"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort










Friday, January 27, 2012

Psychic Friends...

My girlfriend and I took an hour trip to visit with a highly recommended psychic, for a spiritual reading. I am open to all sorts of new age-y things, and I have been to one or two that told me the oddest things that happened.

So today I found out a ton about myself. I had an astrology reading, a tarot card reading, and it was innermixed with some oddly random, but true things she pulled out of nowhere. The strangest was the comment about how I can't sleep at night, (which I can't, especially not in my own bed..) and I know I should be journaling. I have journaled daily since I was 12. Just the previous night I pulled out my recent journal and noticed I hadn't made an entry since July.

I need to meditate more often (I didn't tell her that I do this) and start Yoga to quiet my mind.

I have sunshine in my relationship house, which means that I am at my best in a relationship.....very un-saggitarious of me..

Despite the two hours of information I had received, one thing was the screaming elephant in the room.... I had not gotten over ex-manfriend. I still hold on to material things, and therefore, emotional things. I know this.

As hokey as it may sound, I am to burn these things, and say a prayer on the next full moon, and release them. I'm all about it!!

I had a spiritual epiphany today, and I cannot wait to see what the future brings me on all levels.

I will definatley be going back. After I have done the work I need to do, to get to the next step!

The only thing holding me back from my happily ever after, is me.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Single girl in the Dojo...

My MMA instructor has an adorable resemblance (but much so much cuter, and has the most amazing green eyes *swoon*) to Jay Mohr. But more karate-like, and awesome. He teaches all the martial arts classes....so he's not the typical beefcake MMA guy.

It is pretty hot to watch him take someone down in a second flat...and maybe I have a thing for dominance?

Probably, because couple that with the Asian traditions, bowing, "yes sir's" when given an order, and calling him "master (insert cute boys name here)", mix them all together, and you have a recipe for disaster, waiting to bubble over one day and explode.

This week, he was sporting about a two day scruff, and looked extra dreamy. The lesson was how to take each other down. Get someone in a hold by the head, yank it to the side, and sweep their legs, bam! Down for the count, then you had to keep them there. Oh yea. (sidenote, my girlfriend and I had the most fun tossing each other! Knowledge..not power is the key to MMA!!)

I got to be the target and he showed me how to do it by um...taking me down, personally. I think I was blinded by the fact that this super cute boy cradled my head, and tossed me like a 5lb. sack of flour onto the ground in two seconds flat, and layed on me so I couldn't move.

I think I saw cartoon hearts when I lay there..because just as he got up, and leaned down to assist me to my feet, I kicked up my legs to stand up on my own, and well......kicked him right in the face.

No, that wasn't a defense move we should use in class.

File this in the "this can only happen to me" category....

Oh but it gets worse! I get home to shower, and notice a nice hole in the crotch of my pants. not a small one either. Does one wear underpants to workout? Heck no. I pretty much flashed my vag all night.

Um.. and there are young boys in that class, I'm totally a pervert!

I'm considering dying of embaressment instead of going back.

Slick, I am not.

Monday, January 23, 2012

The Dating Game...

Sometimes you don't have to be looking for something, cus it's already there....right? That's what "they" say.

I've reconnected with a very old friend this past year on face book. We have been talking for several months as friends, and then the comments became messages, became chats, became texts, and the texts became very frequent conversations.

The talks turned to flirting, and as a result..we have a date in two weeks.

It's hard to find someone you can laugh so much with, share ideas with, "get", and have so many old memories together. We went to the same high school (he's older...) and I worked my first job with him, we and had a lot of great late nights at Taco Bell, being on the closing shift with a bunch of high school boys.....I learned alot!

Two of my best girlfriends even dated his brothers for a while, back in middle school.

Having spent so long being friends, I know at least, if nothing else, I am going to have an amazing time, and tons of laughs. I'm not near as nervous as I would be going blind into a date....not knowing anything about him.

Personality-wise, he is everything I am attracted to. And I am very...picky!

I really like this boy...

You never know what can happen. And if nothing else, I will have an amazing new friend that I havn't seen in over *17 years*.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

How I Had My Ass Handed to Me by a 13yo...

So, how does one feel after thai fighting against a 13yo male orange belt, and with, I guess, minimal contact, and basically knowing nothing?

Well, they feel like they had the shit kicked out of them, that's how. It hurts to breathe, cough, talk, move.......hell, it hurts to "be". I am bruised, have mat burn, and parts of my body I wasn't sure I even had are screaming out in pain!

I swear to god my guts are bruised. My guts! Stretching, continuing with runs, hot baths, advil, heating pad.....check, check, check, and check.

(what I really want is a bottle of wine to ease the pain but I've re-dedicated myself to weekend only drinking....sigh...)

I feel like I've been run thru the ringer!! And I consider myself to be in pretty good shape, I work out 7 days a week for at least an hour!

Due to it taking me an hour to drive 6 miles from work in the snow I missed my second class, but I'll be geared up for the even longer class on Saturday. (help me!)

I guess my point of this post is, if you think you are in good shape, try something new. I went from almost dying after 50 jumping jacks to belting out 1,000 in a row plus a 30 minute boot camp class, and I feel like total shit right now. MMA wasn't "harder" it requires more skill, technique, power, and brain function, but physically boot camp felt worse.

Until the next day.

Oh, and reason 678,795,124 not to have kids. I'm pretty sure that my uterus was one of my major organs to suffer damage after my first class.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

How Mixed Martial Arts will change my life...

After class, I was singing this song. True Story...




First of all, we don't wear the traditional uniforms of karate. I do however have to wear a uniform consisting of no shoes (someone should have told me this, I'd have gotten a pedi first....) gloves, black pants, and a bad-ass tshirt with the dojo name, and the words "MMA train like a champion" on the front and back. Heck. Yea.

I told my girlfriend, I'm totally wearing this out, it's a conversation starter!

The class, well they paired me up with a 13 year old. I was afraid to kick or punch him too hard, until the instructor had me hold the shield, and pounded my side a few times really good to show me that I can't hurt the kid. Did it hurt? Yea, a lil bit. But, it'll strengthen my core!

I even got so into it I got nauseus when we had to "kick our partner" across to the other side of the room and back, and then knee them to the ribs.

I was slow, and always forgot to block my head. And if I were in a real fight, tonight I'd be brain dead, I can't count the number of times the instructor came to "hit me in the head" to remind me I was open.

The round off of my fabulous experience with MMA is that me and my girlfriend are the only girls in the class. Yea. A sea of men that are bad-ass. (ok and some kids too...) Chances are high that I just may meet the future Mr. Me in my MMA class. Imagine the stories. "we fell in love after she kneed me to the ribs". And, if you are mad at them? Take it out in class!

Having been single for a while now, this is also a good way to get out any "frustrations" that may arise from, well, being single.

This is an all around fabulous addition to my life! I got a good workout, had fun, and I have a new goal! Breaking a board! Yes!

Don't eff with me people I'm training to be a Thai fighter!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Choosing my next path...aka becoming an ass kicker...

All the running I've been doing solo, got me thinking about self defense. I mean, I have a can opener (old school) and a whistle, but really if someone tried to steal me, I have no idea what I'd do. 99% of my outdoor runs are done solo. What does one do?

I still can't believe its January in Ohio...I could get use to this. Especially since I am trying to keep up running thru the winter! I took the city side of the towpath this past weekend.


This is my beautiful city. Sure, we have crackheads, but we also have a nice picnic area too!



I had to stop when I, for the first time in my 36 years, traveled over a hi-way overpass. This kinda scared me to take this picture.


And, because he's handsome..Mr. Magoo


So, I joined an MMA (mixed martial arts) class. I start next Tuesday. Helllls. Yea. I'll be learning the self defense art of Muay Thai. I'm going to be so bad-ass it isn't even funny! I'm also certain this will help me develop my core strength which has been my winter goal for the upcoming beach season! I originally called about kickboxing, but this sounds way more interesting!


I've been looking for something I will enjoy doing, for weight loss maintenance, in addition to running. because I gave up boot camp for many reasons, but mostly because It's becoming monotonous.

I am so excited to not only learn how to take someone down, but learn how to not be taken down! The best part for me, is you can earn your black belt. So it's something to work towards, to keep it interesting!

As a bonus, I look forward to some male type eye candy as well...can you blame me?

Sunday, January 08, 2012

Deep Thoughts....

Latley, I have been wondering when "I'm still getting over my ex" stops being what protects people from my hurting them by letting them fall for me, and then unjustly comparing every little thing to how it doesn't feel nearly as good as it did with exmanfriend....and when it becomes something that is only hurting me, by keeping people out of my heart.

Today, my Mom even said, "if you love him so much you should just be with him". As if it were all up to me. Plus, I haven't forgotten his aversion to committment, a.k.a the great heart break of 2011. I haven't.

So, I have been operating under the assumption that I will simply know when it is ok to move on. Not that I haven't tried.

Maybe my heart is just not ready to let go, even after all this time.

Friday, January 06, 2012

Happiness is...Smart People...

I am usually a pretty smart girl. I know my way around computer software, I'm Microsoft certified for fucks sake.

At work a girl made one singular change to an access query that jacked up exactly 9 tables, and 15 linked queries that we base countless reports on.

blah blah, boring computer talk, and software lingo no one cares about.....etc...etc...

I spent a couple of hours trying to figure out why it happened, and then I thought to myself "self, you work for a ginormous company, and there is an entire department dedicated to backing up everything you do".

*So, I called the help desk, and had the freaking file restored to the way it was yesterday at 5:00pm. Cue celebratory music, people lifting me up on their shoulders, and carrying me around, a corporate hero......I earned my salary today with that one. That's why I'm the boss.

Today I am thankful for people way smarter than me, and, that lovely 4 digit extension I can call any time I, or someone I know fucks something up.

I wish there was a help desk extension for life. Imagine how awesome I would look then!

*(This also comes in handy when you "accidentally move a folder full of stuff somewhere because you clicked on it, and have no idea where it wound up. Not that I know first hand or anything.)

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

Winter Running..

Not only did I never think I would be a "runner" but I certainly never thought I would be one of those crazy assholes running in the snow. I mean, who does that? But I finally got my first taste of it when we had our first official Ohio snow this past weekend.

My best friend/running partner is ever the optimist, where I am not...with running. So she is my Suzy sunshine, and I love her for it. When I complained about how bad it hurt to be pelted in the face with ice crystals, (Even though I only have about 2 inches of skin showing) how my ear bud wires were iced over, how I had an having an ever-running nose, soaked shoes, and a numb butt, she said "think about all those people sitting on their asses on the couch while we are out here burning calories, 80% of the population would never get out and do this" I smiled, thru the pain, and I kinda felt exclusive.

So I agreed to an extra mile.

Plus, we are lucky enough to live mere miles from all the beautiful metro parks, and running trails in the area. Not many people can walk to such beautiful places.


We took a quick stop at beaver marsh, because this big white goose was hanging out with the Canadian geese, and when we pointed out that "one of these things was not like the other" he really did look as though he'd been found out. Animals are so funny...




While a 6 mile outdoor run is always challenging for me, a 5 mile in a snowstorm, was really hard. You can see here, my friend kept going while I lagged behind at a slow jog for a few minutes.

At the end of our run (which included an off-trail urine break, which was also not enjoyable) we had icicles on our eyelashes, wet clothes, and frozen feet. (I need to invest in better winter gear for sure)

In conclusion, I really was proud of myself that I didn't miss my daily run due to weather.

Sure, I could have gone to work and used the gym, but there really is something about being outdoors, waving at other crazy runners as you pass, (I was always jealous of how motorcyclists had this exclusive wave too....) and connecting with nature, that a treadmill just can't offer.

I still wouldn't classify myself as one of those people who enjoys running, or experiences the elusive "runner's high". But I do enjoy the peace, the calorie burn, the way it makes my body look, and how I feel when I am done doing something only 20% of the population is willing to do.

Sunday, January 01, 2012

New Year...

It's a whole brand new year! I spent my New Years Eve far different than any other in the past.

Which was fitting, because I ended the year as a whole new me. Certainly physically, but also, mentally.

I went for a run. And, as usual, took in the beautiful scenery, appreciated my time to process my thoughts, and smiled at the deer eating on the trails. Finding the beauty in nature is something that calms me and brings me back to my center, each time. My meditation..



My menu was rotisserie chicken, a few saurkraut balls, and dawali. Washed down with pink moscato champagne. (which I hope to find throughout the year, as it is quite delicious) Far different from New Years past, where I ate whatever was available, because...it was.




I rang in the new year with my pets. I thought not having plans and being "the only single girl in the crowd" would be depressing. But that was the old me. I am my own best company. I really enjoyed cooking for myself, having my favorite drinks, watching my redbox movies, (omg, Warrior was a suprisingly touching movie!!) and not having to worry about driving. (Plus I had an 8 am appt with the internet guy to fix my DSL on NY day....)



I rang in my new year kissing my best man ever, my Mr. Magoodle.

I don't like to make "resolutions" but, I do vow to continue on my path of self improvement. Both mental, and physical. I set goals for myself every day and I often surpass them. It's way more fulfilling to me this way.

I may have suffered "the great heart break" in 2011, but as I often say, I learned so much from it, and I have set my bar high. I know how I want to feel when I am with someone again, and if not for experiencing all I did with exmanfriend, I wouldn't know it was possible to be so happy.

This girl, knows she is a prize, and she is done with settling.

"Doing Me" has turned out to be the best decision I have made this past year. Being "alone" isn't really alone when you love yourself. You find your own interests, and things you enjoy doing by yourself. The icing on the cake is having amazing friends and family to fill in the holes you sometimes need to jump over.

When I meet the future Mr. Me, he is going to be extra in love with me for getting all my little shit together, to combine with getting my big shit together. I'm not in a rush, because I have actually found my self worth in 2011. And that makes for setting your standards...way high for a partner.

I hope 2012 brings you all that you dream of. Because, everyone, deserves their dreams to be reality.