Devastation....is there a bigger word?

Up down, Up down, lifes full of them!!! So, the latest is this, where I live there are 3 major 'mall areas' where theres a mall, and theres shopping/restaurants all around. Their all spread out about 20 min or so. Those we don't speak of, was working out in one area. So, I have been totally avoiding it. Because if I went that way, I would survey parking lots before entering any store for fear of seeing him. *(yes i said FEAR, and yes it terrifies me, i have issues)*

He manages a stupid cell phone store, and acts like a king who was better than me because of it. Ummm, I was the mgr of Taco Bell for about a month in the ghetto, I should get an award! (this after the 3 years I served already) I closed too, late nights! But, you know, he's so much better....but anyhow, I want to get a picture phone. So I was going to go to the chain he works at, only by my house. One, because I dont want to see him, and two, because I dont want him to get credit for my purchase. I asked our mutual friend if she knew who managed the store by me, so I could go there. Turns out, its THOSE WE DONT SPEAK OF. (cue loud music)

Now, my safe little bubble is burst!!! I have been shopping in my new town, not worrying about a thing. I have been going out in my new town, not worrying about seeing him.
THIS MEANS LAST SUNDAY I WENT OUT IN MY JUNKY CLOTHES AND A PONY TAIL GET IT???????? Thinking there is no reason he'd ever be out that way! Im bound to see him. I walk my dog in my neighborhood. Sometimes after work, late at night. I want to throw up. I have so much pent up frustration and anger towards him it is hard telling what I would do!!! I should have known it was a bad omen that there is a street with his name about 4 streets from mine!!!!!!!!

I know it must sound stupid, trust me, but I am really upset that he is out in my town!!! I gave up all the hangouts we had, places we went together, and traded them in for this side of town!! Now he's on MY turf! It's a small little town, and next door, is the monster, a.k.a. those we dont speak of!!!! And, I am also fairly sure, that the store he is at, is where the girl I believe him to be dating works. If I am right about that, I will give out free readings and consultations. Because, this is strictly gut instinct, no one has said a word to me about him at all, about anything!
So, how adorable that they work together. Good thing, because that is all he does lives and breathes his work. I work a lot, but I also have a life!

No doubt, that I need to get past this, so I can move on, and find someone else in my life!!
No way I will meet someone with all this pent up anger towards him! Maybe instead of strip aerobics I should take up boxing, the real deal, powwwwwwww powwwwwwwwww!!!!!

On a happy note, at my second job, I get to waive my insurance benefits, and should receive $400 bucks! I don't know when I'm getting it, just that I cant wait! This in addition to the bonus I will be getting, is not tooooooo shabby for a part time job!!!! Now, I can afford things. And I can pay my friend $ for smashing her car up. Who knows when I'll ever get mine fixed. I have to also get my a/c serviced, the belt is squeaking, and brakes. So its in the 90s and I can't run my a/c!

And, just for shits and giggles, today's question is my own!

Has someone ever hurt you so much, that you have gone out of your way to beome a nut job, like me?!!!!

My answer is yes! lol! I have been through rough break ups, and a divorce. Now, clearly, my divorce from my high school sweetheart was the hardest. But at least with him, i KNEW things were bad, it was obvious we had problems. I stuck it out because we were married.
With those we dont speak of, I thought we were perfectly happy! We didnt fight, argue, or nitpick. We had 3, maybe 4 fights in our 4 years together. He liked spending time with me (so I thought) we had similar interests, so I cant express enough how this came out of nowhere!!
This is unusual for me, fighting was an every day occurance. I also got kicked out once a week in my last relationship. I thought he was THE ONEEEEEEE! I am really proud of myself for getting the hell out of there, but I'm to the point where I am second guessing myself.

This is why communication is key! I am really having a hard time thinking of dating someone else, and trusting them. I had serious trust issues in the past, and I felt I got over it with him, and now, he tore my heart out and jumped on it, and theeeen said see ya!!!!

This is the 4th guy I have lived with. The 6th guy I thought I loved. When the hell is my time going to come? When? I have been asking God to guide me! Thats all I can do!!!!! I feel I am about due to find someone to be my forever, my everything, my ONE!