What Crawled Up Your Ass..and DIED??.....

Being a woman, I have had my share of shitty days. Hell, we get pretty good at it, seeing how some monster takes over our minds and bodies each month. We have no control over it. Men act like we enjoy being that way. That we use PMS as an excuse for being bitchy. Ok, cus you know what its like to have irrational thoughts, and cry for no reason? Sure! And, like we enjoy being that way? Being bitchy isn't fun. Unless you mean to be. Cus I dunno, call me crazy, I like to have control over my own mind.

I don't know if I have PMS. But man, I really am not right! I can't put my finger on any certain event. So it must be hormones. My boss came in. Asked can I meet with her and a coworker to go over some catalog stuff. Sure I say. I pick up my pad of paper and a pen and go in coworkers office, no boss. This was enough to set me off this morning. Why? Don't ask me, if I knew, I'd be a rich woman!!

I'm not feeling the least bit creative.

So last night at job #2 I had to sit by this woman, who has bigger issues than me. I think she is special for sure. She had a big plastic case, like a first aid kit. Opened up on her desk, and it had everything under the sun in it. Pills, asperin, tylenol, cold meds, cough meds, band aids, gum, candy, safety pins, neosporin, peroxide, calamine lotion (cus you might get poison ivy in the parking lot) this is just to name a few, I didn't have time to take inventory. she had it open and stuff spread all over her desk. She's prepared. If we have an emergency, I know where to go.

The other night there was a sign on the board that teams were being eliminated. I'm on a team. I make good money being on a team because I know the job and do it all the time. Last night they said it was a misunderstanding. But I still had to learn a new job, crash reports. It pays the most per keystroke, but you know in 2 hours, i made 6.73? In 2 hours on my team I make 25-30 bucks. I got ripped!

So the drive home sucked, it took me 40 minutes to get home. WG was there shortly after. He wanted to make me happy. I am suprised that he handled me so well. I knocked a picture off my hallway wall and broke it, he was able to fix it for me, I couldnt, I tried. It made me kick the wall, and put a hole in it. Then I went to my garage to scream, and kick my trash can over.
I never said I was sane! LOL!

I kicked the trash can at work once. Over the switchboard. I shared the job as a back up, with another girl who isn't here anymore. I always got screwed into being the back up. She got out of it, and if she couldnt, she'd call off on her days. I'm not making this up. I HATED the phone. At my job, 99% of the calls are for customer service. They never take their calls. I imagine most call centers are the same, cus I've had to call places myself.
My boss had a talk with me. This was 5 years ago, that boss is gone now. But it was pretty funny. Sometimes I am triggered! And watch out!!

I just told a girl at work last night about how it is hard to adjust to working 2 jobs and having a life, and all the stupid crap I had done due to exhaustion. Like, putting conditioner on my face, and face wash in my hair. Running into walls. Then, last night, I used my eye make up remover, on my face. Why not? LOL. I don't even use toner or astringent, so I don't know what posessed me to do that. Sometimes you got too much going on in your mind. I plucked my eyebrows. Being tired also makes you not realize you have a forest growing on your face! They were BAD and I didn't even realize it. I didn't shave my legs. I don't care either.

So, tonight I am going to get drunk. Bier Haus. I don't have much money to do so, as I have a week til I get paid, and I have to pay my car pmt with that check. Then, its ANOTHER week until I get my real pay check. This just means, you don't eat dinner, you drink it. That is the poor man's way to drinking. Try it. You might like it! Alchohol might not work but it works with beer!
I'm buckling down. I am quitting my second job in Feb. at the latest. I simply am spread too thin. I enjoy spending time with my man. But I have to shift things around, and that makes me think, and thinking hurts my brain! OUCH!

I've decided for my 30th bday, I'm getting a cabin for the wknd. It'll be a bitchin' time. I might drown myself in the hot tub. It is depressing. 30. Who thought, I would be 30 some day? I just never thought about it.

I remember the guy I had a fling with when I was 23 was 28. I really thought that was old! LOL! I was seeing an OLDER man. Well, we had sex. I wouldn't say we did anything else. But that was the deal. We went to dinner once. Went to the bar once. But we had to keep it on the DL. My deepest darkest secret involves that man. Maybe one day it wont shame me to talk about. And no, it isn't that he was married, that is no secret! People make mistakes you know!

Be gentle yougin's, your day is coming!!!

Today's Question:

Who is the scariest person you have ever known?

This says known, I have SEEN lots of scarey folks.
But the scariest one I have known would have to be my ex 'Z'. He was unpredictable, and crazy. You could never tell what he was going to do, or say. Anyone who locks you inside a house, and goes out w/his friends, and calls to see if you are on the computer (he met someone online and was worried I'd find out about it, which I did, cus, she IM'd me thinking I was him) and comes home to make you get off, is scarey. He also kicked me out once a week, like clock work. Then begged me to stay. Is it any wonder, I have abandonment issues???? Go! Stay! I hate you! I love you! Fuck you! I love you! Die! Never leave me!