I'm Getting Married..

If you have any interest in my life, you should be excited. I'm getting married!! I know, a million questions. But, I have no answers. All I can say is that this is the year I'm getting married. Why? Well, it's simple, I saw Edwin on TV yesterday, as a sign from the heavens. I have him in Tivo to record anything he is in, and in 2 years, nothing has ever recorded. Sunday, there he was. On a wedding show. He talked about his wedding, blah blah, but he said that he is going to be available to play weddings this year. I'M HAVING EDWIN PLAY AT MY WEDDING. I don't care if I have to get married in my back yard, and serve KFC, Edwin will be singing at my wedding.

I also think that I missed my 10 thousand dollar phone call. I got an unknown call, I never get those. I never give out my number, and I pay money for a private number. They asked if I was me, it was a recording, and I hung up. It was all those years of dodging bill collectors that snuck up on me and made me do it. As soon as I hung up, I remembered the contest I entered to win 10 grand...was automated. So...be a dear, and tell me that if I won 10 grand, they certainly wouldn't have a recording call me...right?!! I don't owe anyone money.

It's monday. The hot construction worker is back. The girls saw him having breakfast in the grill. He said he had a bad week when he came by the first time...and I looked at the name tag work makes visitors wear. So, now we know his name. When he came by this morning, the second time...what was I doing? Touching myself. I was rolling all the cat hair off of my boobs with my lint roller. How hot am I? I swear, I have the dumbest luck.

Today's funny is this. Out on break, and over security's walkie, you hear "be advised, you have two naked individuals swimming in the pond". I'm totally looking for this one in the paper. We have this pond between our two buildings. You can see the pond where we break, but through the tree line, so I didn't see anyone. They picked the wrong place to skinny dip. Those security guys live for something to feel important about.

Snot A Lot Going On...

I have no idea why we get colds. I think it's the government's way of killing us slowley. And, a way to make drug company's rich. Why hasn't any one cured it? For something so "common" I don't buy that they can't fix it. I swear in the future someone had better figure this shit out. Why do we just accept that there is no cure? We all suffer needlessly how many times a year?

First, I was stuffed up. I got the Robitussin for congestion. Then, all night at work, I'm like a faucet on full force. Sneezing globs of it, blowing a box of kleenex worth of it. You know, the snot, there was no end to it. Today, I went to get some Robitussin for allergies. The worst kind of cold is the crappy sinuses. When your eyes water, and you sneeze. Now, I'm not quite stuffed up, yet not quite runny and sneezy. I'd say I'm at a medicated medium, and I'll live with that.

Friday night wasn't much fun. It sucks working midnights, especially when you just want to curl up in your warm (CLEAN) bed with your warm pets and sleep for a weekend. Nothing exciting happened in the world of law enforcement. Some dude got his wallet stolen at the nudie bar at 4:30 in the morning. Then, the cops had to drive his drunk ass home, because two cab companies wouldn't take his beligerant ass. He probably deserved to have his wallet stolen. His wife was probably at home worried about him. Dickhead.

It's 2 am. All that has happened tonight, was one drunk lady got hauled in, then taken to the hospital after she was arrested, cus she said she'd kill herself. I had to go back to witness her breathalizer test, and her rights, and the whole time she kept talking to the officer, pleading with him and crying. I know it's wrong to drink and drive, but I can't help but feel sorry for them. Do you see why I marry and date the wrong people? I feel sorry for drunks. I can't believe that just came out of my fingertips. I'm such an asshole! Seriously though, the phone barely rang, and only 1 person has come in tonight.

I'm enjoying a nice vanilla nonfat yogurt, with some granola cereal. It's a good snack. I put sugar free strawberry preserves in it sometimes. Usually I pack the granola separate. I was lazy tonight and just mixed it together and it's sat for hours. Now, its like eating yogurt with oatmeal in it. No crunch. Not as exciting for me.

I got turkey breast at the grocery store, I usually get whatever non-generic brand is on sale, if there is no sale, then I don't eat meat that week. I'm not a big fan of meat. You could go two ways with that one... but don't. I got some natural kind that was on sale. It was everything free, fat, gluten, no hormones, I dunno, a bunch of shit. The funny thing is, it tasted like turkey. Like, when you make a turkey breast, and it tastes like turkey? Like, when you eat chicken with nothing on it and it tastes like chicken. You follow? I guess I don't want to really know what goes into most turkey lunch meat now.

I prefer to live in my own little world where food is concerned. I don't eat lips. Or ears. Or feet. Or penises. Again, don't go there. I don't like to think that while I'm enjoying my eggs, some chicken is lonley cus we stole her baby. I think I'm safe since I don't eat hot dogs. Just let me think that. Don't shatter my bubble.

Speaking of food. I stopped buying bread. I was getting the weight watchers low carb bread, but I still ate it too much. I'm what you call a carb addict. I love bread so much, I'd make anything into a sandwich. My top two favorites are mashed potatos and spaghetti sandwiches. I was always against cutting them out cus it's stupid to do when you work out, and I think you should eat what you want. I just buy whole wheat pasta now, not like I don't have ANY carbs.

Workin For The Weekend...For Work....

I seem to have caught a bug. I have some nasty sinus crap going on. I just love being sick, and then having to work overnight after a full day's work. You know, I'm lying.

I got my ring back today that I had plated! It looks brand new. Of course, I wanted it plated white gold and they did it regular, but thats OK because it looks beyoootiful. It's 10 years old. I got it for my second wedding anniversary. You know, 2 weeks before my ex husband left me. Bastard. I'm not bitter though. I have a nice ring to sport and he has a new ugly wife. Burrrrn. I'm mean. So what.

One of the new girls at work is all dressed up, (it's jeans day) so I asked her does she have a date tonight. She said she does in fact, have a date. She went on to say how she didn't really like the guy, because he is too dark. I guess I have to say that she is black. She said "I know that probably sounds funny to you" well, yes it does. But I guess we all have our preferences. That's how sheltered I am, right? She is the one in love with one of my VP's.

The one who today, when he brought me his mail folders, forgot his yellow one. Firstly, I'm suppose to pick them up but he loves to bring them back and smack them on the desk and scare me. It' all in good fun, don't worry. Anyhoo..I said "you didnt bring the yellow one back" to which he replied "Listen, I don't need you bitching at me, I got enough of that last week on the trip" I said "you didn't have a fun cruise?" He said his wife went with him. I told him that was his wife's job to bitch at him, and he said he wanted to quit that job. Daaaaamn. I gues he's cute because he is fun to joke with, but she finds him attractive. She said "now, he's not too dark" She cracks my shit up!

We get all the counseling forms from stores to go to HR, because our VP's have to sign off on them. I got one for that VP that was for an employee who had poor hygeine. He brought it back after he signed it and he said did you happen to read that? And I said yea, I did, and I laughed. He said, it was better than how the DM worded it. He said "I have to counsel someone who smells like he ate a shit sandwich". I laughed until I cried. It's my new favorite saying for when things stink.

Like the egg that I put in someones desk. I had a hard boiled egg in my bag for 3 days. I threatened my coworker with it when she was talking to the construction boy for me. I said you better watch it or I'll peg you with this egg. Yea, it's still in my bag. So I cracked it and put it at someones desk behind a box. I hope I'm not on camera. I clorox wipe'd my fingerprints off of it. You can't be too careful. So soon, I can say "damn (insert coworkers name) it smells like a shit sandwich over here" Those are my stories from work. It's all I got.

Being Shy Sometimes Sucks....

I am sad to report, that my hottie construction worker has left the building. He did however say he would probably be back next week. I saw him working out in the atrium today, and when he came by my desk I smiled at him and said "good morning". Cus, I'm so pleasant, and friendly. He said he's out of here today, but he might be back next week. The girls are all pissed I didn't ask him out. Um, I don't do those sorts of things. I'm old fashioned. That's probably why I also never get what I want. I'll work on that. I promise.

I think he is the drywall guy cus he was out fixing cracks, so once their done putting up the drywall they'll probably have him come back to spackle it. Or, whatver you call that. By the end of the day yesterday I had talked to him about patching a hole. Mmm hmm, I know what your thinking, but it was a hole in a planter. He's pretty cute, and I got up and fixed my hair today even though I'm sick and he left. He did do a dance for us that was adorable. He has some good moves. mmmm hmmm. Yup. Sure thing. See ya next week.

I watched Deja Vu this week. That was kind of a pretty gay movie. I didn't like it. I also got one of the 8 movies from horror fest....Grave Dancers. I'm watching that tonight. I can't wait, you can rent all the horrorfest movies. Heros is back on. Yayyyy. This may sustain my Lost withdrawl, long enough until Big Brother starts, and I then have a new obsession. I can't help it that I love TV.

It's bring your kid to work day. I spose it's a big ta-do around here. My manager brought her 2 boys, and one of the big VP's brought his son. They had some learning thing for them downstairs where they got different gems and learned how they are made. Their not real. Of course. And they had them set up display windows like our stores. Now, we have them shredding all of our old reports.

So did you watch Lost? If you didn't, don't read any further.........Ok, so I know everyone is probably pissed off that they think the Losties are dead now, and in some sort of limbo. But the producers specificaly said they weren't before. I don't buy it. But, didn't you love Hurley's response? "There were no survivors on flight 815, they were all dead" "What?" I think that the others have proven that they are pretty sneaky with cover ups, and I think they made it look like the plane was discovered with no survivors, to make them think they are all dead. Another mind game thing. Ben loves mind games...remember?

Jin used some kung-fu shit on the russian that I just thought was pretty bad-ass! I imagined that he'd get some points for that over at Aprpos of Something's Lost-vivor game. I thought it was cute that Sun was so happy to be having Jin's baby. I dunno do we trust Juliette? She's going along with Ben, but then she hates him, as she said off-tape after making he recording. WTF? Does she seriously think Ben will let her go? And we still don't know who the girl from the sky is. Although, I think she may have been the russan's replacement. Why else would he be running to find her? How did she know how to speak to everyone. She spoke english to Desmond, Spanish to Hurley, and Chinese to Jin, though Jin said he spoke Korean, and Italian to Mikhail. And what the fuck, Mikhail was fried on the electric fence! He's a pretty good faker.

Are they dead? Are they alive? Are they dead in real time, but alive in the past on the island? I dunno. I can't wait til Locke comes back and wants Sawyer to kill Ben. Some sort of test I think. Weirdo stuff man! I love this freaking show!

Sexual Harassment is For Girls....?

Happy Administrative Professionals day! I see no gifts for this particular day on my desk. *sigh*
I'm minding my own business at work, as I often do. Ok, so I brought my camera and I'm trying to capture my coworkers (CW) last days for a video I'm making her. Anyhow, they moved some of our VP's because their making some offices bigger. Making things bigger means they have men here. Working men. I like me a working man. That's hot, right?

Ok, so some cute boys walked by "the secreterial pool" and I told CW omg, did you see that guy??? She said uh-huh, you got a date tonight, I'm hooking you up. I said "don't you dare!". So we're talking, and here he comes by again, and shes leaning on my cubicle staring at him going "oh oh here he comes!" I was trying to get her to shut up, and I was throwing papers at her, which didn't work. When he turned the corner, he was laughing.

I said "good goin, CW, now there goes our eye candy!" She said "they love that shit, he'll be back alright, and he'll bring a friend". Being older and wiser, I guess I should have trusted her. Cus not five minutes later, there he went walking right by us again...with a friend! I said for god's sake, you'd think we were in a women's prison or something. Men....uhhhhh look, men. Oh well, a dirty working man is hot to me. I can't help it. So he's come by my desk quite a few times.

One girl said she totally caught him doing a triple take. They say when he walks by he looks at me. I'm embaressed. I have bad hair, and no make up on today mkay? But I do have a cleavage friendly shirt on. One time he came by and asked if we were done dancing. Cus we might have been dancing one time when he went by. I wonder if we can get in trouble for harassing the boys? It's made for a fun day. Hearing the power tools and having conversations like...

Me: "Ohh..the sound of a power tool. I like a good drill."
CW: "Especially the sound it makes when the screw goes in too far"

Oh yea.

The new girl who is training with CW is just like her. So now, they are both over there discussing how they are going to go find me a hot construction worker to go out with. They'll line them up according to single or taken. They said if I don't know what their doing, then I can't be embaressed. Uh, OK. Wish me luck making it through the next few days of construction.

One thing that stinks about working for executives, is knowing when someone is getting canned, and not being able to warn them. I hope that people felt that shitty when I got let go. It's one of my favorite district managers. He calls every day. I don't know why it's happening, but I have to set up a call for all my VPs mgrs except for him. And set up a call with him and all that managers stores. And I can't tell anyone. And I have to wait to the last minute and personally call the stores. That's what I've been doing all day. It makes me feel like crap-o-latte. Poor guy. Good thing I have a boy to distract me.

You Know What They Say About Idle Hands...

I was the busiest girl on Saturday. I got up at 10:30, and it was a beautiful day. I cleaned my carpets, upstairs and downstairs. Stripped my bed, and washed all my bedding. Steam cleaned my mattress. Euw. I don't even want to say how disgusting the water was that was sucked out of there. 10 years worth of grime. But I know everyone else's beds are likely just as dirty. Don't hate.

Then I steam cleaned all my furniture, and did several loads of laundry, and several comforters. Cleaned the rabbit cage. Scrubbed my back porch with soap and viniger, there was some nasty mold forming. Weeded my flower beds. Dusted. Did the dishes. Cleaned the rabbit cage. I even gave my stuffed Hello Kitty I sleep with a bath. After I steam cleaned the floors, I swept again. Then, I knocked a big ass potted plant over onto the floor. I got dirt all in my nice clean carpets. The good thing is, my new sweeper sucked it right out with no problem. I love my new sweeper.
After all of that, I had a delicious smoothie, and CP came over. We went on a bike ride for an hour. I was sorta worried that I wouldn't be able to hang like I could last summer, being my first trip of the season. It was nothin. Working out really does some good. I even got up the big hill on the way home, and my driveway from hell. I decided to try to take a nap from 7-10. That sure didn't happen.

You know, me and CP are friends now, and he does a lot of things for me, and I always tell him not to. It isn't like I expect him to or something. Well the other night he got ticked off at me for saying something about how I don't like worrying about his feelings, cus its hard enough to worry about mine. (was that mean?) Anyway...he said to me, that he does a lot for me and it would be nice if he got something in return. In essence, he wanted what is commonly referred to by men as "pussy payments".

I said are you really telling me...that you want me to have sex with you because you do things for me? He said yes. I mean, what is wrong with men, that they actually think it's normal to do stuff like that? It's not like I've never had a strictly sexual relationship with anyone, I am 31 you know. But this is CP, my former fiance. Sex only complicates things further when there are feelings involved. He tried to redeem himself and say that he meant something completely different, but whatever!

I got a present today from one of my VP's. He got me this gourd pot thing with a lid from the Caymen Islands. They are all back from their cruise. Time to be super busy again. Have I mentioned my ass hurts? from the bike ride? That's never happened before. I think it means my ass is less fat. At least that is my story.

From the Future Mrs. McCain...

We're having a food day at work. I made taco dip. Do you know how difficult it is to haul food in, when you have to walk a mile into the building, and pass 16 security checkpoints, and then maneuver thru a metal revolving door/turnstyle? Ok, well maybe it isn't 16 checkpoints, but it's three nonetheless, plus the turnstyle. Then, there is no refrigerator on our floor, so I had to put my stuff in one of my VP's little fridges, and that meant I had to swipe 3 of his waters in order
to fit my platter nicely. Shut up.

Know what's fun about a food day when you work for a big company? Catering. They pull up a little catering cart chock full of coffee's, teas, pops, candies, and cookies. The best part? They wheeled that mofo right up to my cube. I can roll on over to refill my coffee. And roll right on back. The leg action from the rolling makes me confident that I can one time steal a cookie, and burn it off, therefore not feel bad about it.

I havn't given you an update on the new girl in a while, and I know how you care about that. She has her good days. Mostly, she is the kind of nice that makes you look bad. Like, she asked if she should go get coffee for her VP's. Um, maybe if we only had one, but you can't properly kiss 3 bosses asses, and do all the work we have to do. She says she use to cut fruit up for her old boss. Umm screw that mess.

She also has an obsession with Johnny Depp. I know you're thinking I'm one to talk, since I might be a little too keen on Edwin McCain, but you don't see me writing "Mrs. McCain" on my
drinking cups at work do you? And I'm going to actually marry him, she has no chance in hell marrying Johnny. Get over it. You know, to make me feel better yesterday about the ex asshole re-marrying, someone could have reminded me how I am marrying Edwin to make me feel better. What the fuck is wrong with you guys?

Guess what? I suppose I still have my stellar job at the police station. They called me yesterday to ask me to work a midnight shift this Saturday. Sure, it sucks ass since I have to work midnights next weekend, but it's only one day, and it'll be extra money. Which I need. Desperatley. Go Me.

You wanna know who makes the best smoothies ever? Me. I do. *pats self on back* It's 1 cup of nonfat, sugar free vanilla yogurt, 1/2 cup ice, 1/2 cup orange juice, and a bananna. Put it in the smoothie maker and it gets the perfect consistency. My GOD is it good! And it's way cheaper than buying one anywhere. I can take off my pants without undoing them. I'll buy new pants when they fall all the way off on their own. It's expensive to re-buy clothes. I have no idea how
much weight I've lost, because I don't weigh myself, but I do know that I need to buy a new bra so I have lost in my chest. All my underwear is baggy in the ass too. CP says that I am really changing. He only sees me once or twice a week so he's the best judge. I see myself every day. Mostly I can tell in my butt. I pay special attention to it.

My earrings are paid off. Guess what that means? It's time for me to get something else! Mother's day is coming up, I suppose I could see if theres anything worth getting the Mother. Only, she'll have to get it in person. I don't think I'm shipping jewelry. Fugetabouit. Maybe it'll be like the electric can opener I got her for Christmas. I just never gave it to her, and she finally got one for herself, and she told me to keep it. I better pick out something I like then, just in case!

Exes and O-My God Shut Up!

First things first. Thank god Sanjaya is off American Idol. I think I could hear the cheers across the country. If one of those other kids went home instead, I would've quit watching. Now my Blakey can win!

So I went to get my hair done, and as usual I get some good dish at the hair shop. Guess What? My ex husband is getting married on Saturday. Married. In two days. Lawfully wedded. Husband and wife. Wife. Now, like 2 years ago when I thought he might be married, I cried for days over it. Dayyyyyys. I didn't cry this time, because I'm not really sad. I think I feel a
little disappointed for what I thought our lives would be at this point in time, but I'm not really sad over a loss. I know we weren't meant to be together. Deep down.

I do know he isn't happy. When we talked 2 months ago, he told me how he didn't love her, and that's why they broke up and put the house up for sale. He didn't want to get married again. He gets sick of being with 1 person, he hates it. He can't be faithful. All the shit he told me when we were getting divorced. They cheated on each other. They fight and beat the crap out of each other. Hmmm...it sounds strangely like me and him. I wonder if he realizes he's marrying his ex wife, minus the fact that I'm not butt ugly. Well, that was mean.

What I did say about this whole thing, is that I might have been through some bullshit in my life, especially with him. I might be divorced, single, recently un-engaged, but you know what? I've learned from every relationship I have had, and I don't think he can say the same thing. Not if he is marrying someone like he is.

None of his friends like her. (they didn't like me either) They boycotted his bachelor party. He told Hair girl he was done partying. (he did that for me too) She asked if I wanted to be her date to the reception. I declined. I couldn't see that. I just couldn't see him "happy" with another girl. I guess I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me. And I very well could spend my weekend crying over it, but I think I'll be OK. It's not that I want him, or even really think fondly of him, but I think it's something only an ex-wife can understand. It's been 8 years.

I spent that 8 years dating 5 guys. Living with three of them. Engaged to one. He spent those years having two kids, and staying with the second baby momma for 7 years. Seven. That's how long we were together. I spent 4 of those years living on my own. I never thought I could make it on my own, but here I am. Doing it every day! Men can't seem to do the same. They need to be taken care of. Most of them.

When I went to his house recently, he had fun showing it off to me, and trying to make me feel bad for not having my own house anymore. I lost OUR house to a foreclosure. He said I should own something by now. I said "I'm on my own, and I have been pretty much since you left me. I don't need someone to take care of me, and you have this because you have a girlfriend living with you."

He hasn't made anything on his own. He stayed with his Daddy until apparently, he moved in with this other chick. And, I have no children tying me down. I'm a free bird. I'm proud of me. I went from a codependant mess, who couldn't function without dysfunction in my
life, to an independant woman who hates the drama. I didn't know how to shop on my own. Sleep on my own. Pay the bills on my own. Live on my own. Be on my own. Think on my own.

I'm proud of myself for learning from everything. Taking the time to myself when I needed it, and bettering the person that I am today. The only regret I can say that I have, is that I have never loved anyone like him. I've been too afraid, the pain from that separation was unbearable. It was the only time I thought I would actually die from a heartbreak. I guess if I could change one thing about myself, I would get a little of my ability to love and trust back. I shouldn't let him still hold that after all of this time. He never deserved it to begin with.

Married. On Saturday. The fucking bastard. (that's more like it!)

Hello Lost Check...

Friday night I noticed I had only one check in my checkbook, so I got a new pack of checks, but didn't put them in my book, I left them on my end table at home. I was alone all weekend, until Saturday night when my brother and Kat were over. I didn't think about my checks again until last night, when I went to put it in my purse. I noticed, something missing off the front, at first I thought it was a checkbook cover perhaps. So I went and got my box of checks to see how they looked. They were all the same, each pack started with a green Hello Kitty check riding a dolphin.

This one started with a purple Hello Kitty with hearts. Looking closer, you could tell that the front should have been green, there was a check, along with it's carbon copy missing.
I got into my last check, and noticed there is a number missing between the two also. Fuck. The sad part is, it was someone I know, because I have never had the checks outside of the house. I asked everyone I know regardless of if they were in my house that weekend if they took it. Like if someone did, they'd say yes. I thought maybe it was a joke at first, ha ha, let's scare Monica. Only I'm not laughing. Once, my brother used my ex boyfriends credit card while we were on vacation, to charge $150 worth of porn online.

I could stop payment on it for $33 but the sad part of that is, that in this day and age, all one needs is your routing and account number to do whatever the fuck they want to do online. Bullshit. It's just what I need being that I'm down to one job. Someone to wipe out what money I do have.

I watched Charlotte's Web last night, and I decided that I want to have a farm. With a pig. And a sheep. And a goat. K? I'll get right on that.