Space Ship Sighting!...

I don't know about you, but aliens scare the shit out of me. I was fooling around with google street...which I have decided is useless to a person that lives in BFE, but may be awesome if you live in a city that is on the map.

I looked up the interstate for shits and giggles, and asked it to show me the traffic at 5:00 on Monday. Well, apparently on Monday there was a space ship on the highway!

We are not alone. I found proof. This might be my big ticket outta here. My claim to fame. My opportunity for greatness! Maybe they will take me to their leader. And their leader is my manfriend. Squee! Awesome!

When I got up for work on Thursday, the manfriend was being so stinking cute, I'd try to get up and he'd pull me back into bed to cuddle with me. When I made it halfway out of bed, he had hold of my draws. I gave him a zillion kisses, and eventually had to get up. Why can't I win the lottery and spend my days in bed with that boy? Really, universe, where is the harm in that? Arrrgh

Ok, Big Brother. Who is happy about the new HOH? Me! Me! Me! I'm not happy Libra went home, but then I liked keesha too so, it was a toss up! I was watching You Tube of the live feeds and found one thing particularly funny. April was upset over some interview they did on a talk show (which wasnt disclosed) and he was asking her questions about Ollie and it upset her she said "My Daddy's gonna watch this show". Like, two seconds later, I'm watching her bang Ollie under the covers. Over. And over. Now, I'm not a hater, have your sex, it's good for you. But does she not realize that she is on TV? And that may be more upsetting to her Dad than some stupid questions on a talk show?

I can't stand April. She's my new Michelle.

Not a Very Christian Thing To Do...

I always say, to each their own where religion is concerned. I belive in something, but it's called me. I believe in me. I know that I am the only one responsible for myself, and I can't ask "someone" unseen to make my life better and lay around and expect it to happen. That's just retarded. I lean towards buddhist beliefs because of this idea.

It scares the people that I know that are "die hard bible bangers" because they think I worship false gods. Gasp. And they always feel the need to tell me that I may go to hell. Well I can't go somewhere I don't believe in. Like I actually care. It makes me laugh. I have my own beliefs. They aren't less real because you don't accept them. Compassion is the common denominator in most religions. We can agree on one thing.

Anyway, I don't want to get into how much I disbelieve in this whole website, but I saw this on geekologie, and thought it was hilarious. These people are taking your hard earned money, to send an email to your loved ones once God swoops down and takes them all in the rapture, and you (I'll be there too, we can hang out and drink wine together, don't fret..) are left behind because we are sinners. Seriously?

This is my favorite part ""WHY" is one last chance to bring them to Christ and snatch them from the flames! "

Ok, so, I'm more jealous I didn't think of this idea, than I am outraged.

P.S. I officially gained 4lbs on vacation. In a week. It's been two weeks trying to lose it again. I'm also blaming my period. Because I am a woman, and it should at least have some use to me.

In the great scheme of things....

Back in the day, my friend Katie and I use to be able to watch Jerry Springer and that brought us joy because we could say "at least I'm not that chick who had 10 kids by her cousin". Or, "at least I didn't slave all day for Thanksgiving dinner, only to have a food fight on national TV". (remember that episode?)

You know, there is always someone out there bigger than you, hairier than you, uglier than you, more fucked up than you, their boyfriend is a bigger dick than yours, house is shittier than... You name it. In most cases, you should always be able to say, "my life is great" because in comparison to others, it's pretty flippin fantastic. Even if you're standing on the side of the road begging for food with a sign, at least you have a sign. What if you were deaf/blind/mute and had no sign? Then you'd be pretty pissed off. And hungry. See?

Since we don't have springer anymore, (come on you know that shit's made up) and you can't all have my ex-husband to be thankful you're not married to, fear not! I'm here to help. There are people in the world more screwed up than you. Unless you are one of these people. If that's the case, you may want to seek professional help. People actually want to be elves. If you want to be an elf and do this to yourself, I'd say even professional help may not be enough. My guess is that my friend Kat probably knows some nerd who has these.

Big Brother. Ok I think Michelle might be coming around. Maybe. I wish someone would kick Jerry out and make him watch the first HOH when everyone bullied him into doing what they wanted. I'd say he betrayed what, 3 people that week? He needs to shut up. I don't like religion, but if I did and someone was knocking me, I'd punch them in the face. Cus, that's totally what Jesus would do. Oh and did you watch the house calls when Steven told everyone Jerry calls Libra "the colored girl" when he can't come up with her name? That's way classy. He's one of those old farts who will use age as an excuse when convenient for him. He's racist, cus he's old. That's probably OK, right? But don't say he can't cut onions with the best of them cus he's 75 and should get an award for winning that veto. Puh. Leez.

Is it too soon to start the official countdown to the return Heros? It's only about a month. I love and hate heros (for the same reason as Lost...) because you cant say to someone "oh, you should watch heros". Cus you can't. You have to watch the whole series to understand it. You can't start now, and fully grasp why you should fear and hate Sylar. (dude just looks scarey!) Or how Hiro almost saved the world. Or, that Or why when Peter Petrelli goes into the future, and gains all his bad-ass powers, he becomes my favorite character on the show? Or why is everyone trying to save the cheerleader. Why is Claire's Dad such a tool the first season? You can't.

P.S. Doing two workouts today. B-l-a-h!

It's Electric...(boogie woogie woogie)

You remember how I was complaining that my power kept going on and off for no particular reason, and then the maintenance guy took a week to figure out the issue and fix it? My electric bill was also always around $100-150 for the month! Yea, for just me. Even when I was home for 2 hours a night before going to sleep, it was around 80 a month. I live in 65 degree winters inside and darkness cus I'm so cheap, and I pay out the ass for electric.

That was only a couple of weeks ago, and only 1 week shows on my new electric bill, and it's already cheaper. So, guess how much my electric bill is? $36.43 for the month.

Guess how much my total due is? $65.50 bucks! I get charged from Ohio Edison $29.07. Almost as much as First Energy charges me for my actual electric usage. I also get a 5% credit monthly for signing something a couple years ago. But seriously, this whole energy thing is a racket!

At least, my electric bill is now under $100 a month. I can't wait to see it after a full month of no electrical suckage. I knew I barely used any electric for fuck's sake.

What else is new. I'm sick of a person who works for me. I can't wait until I give her review, and she sees that she dropped 15 points from her last one, being that we are friends I'm sure she expects more. But, I was honest and went over and over it with my boss. She's slacking because I am her boss, missing deadlines. She has an attitude with me when I assert any authority, for example, telling her what has to be done first (which is the same every freaking month) when I see her skipping tasks. Because "I don't like doing that". Yea. '

It's like I told the manfriend, I was unhappy with my job, but did I stop working? No, I looked for other employment while keeping up with my work and even doing more. And then I got promoted! I don't expect any less from anyone else. She should at least be doing her job "as expected". And that means not bitching about being busy, while you sit online and piddle all day. After.....I helped you stuff hundreds of envelopes to get you out of the hole. Oh yes she did.

Certainly Not a Boyscout..

I wouldn't complain about the manfriend. But if ever I wanted to complain about something it would be his lack of preparation. I'm pretty sure a nice organizer, used properly would fix that. He forgets a lot of events, or details of events. This weekend was one such incident.

Saturday night we met his friend and his girlfriend out at BW3 to watch UFC, which if you don't know is fighting. I really had no interest in it at all, but it was kinda funny to watch the boys roll around together on the ground. (gay) They also had interesting choices in underwear. The girlfriend told me I would like it if I watched this reality show on Spike TV. She is also obsessed with Big Brother so she must know what she's talking about. Reality show? I'll pretty much watch a reality show about anything, so I may check it out.

We're outside for a smoke and non chalant the boy says "Oh, tomorrows the (insert manfriends family name) reunion at 3, do you want to go for a while?" Meeting the reunion family? Kind of a big deal to a girl. Remember, we have a "long distance" relationship so what I have with me is what I have with me. I can't just 'drop by my house' and get a few things. I said "I don't have supplies for the shower. And I don't have anything nice to wear" He told me it's informal. Then he said it was at the Cleveland Yacht Club. Uh. Yea. He apologized for springing it on me but kept assuring me that it was no big deal that I wasn't wearing something nice. (side note he never said I didnt have on nice clothes, I did..)

So, I showered with my girlie stuff I have at his house (from his mom, cute!), but had to wash my hair with his manpoo. Which doesn't leave your hair soft and shiney at all. Then, the best part, was blow drying my hair with a high velocity fan in the hall way. I had a great wind blown look going on. Then, I put on my jean cut offs and t-shirt and trucked it to meet the family. I felt so classy.

The best part of this story, is that you know how I've been doing a body cleanse, and my pipes have been sort of clogged since vacation? I have been that cleansing system for 5 days, and when does it decide to start working? At the (insert manfriend's family name) family reunion. With two of his relatives in the small bathroom with me. Oh yea, have I mentioned it makes it smell 100 times worse than poo would normally smell? Yes, I can imagine I'm the manfriend's classy girlfriend who drops a stinker in the crapper, and under dresses to family functions.

I saw a toddler picture of the manfriend. They had a baby photo contest. He was probably one of the cutest kids ever, and I don't like kids. My new name for him, is goldilocks. It's pretty cute.

Have I ever stated how much I hate sports? Especialy when they interfere with my freaking TV shows? Big Brother didn't record. I got the first 10 minutes, which was the HUGE blowout with everyone over Jessie going home. Does anyone outside the house even care that he's gone? I didn't think so. I'm watching the episode right now. Here are my thoughts. Um, when did Jerry get so high and mighty? Wasn't everyone pissed at him for lying the first week? And he "took off all my marine gear so that makes lying ok". Dan took off his cross, so whats the difference? I hate hippocrytes. I wish I could smack the shit out of Michelle. I hate her.

Not as much as I hate Jessie. If you havn't watched the House Calls where he got the boot, you have to. It's right here. Evel Dick asked him 10 times how it felt America voted him out, and he won't admit that they did. He is a total freaking idiot. This is classic.

A little about Big Brother...

This work thing is interfering with my internet usage. One day I'll have another computer and be back online. I'm hoping this month. While Big Brother is still on. I never seem to have computer access when I need it. Dayum.

So, Big Brother...does anyone else hate Michelle? I can't stand her mug. And her stupid attitude. She seems so.....80's!

That comment she made about Libra being a bad mother for taking the Hawaii trip over the unitard, was uncalled for. Who wants to wear that thing? Not you, you stupid betch! Who wouldn't do the same thing?

And I cannot Stand...when someone votes out someones friend (good riddence Jessie) and then that person wins HOH and you are stuck watching them dance around like an idiot and making idle threats, and shout outs to the evicted person. Shut the hell up before youre next out the house.

I guess my favorites are Keesha, Dan, and Renny. I also dislike Jerry. He has a big mouth for an old guy.

P.S. Working out after 9 days off pretty much sucks the big one. I am kinda sick of it. Then I get to work, where Kat sent me two pictures from 2 yrs ago, when I was a big lard and it makes it all worth it. I really can't believe that was me.

Got it Bad...

The manfriend and I had a fantastical conversation on date night. Firstively, we totally missed each other, and it felt amazing to touch him and kiss him and squeeze his buns. He said he had a dream about me. I told him I had two about him. We analyzed each others dreams and it turned into an interesting conversation. One of mine was about aliens (way long story short) who wanted us to reproduce for them. I was all alone running from them, and the manfriend found me and saved me.

He said that when you are more intimate with someone those things come up, like babies. I said no, it doesn't mean I want to start having babies, and he said he didn't mean it in the literal sense. My other dream was about my friend Kat's cat knocking him out with a baseball bat. I know, weird. But the fear of him dying, him being there for me when an intruder came in the house, were all signs to me that I feel safe with him. I don't remember the last time I felt like a man would protect me. That I could take down my harsh exterior. That I could 'be a woman' and not independant to a fault. What an amazing feeling.

We then talked about vacation. He told me that he wasn't taking notes, but he wondered what it would be like "in a living, day-to-day situation" with me, and he was really happy with how it turned out. He said he loved waking up with me in the morning. (I loved waking up with HIM in the morning) I told him I guessed I was doing the same thing, wondering what it would be like to be together so much. We talked about how we like each other for who we are, and for the first time for both of us, that's nice. We talked about walls. We talked about why we make each other so "mad". Which he said he thinks is us taking part of each others wall down. When I say that I'm mad at the boy, I only mean that I have feelings that are so beyond my control that it's frustrating. In a good way.

I make the boy mad too. He also cleaned his kitchen and gave me some silverware. Like, real stuff. I don't own silverware without plastic handles that is silver. He also gave me some sharp knives. I own none. I'm moving up in the world. I think it's pretty adorable that he thinks of me like that. I gave him a sea bean I got for him on vacation. I call him several variations of the word bean, so, it's fitting. And cute. And, he liked it. I also gave him a feng sheui bell I pretended to get for myself, but was for him.

What else is cute? This story from the vacation files.

We woke up early one morning. (oh, about 10am) and were outside enjoying a smoke, after a night of drinking (fancy that). The boy asked "know what sounds really good?" I ask what, and he says "an orange julius". "Mmmm" I said, and observed that my sister had frozen orange juice, and I could probably finangle one. He said it was too much work, and let's just go to breakfast at the old country pancake buffet. (something like that) I was up at the buffet plating my ton of eggs and potatos, (cus I don't eat pork) he walked by and told me they had ice cream! And, he was going to have an orange julius. He was pretty excited.

He sat down with his orange julius, complete with a big smile, and the waitress came over and said "you know that's butter, right?".....(pause for laughter)

The boy had ice cream scooped butter into his OJ and had the waitress not caught him he would've had a nice suprise. She said kids do it all the time, they get a bowl of it, and take a bite or two before they realize its butter. I told the boy after she left, see, all the kids do it.

In his defense, it was in a big ice cream tub, with an ice cream scooper. But seriously. He'll never live this one down.

A Sort of Recap..

(this is the meditation garden at the A.R.E.)




So, what did I do on my spectacular vacation besides the obvious, not poo, have lots of sex, and catch some rays? There was always stuff going on at the beach. There was performers, and bands. Saturday after we arrived we went to dinner at Sonic. I know most people think this is horrific, but you have no idea what it's like to be teased with the commercials showing yummy shakes, and delicious fried foods, only to have none to visit. Unless I want to drive 75 miles for some fast food.

We walked the boardwalk, and hung out at this bar Hook Up Cafe. We had Corona's, and listened to the best DJ either of us had heard. He mixed old stuff with new stuff, and it made ya wanna stay all night! I had a bathroom incident, when I peed in the boys room. Firstly, there was no toilet seat. Then I noticed the urinal. Then the lack of toilet paper gave it away. By this time, I had already began the flow, and there was no stopping it. Then a boy walked in on me. Perv. Later, the manfriend used the same bathroom without shutting the door. Maybe we had too many shots of Three Olives Cherry, and Corona's?

Um, the next day we spent lounging in the pool, and dinner. Oh, and more um, drinking. Then we went to the ocean for the day, when the manfriend had two spots unprotected from the sun, that practically fried off his skin. He was kinda pasty with his farmer's tan. Hung at the beach. Drank, hung out at the pool. One day it rained and we stayed inside all day and um, had some uhhh quality time together. Then we went out to a sports bar called Just Joe's. Which has no website. We had a great conversation, and watched skateboarding. Which we found interesting, since well, we were drunk.

We ate at Abbey Road one day, and went to the Purple Cow for purple ice cream. I also got moosetracks, which the boy had never had. So I told him it had moose in it. Why not. This is what happens when you eat purple ice cream. We also spent the day at the A.R.E. it was my second trip and the manfriend's first. We went to a seminar that I'll blog about soon. It was on soul mates, soul groups, and soul twins. We also learned that it houses the second largest metaphysical library in the world. Guess who has the first? The vatican. Imagine that. They don't believe in such things either. Wonder why I question religion.

Here I am pretending I was going to make a shot at Kelly's, where we spent our last night with my sister, and her friend Lauren. FYI I suck at pool. Not in the way that Lauren said she sucked then did fancy things like sit on the table and shoot the ball behind her back in her "it's not a real skirt jean skirt". (oh yea, I went there) But suck in the way that I don't even hit my balls with the white one. Mkay? This picture says it all. It says, I suck, but do you still think I'm cute? The manfriend looks shocked at my suckage. Guess what else? You can smoke in public in Virginia. How rockin is that? Some places are smoke free until 10:30, and others have smoking sections. We smoked at two restaurants! Hollaaaaa!

Oh yea, did I mention, I drank a lot?

Eh, I'm Back...

I'm back home. I'm not only getting over being on vacation, and at the beach, I'm also going through manfriend withdrawl. Gawd it sucks. I knew that it was going to be hard, but really, I had no idea. He did tell me that it was a wonderful bonding experience and that waking up next to me more than we've been able to is is wonderful for him. Even if I push him off the bed. Well, whatever. I loved waking up with a smile on my face, and going to sleep in his arms. We really did have a fabulous time. We had a ton of laughs, and so much time being cute, it is kinda sickening. We got along great, and each had a blast. We also did some talking which we both like. But shed some light on our future. Men are much slower at things (sorry boys). But I'll leave it at that and not air out his dirty laundry.

Speaking of dirty laundry, guess who texted me on my vacay? The old booty call. I dunno how many times I've told him that I'm in love. I said "I'm in Virginia Beach...Kickin it with my boyfriend". Then like 2 hours later he texts me "when's the last time you thought about us?". I didn't even respond. I mean seriously, why is it guys do that? Don't want nothin to do with you til you move on? Not that I'm complaining, because I happen to be extremely happy...but damn. Step off.

I don't want to stick us out on the net for the world, so I'm going to link some pics if you want to see us. The great unveiling of the boy. This is me and the manfriend enjoying our first day at the beach. This one we took on the dolphin cruise. And this is us lounging in the pool on our rafts.

I have lots more pictures to go through, but unfortunatley, I am swamped with work. My boss told me today I have to have my girls reviews done by Friday. Uh, gee, thanks for the heads up on that. It's month end, so theres the usual BS that goes along with that, and I have district manager reviews to prepare, (not write thank god).

While I was on vacation I had a little digestive trouble if you will. Like, nothing digested. At all. It kinda hung around like it was afraid vacation would end more than I was. I was pretty miserable for the most part. I usually have some digestion several times a day. I eat pretty balanced. So, me and the boy got whole body cleansing kits from the store. I started mine yesterday. So far, nothing has been cleansed. But, I'm looking forward to it, since all we did was eat and drink each day, I need something to clean me out. You're suppose to not exercise for the two weeks, but um, that's not happening. I am on a mission. Plus it's suppose to make you feel "fabulous". I'm waiting for that.

I also am trying to ween myself off caffeine pills. I've been taking them for years working 2 jobs. So, I tried all sorts of herbal energy pills. Nothing. I bought some guarana on vacation, and I think so far it's better than most substitutes I've tried. It's a horrible addiction!

Oh, I also have a few videos of dolphins to post!