Office Space....

At work yesterday, I was at the tail end of the project I'd been working on for days. Which was stupid post cards for the billions of employees stating how much money they had to sell to win the free trip this year. Printed on these freaking perforated cards. The process was long, and ridiculous. You know, torn apart, and stuffed into the corresponding labeled envelopes. I spent 5 hours on Friday, above the 8 I get paid for, doing this freaking shit. Not to mention the time over I've been working prior to, and after that.

Monday, the project is due. My boss leaves around noon, family business. We're almost done stuffing these stupid cards into a billion envelopes, and here comes the girl who sent me the file with the numbers I merged into my stupid post cards.

"How are you?"

"Just fantastic" (yes, I say this)

"Not for long. It seems A/P (note the blame being placed on accounts payable, when the girl who gave me the info is an analyst, mkay?) gave us the wrong (specific stupidly named sales report) numbers, and this may have to be re-run. Are you almost done with them?"

"Ohhhhh.....kayyyy....yes, they were due today, so they are almost done. And..I don't have any more post cards to re-run the new numbers on"

So I think to myself, I have the graphic, I can use card stock and re-create the stupid post cards, minus the perforations, I can use the cutter. I did spend a lot of years in marketing, you improvise. The downside? Our color printer is completely busted, and an outside vendor has to come fix it. In like, two weeks. Balls!

My peeps are already discouraged over the project, but I'm optimistic! About an hour later, here comes the analyst. She hands me a package of postcards (she was obviously hoarding to watch me sweat) and that made me happy. What made me happier is that she said we only had to re-do 36 cards.

The moral of the story is to always give someone totally shitty news, then back it up with some less shitty news. It's a great way to get someone excited about how you took a crap on them. And that's office politics.

I have to take another diversity class today from 1-5. I already took one as a team member. I have to take FIVE more as a supervisor. Five. That is 25 total hours I have to take. How freaking diverse do I need to be? Last week we had diversity day. Where I ate a lot of diversified food. The Saffron Patch was there, and I actually liked the food!! Of course, so was Alladins, mmm.

Bizzee...

I'm so super busy at work, that for once I feel guilty for blogging. I have been working over every day. Friday, I stayed until 7, and then took work home, where I worked until 11:30. I hate working at home it pisses me off. It's nothing of great importance. It's all this crap for a meeting. Well, I suppose it is important, but whatever. Not to me.

One of my cats has worms. Isn't that special? I picked something out of his butt/leg fur and it was moving. After a phone call to my sister to look it up online, concluded it is tapeworms. Which is from fleas. Which isn't suprising since my dog came home from my Moms with fleas and I've found at least one on her twice weekly baths. I can't treat the dog due to her miriad of skin conditions, so my best bet is to advantage the cats..treat them for tapeworms, and bomb the house. A flea infestation wouldn't take too long with 4 cats, a dog and a rabbit.

I've got some shitty PMS. So, I'm on a pretty thin fuse today. Everything is pissing me off. Sometimes it doesn't phase me that it's my time of the month. Othertimes it seems to overwhelm me.

Something fell off my car on my way to the boys house this weekend. It was scraping on the ground and embaressing me. I thought something horrid was wrong and I'd have to spend a billion dollars I don't have to fix it. He looked at it for me, and concluded it's the heat shield to my exhaust. And, it'll fall off eventually, until then I have to just turn up the radio. It's the American way.

The Most Wonderful Time...Of The Year....

Better than Christmas. It's the magical time in television, when new shows start. When seasons begin. Although, it isn't full blown Fall TV yet, I opened up my Tivo wish list and found my tailor-made category "season premier's".

To my delight, 95 programs matched my query. Ninety-five! Some of which were the new season's of Ellen, and Oprah! More importantly? Dr. 90210!

The only TV event that makes me more happy, is when the Entertainment Weekly Fall Preview guide arrives. I shut out the world, and read cover to cover about all the shows I might like. Pop in the complimentary DVD that comes with the issue. Then, I make a date with Tivo while we set them all to record. The whole time laughing to myself and wondering when I'll find the time to watch the 65 shows I already have tivo'd.

I might have a sickness. I've been super busy at work. I think I have re-done my reviews like 5 times. The last time my boss said I was too direct. So I had to pussify them if you ask me. Whateva! I've been working out at lunch, which is my new favorite thing, because then I can go home at 5. Well, except for the fact that I've been working til 6 latley.

Communication is a Concept..

Of course the girls said in response to yesterday's post to communicate my feelings. Can't fault the one guy for being honest. But, as it turns out, we did talk about it. And the manfriend is the one who brought it up.

It was like the third "talk" we've had about where we're headed in the relationship. Which is always nice to talk about, and get out in the open. The same thing was concluded. We're crazy about each other, are happy to have found one another, and see ourselves with a bright future together. We both think we are good catches (it's important to know your own worth) and think the same of the other. The manfriend wants to see more of me. Says it's hard to say goodbye. Of course, I'm nodding my head because, it's the same way for me. I mean, who cries on the way home from his house? Me. Who tells her cats that she misses him out of the blue? Me. (People..the cat's get it, ok?)

The only difference I pointed out, is that I am optimisitc about our future. I have faith that this is all happening for a reason. And he is struggling with that. To me, the crying when I'm happy, proves my feelings are real. I've never cried from being happy before. Ever. I've cried from being mistreated, and made to feel like dog shit. Never because my heart is so full if I don't let it out, I might explode. What a concept. It all gives me faith.

Most importantly I told him while it is hard to be 50 miles apart, try to see the good in it. The good being that we are both from similar pasts, where we went from relationship to relationship, and never spent time on our own. Moved in with someone right away. The distance has forced us to live apart, and even though it sucks balls, it has a purpose . He simply wants for us to see each other more. Who can blame a guy for that? I want that too. And, I'm working on it when I finally move closer to work, it'll be closer for us as well. He said that he also sees us living together, but is not ready for it right now. While I can say I want that, I'm not ready either. I don't want to jeopardize what we have cus he isn't ready. I can see that. He said he just wants to see how it goes with us seeing more of each other. Have us living together be a more natural progression.

He told me I'm more patient than him. Which I laughed at. I call it having faith. Patience, is not something I'm good at. I pointed out that he took hours to hang a picture on the wall. And can put electronic things together. And fix a computer. And he takes forever to do the dishes. That stuff, I have no patience for.

The anniversary thing, he apologized for. He said that it was important to him, and the comment he made was a result of his own baggage that has nothing to do with me. I gathered that from my saying "our anniversary" it stirred up thoughts that we should be married and have 2.5 kids and the white picket fence or something. Which, is not what I meant by it at all. I told him it is what it is, an anniversary.

I've been divorced almost 10 years. (long ass time) He's been divorced like, two. He says in some ways I'm way ahead of him because of that, and I can agree. It's a lot of work to get over a failed marriage. Work that is well worth the time and effort it takes. He says he wasn't looking to find a relationship when we met. (me either) So I asked him why he was dating if he wasn' t hoping to find a relationship. Which is a whole other topic, and his own personal business. But it's funny how things work.

All in all, I have a pretty good catch. He can communicate without my feeling threatened, I find him irresistable, funny, smart, and an all around great guy. I told him when I saw his profile the thing that caught my attention the most was "I am sure of who I am, and of what I want". I am too, and that is very hard to find. Someone who knows who they are, will enhance your already fantastic life without screwing around with yours.

And, we ended the night happily snuggling. With me staring at him and giggling. And being mad because he makes me so nuts. (in a good way) I woke up the same way too. Not wanting to get up, and leave his side...and him not wanting me to. Some day this will all make sense..

Who Didn't Labor on Labor day? ....

Show of hands...who watched the new 90210? Guilty. Who liked it? Me....I'm suprised I enjoyed it but I did. I liked all the little throwbacks to the original which were obviously put there for all of us die hards! Like "Silver" being Erin Silver, Kelly Taylor and David Silver's sister that was born on the old show...Nat still at the pit. Bringing Brenda back, and of course Kelly. Oh, and the girl at the beginning on the news being Andrea Zucherman's daughter, also born on the old show? Good times! Loved it. Tivod it! Hope they keep up with the guest visits!

Speaking of TV....how bout Jerry being HOH on Big Brother? Could it have sucked anymore? I'm so bummed about Renny and Keesha. My faves. Sigh. And do you think they will tell Renny about the hurricane? Like they told that one chick a few seasons back about 9/11 cus of her family.

I spent the weekend with my manfriend! (given) We went to a party at Kat's on Saturday, a guitar Queero party. Where people played guitar hero. In true nerdy fashion. I think we were the only ones really drinking. Honestly, what's the world come to when even the 30 something's are engrossed in video games at parties?

Will the next step really be "virtual" sex like in those futuristic movies? Kill me now.

Sunday we went to another cookout. It was a really nice day too! We had many coronas...and some blueberry vodka shots (yum?!)...and enjoyed a nice fire. And food. Yes, the food was good! I didn't even cook anything for labor-less day. I bought spinich dip and the bread bowl. I didn't even scoop the dip into the bowl, I cut a chunk out and stuck the container inside.

Monday, we tried our hardest not to labor on labor day. We did however, move my couches from down/upstairs. Luckily the neighbor was outside and helped the manfriend so I only had to take the couch downstairs. Men are handy like that. But mostly we lounged around in the a/c at my crib. And watched movies. Awake and Meet the Spartans. I spent three whole nights with my manfriend. It's blissful for me. Sigh....

In completely unromantic news. . .our anniversary is coming up, in, three weeks. He mentioned in passing how it had almost been a year, and I squealed with excitement "ohhhhhhh Iknowcanyoubelieveit our anniversary?!! Wouldn't it be fun to go where we went for our first date, for our anniversary?"

To which the manfriend just replied all non-chalant.. "I've thought about going back to go back, but you know I'm not big into titles". Meaning.....an anniversary is a title. I can't be exctied for our anniversary. I can't get cute cards. Or gifts. The day will come and go without even being any different than the next. And that is going to totally hurt my feelings. Which in the grand scheme of things is no big deal because we have a trillion other good things to focus on.

Just being a man? I mean, we ARE boyfriend/girlfriend. Isn't that a title? He calls me his girlfriend. Should I just let it go and not say a word? Well?

you have been deleted...

I'm having the kind of day where you had a fantastic weekend, and spent 3 glorious nights with your lovebug (that's the manfriend) and come back into work and delete some very important files.

My company uses outlook to post public files we can all access. Our department maintaines one. In particular, I maintain the list of all of our stores, and their important info which is the bible to many. I also maintain the schedules for all of our district managers. All of this and many other files are in said outlook folder.

This morning while posting the new store list, instead of deleting the one old file and posting the new one. I deleted the entire folder, and its hundreds of postings. No, it doesn't just go into the recycle bin either. IT had a good laugh at my expense. Luckily they saved the day. Seriously what would we do without an IT department? Cry. I think I'd do a lot of crying.

How bout that hurricane?

P.S. Thanks for the info on records. I could not for the life of me remember. And Mom sold all my records at a yard sale. Even Winnie the Pooh. Even Puff the magic Dragon. Even my sisters high school marching band! (yea, they made a record, how totally 80's is that?)

A Poll...

I can't elaborate right now as to the why, but I need to know the answer to this...

When buying a record, what is the normal speed?

Like, I remember I had 45's of puff the magic dragon. But what would the entire album be?

Is it a 33?

It's quite important.

Read This!...

Believe it or not, people do actually ask me how I got where I am mentally. How to change your negative thoughts around. Funny, because I use to be a big old ball of controlling emotions. A.k.a I was crazy. I actually came inches from stabbing my ex husband as he layed in bed. He totally deserved it, and that's not the worst thing I've done, or was done to me. The stories I could (and have) tell. Men drove me to those limits, so I thought. But in reality, I was the one in control of my emotions. No one did that to me, I allowed them to. The only one you have control over, is you.

I always say positive thinking helped me. Or, I read this or that book. So I compiled a list of books I think everyone should read.

Codependant No more - By Melody Beatty I read this one a couple times. It helps with control issues. Um, yea. This and therapy helped me. And, getting out of shitty relationships.

The language of letting go - By Melody Beatty which has one of the best lines ever..."Today I will trust that the events occurring in my life are not random. My experiences aren't mistakes, and the Universe, my Higher Power, and life are not picking on me. I'm going through exactly what I need to go through to learn something valuable-something that will prepare me for the joy and love that I'm seeking."

The Struggle For Intimacy (Adult Children of Alchoholics) By Janet Woititz Cus being thru hell with men, teaches you to build up big thick walls, and keep everyone out!

One Day My Soul Just Opened Up - Iyanla Vanzant - My friend Katie got me this when I was going thru my divorce. And once I was on medication (and bathing and feeding myself) it really helped me for a couple weeks. Until I got into the next abusive relationship. I didn't truely appreciate this until almost 10 years later when I started truley working on me.

The little book of letting go - Hugh Prather - I blamed my ex husband for years for "ruining my lifeand relationships. After all, because of him, I was afraid to open up, or continued to let men hurt me. But the key to that statement is, I let them do it. This really opened my eyes to the fact that he wasn't the problem. The fact that I still held on to the hatred after all this time, was my problem. "Failure to let go eats up the chances we have to be happy"

He's Just Not That Into You - Greg Beherendt, Liz Tuccillo, Lauren Monchik (which is being turned into a movie I saw the previews for) As silly as this book seemed, I really did need to read it. "You are worth a phone call". It shows us, as women the billions of things we explain away with men. "Oh, he didnt call me for a week....he was busy." No, if he really dug you, he'd call you to tell you he was busy. Or thinking about you. Open your eyes and read the book, and trust your intuition!

Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus - John Gray - Every man and woman should be required to read this book before entering into any relationship. You will learn that men do things because they are men. Not because they want to piss you off. The best thing you learn is that men physically can not multi task. They can't hear you while doing something else. They just can't. I bet that saved a marriage right there.

I'm So Wonderful Why am I Still Single - Susan Page - You ARE wonderful. While I learned the best line from my therapist, about people being the right size shoe, not the wrong people for you, what you have to learn on your own is that you are wonderful. When you believe it, so will others.

Self Matters - Phil McGraw - Yea, Dr. Phil. I liked this because it has a companion workbook that you write in, and it forces you to do the work.

Change your Thoughts Change Your Life - Wayne Dyer- I read this right after the secret. It got me completely excited about the law of attraction. Made me think that thoughts were more than passing things, and that they really can manifest change in your life. Memories are thoughts, but they make you feel emotion. Thoughts are more powerful than you give them credit for.

The Power of Intention - Wayne Dyer- teaches you how to focus on what you want in your life. Like attracts like. Believe that. Helps you turnaround your stinking thinking. (negative thoughts)

The Secret - of course, the secret. Which actually came out after all Wayne Dyers stuff, and many others. It just sort of "revolutionized" 'right thinking'. It's a movement you want to get on.

Suckage...

I didn't get to see my manfriend last night. Which totally blows, because if I don't see him on Wednesday's, we're a weekend romance. Sigh. He had a long trip last night at work. I told him at 11 it was too late cus by the time he got there it'd be time to go to sleep. I may love snuggling with the boy, but it's an almost hour trip.

I keep telling myself the right place will come along for me to move to where we will be closer together, and I'll be closer to work. Closer will still be far, but until we decide to take the big leap, that's all I can do. I also cried last night. I'm such a puss when it comes to him. I kinda can't stand it. Sometimes I wonder wtf we are waiting for. I have never dated someone a year and not lived with them (except in high school). And then I remember, I also am not with any of those people anymore. And, the boy has never been on his own before, and I firmly believe everyone should make it on their own. I have mixed feelings about it. I know waiting is right. But it hurts. And it sucks. And writing about it is making me wanna cry again. Next!

My ear still freaking hurts. It's my throat/ear. It's probably because in true Ohio fashion it was 100 degrees, and now it's in the 60s at night. So, my boss says I'll wind up with vertigo. Then Erin scares the crap out of me with her ordeal. Web MD says, they go away on their own. C'mon people! Stop scaring me! I've been too worn out from it to workout, and that's making me depressed. I am one of those people that neeeeeds the exercise as a mood stabilizer. Otherwise I'm like...eh.

I made hummus last night! I'm in love! It was super easy. Only, I don't have a food processor, and used the blender. Hallelujah! I also didn't find tahini, or sesame seeds to make it, so I used olive oil. I'm going to make red pepper hummus next.

And my blender kinda took a poo so I'm going to have to get a new one. After I made that I tried to make a smoothie and all it did was kick the ice around. I've had it a while, I guess its time has come. I plan to eat hummus until I puke. That's awesome.

If you need a good laugh, click here.