I'm Letting Me Off The Hook...

Ring...Ring. Hello, me? Yes? You're off the hook. No shit? Thanks!

So, I'm letting myself off the hook. I'm realizing that everyone has limitations. I have always been a bit of a 'workaholic'. I think the truth is, I've always been overly responsible with work. It's not a bad thing. It's not terrific either, on the personal life.

I think that the time that CP is off work is nearing an end. Few more weeks. It's good, in that when I wake up in the morning, I won't think instantly how I loathe the fact that he is peacefully sleeping in a nice warm bed, with a warm doggie, while I'm pissed off that I even have to get up, and work two jobs. I won't have to resist the urge to kick him awake and act like I don't know what happened.

He's been helping around the house. When I leave a list. He is no ME, but then if there were TWO of ME the world wouldn't know what the fuck to do! His idea and my idea of clean are different, but I do appreciate that he is helping, and like a good fiance, I let him know this.

Guilt. I can't in good conscience, sit while someone is working. At home, or on the job. I feel like I should be up helping work too. Maybe it's the 'spank's' fault, for making us keep up a fair workload percentage? Or, maybe it was my days at Taco Bell, where they pounded the phrase 'TIME TO LEAN TIME TO CLEAN' into my brain.

I get down on myself for everything. I've stopped getting mad that I don't work out as much as I'd like to. At least I'm doing SOMETHING. If I were working 1 job and I came home and laid around, I think I could get mad at myself. But honestly, I don't have the time. I don't. And, I'm done trying to pretend that I do.

If everything is pretty on the outside, no one will suspect that I'm not perfect! But I've always been un-perfect. I'm the same me I have always been, with some new added options. So who am I really trying to impress here? Me?

God, getting old really has given me some insight!

My car problems! It's a bad wheel bearing we got. Have to return the part, and replace both bearings with better parts, and I need new rotors. It'll cost $170 for CP to do it since I already bought one wheel bearing. My control arm, bushings, and CV joints are all smooth sailing.

I got a pension plan at job 2. I can't access it for 5 years, so I really don't care much about it. I didn't worry about where to put the money, so I invested all the money in Exxon. I'd love to see how much that fucking pension turned into in a few years!!!

Job one is changing a lot, we're moving into the 21st century, and it's pretty cool! I'm going to a pre-opening of a restaurant w/Kat tomorrow. It should be fun! That hooch is going to Italy. I told her she has to ride a gondala like Madonna in Like A Virgin. If she gets discovered, I get half the profits!

Today's Question:

What would you most like to change in your house?

Well besides I'd love a house that stayed clean all the time, I'd like to have second bathroom downstairs!