The Big 3-0 Has Arrived!!!....

When I got home from the trip, Tayray had decorated my apartment with various 30 paraphanalia. I thought it was funny.




Ok, so I don't feel any different today. Aside from a pounding head, the raging shits, and a runny nose. I'm sick. That happens when you travel from freezing snow, to jacket weather, to freezing snow again. And, it always happens when I'm on vacation, so I'm use to it. CP waited up til midnight to give me a special treat cus he loves me. I told him "I'm 30" he said I'm still young. But, no fanfare. No big ta-do. 30 came pretty easily I guess. I do know that I'm not leaving the house til I work tonight and I'm going right to bed. I feel like hell!

Getting older is scarey, but I also wouldn't trade it for like, 18. Or, 21. I would like to look like I did then, but not act like I did. God I was insecure! It is too bad that you actually have to get older, to realize that getting older is actually better. I know I never would've believed that one in a billion years!

People tell you that, and you laugh at them. Well, I'm here to tell you, I'm 30, flirty and fabulous (I ripped that from 13 going on 30).

30 isn't so bad. I am happy with myself. I like who I am as a person. I couldn't say that in my early 20's. I didn't like me. I hadn't figured me out yet. I'm pretty complex.

I had to do a life history report on myself my senior year, and I include here, in honor of my being 30, some excerpts. 30 years is a lot to write about, this is the basics!

I was born in Ohio December 14, 1975 at 3:59 p.m. I was due, November 22. To this day, I am too attached to my momma. She named me after a girl she went to school with, my middle name was after an actress (whom I've never heard of). She said she named us all after a famous person because she knew we would be intellegent and go far.

I was 10 months old when I started to walk, 4 months old when I got my first tooth. I lost my first tooth at 5 when I fell off a picinic table. My first word was "mum". I fed myself at 10 months old, potty trained at 15 months. I didn't suck my thumb, or wet the bed. I got my own bike at 7, from the TRASH at that! It had a flowered banana seat. My brother taught me to ride my bike in the back yard, on a hill. He would hold the back seat and let go when I got going. I learned to swim with water wings.

I got my first bank account at 16, to get a new car. I achieved that goal when I saved up $1,000 and my dad matched it. In 1993 I bought a 1986 silver Dodge Omni. That ride was sweeeet! My first car, that my dad bought for me for $500 was a maroon Ford Grenada. 1982. It was 10 years old when I got it. It got me to work. And cruising. I saved up $2,000 then, and bought myself a 1992 cavalier, in 1994. It was my first car with payments. It was black, had tinted windows, and just plain rocked. My sister and brother taught me to drive, my mom was scared shitless of me driving.

I went on my official first date at 14. His mom drove us to see "Dances with Wolves" I was sick and coughed through the entire 3 hour movie. We held hands.

The first movie I saw at the theater was Brer Rabbit and the Tar Baby. My first job was at Taco Bell unless you count the times I babysat, which was a dumb idea given that I know nothing about kids. I probably ruined that kid for life, cus I'd shut her in her room when she screamed and cried! I made good money at the Bell for a fast food joint.

My allowence in high school was $10 a week. I had to work for it too. My mom didn't hesitate to keep it if I didn't do any work around the house. I bought my own toiletries then.

When I was 9 I stopped believing in Santa Clause. My Mom couldn't answer me why Santa had the same paper we did each year. I knew the Easter Bunny was a crock when each year I asked for a REAL bunny, and I'd get a stuffed one. I insisted my real rabbit hopped away and would look forever for it. My mom seemed pretty certain I didn't have one. How would she know what the Easter Bunny left me?

My first loyal friend was Valerie...who died in a car accident when we were 15. This had a huge impact on my life, and fear of abandonment. Shortly after she died, I cut myself 15 times with a carpet cutter. I wasn't trying to kill myself, or I would have. I just wanted to feel pain, physically. It distracts from mental pain. I did that stuff in school, but back then, it was unheard of. Now, people talk about it, openly, and it's called cutting. I'm scarred for life from all of the times I did it. I'm always reminded of how hard it was to grow up for me. I did it a lot but that was the worst, and the only time I got 'caught' because the ambulance came to get me.

I'm afraid of the dentist, because of having my wisdom teeth pulled. I am forever terrified to go back, he was a quack.

Memorable family vacations to me were the times we went to Salt Fork, and stayed in a cabin for a week. We went hiking, fishing, and swimming. Those were family vacations that I remembered when my Mom and Dad were married. I stayed a summer with my sister in South Carolina when I was in high school. I wasn't allowed to leave her apartment though cus she lived in a bad area.

I was paddled when I was little. And, I'm not a homocidal maniac either. I learned to respect authority, and I didn't get into trouble like kids today do! I feel sorry for people with kids who can't smack the shit out of them when they deserve it. They turn into brats!

I use to like kids, and I use to want a black baby. I thought they were much cuter than white babies.

At the time I wrote this story, the most embaressing thing to me was performing in a band competition. We had plumes on our hats. It was a windy day, and my hat slowly kept blowing back off my head. You get judged on everything, and I had a judge in my face, I think, trying to see how I handled the situation. So, like the trooper that I am I kept on playing, and let the damn hat fall off backwards and strangle me. We got a superior rating at that competition. For non-band geeks, that's the highest you can get...mkay?

One of my biggest fears is being murdered. (I do live in ohio!)

Once I ate road salt. It made me throw up in about 1 minute after eating it. I did it to go inside for recess, and it worked. I always did average in school. I set a goal to reach a 3.0 my junior year and I did. That was the best I ever did.

At 17, my dream man is......
Loving, no matter what! Has a good job, not an executive type, but physical labor. He doesn't drink, or do drugs. He loves to shower me with attention. His friends aren't dorks. Of course, he has got to be cute and have a nice butt! He is funny, but serious. He will always treat me with respect, and never hurt me, or cheat on me.

That's about all I have time for. I'm feeling like hell and I'm crawling back into bed. Which, by the way, is 5 inches higher since I put my bed lifts on, has a nice sage dust ruffle, and matching synthetic down comforter. I washed my new flannel sheets and am putting them on the bed and hiding from the world. Fear not, I'm alive and well. Just sick, and 30. It'll all pass!