are in their early 20's..not ideal neighbors in any situation. 

I hate them. I find myself talking about their asshole-ness out loud when I am home alone. I complain about them at work. I facebook their dick moves. They annoy me on a daily basis, and I can no longer consider my home my peaceful sanctuary!

I read a very timely quote this week that read "never wait until you have enough money to have kids or buy a house it will never happen".

I've always said this apartment was my last stop before home ownership. I have moved a billion and one times, and I am not moving, only to move again. 

I'm done waiting on "the one" to come along so we can buy our dream house. It's the millenium, who needs a man? I'm a 38 year old successful single lady, and I'll buy my own dream house. I'll enjoy everything there is to about being a home owner, and stop worrying about the negative parts. Things always work themselves out. 

I'm getting all of my ducks in a row, because for real this time... I am going to buy a house! I am looking at a pretty sizeable stock payout this fall, and with that, and all the work I have been doing on my credit score, I will be ready.

I knew that 2014 was going to be my year, and when I achieve my goal, I'm leaving those asshole neighbors a thank you card...because they are the last straw that  forced me to finally get off of my ass, and start planning my future!

Not to mention, I've promised Mr. Magoo a doggie companion upon said home ownership..and he's pretty excited!

Here's to another big adventure! I couldn't be more motivated!

Winter Can Suck It...

I know I live in NE Ohio, and I am use to cold and snow, but the past few winters have been really mild. The return of real winter this season is a total bummer! A person shouldn't feel real hatred towards school kids who have had so many days off, that they are trying to pass a new calamity bill to get more days.

Back in my day, we were lucky to get one snow day in your entire school career.

Or, for all those people down south who get a dusting or a couple of inches, and everything shuts down! (my own sister included!!)  Yes, I understand snow is tragic when you are not use to it, but when you, yourself are going to work at -40 wind chills, or in over a foot of snow and ice, you start to feel some kind of way about people staying at home in their jammies.

Last night they said 3-5" overnight. That's no biggie. I had to get up super early to be to work at 6:45 for a super big meeting at work. However, I woke up to about a foot of snow, and left 45 minutes early to drive my very short 6 miles to work. This should have been plenty of time.

Needless to say I got stuck halfway out of my driveway and into the street in about 5 inches of ice. I was outside, in my work clothes, hair perfectly curled, sweating my curls out, cursing, and using a garden shovel to try to break up the layer of ice to get out. People passed. No one helped. If this were any other day, I would have said "FUCK IT!" and went back inside.

A man on foot walking past me actually said "C'mon April, right?" You have no idea how bad I wanted to hit him with my freaking shovel.

Did I mention I also have PMS? I should come with a warning label at this point!

After 35 minutes of struggle.. the guy who lives next door (the one who gave me the cat clock a while back....yes, weird...) came out, without a coat on to ask if I was stuck...he helped push me out of my ice hole. I had almost lost faith in humanity. It took about five minutes of his time, and I was only half an hour late to my meeting.

Chivalry is not dead!!

In all of my in and out of the house getting different shovels, salt, and kitty litter...I forgot to lock Mr. Magoo back up in the kitchen for the day.

Mr. Magoo was "home alone"

Luckily he didn't do much damage. He ate all the cat food, rounded up his toys, the cat treats, a paper towel, a copy of a picture of himself, and some rawhide bones. He kept his mess pretty contained, and still went into the kitchen to use his potty pad.

I don't often dislike living alone, but today was one of those days. But I don't blame being single, I blame winter!

So I Like TV Shows....?

He is kinda dreamy...in a total phsycopath sort of way!

Jenkies people, it is February, and I have no idea where the last two weeks have gone!!

That's a total lie. Being snowed in makes way for things like binge-watching on Netflix. "Just one more episode, I can stop after that..." is something I often tell myself.  Yes, I am one of many people who sometimes fall victim to binge watching, and it's 'years worth of series' at your fingertips' charm! My latest addiction...is Dexter. 

It's so good that I am losing tons of sleep over it. I watch way past my bedtime. I watch way into the morning hours... I counted the moments at boot camp tonight until I could get back to my TV!

I even had a dream this weekend that Dexter was my boyfriend. It was a slice of paradise! And in waking life I really think he'd make a great boyfriend. Aside from that serial killer thing, he pretends to be a great guy...really well! Better than most men pretend to be! He's always there for his girlfriend, and he's pretty awesome with her kids. I mean his biggest strike for me was all the animals he killed as a child. (Ok I think killing people is bad...but I can't help sympathizing more with animals...it's what I do)

The fact that I actually typed out that paragraph probably has a lot to say about the fact that I am famous for choosing really poor partners in life.

I've been down the binge-watching road before. There was also Scandal. Orange is the New Black. Hemlock Grove. Breaking Bad.

I think in the near future, there are going to be support groups for people who can't seem to stop pushing "next episode".  Until then, it's me and Dexter until the bitter end!

Plus...watching show after show is pretty easy when you have a pile of adorable animals always willing to snuggle at a moments notice...Just look at those faces!

Mr. Magoo managed to sneak in the cat bed unnoticed!

Out With The Old...

Two years ago I took the big step out of "hand me down" furniture, into buying brand new beautiful things that I picked out on my very own because I loved them! No discussions. No compromise. No working out a budget with someone else.

I've always had things other people owned first. It's nice for a while, but like most people, I wanted new furniture....things that "went together". Things I picked out, not that I had to settle for.

And, let's face it, I until last year, I was still sleeping in the bed I got as a wedding gift in 1996. It was time!

And now? My mattress and box springs are suited perfectly for ME!

I didn't have to ask anyone's opinion on anything, and the pets never got mad when I'd shoo them away from things because "we don't even own these yet".

I also got a beautiful accent chair for my living room, and a perfect entertainment center that didn't come in a box! A beautiful new TV that I finally decided to buy (even though there was nothing wrong with my current TV other than it was old..it was a huge step for me!)

I even bought a blue ray player so I could stream the internet on my TV as well! My couch is just what I always wanted, and I don't get mad at myself for being anal about sitting in different places to not form a "dip" in the cushions. I don't mind at all.

I mean I've been pretty blessed the last two years. Being responsible can actually pay off!

I've been faithfully paying on my furniture, to meet my 2 year interest free period, and it's finally paid off!

So naturally, for Christmas, I got myself a new bedroom set!

I'll have a real bed, not just a frame!! with sides, and head/foot boards! And it's made with real wood! My dresser is actually lined in cedar on the bottom, and velvet up top, and my mirror is gorgeous! 

The best part is, I have three years of no interest to pay it off. Or, is it the fact that I got it at 62% off? I think the latter. 

Now...the week-long wait for delivery. But it gives me enough time to decide what to do with all the crap I have hidden under my bed!

Being single is even more awesome than I thought!

Reason 456,890,214 I'm Not a Mom to Human Children..

I get a lot of flack from people (mainly my Mom) about not wanting kids. I mean, there are times when it freaks me out that not only am I child free, but I am also without a partner. Who's gonna take care of me? 

But I can't imagine living my life doing something I have no passion for. And I really have no passion for children.

Yes, there are friends and family of mine who have kids, that I can say are cute, and adorable, and I can handle them in small doses. But when the day is done..and the meltdowns happen...I'm thankful that I get to go home to peace and quiet, and having my own space. 

Honestly, I'm more cut out for being a hip Auntie!  One you'd feel bad about living in a state-run old folks home, due to her life-long friendship with your Mom..so you would probably take her under your wing.. should she ever need it. 

I understand people's love of children. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be here today! I'm lucky that my Mom wanted to grow up to be "a Mom" and that she brought me into this world and raised me right. I also feel a calling to other things, like volunteering at the animal rescue, and people like me are just as important!

And here you have it...reason 456,890,214 I'm not a Mom to human children. I'd probably go to jail if my human kid found a lighter, because human kids have thumbs, and can set stuff on fire!

Luckily, I just took this lighter away from Mr. Magoo, and life went on!

I'm OK, You're Ok...

A post by a fellow blogger, got my wheels turning. I love to read inspirational posts, especially when I can so closely relate! Check out Urban Cynic! 

I've been single forever. Like, years forever. I've dated here and there, but nothing special. If I put too much thought into being single, it can be terrifying.

I take each day as it comes, and I am happy. Sincerely...happy on my own!

I spent the majority of my adult and teen life in relationships. My longest "single" stretch before now was 7 months. And that seemed like a lifetime at 25!

I was a relationship hopper, for sure! Being alone? Gasp!!!

Relationships are comfortable when you are use to being in one, and unless you pass through the uncomfortable part, you will never get to the good parts!

Relationships also require sacrifice. The longer you are on your own, and learn to embrace a single life, the easier it is to realize the things you are willing to sacrifice.

Being single, forces you to really understand who you are. Not just because you have all sorts of time to reflect on what was right, or wrong in said relationships..but more importantly, because you realize the things that truly make you "you".

The longer you are single, the more you are forced to face the idea that yes...maybe you will be alone forever. And so what? As long as you embrace the idea, you might as well start finding things to fill up your life. Plan for your future. Decide what makes you tick!

Once you give in to the idea, and start to appreciate your single life, it seems less like a "curse" and more like a "blessing".

Knowing how I prefer to live my life on my own, makes it easier to decide how another person will compliment my life, rather than "make my life".

I've never given myself the time to learn these things. In the past I thought I had it all figured out, but now I know who I am "on my own".

And even though, years back, I'd have rather been in a relationship than be single, as always, the universe gives us what we need, and not what we want.

I wouldn't trade these past few years of being single for anything. Something that seemed so scarey, turned out to be a blessing!

I have accomplished so much, because I was forced to. I had nothing else to focus on besides me, and that has been the best blessing in disguise I've ever had!

Keeping Busy...

I've been trying to keep busy since my kitty died. By that, I mean, mostly spending hours on pinterest looking for stuff to do with the crap I have, not cleaning, hitting the gym, drinking wine, and painting found furniture.

It sounds way better in pictures...

I found a better display for my medals and race bibs, that can be extended as the collection grows.

Much like I have been imbibing in more wine than usual, I've been getting the cats high too, they like to forget their pain as well.

I hung an old ladder on my wall that I've had laying around forever holding afghans.

I'm growing my toy soldier army, and for September I won 5 competitions at boot camp, I'm hoping for a win for the entire month! At least I'm still working out!

I helped a bff hang blinds in her new apartment, without no stinkin man.

I repainted my trash find coffee table from white to black.

This use to be white too...

Fizzgig helped me out, by laying on the cardboard I had to protect the carpet...while the black paint was still wet. Black bellied kitty didn't enjoy a bath at all.

No Place Like Home...

Home made chicken noodle soup

After a few days of being sick after my vacation, I'm back to life as I knew it. It feels good to be home.

I am in love with the cooler, "fall-like"  temps here in NE Ohio. As long as it stays sunny, I'm a fan.

Home for me is scary movies que'd up on my Netflix, my favorite snuggly blanket, and my long comfy pants at the ready. I mean seriously, I'm living the dream here!

I made the best chicken noodle soup in the world last weekend. I had fresh veggies from my Mom and Uncles gardens, whole wheat noodles, and my favorite rotisserie chicken from Acme.

I ate it for an entire week. It was so good, I decided that I needed to make another pot this weekend! Local sweet corn is almost gone for the season!! (insert sad face)

Aside from that exciting news, I helped one of my bff's move into her very own apartment after 7 years in a less than stellar relationship with someone I've probably said 10 words to in that entire span of time.

No love loss there, and I'm so super happy for her to learn what happiness is all about, outside of a relationship with someone you are just not meant to be with.

And soon, she will be able to enjoy the same peace and happiness in her own home.

Weight Loss Can Make You Feel Insane....

I am not quite sure when it happened....but somewhere between being overweight, and achieving my first set of weight loss and fitness goals...I've become kind of predictable. And probably, by definition, insane. I mean I wonder why I am still single, yet I have a real problem with changing my routine.

How is it working for me? Not that great. I mean, I'm comfortable..but nothing exciting has happened to me in a very long time. I haven't met new people, or done anything different since I can't remember.

The me of today, doesn't want to be spontaneous! My insides just won't let me! I'm on autopilot. Deviating from the plan stirs something in my core that I do not like to feel.

I get up in the morning, knowing exactly what the day has to offer. Work of course, can be unpredictable, but for some reason that is OK. I have made peace with it.

After work, I have a workout planned.

Once home from my workout, after tending my pets... I know what TV shows I'm going to watch every day. I even know what days I will or will not have wine. (it depends on what shows I am watching, and what meal I had for the day, to allow for the calories!)

You can't call me after the gym and ask me to do something. Even if it is just to stop by your house and hang out for a while, or meet at Starbucks. No, I have "plans".

My plans are to be at home.

Yes, I still leave the house, and I have a mostly active social life that actually doesn't involve the gym, or walking dogs at the animal rescue. I just have to have plans ahead of time to do so. I enjoy knowing by Wednesday, what I will be doing for the weekend. Otherwise, I plan to do my own thing, and I can't be swayed from that.

While I am perfectly comfortable with my life, I have remember what I accomplished the last time I stepped outside of my comfortable life...and then it kind of stirs some excitement inside of me.

If I'd never have stepped out of my comfort zone way back then, I wouldn't be where I am today.

I wouldn't have lost over 100 lbs! Or run 3 half marathons, and countless shorter races. I wouldn't be doing real push ups, and winning the best client in my boot camp classes. I wouldn't be focused on bettering myself.

I have to focus on the next set of amazing things that await me, and stop being comfortable where I am today.

I think a lot of people who lose a lot of weight reach this point. You get scared. You assume once you reach a goal, you are done. So you settle into a routine. The work stops.

I don't want to be one of the stereotypes..I think it only brings up more obstacles to conquer!

It never gets easy, just because you are a certain weight. You always have more to work on. I think I assumed it would be cake once I fit into single digit clothing.

I need to set my sights on the next big thing, and every little step outside of what I am use to, is in the right direction!

Cinderella Had One Thing Right...

My record stay here in singlehood, (we're going on years now people) has really forced me to take a look at myself. I think that's probably why I'm still single. I haven't figured my "stuff" out yet.

Why is it you can know what you want...but lack the ability to find it?

When I want a good running shoe, I try several on, jog around a bit, and instantly know if it is a good fit. I make the decision rather quickly, with no hard feelings about all those shoes left behind. I don't second guess my choice, I know it's the right shoe. I leave happily with my new shoes, and life is good.

Why do we choose to try on relationships that we know don't fit?

I had a few boyfriends before I met the ex husband my junior year of high school. None of them were right for me. And I knew he wasn't right for me either. But I still married him. At that time, youth made me believe he would change....for me. Well, that was a dumb idea.

I went from a bad marriage to a worse relationship. It was even more abusive, and yet, I had a really hard time leaving it. A dear friend MADE me leave and put me up until I found an apartment. So, ummm..yea, that one didn't work out for me either.

The next one treated me like gold. I wasn't the least bit attracted to him, but I still moved in with him because he was the first man who was good to me. He seemed "normal".  His parent's were still happily married. He seemed to have his "shit" together. But, inevitably, we grew apart, and that didn't work.

The rest has been played out via my blog. I met another guy and by then. I  thought I had my shit together too. As in...I wasn't living with another guy until we were engaged. So he saved up enough money to get me a ring, propose, and move in to mooch off of me for a year, while I supported him. He worked and stole just enough to support his drug habit. Fail.

Enter exmanfriend. The end all be all of my relationship highs and lows. I'd never felt the way I felt about him,   about ANYONE and he made me feel cherished. I thought the world of that guy, and for the first time in 30+ years, I thought I'd found the one. I was myself. Nothing was forced. I wasn't pretending, this is what it is suppose to feel like! Except, he just  wasn't in the same place as me, and we all know how that one ended.  

It kinda messed me up for a long while. For the first time I not only knew what I wanted on paper, but I knew how I wanted to feel when I was with someone.

And now, here we are. Dating, and thinking I've found one good one after another, only to not have any of the feelings I expect to have. I still haven't found "it". And it's hard for the guys to understand. You know, the "feeling" part. We can get along, and have loads in common, but I am looking for fireworks And I'm not into wasting my time if I don't feel them.

Sometimes I wonder if I am being irrational, and expecting too much, but I've grown enough since exmanfriend to not compare people to "him" anymore. And simply hold the people I date to a higher standard.

And that's where the shoes come in. I have to believe, that just like I know what a good fitting shoe feels like, so will I know what a good fitting relationship feels like.

I'm tired of tight, pinchy shoes that give me blisters.

Just as I've grown as a runner to value my feet enough to put some effort into the perfect shoe...so do I value my heart enough to put some effort into finding the right partner for my life.

Accepting this scenerio, has made being single seem less like an affliction, and more like a choice.

I'm Still Trying to Move On...

It's taking me a lot of time for me to get over my ex. Like, 3 years long. Riddled with seeing him off and on here and there, and half-heartedly trying to date a couple of people. I was holding on to the delusion that things were as I perceived them. But, they weren't that way at all.

Yes, I thought he was really sweet to me, and made me feel like a million bucks when we were together, and I'd never felt that kind of connection before. But it took all this time to realize....he just didn't feel the same way as I did.

But, actions speak louder than words. If you really love and adore someone, you don't cheat on them. And you don't say you are going to move in with them, and start to move your things in, only to take them all back home while your girlfriend is at work, and leave her a note.

Duh.

So, I diverted my attention to me. Best decision ever!  I lost a lot of weight, and accomplished so many fitness firsts!

But what I gained was priceless. For the first time in my 37 years I have decided I'm done with settling! And Being single is far more attractive than being unhappy.

And, maybe I've  finally met someone worth mentioning..I still don't know where things will lead. But for the first time in a lot of years, and a lot of online dating mishaps, I am excited about a new prospect.

And all it took was letting go.

Cats Are Assholes....

We had such a beautiful weekend in NE Ohio. I spent time digging up a flower bed out back, and getting my bird feeders, and bird bath in place.

I have an enclosed back porch, so my 14yo (favorite...shhh) cat Fizzgig sat at the doorway and enjoyed watching all the bird activity.

Around 10pm I thought...I havn't seen Fizzgig in a while. I searched the usual sleepy/hidey spots the cats have.. no Fizzgig.

Panic ensued.

Did she escape when I wasn't looking?

I didn't sleep all night. I was up every hour looking for her in the basement, and any other room, equipped with my whisker lickins bag...even out in the yard calling for her. No go....she was missing.

When I finally had to start getting ready for work, I remembered how about 6 or so years back, Fizzgig had escaped for a week, and after flyers, and "cat traps" she showed up right outside of my garage. So I went to my trash can outside my back door, and kicked the can, and what should emerge? Fizzgig.

Yea, I'm pissed at you for letting me escape all night. 

I'm glad my miss Fizzy was found quickly, but I didn't sleep. And now she's pissed at me because she escaped and didn't come back in on my many trips to the yard to find her. 

Fizzgig lives with 3 other cats 1 of which is horribly mean, and violent. She doesn't understand mean-ness. She's just an adorable orange-tabby persian. She knows nothing but love and pampering. I feared for her well-being all night. 

The bottom line is....cat's are freaking assholes! 

A New Bra is as Good as Sex!!

*Disclaimer...I have been single for a long time, so maybe I forget how awesome sex is..and maybe I have to find other things to be happy about instead of slutting myself out for casual sex...(I'm not above it though...never say never) but I haven't forgotten the warm fuzzies that cradling "the girls" in a good bra brings on!

Bras cost alot. Or, they should. If they don't, you aren't wearing the right kind. I guess, if you are not blessed with a larger rack, you can maybe get away with a Target bra for $15 bucks, but I still wouldn't recommend it. You could buy one good bra, that will outlast 10 cheap bras.

Bras are an investment!

I'm such a fan of a good bra. Ever since Oprah had that entire episode dedicated to how we were all wearing the wrong size, it changed my life forever!

I'll never forget the feeling of buying my first "real bra" that was sized just for me. No one knew why, but I had an extra pep in my step that day!

I don't care if I think I know my size.

If I have or have not gained/lost weight.

Whenever I make a bra investment, I still get measured. I mean, what do you think those girls at Victoria's Secret walk around with measuring tapes around their necks for? A fashion statement? No. They want to encourage you to get measured! Don't buy a bra that doesn't fit!

I mean really, are no words for how you feel after buying a brand-new, properly-sized, well-made bra!

Every second of the day feels like Christmas!

My ladies thanked me all day today for spending $100 on two bras. Which, are really like 10 bras, since I bought two 5 way bras for the summer!

I can wear these bitches with every style top this season! 

So, have you thanked your rack for being awesome, buy buying it a great new bra lately?

If I'm So Awesome, Why am I Still Single...

I tell you what. Before I embarked upon my journey of self discovery, self improvement, and fitness, I sure had a lot more dates!

I certainly don't have movie star looks, but I'm starting to sympathize with them. You know, like when they are asked if they are dating and they say "I havn't been asked out in.....(fill in the blanks)".  And you think "boo-hoo, rich movie star, you don't have a date..I feel soooo sorry for you."

But then the average Jane can totally relate! When I felt like crap about myself, and barely had a pot to piss in, I got asked out all the time. Now that I am happy with myself, have money, and nice things...crickets!

I like to tell myself that it just means I am meant for greater things. The wait will be worth it. And sure, when I activate my online dating profile I get a ton of messages, but how many of them are from someone I would actually see myself dating? Zero.

My friends say I should take things into my own hands and initiate conversations with guys. As practice.

The thought terrified me, but recently I've had success with talking to married, non-threatening men who take classes with me at the gym. So I discovered, it isn't all boys who terrify me. It's just the cute ones!

So I decided at Earth Fare, I should ask a cute stock boy if they sold peanut flour. I learned this where I learn most things, from watching TV! It was on an episode of MTV's "Made" where the girl was also terrified to talk to boys.

In the end, I shared way too much information about my search for peanut flour. Where I'd looked, and what I wanted it for. And since they didn't sell it, I had no idea when or how to end the conversation.

I got the feeling he just thought I was weird. Or desperate for a friend.

I swear, internets, I am NOT socially akward. I just have zero game!

On Potential Stalkers...Online Dating

I'd been messaging back and forth here and there since about December with a guy. Nothing major, but no red flags. So, when he gave me his digits I used the balls I grew last month, and called him.

Wow, what a great conversation! We talked for an hour and a half, laughed, the conversation flowed, everything seemed great. Lots of things in common. I was excited when we made plans to meet two days later for coffee. I even texted my Momma to let her know I may have actually met a dateable guy.

Luckily the crazy train pulled into town before that ever happened.

25 minutes after our first conversation he started sending me more pics of himself. Ok. Then he texted me fishing for compliments on the pictures. Then, he asked me to send  him pics. And asked me twice if I did it. Then asked if he should reboot his phone to see the pictures I didn't send.

When I didn't respond he called me. He wanted to tell me he was on his way to get dinner. And ask if I liked his pictures.

20 minutes later, he called to tell me he was done with dinner, and he couldn't wait to meet me. We talked for about 10 minutes.

In the next 20 minutes I got quite a few texts about how beautiful I am and how excited he is to meet me. And by the way, did I send him pictures?

Then, you guessed it. He called again!

This time I didn't answer. I mean, really? Mr. independant, OK with a girl having her own life, couldn't stand that I didn't text him right back within seconds.

Then after several more texts, he texted me that he was sorry if he was bothering me but he was so excited to talk to an amazing girl like me.

I think all these compliments work for people with no self esteem, but buddy, I know I'm awesome, and you are laying it on a little too thick in the first couple of hours.

Then, it was 9:00 and everyone knows The Walking Dead is on. So I texted him that I was busy with watching my show, it was my sacred time.

He texted me "oh, ok, enjoy your show, text me later if you want".

A few more of his texts came thru, that I ignored because, I'm busy...so then he sent "aren't there any commercials in that show?"

Then he sent me a youtube video by Kenny Chesney called "come on over".  Which I didn't even watch. Followed by a Rascal Flatts video "God bless the broken road". Ehh, you know me a few hours, and you thank god we met?

Um...it's too much!

Then he texted me "I can see you thru your window...boo! LOL"

LOL? Really, that's funny?

Followed by "did I scare you?"

This went on for a long time, until finally I texted him I was going to bed.

The next morning I had 3 texts between 7 and 7:25 when I got up. They were full of terms of endearment, hope you slept well beautiful's, and lots of "xoxo's" . Followed by a phone call at 7:30 am, that I did not answer, because a) you are crazy and b) I'm getting ready for my JOB!

Then, several more texts. After an "are you alive?" text,  I finally told him around 9 am, that my heart is beating, and I was in fact....working.

He said he was off work that day. And told me not to work too hard. Call him later.

I mean, this went on and on, and on and on and on and onnnnnn!

It was obvious, I had to block this guys number. So I texted I didn't think I was ready to meet someone off the internet.

And then I blocked his number from calling or texting me.

Then, a few hours later... I blocked 4 more numbers that kept calling me. When I googled the numbers, they were from his place of employment. Where, he was not working that day but was steady calling me like a champ. 

The following day was quiet, until 2pm. When I was on my lunch break, running...and got another call, 1 digit off from a blocked number from the previous day. From his work. So he was trying all the lines at the job.

I blocked it as well.

After the gym that night, I got yet another missed call from his place of employment and a garbled VM that I can't decipher.

I blocked that number as well.

And I had an entire day of peace. 

I mean really? All that mess because of an hour and a half conversation, and a potential coffee date? Even saying you are not into someone isn't enough. If someone told me that, I'd be over it in a second.

But then I'm not crazy.

The best comment comes from my Mom, who is addicted to the ID channel, and relates all stories back to being murdered and stuffed in a trunk. "Well, you know how men are crazy for sex and murder".

Thanks Mom!

Aaaaand....fade to the single girl who is perfectly content with being single.

When I Grew Balls...

You may or may not remember my posts about how I have the hots for a security guard at work, (which I have not so successfully hidden for about two years) who said he had a girlfriend when he was asked by others, but still feels the need to turn around when he passes my desk to check me out whenever he passes by.

Recently another coworker asked him again if he was single, and he said no, but asked "who wanted to know". And even though she says she didn't tell him, she was quitting in 2 weeks, so I know she told him, I'm no dummy!

He told her that "she could at least say "hi". That was a few weeks ago. I couldn't say hi like the next day. That would be more obvious than me averting my eyes as he walks by...

This past week, I ran into him outside of my department. And usually, I retreat in the opposite direction to not so non-chalantly avoid passing him....No, this time, I forged on. Caught his eye, and, I actually said "hi".

He said "hi" back!!!!

No, I am not in 6th grade, I am just scared shitless to talk to a boy I think is cute. Boys should pursue girls, so being friendly to strangers is not my forte!  Plus, he wears a uniform. And carries a gun. And handcuffs. And is an EMT to boot.

*swoon*

Now the ice is broken. We'll be buddies in no time, and once he realizes how charming I am, he will probably propose to me, and we will live happily ever after! I can't wait to detail all of this in my wedding speech.

Of course, I must say to the karma Gods...if he does in fact really have a girlfriend, and it is not just a cover, I want no parts in breaking that up.

I have a clean karma pond, and I intend to keep it that way.