P-is for Plagiarize.....

I'm cleaning out my closets. So to speak. And came across an email from a month before TWDSO and me broke up. Let's be nosey, shall we?

We hadn't talked for something like 2 weeks. 2/10/05 (we broke up officially 3/18/05)

talking anytime soon is not really going to happen (plus I really do not like sharing my personal thoughts on email, because you forward them off to your friends) and we will be to tired to talk, so here we go.

(I loved that tidbit! I'll put it in my blog instead!)

You would tell everyone including my parents that “well we don’t talk because I am always at work”. 2 simple things…I love my job and like to work hard, always have always will. I control everything that goes on in this store including the success of my store…….second thing……I care what your family and friends think about me. When you blame everything on me I feel rather stupid and out of the loop, because I know that the only thing they know about me is what you tell them, and recently I am sure it has not been anything great (last 2 ½ months) I do not tell personal things about our relationship very much so when people see you, they don’t know anything (bad or good). Although I can’t remember when I have had something bad or something to complain about, other than your animals.

I loved that part, because he claims to have nothing to complain about with me, then a month later tells me things have been bad for 2 years. Ok..... And, he was a phone store mgr. Doesn't he sound so self-important?

Do I need to talk more to you and not let these things explode to you? Yes! However you are not open to things I say, you have a tendency to get defensive and mad and we don’t have a conversation, its just me talking and you getting mad at me. I understand these issues in your past, but it can no longer matter! You have to let me be with you and love you, unless you no longer love me.

I still love you, but I cannot continue to feel like this. I have to change, just let me know, but you have to change as well. This second job is great for you to get your feet back underneath you, I just asked that you rate me higher on your priorities. You work 13 hours a day, I respect your need to play with your animals when you get home and relax, but on Saturday and Sunday it would be nice to feel loved, included, talked to.

Yea, it would be nice to feel loved and talked to...wouldn't it?

I guess I was bad with communication on that I wanted you to be with me for the rest of my life, I just did it with actions, but again there is that communication word again. We have one common friend and I am sure that we will run into each other, I was just trying to make this as easy for you as possible and just keep the peace.

Yea, it's kinda important to talk to someone. ASS!
The anatomy of a break up...in Email!

The only lesson I learned here, is that just because someone is a "nice guy" doesn't make him right for you. And it really isn't true that all the "nice guy's" are gone.
Maybe the ones that wanna have sex a lot are gone, cus for some reason you can't find a young nice guy, that still likes to get it on. Oh well. It puts me in a rotten fucking mood!

All I can think of is eating, I'm starving. Weigh-in day. For some reason they make us wait until 10 to weigh in. So, I don't have breakfast today til it's over. Been 22 hrs since I've eaten. Which adds to my spectacular, non-sex getting bitchy mood!!!!!

Today's Question:

What is your biggest self-doubt?

Today, and usually, I feel un-loveable. I'll never be loved the way that I need to be. That is what plays in my head. Nothing like being a downer!