Running on empty...

My minds all foggy! I am running on 3 hrs sleep. Sometimes, there are better things to do than sleep. Tonight is going to be a rough night working!

Ever see Practical Magic? Remember how the one girl's family is cursed from finding their one true love? Thats me! I feel like once I find it something will still happen to screw it up, like, you know, getting hit by a car, or a random lumber jacking accident....*ahem*. I got to see Work guy again last night, needless to say!

Yesterday, he came to see me at work. For like, 15 min. cus he missed me. And today, he came to my work when he left my house, for a kiss! Could you just puke or what???? Or...is he crazy?

Momma told me I should take my biggest loser $ and buy more skirts....She's always telling me I have nice legs. But she's the Momma.

I find myself thinking a lot about the past, on my great quest to find meaning in things. I can remember with TWDSO I had to talk myself into liking him. WG mentioned that he didn't want things to be forced, but to just happen on their own. I am on the same page. I think I let TWDSO's feelings affect my decisions. I don't remember feeling like this when we met. I felt apprehensive mostly. I liked that he liked me so much. I liked that he paid me attention. I liked that he sent me flowers, and said nice things to me, but I never felt it. I believe the whole problem was, I didn't like 'him'. I liked his actions. And, I never dated anyone who was nice to me.

I thought since he was a nice guy, and interested in me, it was meant to be. Maybe not? I don't remember ever feeling with him, that I couldn't get enough. Or, that I didn't want to be away from him. I remember he felt that way about me, which flattered me into liking it. I can remember sitting at his house, counting down the moments until I could leave. Seriously!

I can remember, watching TV and wondering when the hell the sex would be over with. LOL. True though. I would avoid him at all costs, and that really wasnt me. It took an ex to make me realize that....I was lying to myself! I wasn't even attracted to him at all, and I'd pretend to sleep to get out of having sex with him. God, isn't that fucked up?

It was always the same. Nothing different, nothing off the chain! And if you don't have that passion for someone, it isnt worth the time!! It's just going through the motions. Literally. Funny, how, I still moved in with him after knowing all this stuff! I thought I didn't know what I wanted, and that it was right with him, just my head was screwy. I said all the time he was 'different' and people said different is good. I would agree, but not totally. It pays to know what you want. I'm gonna get me some of that...knowledge shit.

Maybe he wasn't such an asshole after all. Maybe I am the asshole? Maybe I am the one who led HIM on this whole time? I kept telling myself, if only.... things would be better. I guess I never really was happy. We were good friends. He had told me that a few times, and it offended me. But, he was probably right! It reminds me of OLD times, and I really enjoy it!

So, I decided that I am not going to meet the Canadians. Bubba is taking someone else. It doesn't feel like something I want to do, and so, I am not doing it. I know there is nothing wrong with going out for whatever reason, but I am not. There is a reason I don't want to, and I'm going to go with it. (of course, I dont know what that is right now!)

At work last night, Bubba attempted the 'I'm feelin it' which is really funny because she jumped in the parking lot like her cheerleader self. We had a good laugh. She went to the restroom after a while and came back to say she had split her pants!!!!! When we went on break, I couldn't stop laughing, it was right on her butthole, and it was on the seam! She tried a sticker, that made it worse. Her shirt wouldn't cover it. I couldn't stop laughing. I had to follow her on breaks so no one could see her hole.

As always, it was classic! It's great to laugh at the stupidest things with friends. It is good for your soul!

Today's Question:

If you could inherit a comfortable home in any city in the world that you could use but not sell, where would you want it to be?

Charleston, SC. On the battery. One of the old homes, on Rainbow Row. With lots of rooms for my mom and sis and bro to live there too! I could afford to live there, vs. moving to Australia. That will remain my happy place, but I would live in SC.