Respect My Authoritah....

I don't have much time for writing. I'm quite the busy girl. We have our 120 district managers here for meetings this week. Tonight is our "outing". We are going to an Akron Aero's game. It's like the minor leagues for the indians or something queer like that. But it's a good time and it's close to home. Work rented out the restaurant so we get to be inside in the A/C or out in tents playing games, and winning prizes. This time I've got my eye on a digital camera with digital frame. Those things are pretty bad-ass! I'll have a glass or two of wine. And enjoy the evening, even if it rains and there is no game. Who likes sports anyhow?

I'm so busy cus my boss and the other mgr. in the department left to get things set up at the park, and my boss pulled me in the office to ask me to be in charge when she was gone. *Ahem* that's right. Me. She asked me to keep an eye on the girls, and see if they have any issues, or trouble, and intervene. Or, if there are any problems to handle them. If someones hair is on fire, call her cell phone. I'm trying not to let the power go to my head, but it's really hard to do. What with my measly 6 months with the company and all. I exhibit a cool, clear, and rational way about myself. Actually she said I'm level headed. Same difference.

Meanwhile I'm trying to get my money straight. I'm still suppose to pay $192 to the electric company today. Which, would be well and good as I got 180 from CP, and I get paid from the police station, right? Wrong. No pay. They can't even look into why, until Friday because technically Friday is pay day. My guess is the jackoff's at the police station never faxed my time card in. Cus, that's how they roll. Shady motherfuckers. So now I'm gong to have to charge my Electric bill because I wont have any money to live on if I pay the bill in full. Plus...I got online to check my account, and I was charged three times the last time I went to rent movies. That's 60 bucks! Spent my lunch at the bank trying to clear it up and it turns out I have to go to the movies place to fix it. So, I can't kickit too much tonight cus I have to leave early to fix my finances. So, the luck of it all is that my landlord moved to NC and has not yet gotten my rent check for June. If that cashes any time soon, I'm in trouble!

But, in the meantime, I'm in charge of my coworkers. Nah nah...

It's My Day..

Today, is MY day. I'm having a day that puts yesterday to shame. Yesterday, is another story. Today, I got my ring! It's beyootiful. Well worth the wait. Sorta. If I liked waiting, which I don't. I also got a call from my hair stylist, who had a cancellation, and guess who gets to have her hair colored and cut tonight? Yep, that'd be me! So, today is good and I am carrying my positivity thru to the evening.

Last night, however, was an evening straight from hell. When nothing goes right. I had planned to get some stuff done at my brother's house with CP, and turns out, my brother was released from the hospital. I had nothing ready. No money. No food. House still a mess. It was hours of cussing, and running, and calling Mom to get it all together.

My sister Western Union'ed (is that a word?) me some money for food for my brother and to get his scripts. I went to pick it up and apparently they forgot to give the woman working at Rite Aid a brain that day. I mean, serioulsy, I was there for half an hour while she fumbled through, called another manager, and had two other associates attempt to help her. I was such a bitch to that woman, that I can never go back. It's the only pharmacy near my house too. Nice.

I was there so long I had to go home to pee, steadily cussing and driving like an asshole, so much so, that my neighbor tried calling me several times as she witnessed my erratic behavior. I went to another store to pick up the money, get inside, go to three places in the store, and they don't do Western Union. Only money gram. What the fuck is the difference? So then I call my brother to have him brought down to the car so I don't have to go up to get him and go get my car, and waste another hour. By that time it was 8:00 and we still had to get money, and get his scripts.

Did I mention I have some raging PMS? Worth noting. Finally get to a place to get the money, get him some food, go get his prescriptions, and I was finally home at 9:00. I did not work out. I despise changing my routine. I get what your saying universe, the world isn't mine for the taking or some shit, but hello, I'm not going to change how I am.

I'm super busy at work. We have a huge meeting next week, and I've got three VP's to prepare for it. Plus my normal month end shit which is plenty thankyouverymuch. I got an irate customer today. You know if a customer is calling the Vice President, they are beyond hope, and utterly pissed off. Turns out this was the woman we got an email about telling us "do not engage her in conversation, transfer her immediately to customer relations". You've got to be a pretty big bitch to have an email dedicated to you. Asking people to not even engage you in conversation. Too bad, I did, long before getting her name. Now, this bitch has my name and extension. Lucky me.

So, I woke up this morning, tired as fuck because I couldn't sleep. And told myself I am going to have a fabulous day. I was at work early. Got a hair appointment when there was a month wait, and my ring came in. I seriously don't ask for much. I don't know how the rest of the coming weeks will work out for me, but I'm trying not to think about it.

Material Girl...

I visited my brother at the hospital last night. Ya, he's still in there. The hole in his leg is considerably smaller, but they are trying to regulate his blood to send him home. He's doing good though. The point of this was about me of course, that even though I got home after 8, I still worked out. Cus I'm freaking awesome like that! Normally, if I don't go right home after work, and get right to working out, I find 10,000 excuses not to do it. But my reason last night was that I'd be pissed at myself if I went another week without my 6 days. I'm the only one in control of my own life. And since we know I love to control stuff, there you go. I make me happy.

Plus CP bought me some beer. I havn't had it's icy coldness for quite some time, and I thought I had to definatly work out if I wanted to partake in a frosty one. Note to all: beer is an excellent motivator.

So, like...ummmm, three weeks ago I special ordered a ring from work. I had my eye on it, and it was never in when I wanted to buy it. So I ordered it. Then when it came in last week, I had to have it sized. I've been waiting three weeks, and up to five for my damn ring. I'm feeling lucky this week. Hopefully it'll be in tomorrow.

I can't find a picture of it even to post. That's how special it is. Well, maybe not, but it's different. It's just white gold, and diamond chips made to look antique. It'll tide me over, until I buy myself a big fat diamond ring one day.

I entered a drawing today to win some jewelry. I'm telling you the company is smart. You invest most of your money back into it buying shit. Anyways, it's for cancer, so I'm helping people out. I entered to win a Seiko watch, white gold with a pink face, cus it's cute, and twice to win a tanzenite ring, cus it's pretty sweet. The drawing is on Friday. Wish me luck.

I havn't had my hair done since April. April people! I have roots, and my hair is all scraggly. I can't get in for three weeks. I need to start pre-booking my freaking appointments a month in advance. If I was good at dealing with change, and trusting people, I could go somewhere else. But, I'm not.

I wonder if it's warm enough to go to the lake yet? I'd love to go swimming this weekend.

Send Help...

Hello, like, the year 1807? How did you live without air conditioning? Is this why people died in their 30's back then? Seriously? I'm just wondering. I'm ready to move into a cave or something. It's worth putting up with the bugs and bats for. I'd bathe in a stream, and the cats would keep the mice away. Shit, it's totally free too. Might not be a bad idea! Ok, with the shitty stuff going on with me, I had better not tempt fate. Hello, universe? Don't make me homeless to prove a point, K?

I was trying not to put the A/C in yet, cus I 'm too poor to afford my elevated electric charges. Cus my bills still too high. Ok, most dumbfucked thing ever happened. ...(so stupid I spent 5 minutes rewriting the word dumbfucked to find a more appropriate one, btw: impossible).. My electric bill is $262. Not for the month, but total.

I got online, as I do every month, to schedule my electric payment of $120. (which if you ask me is a very ample payment when my current bill is only $70!) I can't. I have to pay $192 or nothing at all. So, instead of taking some of my money, they'd rather get none of my money.

When did they start denying payments? I don't fucking know. So I tried 15 times to submit my payment. Fifteen times. I have to act like Fred Flintstone now, and use a paper, and pen, and write out an actual check, lick an envelope, and pay 40 something cents to mail them a payment. As if them saying I had to pay 192 is going to make me magically materialize that extra 72 bucks. "Oh, well...now that you mention it, I did have the money to pay my whole bill, and I was just bullshittin...here you go".

Yet again I state, if I ruled the world, I'd take your money no matter how much you gave me. Money pays the bills, dickheads.

School's Out For-Ev-Er!...

Boy, you can sure tell that school's out. There is just too many people out in the world when school's out. Does it make me old that I don't remember what the hell I did when I was out of school forever? I mean, I remember going on my "senior parade" where you write "94 rulz" and "Seniors" on your car windows with a bar of soap, tie toilet paper, and streamers to your windshield wipers, and drive around your school, beeping your horn with friends hanging out the windows and screaming. I just don't remember anything else. How sad is that? I know I didn't go out and toss my friends into street signs. That's for sure.

You think I'm making that up, don't you? Saturday night's been busy at the old police station. I had some guy come in for a domestic violence charge. Did you know, it's not domestic violence if you aren't married, divorced, have a child, or living together. Otherwise it's an "assault" charge. Had a hit and run, A couple bar fights, some mischeivious teenagers terrorizing a neighborhood - throwing each other into street signs. I think the kids are hopped up on the crack, or Oxy, or whatever the kids are doing these days. I mean picture it. "Ok steve, now, I'm gonna run, and you grab me, and throw me into that stop sign! It'll be bitchin!" And this was all before midnight! I can hardly wait to see what kind of drunks they haul in.

Friday night some dick was brought in on a DUI. He drove over the median left of center, crossed traffic in the opposite direction, off the road, and into an embankment, and into some woods. Dude was drunk. They had him in the back forever. A cab came for him, and had to wait around for him. When they brought the dude out, the officer told the cabby that if he drove him home, he'd have to sign a paper taking responsibility for him. When he said he was willing to do that, the dick didn't say anything. Personally, you'd never catch me signing custody for some drunk-ass stranger. But, whatever.

Dick's Mom shows up. Dick's like, 30 something, OK? When Dick tells the cabby he'll pay him for his trouble, he turns to the cop and calls him a liar. Dick proceeds to fight with him, because Dick claims the officer told him, a family member had to pick him up. Cop put the smack down on Dick, and told him to shut up, and not to act like he's bad because his Mommy was there now.

If he wanted to continue with his attitude, they could discuss it behind bars. Oh, snap! Dick didn't take the hint, and kept saying stupid shit like, "yea, it would be a pretty good night if you hadn't lied to me." Apparently the guy was retarded or something, I don't know. Cop told his mom that he has been acting that way all night and that he needed medication for his mood swings. Told Mom how he could have killed himself, and the people he cut off on the OTHER side of the road. The whole time Dick is insisting that the cop is a liar. Meanwhile I'm trying to pretend to be busy cus it's a little akward to be witnessing fights and doing nothing about it. When they finally left, the cop turned to me, shook his head, and said "what a prick". Well-said copper, well-said.

This reminds me of that section in People magazine where they put pictures of celebrities picking their noses and stuff.

"Cops, they're just like us"

Edit: The night brought in some drunk dude who's driver was arrested, and he had to find a ride. He hit on me for a freaking hour until his dad came to get him. He thought I was 22. He kept saying how cool I am and that I looked good, and wanted to know if I could take him home when I got off work. As if I would give some random drunk guy a ride home, to Springfield. Ok, cus I have nothing better to do. Is this the new way I have to look forward to meeting men?

My $10 Subscription Made My Day...

Fun Trivia! Friday, in the matter of an hour it did which of the following? A -It rained. B-Downpoured. C-Hailed. D-Sunny and clear. E-Torrential rain, with 70 mph winds. F-90 degrees and humid. G-Sprinkling rain. The answer is "H" all of the above. Our state motto is "if you don't like the weather, wait 5 minutes". Although, I think that "construction capital of the world" might take over as the motto real soon.

Have I mentioned how I got Entertainment Weekly for $10 this year? Ok, maybe I did, but still, you have to admit, that is a steal! They love their past subscribers! So, I got two in the mail so far. Oh..how I missed thee. Let me count the ways. Well, let's not, but Hot summer TV 50 shows to watch. Hello- 50 shows I've practically never heard of? Stuff that's coming back? I remember a time when nothing good was on in the summer, and it was a HUGE deal when 90210 did their "summer seasons".

Oh, TV shows. I shall enter many of you into my TiVo to find and record you. And, we will see if our relationship will be magical or not. Let's see what I'm going to be watching this summer, Shall we?. Ahem.

Holey Shit!! They are bringing back The 4400. If you like heros, you should check this show out. Only, it's in season three and you might be lost. And since hero's totally stole their thunder I bet it gets canceled. But anyway they're like hero's, only the future stole them, screwed with their DNA, and brought them all back at once to save the future. But the present hates them. And wants them to all die. All 4,400 of them, just showed up one day! Poof! And they each have a power. For a season you thought it was aliens. But it isn't. It's flippin' awesome. On USA.

Big Brother starts in July. There is nothing better than having one of your shows on 3 nights a week. All they disclosed for the new year was they have to eat the slop again. Awesome.

Creature Comforts. This started already, and I'm pissed I missed it. It's claymation. I love claymation. It's a lost art. From the makers of Wallace and Gromit. Claymation. Ok?

Kyle XY. I started watching this last summer by accident, and turns out, it's a pretty decent show. I'm intrigued by aliens, even though I fucking hate them. Kyle isn't a known alien though, we just know he wasn't "born" cus he has no belly button. He's like a super human bred for murder or something.

My Life on the D List. I love this show. Mostly because if I had the ability to be funny for money, I'd totally be Kathy Griffin. She makes me laugh, and she hates kids. That's important.

World Series of Pop Culture. This is one of those shows you watch and say "I could totally win this shit" but you know if you really were on the show, you'd be just as idiotic as those schmucks are on TV. Anyhow, it's a lot of fun, on VH1.

Miami Ink. I love this show. When I first watched it I wondered how a show about tattoos could be interesting, but people have stories for their tats, and I love it! And how cool was it Kat got the boot last season? That's some good TV. Now she has her own show, that I'll be watching too!

One good thing about TV (ha ha ha like there isn't a billion) is that it gives me a reason to walk on the treadmill. Only, if I walked the whole time I watched TV I might not complain about being fat, now would I?

How Bout Those Cavs...

Ok, I really don't give two shits, hell, I don't give one shit about sports. But you can't exist without hearing about the stupid Cav's. So, they made history. For themselves. I think it just reassures that they sucked for what...40 years? And, I'm from Akron, where Lebron is from. It's even worse here. Get a life people. He's a man, not a king. I particularly hate basketball due to the squeaky shoe noise.

Due to me having a bad week, I visited the jewelry store at work. Being among the diamonds made me happy. I wrote down some stuff I want to buy when I have money. Good thing I didn't get anything else, because there was $47 out of my check today. Ouch.

Then today to make myself happy I got the ultimate grilled cheese special at work. Swiss, provolone, and american cheese on texas toast. It might have been the best thing I've had in a year, but I might be biased because I have PMS. And, I've not had cheese or carbs for so long. Unless you count the two donuts I had Tuesday. Kat came over Wednesday and we went for a walk. She made me laugh, and got me ice cream. Mmmm. Yesterday my friend Katie took me to lunch and we got grilled turkey panini's. I'm so glad that I deal with stress by eating. And only working out twice this week. I need to stop the madness before I gain the 17 lbs back and hate myself!

I have to work midnights tonight. So that means I'll be reading blogs. It's not my fault they make me work that shit shift, it's their pay back! Good luck to me getting any sleep before I work too, because it's 90 degrees. I sat outside on lunch and smoked and my ass crack sweated. There is no need for it to be so hot, that you can't sit without sweating!

We Interrupt This Breakdown for an update...

I miss the rain. The rain makes puddles, and one could trip, and fall face-down into a puddle and find some peace. I'm having a bad existance right now. I was doing so well with myself. Upbeat, working out, eating good, feeling good, laughing and carrying on at work, having fun at home. And as is typical with me, it takes one thing to throw me off-balance. One "crisis" can uproot my whole flow. And throw me into a hopeless, depressed state. Well, to be fair this time, it's not just one thing. It's a bunch of things having to do with my brother.

Stuff I'm forbidden to even talk about publicly. The gist of it is, my brother's got some serious issues, and I'm soley responsible for him and his well-being. And even that isn't as bad as it really is. I spent half a day looking for ways to help him, only to have the ideas shot down by everyone involved. No one wants to find help, but they sure want to tell me the help I did find, wouldn't be good enough for him. The simple problem is, he is still in the hospital. Having to go visit him. Take him food. Worry about the procedures they do. Then, when he gets out, he's staying with me. I have to learn how to clean his wound, change bandages, and hook up this vaccume to it to suck out the pus and blood. You're jealous.

Add to the stress of my brother, which is a truck-ton of bullshit, the fact that I havn't slept for days. When I do I have nightmares about me, about my family. I havn't had time to workout. for 3 days. Pile on a super-busy-shitty week at work. Then give a few dashes of your roomate not getting paid for their job. Freak out, and wonder how are you going to care for your brother, when you can barely support yourself? How can you pay the increased bills, when your roomate isn't helping, but sucking up the energy? Think about the mess you have to get your brother out of. Call yourself a fucking idiot, for trusting said-roomate. Beat yourself up, as only you can do with such precision. Let all of this soak in, and then leave the house to have your nervous breakdown. In private.

Go to work after spending time at the hospital, unpacking brother's wound machine, wash 4 more loads of his laundry, dry, fold and hang them. Steam clean your carpets, because now, the dog has also taken to not giving a shit about life and she's pissing everywhere she can. Argue with your roomate about not having the money he owes you, take a bath at 11:30 and go to bed. Toss and turn, and realize that you think you threw away your $300 earrings. Yea. Last week. I turned the house upside-down last night.

Go to work and have to re-do a project 16 times because your boss gives you the wrong info. The whole company uses said project, and no one does anything to take responsibilty for the fuck ups off of you. Then, have another manager get in your shit cus you didn't FILE A CONFERENCE CALL LOG. Seriously. This was the breaking point for the day, at 9 am, I proceeded to lose my shit at work. So, I had to tell my boss everything that's going on. She feels super bad, and said to take whatever time I need. Sure. Go ahead and have time off work, just don't expect to get paid. No thank you.

My brother needs more help than I can give him. I have a long list of things that need to be done to help him. He's not working obviously, while he is healing. He'll be relying on me. Me..who feels overwhelmed and unable to handle the task. When did two wrongs make a right? When did we start letting the blind lead the blind? Have I mentioned, that my dog is partialy blind too? Because I can't count on her to lead me anywhere. I'm not mentally stable myself. Obviously.

It's a hopeless situation. There is no possible way 1 person can fix the problems he has. Have I ever mentioned, how I don't want kids? Um, I think I have. Why? Because they are too much fucking work. Because if it's ok for my brother to live how he does, and we still love him, and bend over backwards to help him, why can't I get some handouts?

I get really sick of hearing how hard life is. People who think life is hard are fucking idiots. I have no compassion for them. All you have to do is live. How hard is living? Really? Your body does it for you. Feed me. Let me pee. I have to shit. Phew I stink. I'm tired. Oh yea, is that beathing I detect? I don't even have to remember to breathe? Damn! Life is easy. It sort of just happens.

It's what YOU make of it YOURSELF, that makes it difficult. Get a job. Go to work. Live somewhere that makes you happy. Have some fun. Surround yourself with people you like. I mean, seriously, what's hard about it? You don't make enough money, but you want to enjoy yourself sometimes, and have nice things? Get another job. Can't get another job? Get a second job. Quit complaining about what you dont have, and learn how to get it for yourself. Stop expecting other people to support you and your lack of ambition for your own life. If you dont give a shit about yourself, no one else will. I've been down. I've been out. I can certainly see how PEOPLE and CHEMICAL IMBALANCES can bring you down. But life? It's not life. Get some mental freaking help, and move on.

And that my friends, is the mood I've been in latley!

I never Said I didn't have control issues....

I'm off this weekend. I get to clean my house. And try to break into my brother's house and clean his shit-hole. He doesn't want anyone in there. For a reason. Like I said it's a shit-hole. You can't imagine the meaning of the word, and if I didn't think it would embaress him (hell, it would embaress me) I'd post pictures. But, I wont. He'd for sure make good on that childhood promise to kill me. We were real close can you tell?

He made it thru surgery. Mom called to talk to him, and mentioned that a Dr. Pervy had gone to see him in to one of the nurses. They said who? We call this guy my brother knows, Dr. Pervy because he is a Dr. and in fact, a pervert. Mom thought that was his name. For real.

So, I like my structure, to do what I want on the occassion I have a day off. I planned to clean my closets and maybe have a fire. I have to get all that shit done this weekend because my brother is going to have to stay with me a few days. I might be a super-betch because, I don't want two men's up in my crib. Messing things up. Leaving their shit all over. Eating up all my food. Of which I'm on a strict $30 a week budget. Invading my space, so I can't workout comfortably in my sportsbra. Or watch my TV. Or, be comfy on my own couch. Well, the exes couch that I stole. Same difference.

I think most people would think it's horrible of me to say that, but I don't care what most people say. I have control problems, and having two people in my house sucking up my electric while I'm steadily working two jobs pisses me off. Mostly, me not being around to tell them what to do and what not to do pisses me off. I'm a freaking mess. Wish me luck with this whole situation. The universe is testing me. Because I don't like to care for people, yet I say I want to have compassion. I figure I'll do it on my own time. I think people are mostly dumb fucks who don't try to do anything for themselves, so why should I do it for them? No one does it for me.

See why you're so glad I'm not YOUR sister? It's not that I don't want him there. It's just that it's too many people. And I'm not there. Um, like I said, controlling things.