Survivor's Guilt.....

Ever feel guilty because you got something when other people didn't? It should be a testament to my work ethic I suppose, but I feel like crap! At job #2 last night a lady told me right when I got in, that they laid her off. She'd been there a little longer than me, and it was her only job. They said there is not enough production, and her jobs been permanently eliminated. Next thing I know, my good friend comes to sit down and packs her stuff up. She got laid off too. Then, people start talking. Apparently, 7 people on my shift got laid off.

The first thing I thought was, well, I'll get to go back to the gym!! And have a life! Immediatly followed by, "how will I pay the government the $600 they are robbing me of for my taxes?" and then "how will I survive when I havn't been saving what I should be". If anything, it's a wake up call not to take my job for granted, and be prepared. I guess no one is ever really safe.

Each time someone got up, we would look to see if they were going into 'the office' to be let go. About 6:30 my supervisor came over and asked if they called me back, I said no, not yet. She said if I'm still there, I'm probably safe. They were doing layoffs at the beginning of your shift. So all night when people came in, they would be called in to the office, come out, and pack up their things. It reminded me of the last day of school, exchanging names, phone numbers, addresses. I guess I never realized how many people I actually liked at that job.

I heard that there will be more layoffs in September. I think it's only a matter of time. So, I put my nose to the grindstone. I have to make all the money I can while I'm there. I can't help but feel guilty. Some people needed that job more than me. It was their only income, and source for health benefits. To me, it's extra money to get me out of debt. I could survive without it. I guess keeping up my keying times, and not calling off had something to do with it. That is all I can think of. And, I've never been written up, and I don't complain. I go to work and do my job, and go home. Now, I don't know when I'm going to quit. I'll feel bad leaving next month!

P.S. My Edwin Cd is freaking awesome! A little different sound. The one that will be released "Babylon" is a little harder than his normal stuff, but not hard rock.

P.S.S. If you didn't watch LOST last night, WTF is your problem???? I read on the boards long ago people thought this was all in the survivors minds, that they were all in the mental hospital. It seems a lot of fans ideas get tossed into the show. I think they like to fuck with us.