How to (NOT) Age Gracefully...

I have been reading a lot about aging gracefully lately.

50 is the new 30!! When you are 30, your life begins! When you are 40, you really know yourself, and happiness! You are comfortable in your own skin! When life hands you lemons, make lemonade!

I don't wanna. It doesn't interest me!

I wanna age.... and bitch and moan about it, because I am good at bitching and moaning, and not being graceful. (I've learned in my almost 30 years, that it is good to excel at something, so --might as well be bitching and moaning!)

In my Oprah Magazine this month there is an article titled:
"What do women fear about getting older? Everything!"

She had this to say about aging:

I find I have little tolerance now for pettiness and superficial pursuits. There's a wealth that has nothing to do with dollars, that comes from the perspective and wisdom of paying attention to your life. It has everything to teach you. And what I know for sure is that the joy of learning well is the greatest reward.

And, since I know you care, I have this to say!

Seems to me, that getting older, is kinda like pregnant ladies. When people are pregnant, they want YOU to be too! (I call this, misery loves company!) Oh, its fantastic! I feel Great! It's not that bad! Sorta like, they don't tell you the WHOLE story, so you can go right ahead and get yourself in the same predicament. They play down the sickness, bloating, all the crap that changes with your body, the pain of child birth, the cost of child rearing etc... Same with aging. When people are older, they have to say they like it cus they have no choice!

When I wake up in the morning, all the lines from my cheeks smashing up into my eyes, stay there. I always have woke up that way, but now, their still like that when I get to work.

I use the anti aging face wash, and lotions, and masks, and peels. Pore refiners, blackhead eliminators, acne fighting, this and that. I got the copper infused eye cream. I got the wrinkle minimizer, eye enhancer, lip enhancer (cus lips get wrinkly too!). I have age fighting sprays. I have cream for cellulite (which don't work and I think I am also developing cellulite now, which I never had, I attribute this to spending 95% of my day on my ASS!) I use all kinds of smoke and mirror tactics to cover these things up. I admit, I don't look that bad when all is said and done. (agewise!)

But the sad reality is, that I have to do that stuff. I wake up with all sorts of wrinkles. It gives me a preview of what I'll look like when I get worse wrinkles. I don't like it.

My boobs already ARE in my armpits when I lay down mom! I wont even start on the stray hairs, that seem to know when you are approaching 30, because I have never had to deal with that before. Poof! There they are!

Since I saved a few grand on the boob job (courtesy of my new bra) I think I'll save that money for laser surgery now. Get my wrinkles zapped away. I'll continue to color my hair, and maybe get some botox. I don't know why I fear getting old so much. But, it might have something to do with the fact that death scares the shit out of me.

Maybe it is because I feel like I wont have anything to look forward to. What else is there? What else GOOD can come from getting old? I dunno, but until I figure it out, I will continue to battle it, and cover it up. I am lucky that WG loves me how I am. I am unhappy with myself, and I am working on it. But I told him its a good thing, cus you never know what will happen when I get old. I do work out, I am hoping I wont lose muscle tone, and sag....aside from my boobs. Which, I have pretty decent breast muscles, I can move them independantly. Their just covered up with sagging fat boobs. Same with my abs. I am positive, I got some damn killer abs under the fat, cus I am closing in on Britney where the crunches are concerned. (Ok, so I do 100 a day, and she does 1,000, it is merely a technicality!)

My final thoughts on this (but this does not mean I will never whine about it again because I will) are that I wouldn't mind getting older if I didn't have to get wrinkles. I am a little over 6 yrs younger than WG so he won't leave me for a younger woman. (unless he wants to be minus a nutsack, but I didn't say that)

Today's Question:

What one thing would you most like to steal?

Mmmm...aside from a million dollars. I'd love to own the 'EDWIN AVE' street sign in Kenmore. I would take a picture of myself holding it. I would send it to Edwin to prove what a fantastic fan I am. If I happened to get arrested, then that would be even more reason for him to love me, he would see I risked going to JAIL for his ass! Now, thats a fan!!!!!!!!