I came across a friends FB status about wondering if there is one person in the world meant for just you, that will accept everything about you and love you regardless. I commented that of course there is. Otherwise, you will just stop looking, and settle for less than you deserve.
The longer I am single, the easier the wait has become. I have abandoned the "I'm lonley and miss being in a relationship" thoughts for the "I'd rather be single forever than settle for someone I think is just OK".
And at this point in my life, I see a lot of people who are just "settling". They are not really happy with their partners, they are going through the motions. Afraid to be alone. I don't want that for myself. I spent the better part of my life settling for less than I deserve, and the lesson is that I know now, that I am better than that! Alone is a magical place, that you live in until you feel like letting it go for someone else.
To some, I am a hopeless romantic. So what if I want it all? I deserve it! And I know that eventually, the wait is going to pay off.
I want to think about him all the time, while still tending to our own lives. Smile, and giggle when he crosses my mind. I want to be excited to see him. I want to love to kiss him. I want to think that snuggling with him is as close to heaven as I can be on this earth. I want to feel safe when I am with him.
The common theme is, I want a feeling. It's not anything that can be put into words.
Until then, I am pretty content with being single. I'd rather sit at home on a Friday night and watch movies and drink wine with the cats and the dog, than go out with someone "just to go out". Or, be dating people just for the sake of dating.
I feel like that is for people who don't know what they want.
Whatever life has in store for me, the good news is, that I am happy just where I am at this moment.
4 comments:
I'm 41 now and have discovered that you're both right and wrong about your beliefs on partnership. I realised a while back that there might not be a perfect person out there for all of us - we're not entitled to have a partner - we're just lucky if we get one.
I also wanted to have that perfect 'feeling' about someone; thinking about them all the time etc - I discovered this is unrealistic and more of a modern view fed to us by films. It's like that at first but then it's unsustainable. It's then more about trust, loyalty, companionship, sharing goals, being able to speak freely and not be judged or criticised, supporting each other -all those boring things!
I read up on long-term successful couples who were still happily married after 40 or so years and they said the same. The flush of romance fades and is replaced by something deeper and more meaningful. Personally I find the longer-term part of things hard and prefer the short-term gains myself!
I'm still at odds with it all; I like to think there's someone else out there (statistically I also read there's 100's of right people out there for us based on our criteria for love) I see people I think are really happy then find they're not. Some of it is a sham, some people I think have settled only to find they've both gotten exactly what they wanted from a relationship.
We're all different and one persons idea of love is different than another's. I do know I can;t live with another person though - it's the kiss of death! Sorry, I didn't mean this comment to go on so long, it's just that I'm ahead of you on the curve on this one so wanted to share what I'd found. We seem to be looking for the same thing; sometimes it ends up looking different than you thought it would.
I do agree though - my mantra has always been "I'd prefer nothing to nothing special".
Life's too short to settle! I would rather be alone that be with the wrong person just for the sake of being with someone.
I like you are very present to everything around you and honest with yourself. There's something very freeing about that.
whitespace:
agreed! i have just yet to have the fun feelings of the beginning of a relationship with anyone in a long time. That's where it counts!
Teena:
So true!
Allison:
thank you, lady!
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