Being alone use to terrify me. I was always so wrapped up in my partner's life, that without him, I was lost. I always put someone else before myself, so the absence of that distraction forced me to focus on me...and THAT me was obviously not a happy girl. I didn't want to think about myself!
The best thing that ever happened to me was to be single for 3 years! Sure, it is scary to transition back into being alone, so I never in a billion years thought I would think this way!
That being said, it has been a very long time since I spent any more than a few hours with a guy where I wasn't counting down the seconds where I could get back to my comfortable "single existence".
This is the curse, or blessing of living alone for over 10 years!
Two weekend's ago I actually had a really great time with HS friend, and I wasn't even counting the moments until he left. A night out turned into spending a lot more time together than I thought we would.
He took me to lunch the next day, where I watched an entire football game, and tried to like it! And I hate football!! And if I'm being honest, it is kind of fun to watch how bent out of shape people get over a sports game! They act like it's "The Bachelor" or something!
I even wanted to see him again at the end of last week without giving it too much thought. I mean, usually I prefer to be alone..I am alone so much, I really enjoy the time I spend with me! I'm kind of awesome.
Am I in love? No, silly! It's really OK to like a boy's company without wondering how well his last name will suit your first name!
And for the time being, I'm OK with that. Being alone for so long has taught me that it isn't the end of the world if someone decides they don't like you. Or if you decide that, as it turns out...things wouldn't work out in a serious relationship. I can finally understand that if things don't start to progress, it wasn't meant to be. It was a stepping stone, a lesson... a means to get you from one place to the next.
But necessary, nonetheless!
I'm confident in my ability to decide when something has gone on long enough without a commitment. I'll know when I feel like I want more, and if I ask and don't receive...I am just as confident in my ability to walk away.
Even though being alone for such a long time felt like torture at times, it turns out it was a blessing in disguise!
I even wanted to see him again at the end of last week without giving it too much thought. I mean, usually I prefer to be alone..I am alone so much, I really enjoy the time I spend with me! I'm kind of awesome.
Am I in love? No, silly! It's really OK to like a boy's company without wondering how well his last name will suit your first name!
And for the time being, I'm OK with that. Being alone for so long has taught me that it isn't the end of the world if someone decides they don't like you. Or if you decide that, as it turns out...things wouldn't work out in a serious relationship. I can finally understand that if things don't start to progress, it wasn't meant to be. It was a stepping stone, a lesson... a means to get you from one place to the next.
But necessary, nonetheless!
I'm confident in my ability to decide when something has gone on long enough without a commitment. I'll know when I feel like I want more, and if I ask and don't receive...I am just as confident in my ability to walk away.
Even though being alone for such a long time felt like torture at times, it turns out it was a blessing in disguise!
2 comments:
This was a really good post. I think it's so important to know how to be alone and just be you. It allows you a chance to get comfortable with who we each are and sadly a lot of people never ever do this. I've really enjoyed hearing about you dating and coming into this place in your life. Dude, you're hella inspiring.
@monica
this is why i blog and love reading blogs...you get to see first hand the real ins and outs of life! the good and the bad. it helps to know when you are not alone! Thank you!
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