Dating...?

I never thought of myself as fickle.  But when it comes to dating, I have to believe this is a good thing? You know, you see what's out there...find what you like before committing to any certain guy?

I mean, back in the stone age, (your teens and 20's) you would meet a guy, hit it off, and fall right into a long-term relationship. At least that is how it has always worked out for me.

I hadn't heard much from high school guy. I was also dating new old guy, and that seems less exciting since he is really shitty at communication. I seem to be remembering why things didn't work out the first time. Isn't it funny the things you forget over time?

Meantime I've told high school date guy that I am only dating, and nothing is serious, and until someone I like enough to be exclusive with asks me to be exclusive, I'm doing just that! And, I don't see the harm! I'm not sleeping around, I'm going out to dinner! Seeing movies! Hanging out, drinking coffee, and seeing what I see!

That being said, I have a date with high school guy this weekend.

I guess I am still paddling in this dating pond! But at least it is a leisurely pace, and I don't seem to mind as much.

Doggy Paddeling in the Dating Pool...

Dating is a lot of work in your late 30's! Especially online dating!

You email, you text, you talk, you decide not to meet.

You email, you text, you talk, you decide to actually meet, and then you decide to not talk to them again.

This whole process takes a lot of time! Lather, rinse, repeat! 

Turns out, I actually know this guy! And not in a "you shouldn't be dating this guy again" kinda way either!

He is a friend of a friend's husband, and we dated off and on a couple years back after one of my many ..many break ups with exmanfriend.

We met at a time in my life when I was not yet over the ex. we had fun, he treated me like a lady, we had great chemistry, laughs, the whole nine. At the time, I had expected to have the same deep feelings for him as I had for my ex...expected to jump right back into couple-dom and decided I wasn't getting "enough" even though I told him I only wanted to date casually

...plus, I was still hoping exmanfriend would realize the error of his ways.

You live and learn!

I've been relationship-less for a few years now, and I am finally open for something new! He said he had been thinking about me for a very long time. I admitted that the past few months I had been wondering about him as well.

He said he would LOVE to take me out, and to anywhere that I wanted. That is a lot of pressure! If someone is taking you out how do you decide the level of dining? Fast food? Retail Chain? Mom and Pop diner???? I left the dinner up to him.

He picked one of the nicest restaurants around. One I'd never been to. It was a lot of pressure!

No one has ever taken me to such a fancy place! Especially not for a first (or maybe 10th or so/second first) date!

I'm not complaining. It has been a very long time since I've been wined and dined!! I'm so excited to go on a date again, followed by a movie.. and I already know that we get along.

In true dating fashion, once I got another date, HS friend asked me out. I told him I was busy this weekend, and he asked if it was an internet date. I said "no, I actually know the guy in real life".  He wished me luck.

But in retrospect...that was kind of a mean thing to say after  not talking to me for a week, not seeing you for almost a month, and then asking me out two days before you want to go out with me! Right? I would love to go out again but I already had plans.

So..wish me luck!

On Realizing you really CAN let your ex go!...

So I had plans with exmanfriend to go see a band. I have seen him from time to time over the years after our break up. Yet,  I'm still "dating". Dating is what people who aren't in relationships do!

Exmanfriend had to cancel our plans the night before. We did talk about how we have been in contact over the years, and I mentioned how I never felt that he made any grand gesture to claim me, or try to get me back (for lack of better terms) and we did make plans to get together again the next time we were both available.

Being a single gal, not wanting to spend a Saturday night alone, I made other plans for that night  I planned to see the movie with a girlfriend because we both read the books, and I was available now!

Next morning, I had a text from exmanfriend way before I woke up it said he felt better and could our plans still go on, but if not, no big deal. The next text said something cryptic about opening my front door slowly, which didn't register. I was just honest and text him I had made alternate plans.

This morning I was rushing off to meet someone new for coffee.

When I opened my door, to rush off for my coffee date, there was a boquet of flowers!! First thing I think is...what the heck? Did I tell coffee guy where I lived, and if so, should I be meeting him after this?.

I'm halfway to Starbucks in the car when it occurs to me that exmanfriend mentioned something about opening my front door slowly. And I think...did he actually make the effort to bring me flowers? (he never got me flowers while we were dating so I was thinking...it was adorable)

So I sent him a text before I arrived..."did you come over here?" And he said no, why do I ask? So then I think, then who left me flowers? Maybe it wasn't him? If it was, why not say so?

Being courteous, I didn't check my phone on my date.

While I had a close to 7 hour phone conversation with coffee guy the previous night, the whole time of our meeting I was thinking..."do I want him to kiss me?" and the answer was No! So, the chemistry wasn't there for me at all. I was glad that I had plans with a girlfriend, and a reason to cut out early.

Upon leaving...I read a text message sent only about 20 minutes after the last one from exmanfriend, that bottom line said, that he knew I had moved on, and to delete his number, and he would delete mine.

eeeeh...Huh? 

After the fact, there is a billion things I wished I'd have said, and still want to say but wont.

My only response could be that I would honor his request. And he thanked me.

I never got a real confirmation on where the flowers came from, not like there are a million options,  but I  I am enjoying them, they are beautiful! Girls love flowers!

Wouldn't it be nice if all it took was deleting a phone number to make you forget about someone?

In the end..just like that, in a matter of hours, he showed me that still after all of these years, he cannot commit to me. Sure, he'd been showing me for years, but I only wanted to hold on to the way that he was super good at pretending that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, all the while skeeving around behind my back.

I didn't want to remember that he really crushed my heart.

Lucky for me, I finally have the closure I have always needed!

I May Be an Official Re-Virgin...

I just love the dating scene....said no one over 21, ever!

I am not ashamed to say that while dating here and there, I have been celibate for 17 months. Good Godfrey in writing it seems even longer!!

I say celibate, because it sounds more like a decision vs. an affliction. Which...I guess it is, because if all I wanted was sex, I could certainly make that happen, right?

The last time was with exmanfriend. Someone that while I was not in a relationship with at the time, I once deeply loved, so it seemed perfectly OK. Now,  the thought of just tossing it away after all of this time seems silly. After you go for so long without being intimate, your goods turn back into a gift again.

While I have not lost the desire for sex, the thought of waiting gets easier the longer I wait. I have the most amazing dreams about sex with the most random people in my life, which is quite amusing.

That being said, I have yet to find those "fireworks" again, and I'm holding out until I do! (I think...) And despite the long cold spell...I still want it all. Nothing less!

Plus, it's going to take a very special man to understand that while I may love spooning, I would never make my Mr. Magoo get out from in between us in the bed.

I mean, just look at him. He's so completely worthy of a double spoon!!

On Potential Stalkers...Online Dating

I'd been messaging back and forth here and there since about December with a guy. Nothing major, but no red flags. So, when he gave me his digits I used the balls I grew last month, and called him.

Wow, what a great conversation! We talked for an hour and a half, laughed, the conversation flowed, everything seemed great. Lots of things in common. I was excited when we made plans to meet two days later for coffee. I even texted my Momma to let her know I may have actually met a dateable guy.

Luckily the crazy train pulled into town before that ever happened.

25 minutes after our first conversation he started sending me more pics of himself. Ok. Then he texted me fishing for compliments on the pictures. Then, he asked me to send  him pics. And asked me twice if I did it. Then asked if he should reboot his phone to see the pictures I didn't send.

When I didn't respond he called me. He wanted to tell me he was on his way to get dinner. And ask if I liked his pictures.

20 minutes later, he called to tell me he was done with dinner, and he couldn't wait to meet me. We talked for about 10 minutes.

In the next 20 minutes I got quite a few texts about how beautiful I am and how excited he is to meet me. And by the way, did I send him pictures?

Then, you guessed it. He called again!

This time I didn't answer. I mean, really? Mr. independant, OK with a girl having her own life, couldn't stand that I didn't text him right back within seconds.

Then after several more texts, he texted me that he was sorry if he was bothering me but he was so excited to talk to an amazing girl like me.

I think all these compliments work for people with no self esteem, but buddy, I know I'm awesome, and you are laying it on a little too thick in the first couple of hours.

Then, it was 9:00 and everyone knows The Walking Dead is on. So I texted him that I was busy with watching my show, it was my sacred time.

He texted me "oh, ok, enjoy your show, text me later if you want".

A few more of his texts came thru, that I ignored because, I'm busy...so then he sent "aren't there any commercials in that show?"

Then he sent me a youtube video by Kenny Chesney called "come on over".  Which I didn't even watch. Followed by a Rascal Flatts video "God bless the broken road". Ehh, you know me a few hours, and you thank god we met?

Um...it's too much!

Then he texted me "I can see you thru your window...boo! LOL"

LOL? Really, that's funny?

Followed by "did I scare you?"

This went on for a long time, until finally I texted him I was going to bed.

The next morning I had 3 texts between 7 and 7:25 when I got up. They were full of terms of endearment, hope you slept well beautiful's, and lots of "xoxo's" . Followed by a phone call at 7:30 am, that I did not answer, because a) you are crazy and b) I'm getting ready for my JOB!

Then, several more texts. After an "are you alive?" text,  I finally told him around 9 am, that my heart is beating, and I was in fact....working.

He said he was off work that day. And told me not to work too hard. Call him later.

I mean, this went on and on, and on and on and on and onnnnnn!

It was obvious, I had to block this guys number. So I texted I didn't think I was ready to meet someone off the internet.

And then I blocked his number from calling or texting me.

Then, a few hours later... I blocked 4 more numbers that kept calling me. When I googled the numbers, they were from his place of employment. Where, he was not working that day but was steady calling me like a champ. 

The following day was quiet, until 2pm. When I was on my lunch break, running...and got another call, 1 digit off from a blocked number from the previous day. From his work. So he was trying all the lines at the job.

I blocked it as well.

After the gym that night, I got yet another missed call from his place of employment and a garbled VM that I can't decipher.

I blocked that number as well.

And I had an entire day of peace. 

I mean really? All that mess because of an hour and a half conversation, and a potential coffee date? Even saying you are not into someone isn't enough. If someone told me that, I'd be over it in a second.

But then I'm not crazy.

The best comment comes from my Mom, who is addicted to the ID channel, and relates all stories back to being murdered and stuffed in a trunk. "Well, you know how men are crazy for sex and murder".

Thanks Mom!

Aaaaand....fade to the single girl who is perfectly content with being single.

Recycling Dates??...

So, it's been far too long since I've been out on a date with someone I havn't already dated, you know....someone I know it isn't going to work with, but I still want to get out, and have fun, and maybe have some, you know,  "time" together. This is always done under the assumption that it is what it is and it isn't going anywhere further. Old friends, I like to say!

Recycling old dates don't count toward your "number" and I am still in the business of caring how high my "number" gets. At least, this is how I justify going out with people that I know are not going to marry me. Whatever works.....right?

So, I re-activated my online dating account for about two months in hopes that maybe things will be different this time.

A tip... if you are expecting a girl to be interested in you....send her a legit message, ask a question, refer to something in her profile....don't just say "hi". "Hi" screams "I just want the booty", and if you had taken the time to read my profile, you'd see, that is so not what I am looking for. You can get that anywhere! And upload a picture. What are you hiding? I have mine out there, why can't I see yours?

I happened to get a message from someone I dated last summer for a few months.

He asked did I want to go out again and give it another shot, he said text him and we'd get together. We exchanged numbers again. I messaged him the next day, just a lighthearted message.

Then I didn't hear from him for 11 days. At which time he asked me out on a Thursday for the following Saturday, and I just told him "I think we have incompatible communication styles".

I then realized the reason we quit talking probably wasn't because I was hung up on my ex. It was because he would only randomly respond to my messages. I mean, it only takes 2 seconds to respond to a text message. I don't expect a conversation, just an acknowledgement that you got my message. "Good to hear from you". "We'll make plans soon". Anything. Don't just ignore a girls text for almost two weeks, she will move on!

I mean, I did  read "he's just not that into you" years ago, so I know, that I deserve a response!