If Being a Superfan is Wrong..I Don't Wanna Be Right...

Whenever I gush about my favorite artist of all time, Madonna...people actually say "she still releases albums?" Um...excuse me? She's always been relevant!

When I saw her for the first time in 2012..some people sitting next to me, who also obviously paid $200 for their tickets as well...were upset she was playing music from a new album. I wanted to push them off the balcony for being half assed-fans, but I was having way too much fun dancing and singing!

The countdown for Madonna's latest album annoyed many of those close to me. The arrival probably annoyed people even more! It's all I talked about! When her new single Ghost Town hit the airways...I screamed in the car...I was so excited, you would have thought that it was my song I was hearing on the radio for the first time!

Superfan? That's an understatement!

After 27 years of loving her,  I finally got to see Madonna. Live. In concert!!   It was a pretty magical moment, even if I had to sit alone because no one I knew wanted to pay that much for a ticket.

And now, in 2015, she is once again, not coming to Cleveland! But now that I am 39 years old, and not 10...I have the means to see her in the nearest city!! For once, being older has its perks!

I was able to first buy two tickets of my liking to the Detroit, MI concert, a mere 3 hour drive. Next step, was inviting someone to a FREE Madonna concert!  Who can resist that?

No one!

Most importantly...Madonna is FROM MICHIGAN!!  A home town show is going to be even more awesome!

One of my longest BFF's is  road tripping it with me to the big (and honestly...scary) city with me! She works for a hotel chain, so we get a discount on our room, and we got a respectable suite for dirt cheap.

I mean, there are concerts I go to that I love...but not as Iconic as Madonna...and not of an artist who has been such a constant in my life!

I am probably not going to shut up about this for the next 7 months. And then, probably never!

Older and Wiser!

I celebrated another birthday, internets! And I must say,  I heart my late thirties (ok..I'm now almost 40!)

Sure, sometimes..I still freak out that I may never be married again, and that I might die alone, with my cats, and/or dogs licking the eyeballs out of my lifeless body...but other than that, life is pretty great!

As usual, I took an extended leave from work to celebrate my birthday/use up all my leftover vacation time I didn't have time to take because I'm too busy at work.

My best friend in the world that got engaged and moved three hours away from me came up for the occasion with her fiance. I had a delicious dinner at a swanky restaurant with them and my other BFF who was my date. After that we went to the local pub for some drinks, and we did a throwback shot of tequila.  (I remember why I no longer do those now)

With just two hours left until the bars closed, my bff, her fiance and I headed to my favorite dance spot (the local gay bar which has the best DJ and the most awesome people) and I danced until I was dripping in sweat, like I actually knew how to dance. The perfect ending to the evening!

I rounded my time off of work out with spending some time with HS friend, Christmas shopping with my Momma, taking my semi-new dog on a 3 mile run (and he loved it!)

I also spent an entire day in my PJ's watching Netflix and drinking chardonnay! Not because I was so sore from all of that dancing or anything.

I'm pretty sure, it doesn't get much better than that!

Mr. Bohannon still wanted to play after our run, while I was ready to chill.

I Got 99 Problems and My Feet are One....

The older you get, the more you realize your Mother was right. No matter how old you are, you never FEEL old. But eventually, your body tries to chime in and remind you that you are no longer that indestructible 16 year old you may still feel that you are in your heart!

I have been experiencing foot pain since my last half marathon in May around mile 8. It felt a bit better after a week or so, but then started to get worse when I ran more than 3 miles, or worked out for an hour.

Now they hurt all the time. It's my toes, and the area just below them. When I am active, after about 15 minutes, my toes feel numb.

I was fitted for shoes at a running store which made my feet feel like they were on clouds, but after a couple of weeks they hurt again. (there is no way in that short time I'm logging 200 miles to wear my shoes out)

So, I am finally going to a podiatrist/orthopedic surgeon. I found a guy that use to work for our Cleveland Cavaliers...he must be good!  He will probably be use to someone who does not want to quit being active, while trying to fix whatever ails them.

I still have a 5.5 mile relay, a half marathon, and a 5k to run before my "season" is over. I do not want to quit before I'm finished.

Fingers crossed this is going to be an easy fix that won't leave me sidelined for my upcoming races!

So I Thought I Was Having A Heart Attack...Fred Sanford Style..

Let me preface this by saying about a year ago, I took my wellness test at work, where my blood pressure was pre-hypertension. The nurse said I should follow up with my Dr. in a week or so for a re-test in case I was just stressed out. 

I never did it.

So, in the back of my mind, everything weird about my body, is because "I probably have high blood pressure".

I had a small episode last week when my 15 year old persian, Fizzgig developed a medical problem that scared the bejeezus out of me. I had a hard time breathing, my heart was racing...it was not enjoyable. I probably have high blood pressure. I should go to the Dr.

Who wouldn't worry about this pretty girl? 

Flash forward a week later. My boss tells me that the day before, she knew I was running in circles to find some information out the entire day, but she wanted to teach someone else in another department a lesson that a process needed to be in place. I said "I was the only one wasting my time here!" I was pissed. Later, she told me my face was really red. It was!  This project is new to the department, and it is managing thousands of employee's bonuses.

So..I started thinking, I probably have high blood pressure and I never got tested! Then, it all started to fall into place.

I hurt my left arm at bootcamp that Monday, but what if it wasn't my muscle, and it was a blood clot. The more I thought about it, my arm started to throb. Then it started to tingle. My heart was racing. I was clammy. I was having chest pains, and shortness of breath. Then, my fingers started to tingle. I had a feeling of impending doom! I kept picturing myself being carried out on a stretcher.

My dad died of an aneurism and my brother has blood clot issues. What if I'm having a heart attack? It spiraled pretty quickly. I started to feel dizzy. The numbness was getting worse.  I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up and announced I was going to urgent care.

In the car I called my Mom, because at this point, the entire left side of my body was numb, my chest was tight, my heart was POUNDING, and I couldn't catch my breath. I was worried I'd die in the car on my way.

Mom told me I was probably having a panic attack. She said if I were having a heart attack I wouldn't be driving my car. I said "no Mom, I'm legit dying, I physically feel like I am dying right now, you have no idea how I am feeling". (Mind you, my mother suffers from severe anxiety, and in fact did know a little something about how I was feeling.)

Once at urgent care, they take my blood pressure, test my blood sugar, test my pulse, and by the time they are hooking me up to the EKG, I felt safe because I was there, so I say to the nurse "you know, I actually feel fine right now".

So the Dr. read me all my results, which were all NORMAL! So I told her about what my Mom said about our family history of anxiety, and she in fact concluded that..Yes..I had a panic attack. 

I had always heard about people thinking they are having heart attacks and it turns out to be a panic attack. But I really never imagined the physical symptoms would be so physical and so SEVERE! She explained what the body does during an attack, and why and how the symptoms escalate, and how it resulted in a loss of feeling in my left side. It all made sense.

What doesn't make sense is that why at 38 did this just happen to me now? For no real reason? With no history of my own? I am always very zen, and don't let things get to me.

My biggest lesson of all is to not dismiss people who suffer from this all the time. I guess I have always been kind of skeptical of it's severity, and karma slapped me in the face really hard!

But I'm mostly happy that instead of paying $40 bucks to visit my primary Dr. I am now going to pay hundreds to find out my blood pressure is fine.

A very expensive lesson, to listen when a nurse says to follow up with your Dr.

When Shit Gets Real..

I had my annual free biometric screening at work. No problem, right? I am a pillar of health, I eat right, exercise 6 days+ a week, and I always pass these things with flying colors, and usually get many kudos on how fantastic I am doing!

I will say, I was a bit scared this time around. This time they included a vascular screen, where they take an ultrasound of your major arteries. My Dad died of an aneurysm. I was terrified they would find I had some sort of build up, or blockage.

But, everything was yet again, perfect!

Oh, with one exception. For the first time ever, my blood pressure was elevated. I'm not hypertensive, but I am pre-hypertensive, and that is enough for me!

When I went for my consultation, the first thing she asked after looking at my results, but not reading my history sheet was...."are you a smoker?"

Ehhhh.....yes?

The fact that I am working out so much is forcing my heart to pump even harder into capalaries that I constrict from smoking.  I'm being counterproductive! I could develop heart disease. Have a stroke. Or yes, just like my father, die of an aneurysm. Boom! That just happens, no warning!

Ummm...shit just got real.

I shared with the Dr. my greatest fear of quitting smoking (gaining the 90 lbs I lost back). I smoke way more since I shed 90 pounds than I did when I was heavy. I traded one addiction (food)  for another (nicotine).

I am working so hard to lose weight, so I want to be healthy.

It's My Birthday! (Almost)

My days have been blazing by, because yet another one of my little birdies at work has left the nest. (got a promotion) I'm very happy when my girls can move up, but I'm pretty sad for me. I'm stuck on secretary AND supervisor duty until I can find someone equally as fabulous to replace her.

I simply hate the interview process, besides counselings and reviews its my #1 most hated duty.

I had my Momma sleep over last weekend. Remember when you couldn't wait to get away from your Mom? It was so fun to have her over! We hung out in our jammies and watched movies! Then,  we spent 9 hours Christmas shopping. I'm nowhere near done. Shopping under pressure is hard.

I read "Bared to You" in one day. And started book two. I thought it was safe to start since book 3 comes out NYE, but looks like I'm going to be waiting to find out what happens with Gideon and Eva...

After almost 2 months off from daily running, (slacking) I started back at it full tilt, and I've finally tried SPINNING 3 days a week!! I love the team environment, which fuels my desire to push myself. Running and spinning in the same day makes Jill a tired girl, and I have been crashing very early!

I'll be doing a Christmas caroling run next week with a local running group. Dress festive, and sing carols while running through the neighborhoods. I'm pretty excited about this one, it's all fun, and no pressure!

I've been preparing for my 37th birthday party this weekend! (omg...I'm almost 40!!!)  I'm having the ladies over for another wine party, where we all bring our favorite wines, and cheeses, and then go tripping the light fantastic at my favorite dance club, and forget that we are entering mid-life.

Today, marks the one month anniversary of my legendary attendance of the Madonna concert! I'll never ever, get tired of reliving this memory!

How are your holiday plans coming along?

Mr. Magoo got a haircut for Christmas, and a new sweater.

 

Snuggles.

Old is Just a Number...

The other day, I was invited to join a facebook group.

Was it for fabulous singles? Uh, no...more like my 20 year high school reunion planning.

I still have one year and 6 months until it has been 20 years. I would've appreciated the extra time to let it sink in.

It always amazes me when I see my friends or classmates having been married 10, or 15 years, some of them with scores of children. Some of those children...are...um, able to like, operate motor vehicles, or have graduated high school, and in some cases...have had children.

People my age should NOT be grandparents!

My Mom always likes to say that when she looks in the mirror she wonders who that old lady is staring back at her. Until recently I didn't "get it".

Sigh...Yes...I'm getting laugh lines. I can see the crows feet trying to sneak their way in! And..when I get up in the morning, there are creases in my face that don't go away before I leave for work. (I need to try this satan pillowcase thing that I read about online....)

I am getting to the point where I really "get" that age is really just a number! I still feel 21!! It is so hard to accept the physical aging process, when your mind still thinks it is so young.

I will attend this 20 year reunion (in over a year) feeling on top of the world! I can't say that I feel in any way that I am missing out on anything because I don't have a "family".

Everyone has their own course to follow in life, and I am embracing each step along the course that is my life!

20 years? Pshhh. I got this!

What a Difference Two Years Makes...

One of the best things about being single, is the time you have to focus on yourself. At first this is terrifying. Being alone. Oh, the horror! It's scarey. It's lonley. No one understands.

It's been over two years.

This the longest I have ever been single since my very first boyfriend at 12 years old.

Dating? Yes. But without the strong need for being a "couple" dating forces you to be more choosy. In the past I'd have held on to someone who wasn't right for me, simply to be a "couple".

Two years of trying new things. Spending more time with friends and family. Discovering the greatness of Friday happy hours with my girlfriends, and early Saturday runs. Getting in shape....NOT just losing weight. Running races (I still can't believe this one!!) and simply getting to know myself.

Two years of finally having a savings, paying off debt, getting new furniture, and a new car. Learning that you are what you eat, and loving that journey, just as much as I hate it.

Being single forces you to enjoy your own company. Loving your alone time, and being in touch with your own thoughts, feelings, and dreams, without the distraction of what anyone else has to say about it.

Was I letting others hold me back until now? No. I just wasn't ready to be alone. But when you need "something" badly enough, the universe finds a way of making you find out what that "something" is.

Sometimes I find myself wishing I was in love. But if I had someone else to focus on, I'd have never had the opportunity to learn my limits, or find out what I am capeable of, which is far more than I gave myself credit for.

The fact that I am still single doesn't mean I am horrible. Or unloveable. I won't wind up an old maid with 80 cats. To me, it simply means I still have more to learn. I'd rather take the time now, so that when love does find me, I am 100% ready.

I'm learning to embrace what life has given me, rather than fight it.

And what's to fight? Because honestly,  my life is really great. Instead of wallowing in self pity for two years, or needing the constant distraction of others, I've had the opportunity to appreciate who I am. I get to realize that while some people I know are in loveless, or unhappy relationships, I still have the opportunity to find my happily ever after!

And when the stars are aligned, that person with an equally great life is going to cross my path, and the possibilities will be endless.

Where I Sound Old...

I saw this new addition to my local Walgreen's parking lot today....

Honestly, I never imagined something like this would be a reality in my lifetime. Sure, we got the internet, found a way to fool the aging process, and have hybrid cars, but what's next? 

Personally, I'm hoping it will be one of those machines on the Jetson's, that Judy and Jane went through that  dressed them, and coiffed their perfect hairdo's in seconds!! A reason to sleep in an extra hour? Yes please!!

One can dream. 

What are YOU hoping will be invented in your lifetime???

On Aging Gracefully...

Alot of things may make you feel like you are getting older. Aches and pains, crows feet, sagging body parts...all your friends have kids that are graduating high school, or driving, or even talking back to them.

Not me, I still feel like a spring chicken for the most part...but one thing has really set me back.

My tooth. 

I have had a tooth problem with one tooth in particular (last molar on top) for about 6+ years. My fear of the dentist kept me away, for years, and when I finally went because it was so painful, they had to take half of it off to clean it out (she actually said "dig it out") and reconstruct it due to a fracture beneath the gumline that let a lot of crap creep in there.

eeeeeuuuuwe!!

Then I had two root canals on it, (they couldn't find the third root, and I had to go back for another one after seeing a specialist, who did find my third root, because of course I was a "special case") and it still gets infected every other week, and causes me pain, and a disgusting taste in my mouth.

I'm sure this is why I'm still single. I probably have wicked halitosis......

The tooth itself doesn't hurt since the root canals, it's the jaw. She packed it, and sealed it as best she could, but told me after my umpteenth visit, that if I continue to have pain, I will have to have it pulled.

The time has come when I am having it pulled.

Nothing makes me feel older, than having a tooth pulled.

I have horrible visions of me at 70 with all my top teeth spaced out and horribly jacked up due to the missing tooth.

I have put up with the pain long enough. Finally today, I called for my last antibiotic script, and made the appointment to have it yanked. This brought on all sorts of old person fears.

Who has a tooth pulled at 36? When did 36 become the age you have a tooth pulled???

While it really does bother me to have a tooth taken out at such a young age (young!), mostly, I'm just irritated that I can't enjoy my wine or martini's this weekend because I'm on 2,000mg (yes!)  of antibiotics a day until I see the dentist. That seems excessive!

A Boring, Domestic Post...

I didn't win the Mega Millions. So didn't about 800 billion people. I guess that's OK, because having to work for things, and struggle at times, has made me the person I am today, and I kinda like her....(insert cheesy smile)

Plus, knowing that I get to see Madonna in November....kinda makes every crappy thing in life seem less crappy!

I am feeling better since my brush with the near-death flu. I didn't work full days when I did go back to work. I tried, but they sent me home, because I looked too sick. Gee... thanks?

So I sprung into action this weekend. I had no plans. Sometimes this is just what the Dr. ordered. I spent my Saturday purging my house of crap I had held onto needlessly. For instance, I threw away exactly 15 pairs of running shoes.

I have the hardest time letting the shoes go, simply because they have met their mileage. They still looked perfectly new!

In the end, I wound up with a ginormous trash bin full of crap that I had been afraid to throw out for one reason or another. Some of it was exmanfriend related. If I didn't know better, I'd think it was multiplying! It seems like every time I do laundry there is a sock, or each time I clean a drawer, there is a pair of boxers.

If I knew why I (maybe subconsiously?) held on to these useless things of his, I'd be selling books, instead of still being single, and searching for my happily ever after!

In spite of it all, I wiped down walls, baseboards, scrubbed the fridge, cleaned cabinets, pantry, swept the basement, and shared back porch...and finally, got rid of 7 sizes of clothes I'll never, ever, fit into again!! This is about the third purging of clothes I've done, and I hope it's the last.

I feel so free now!

My cash money bonus at work, is on the horizon... so...a new bed and a new couch will be mine in no time!

Not to mention new summer clothes for the new summer me, to fill up all that empty space!

Spring is all about new beginnings.

Man...I feel like a woman!

Impending Date...

So, my big date is this weekend.

I am such a planner, I thought I held all the cards waiting until the weekend, but he caught me off guard wanting to get together and, in a true "un-self like" manner, I agreed. It went something like "I'd really love to come over and kiss you" to which I responded "you wouldn't be disappointed" which lead to, "text me your address", and ended with the sweetest kiss.

Or two.

Or maybe three, I lost count!

I did something spontaneous and I didn't die. Now, riding a motorcycle? I'm still convinced will kill me. So, that's a work in progress. At least he thinks so.

What the future holds, remains to be seen.

Christmas Wishes...

I still believe in Santa. To me it is just in the form of the great and powerful universe. (or God, if that's your thing) And it is with us year round.

So, no matter your age, still make your wishes, believe your dreams, and don't settle for anything less than what your true heart desires.

I remember a time like that. When I was a kid. I think most of us can remember being footloose and fancyfree, as children. Before we knew any different than to care what people thought. When your favorite popsicle flavor made your week, not because it was a popular choice, right, or wrong, or because your friends chose it, but because it was what you really wanted.

Time sometimes makes us lose sight of these things.

My goal this year is to be more in tune with my inner self.

I want to appreciate all that I have brought into my life, intentional, or not, because I have learned from each and every choice I have made.

I want my heart to smile, so the rest of me can follow suit. I want my choices to be mine.

Whether this is a ridiculously expensive coffee maker, new shoes...a cell phone you don't think you can afford, a new puppy, or love....I hope everyone gets what they most desire this this year, not because it is right or wrong, because you want it.

"So in your Christmas prayers this year Alfie asked me to ask you to say a prayer for the wind, and the water, and the wood, and those that live there too..."

This video from the Muppets Christmas (John Denver) is by far my favorite childhood Christmas story and sums up my post perfectly.

..Alfie the Christmas tree...

Old Bird...

Friday night, I went to see Paranormal Activity 3 with my lady friends at the local theater, which is 1 screen, and about 100 years old, and has a full bar. Needless to say, we had some cocktails beforehand, a couple at the theater, and pissed ourselves while watching the movie! Did it change our lives like some of the trailers promised? Um, no! But, it was definatly a must see in the trilogy, and a fun night out with my girlfriends!!!!

I spent my Saturday helping one of my best girlfriends scrape wallpaper from her new house, and paint the walls. It was hard work, but I'm excited to see how it all comes together, since probably the next time I am there, she will be moved in, and the rest of the work will be done. (unless I'm enlisted for more help beforehand....)

When I got home, I poured a glass of wine, and started a ginormous pot of chicken noodle soup on the stove, with beans, split peas, beans, whole grain noodles, and a miriad of other vegetables.

I picked out my Saturday night movie, Pumpkin Karver, (a syfy tivo movie) and fed my Mr. Magoodle the dark meat from the leftover rotisserie chicken.

I am enjoying the delicious smell of my house, my comfy pajamas, and a scary movie! I am so happy for fall to have arrived, I really couldn't ask for more!

Life...

I had a particularly trying day at work today, being the boss sometimes takes a toll on you. You spend your time taking on everyone else's problems, and its easy to get caught up in what they are thinking and feeling.

Mr. Magoo gave me a lesson in Zen tonight. With all his past struggles in life, he is perfectly content to lay on my couch, totally unaware of what happened to him in the past.

He is living in the moment, safe, and secure, as we all should be.

In this moment, he his healthy, and safe, and loved in his home.

And, so am I.

Can You Take Classes on Being Smooth...?

Week 16. I got by with a 2lb loss this week, which is a squeaker. I blame it on wine, specifically Moscato....and the beautiful voice it has when it calls to me to drink it during the week.

Anyway, this brings me to an even 55lb loss!

I'm averaging 3.4lbs a week. Respectable. I do however, need to start sacrificing a couple of cardio workouts and putting in more weights and toning, to fix the damage that years of being fat has done to my body. Which doesn't help my self esteem. I look great in clothes, but I don't love me naked just yet.

I'm horribly shy when it comes to boys. I caught that cute security guard turning around to check me out again today after he passed me. How's the girlfriend working out for you? I think he liked my new jeans. If I was the least bit a regular girl, I'd have the balls to ask him that myself. In the great words of that crackhead Whitney Houston.....How will I ever know if he really loves me? I'd try to phone but I'm too shy --can't speak!

I'm paralyzed by his hotness.

This past weekend I hit up chipotle. (in an effort to be a healthy cheater, I skipped the rice, cheese, sour cream, and GUACAMOLE and added extra lettuce, and salsa to my chicken bowl. I would personally suggest just not having chipotle because it wasn't nearly the same....)

While waiting to order, and pick up my food, I felt a cute boy checking me out. I caught his eye and got immediately terrified and looked away. Then, I felt him looking at me, and I told myself not to turn in that direction, act invisible.

Really? How the hell do I plan on ever meeting the future Mr. Me when I have no flirting skills at all? I mean it goes further than just strangers, I was nervous to even call my exassholemanfriend on the actual phone. I had to talk myself into it. What, the fuck is my problem?

With that said, I have a date tomorrow. It's a second date, and if I don't hear wedding bells, its the last with him. I don't have time for these shenanigans. I'm doing these horrible random dates to get use to talking to people, but I don't enjoy it. I have one for next weekend with someone else, and after that I'm on hiatus again.

Until someone excites me. I seem to be accepting dates with people I feel superior to, and don't really like. Why? I'm probably afraid of rejection.

For me to find someone that makes my heart pitter patter, I need to learn to make a first move and talk to boys that I actually like, and have an attraction to.

Universe, give me some go-go gadget mojo! Stat!

Young Love, A Facebook Story...

I know everyone loves how facebook brings back people from your past, but this is one I had totally forgotten about, and it made me nostalgic for the good old days! I got a friend request from a guy I tried to place the name that sounded vaguely familiar, but I couldn't see the picture until I accepted him. I am not big on accepting strangers as friends, so I quickly visited his page after friending him, before (if he were a creep) he could creep on my profile, and get into my bizness! It was him! This boy I use to "go with". You remember, when your parents always thought it was HIGH larious to say "where are you going?"

Only this wasnt an average going out kinda thing. I went to one school and he went to another. I don't even really remember how exactly we met...but the important thing is, we did meet. And we use to write letters, and send pictures back and forth. (Mind you if we drove it was like a 15 minute drive to this other school)

But yea, like letters, with a pen and notebook paper. And pictures, not digital, ones that you had to take to get developed, and could actually hold in your hand. And pin up in your locker! And had phone calls, you know like when the phone rang into your house, and if you weren't home you didn't get it, so you would sit by the phone...willing it to ring. Getting pissed when your Mom gabbed on the phone for hours!



And seeing each other? This occurred only twice. At his schools football game, and my schools football game. And it wasn't like we spent the whole game together, oh no..I was in THE BAND, and we only had the third quarter free. "Third quarter privleges" this is called.



So we had made plans to meet, so we could walk around the track and hold hands. Holding hands! This one simple thing, was so exciting!



I guess I am getting older because I really miss the times before I met assholes who hurt me, and ruined that hopeful young love. Who made me think that holding hands wasn't enough, and I wasn't enough.



When things were simple. When distance didn't matter, and you didn't worry that someone would "cheat" on you because you were never around. And..getting a phone call or a letter was enough to sustain something.

Night Life..

I had so much fun this weekend, dancing with my girlfriends until 3 am. What I know about being 35 is I feel like I'm 21 most of the time. Until I spend 5 hours dancing and drinking, and spend an entire Saturday on the couch recouperating. Missing out on seeing a cute boy that I kinda like, and dancing another night with my girlfriends.

I spent half a Sunday on the couch too, but it was totally worth it.

I havn't said much about the new guy, because until I know where it is heading, it's kind of pointless. But what I can say is that it's nice to laugh, and be treated like a lady, and be excited about possibilities instead of pipe dreams. I may have, in the last few years, lost sight of what I really want by hoping to find it in someone who couldn't give it to me.

I can't wait to see what the future holds for me!

Moms know just what to say..

A 3:30 a.m. text to my Mom.

Me: "I just woke up from a good dream, and I woke up peeing the bed. I just peed two hours ago. I guess like an old dog now I have to stop drinking water before bed time"

Mom: "Lol everybody does it..prob trauma to the bladder from sex"

Ok, but really? Peeing the bed? And what kind of sex would cause bladder trauma (the good kind...holla!!)

So, I stopped myself before it got thru my underpants to my pj's but when you are peeing the bed, do the details really matter?

*sigh*

Diapers look to be on the horizon.

I don't wanna die...

I'm really suprised that more people are not completely freaked out about all those dead birds and fish in Arkansas and Louisiana.

I mean, don't you people watch movies? Birds are always the first to die when we are attacked by aliens, or chemicals, or nuclear warheads. And remember how miners would take birds into the mines, and if the bird died they had to hightail it out of there? Birds are kind of important. Maybe I should quit making fun of my mom for having one....(pause for contemplation)...nah, she's still crazy for having a bird.

Havn't you seen The Seventh Sign? The bird flu? Aren't dead blackbirds your first indicator of a West Nile Virus breakout? What about The Happening??? Werent there a bunch of dead blackbirds in the beginning of "The Event" this season???

Ummmmm...yea. I think birds are kind of important. I don't like the BS they are feeding the world about fireworks. Um, why arent there more mass bird deaths in July then? Anyone? Or, the weather, or HAIL or RAIN got them? How many birds do you see flying around out in the freaking rain?

Call me silly but when I was little that was how we knew to go inside from playing when all the birds were gone and the wind picked up. They know its going to rain so they hide assholes. By 'assholes', and 'they', I mean the government who is trying to cover up some big horrible thing that is happening!!!!!

Since I'm well versed in movies and heresay, I also know that there have been many times when the world was ending, and one of the safest places to live was Ohio. I believe even Nostradamus said that.

So, while all the rest of you will be fighting off zombies, and dead birds, I'll be holed up safe and sound in my house. Don't even think about coming to my house and eat my cats either! I wouldn't eat your kids, leave mine alone! Plus they look big and fat but its all hair!

Oh and Pee, ess....holeyfuckingshit did you see that Hurley's numbers from lost were almost the exact mega million winning lottery numbers?????? Did you know that I miss Lost? Sigh.