"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort










Saturday, August 30, 2008

A Poll...

I can't elaborate right now as to the why, but I need to know the answer to this...

When buying a record, what is the normal speed?

Like, I remember I had 45's of puff the magic dragon. But what would the entire album be?

Is it a 33?

It's quite important.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Read This!...

Believe it or not, people do actually ask me how I got where I am mentally. How to change your negative thoughts around. Funny, because I use to be a big old ball of controlling emotions. A.k.a I was crazy. I actually came inches from stabbing my ex husband as he layed in bed. He totally deserved it, and that's not the worst thing I've done, or was done to me. The stories I could (and have) tell. Men drove me to those limits, so I thought. But in reality, I was the one in control of my emotions. No one did that to me, I allowed them to. The only one you have control over, is you.

I always say positive thinking helped me. Or, I read this or that book. So I compiled a list of books I think everyone should read.

Codependant No more - By Melody Beatty I read this one a couple times. It helps with control issues. Um, yea. This and therapy helped me. And, getting out of shitty relationships.

The language of letting go - By Melody Beatty which has one of the best lines ever..."Today I will trust that the events occurring in my life are not random. My experiences aren't mistakes, and the Universe, my Higher Power, and life are not picking on me. I'm going through exactly what I need to go through to learn something valuable-something that will prepare me for the joy and love that I'm seeking."

The Struggle For Intimacy (Adult Children of Alchoholics) By Janet Woititz Cus being thru hell with men, teaches you to build up big thick walls, and keep everyone out!

One Day My Soul Just Opened Up - Iyanla Vanzant - My friend Katie got me this when I was going thru my divorce. And once I was on medication (and bathing and feeding myself) it really helped me for a couple weeks. Until I got into the next abusive relationship. I didn't truely appreciate this until almost 10 years later when I started truley working on me.

The little book of letting go - Hugh Prather - I blamed my ex husband for years for "ruining my lifeand relationships. After all, because of him, I was afraid to open up, or continued to let men hurt me. But the key to that statement is, I let them do it. This really opened my eyes to the fact that he wasn't the problem. The fact that I still held on to the hatred after all this time, was my problem. "Failure to let go eats up the chances we have to be happy"

He's Just Not That Into You - Greg Beherendt, Liz Tuccillo, Lauren Monchik (which is being turned into a movie I saw the previews for) As silly as this book seemed, I really did need to read it. "You are worth a phone call". It shows us, as women the billions of things we explain away with men. "Oh, he didnt call me for a week....he was busy." No, if he really dug you, he'd call you to tell you he was busy. Or thinking about you. Open your eyes and read the book, and trust your intuition!

Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus - John Gray - Every man and woman should be required to read this book before entering into any relationship. You will learn that men do things because they are men. Not because they want to piss you off. The best thing you learn is that men physically can not multi task. They can't hear you while doing something else. They just can't. I bet that saved a marriage right there.

I'm So Wonderful Why am I Still Single - Susan Page - You ARE wonderful. While I learned the best line from my therapist, about people being the right size shoe, not the wrong people for you, what you have to learn on your own is that you are wonderful. When you believe it, so will others.

Self Matters - Phil McGraw - Yea, Dr. Phil. I liked this because it has a companion workbook that you write in, and it forces you to do the work.

Change your Thoughts Change Your Life - Wayne Dyer- I read this right after the secret. It got me completely excited about the law of attraction. Made me think that thoughts were more than passing things, and that they really can manifest change in your life. Memories are thoughts, but they make you feel emotion. Thoughts are more powerful than you give them credit for.

The Power of Intention - Wayne Dyer- teaches you how to focus on what you want in your life. Like attracts like. Believe that. Helps you turnaround your stinking thinking. (negative thoughts)

The Secret - of course, the secret. Which actually came out after all Wayne Dyers stuff, and many others. It just sort of "revolutionized" 'right thinking'. It's a movement you want to get on.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Suckage...

I didn't get to see my manfriend last night. Which totally blows, because if I don't see him on Wednesday's, we're a weekend romance. Sigh. He had a long trip last night at work. I told him at 11 it was too late cus by the time he got there it'd be time to go to sleep. I may love snuggling with the boy, but it's an almost hour trip.

I keep telling myself the right place will come along for me to move to where we will be closer together, and I'll be closer to work. Closer will still be far, but until we decide to take the big leap, that's all I can do. I also cried last night. I'm such a puss when it comes to him. I kinda can't stand it. Sometimes I wonder wtf we are waiting for. I have never dated someone a year and not lived with them (except in high school). And then I remember, I also am not with any of those people anymore. And, the boy has never been on his own before, and I firmly believe everyone should make it on their own. I have mixed feelings about it. I know waiting is right. But it hurts. And it sucks. And writing about it is making me wanna cry again. Next!

My ear still freaking hurts. It's my throat/ear. It's probably because in true Ohio fashion it was 100 degrees, and now it's in the 60s at night. So, my boss says I'll wind up with vertigo. Then Erin scares the crap out of me with her ordeal. Web MD says, they go away on their own. C'mon people! Stop scaring me! I've been too worn out from it to workout, and that's making me depressed. I am one of those people that neeeeeds the exercise as a mood stabilizer. Otherwise I'm like...eh.

I made hummus last night! I'm in love! It was super easy. Only, I don't have a food processor, and used the blender. Hallelujah! I also didn't find tahini, or sesame seeds to make it, so I used olive oil. I'm going to make red pepper hummus next.

And my blender kinda took a poo so I'm going to have to get a new one. After I made that I tried to make a smoothie and all it did was kick the ice around. I've had it a while, I guess its time has come. I plan to eat hummus until I puke. That's awesome.

If you need a good laugh, click here.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Peeve is a Dumb word....

My ear hurts. It sucks balls. I think it's been like 7 days. I've popped extra strength tylenol. It numbs the pain just a smidge. I still don't have insurance, until October so I hate going to the Dr. unless is absolutely necessary. I'm gonna hold off another week and see if it kills me. Then I might pay the 100 bucks to see a Dr., and get a script. If I'm lucky my eardrum won't melt out first.

When someone pisses you off, I find it best to laugh at them. Much like in that episode of Sex and the City, when Carrie's exes new girlfriend hosts a party and sends out thank you's and says "sorry I couldn't be their". (spelling "there" wrong) It fills her with great joy that Bigs new girlfriend is a dumbass who cant spell. Also, like how my ex husband's baby momma, and new wife are stuck with him forever cus they spawned his demon children. And I'm footloose and fancy free with an awesome life.

Reason 456 not to have kids. You are forever linked to the baby daddy. And most of the time, baby daddy's are total douche bags!

That VP that pissed me off yesterday can't spell either. He insists on using the word "staffs". You know, as in a group of employees. Your staff? Staff is plural. Meaning more than one. He always says something gay like "he has a well trained staffs". Which, we all know should be "well-trained staff". Here I sit typing his reviews, fixing all his grammatical errors. And he's the one that makes 6 figures.

When is bosses day? I wonder if I'll get anything from the girls....I shouldn't speculate. Probably selfish. Fuckit.

Big Brother. Go Dan! Yipeeee! The look on Ollies face? Priceless. Totally worth the days of my cursing him for nominating Memphis. Now, they just gotta vote Michelle out. Although, I'd rather see Jerry go. Michelle is damn good entertainment.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

I've Got a New Attitude...

Conversation Monday, 9 a.m. with me and my VP whom let's remember, gave me this great Christmas Gift. You know, I roll into work around 8:30 and he's called me 5 times by then. Because he gets up at like, 5am. I cringe when he calls me. We don't have a great rapport but I kept him because no one else could handle him, he's so particular.

VP: Can you tell me why these numbers look wrong on this (stupid store promo) report?

Me: I'm not entirely sure, I download the report. The numbers are entered by the stores daily.

VP: Look at these three days for example, they are all the same number. I think you put the same number in there by mistake.

Me: I don't enter numbers, I import them into my file, the store entered those. They may not be right but it's the stores that did it.

VP: I didn't say that you did enter the numbers, but they are in there. You aren't taking calls on this? (Mind you, he did say I did it.)

(sidenote, we use to have to take calls and track these ridiculous numbers every day and it was an ordeal. Now, a simpler way is to download them and not chase people for them. A brilliant idea by someone with a great attitude.)

Me: No, it's less time consuming to download them, it was sent out as a task and they have to complete it daily.

VP: You must be really busy.

Me: I am, I have to do the entire manager's meeting on my own, and I have deadlines due today.

(another sidenote, we are down three secretaries, and doing the work of 5 with 2 mind you. I have to help them when they are busy, plus do my own job.)

And that was that. Our conversation. Fast forward to three hours later when he calls me to ask me to do something retarded.

VP: Have you fixed your attitude problem yet?

Me: What?

VP: You had an attitude this morning when you came in here.

Me: I don't think I did, I was busy.

VP: you know you should have coffee in the morning, it will fix that.

Me: I do have coffee in the morning, thank you.

VP: Can you (print this stupid ass report that I'm unable to print sorted 5 ways from Sunday?) do me a favor?

Me: Yes, when are you leaving today, I have a deadline to meet on this project first.

VP: I think you could do it right now if you wanted to.

Me: I have priorities set by my manager, it's not that I don't want to do it.

VP: Guess you still have an attitude.

Me: I am offended by that statement.

VP: No you're not.

Me: Yes, I am, I don't think I have a problem, I am following the instructions set for me by my boss. I can print your report but by the end of the day.

I mean...seriously? I joke around with most of the VP's but not mine, he is not the joking kind. He has a dry sense of humor I guess you would say. So I don't do it. I was offended. And he completely pissed me off. I told one of the other girls in the dept, who works for my VP's boss. I gave her an award once, for making a template for our phones. It made her day. Today, she figured how to do books on the copier, and I said "You should get another award for figuring that out" to which she replied. "You deserve an award for your great attitude". And that's...why I mostly love my job.

That, and my jewelry discount. Diamonds ARE a girls best friend!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Vick's a Dick....

I stayed up until 2 a.m. I was watching Animal Witness on Animal Planet. Which airs again this Wednesday at 9:00. It was the Michael Vick (dick) case. I wanted to see it because it showed more about the poor animals. There were several parts I had to watch with one eye squinted. The dog fighting is horrific and it made me cry. That is the cruelest thing in the world. I watch animal cops, so I know what happens to those dogs when they are "rescued" from fighting. They get put to sleep. It's horrible. They have a bad reputation, and I'm glad this show shed some light on the fact that they are rehabilitatable.

Yes, it has a happy ending. Because of the publicity of the case, the dogs were actually evaluated, and saved. All but two. One of these "killer dogs" is a therapy animal. You know, that travels around to hospitals and makes old people smile? Animals have to go thru extensive testing to be certified for that. Some of them were adopted to homes with kids. Dressed in hoodies, and loving life. The evaluation proved they were all very tolerant, loving animals.

He didn't get what he deserved. If you ask me, but I'm happy that he didn't get off scott-free!

It always made me sick watching shows where dogs are rescued from fighting and euthanized. Or, some nutty broad with 100 cats living in horrible conditions, has to have all her cats all put to sleep. It disgusts me. One day, I'll have my own animal sanctuary, where no one dies. It'll be my own slice of heaven!

Well I didn't get to go to the zoo this wknd. It rained. Whenever I'm in Cleveland, it rains or snows. Tell me again..why do people live there? Cus, I have yet to find the appeal. It takes a special kinda person to live in the big city.

Friday night, I got a booty call. You know, from the manfriend. What makes it extra special and sweet, is that he has to drive 50 miles to see me. So, it has a little more meaning to me. I got my hair done and was scolded for showing up with sex hair. Hater. That night we went to dinner at Mongolian BBQ with another couple. And we went out for drinks at Panini's where we all lost our affecton for the younger crowd, and headed to the Garage Bar.

Sunday, we sweated our butts off at the boy's place. We made breakfast, and decorated his apartment. He still hadn't hung anything, and we worked really well together. Quite impressive. He valued my opinion. Although, he got out this laser light tool on a tripod, the level, tape measure, and measured everything perfectly, 18 times. Then marked the wall. Then used those plastic anchor things. Not my style, but at least he does a good job. And I did enjoy watching him work with his shirt off. Sweaty.

P.S. Big Brother. Hello? Dan? You are either one complete fucking moron, or a genius. You'll be lucky if you make it thru next week pissing everyone off. I hate how Ollie is acting. Can't wait to see his ass out the door!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Supersize She...

So I watched this show on TLC, it was called Supersize She. I think they use the term "female body builder" here lightly. There wasn't much female about her. See for yourself. I mean, to each his/her own, but this girl said people assume she does steroides and theres no hard work involved. I think that means, yes I do steroides and I work out a lot. If you wanna look like a man go the full route, don't half ass it. I work out and I still dont look like a boy. You have to do that on purpose. What is more disturbing. People find this sexy. I'm assuming, from this video.

I couldn't find it on youtube...but the funniest thing you will ever see is her "talent" was dancing to "barbie girl" in a pink bikkini. Oh yes.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Paperboy and the Ditty..(anyone catch this??)..




Firstly, how cute is this picture? That's me and the manfriend at the beach. I love his sandal tan. It's freaking adorable. You can still see a glimpse of my blood blister too. It's way freaking hott, and still lingering! Feet in the sand pictures are kinda a family tradition. So, I got the manfriend in on it. I made it pretty at Picknik. Which I saw over at Quipwhit.

In other news..some cocksucker decided to let themselves into my car Wednesday night. I can't say that they broke into it, because I left it unlocked. I never do either. Even in the country. But that night I took the dog with me to the circle k around 11. I let her out the passenger door so I unlocked both doors. The manfriend came over after that. We were up until 2:30am.

When I went to work the next morning, my lights were on in the car. The glove box was opened. My console was opened. The passenger door was ajar. (I said ajar) They took my 2 packs of cigarettes out of my console and put them on the seat. Went thru some CD's in the console. Those were on the seat. The paperwork on my car wasn't gone. I had change in my cup holder, that was there. Nothing was visibly taken. I have no idea why someone would go thru my car, or what they were looking for. Probably some darn fool kids looking for sudafed so they can cook up their crystal meth. I had some Mucinex, but they left that too!

I live atop (I said atop) a semi-grand hill (grand enough to take the cars of anyone who tries to brave it in the winter). There is nothing around me but another apt complex, with two apartments in it, and houses. No reason for people to be 'passing thru'. Whoever did it meant to do it, it wasn't by chance they were walking by. They have no reason to walk by.

There was a paper in the driveway, like the local paper. So a paperboy was there. The neighbor subscribes to the wknd paper. So, fishy that they got one Thursday morning. I'm blaming it on the paper boy. I have decided that I'm staking him out on Saturday. I'm going to get up at the buttcrack of dawn, and non-chalant ask the paperboy, since he is there so early in the morning, did he notice anything unusual, since my car was broken into, and I filed a police report. (that last bit is for reaction only) You know, not accuse anyone, but let him know I know he probably did it under the guise that I'm asking for his assistance apprehending this criminal!

My crackhead ex boyfriend delivered papers. For drug money. You never know what kinda person you'll have delivering your paper. It affords the perfect drug lifestyle. I mean, my ex stole from people's houses when he cleaned their carpets. From old people. In pain. He stole their meds. Addiction is a sick thing.

Meanwhile, I parked my car in the garage. Have fun with that dickbag. I also had to leave both my outside lights on. Which will cost my cheap ass more money. Is nothing sacred? I also locked my downstairs windows. I hate living like I'm in the city! It's bullshit!

I havn't weighed myself since I gained 4lbs on vacation. But I'm still working out, and that's all that matters. I'm a work in progress. It'll never end. So, why get upset about it.

P.S. I got a hit thru google for "alka seltzer morning relief discontinued". It's not discontinued. The boy loves that stuff. It's just gone thru a name change. It's now called "wake up call". Where's my kickback?

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Analyze This...

I guess I'm one of the lucky few who remembers 80% of her dreams. I wake up almost nightly remembering dreams. Sometimes they are scarey and I have to get up out of bed, because going back to sleep only replays the dream over and over. (why can't that happen when you are having a kick ass sex dream?) Sometimes they are wack, and sometimes they stick with you so much you wonder what they mean.

Last week I remember having a dream about a snake. I woke up wondering what my dream was and a snake came to mind, then I thought, "it's OK, Dad was there". (sidenote for those that don't know my dad died in 2001) I went back to sleep.

On Tuesday night, I dreamt about my Dad again. His birthday is September 11th, but other than that I don't know why I'm dreaming about him latley. I normally don't. In this dream, I was in the house I grew up in. It's always been my dream to buy this house, so I drive by hoping it'll be on the market from time to time. In my dream I bought it. And it looked exactly the same. Yellow walls, and ugly brown carpet, and yellow and orange kitchen tile. Very vivid dream. Very detailed. The kind that John Edward describes as visits. (sidenote: I happened to attend a John Edward conference, and one of my coworkers/friends at the time, was called on for a reading, and it was very real. Haters)

Dad came over, and I asked him wasn't it weird to be here (in that house) after all of this time? He told me it was harder than he thought it would be. He sat on my couch and told me his day to day activities, because apparently he was retired, and quite bored with nothing to do. He found a letter or card from my Mom and wanted to read it, and teared up a bit. Then my Mom was there after he left, asking me 20 questions (in her true form) about what he said, and how he acted when he said it, and "repeat it word for word".

Then I was on a road trip with my Mom. I took her to the boat at Put in Bay to catch a ride to the island..at night. I told her not to be afraid. I left on a trip to who knows where, and had the same recurring dream I keep having. Crossing the bridge, covered with water. Usually, the bridge is straight up in the air and I can't get up it (like when they lift up to let boats through, a toll bridge...) or there is huge waves crashing over the bridge, and I'm afraid to cross. The last one I had, the boy was with me, and he drove me over the bridge safely. This one, the water wasn't rough, just over the bridge and it was hard to tell where the road was. Like I had to "drive on water" to cross it.

I stopped at a rest area and picked up a sign (and almost stole it) that said "pacific ocean". This is important because I am always saying how the Atlantic is crappy. The pacific ocean would mean to me, clear water. Not dirty, muddy water like I usually dream about.

I looked up all the symbols. They seem to all be pretty good symbols. I have been working on my spirituality, and myself for a long time now. If I put together the progression of the dreams, they seem to be getting better.

Bridge
A rise in the level of consciousness on the part of the dreamer; heightened awareness
Bridges symbolise decisions that we are finding hard to make. To dream that you are crossing a bridge, signifies an important decision or a critical junction in your life. This decision will prove to be a positive change with prosperity and wealth in the horizon. Bridges represent a transitional period in your life where you will be moving on to a new stage.

(I hope that the positive changes that bring prosperity involve that boy. Or, winning the lottery. Or..both. Sidenote: I bought a rock in Virginia Beach that says "prosperity")

Boat:
To dream that you are in or see a boat, signifies your ability to cope and express your emotions. Pay particular attention to the condition and state of the waters, whether is is calm or violent, clear or murky, etc. Are you "smooth sailing"? Alternatively, you may be ready to confront your unconscious and unknown aspects of yourself.

(water was calm and clear when I took Mom to the boat...smooth sailing for me)

Water
To see water in your dream, symbolizes your unconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment.

(I'm hoping this is a nod to the healing I've been working on with regards to my past, and letting go of toxic feelings. And, my continued effort to find my spirituality)

Waves:
To see muddy, violent waves in your dream, signifies that a fatal error was made in an important decision.

(these were in my recurring dream until this time. This time the water was clear, and calm on the bridge)

Ocean:
To see an ocean in your dream, represents the state of your emotions and feelings. It is indicative of some spiritual refreshment, tranquility and renewal.
To dream that you are traveling across the ocean, signifies new found freedom and independence. You are showing great courage.

(there is a recurring theme with all these symbols which is spirituality)

Calm Water (like this dream)
To see calm, clear water in your dream, signifies that you are in tune with your spirituality. It denotes serenity, peace of mind, and rejuvenation.

(again with the spirituality. and I definately have peace of mind for the first time ever)

Parents
To see your parents in your dream, symbolizes both power, shelter, and love. It represents the merging of the female and male aspects of your character.
To see your father in your dream, symbolizes authority and protection. It suggests that you need to be more self-reliant. To see your mother in your dream, represents the nurturing aspect of your own character. Mothers offer shelter, comfort, life, guidance and protection.

(this could be be a reminder to keep my sense of independence. tricky one)

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Zippity Doooo Dah...

I was going to say, like a kid in a candy store, but kids don't really get THAT excited in a candy store. I'm more like a crack whore on crack excited, that's a big difference. Anyhoo then manfriend and I may make an appearance at the Cleveland Zoo this weekend.

Omg. It's probably up there with my most exciting moments in life. The zoo. Access to hundreds upon hundreds of animals! *squeal!* I'm trying to contain my true excitement, as to not scare the boy away from zoo-ing it with me. Although, I think he already knows that I'm a freak about creatures. (and he may be a little bit of one himself...I see it coming out in him) We were gonna go this weekend but it was too late when we thought of it. I happen to have gotten FREE tix from a former classmate. How fun is that?

I'm pretty excited to see the otters. They are only the most adorable thing that lives in the water. I like giraffes too. But if I started naming all the animals I like, I'd never stop typing. Wish me luck with that!

Speaking of animals. I got the new Britney Spears CD, Blackout. Kat burned it for me. It's actually one I'd have paid my actual hard earned money for. I have listened to it like 20 times since Friday night. You can't help but shake your ass when you listen to it. I was dancing to it on Saturday in my new Vicky V's. It's literally impossible to listen to it and stand still.

Only one month and one day until me and the manfriend celebrate a year of heavenly bliss together. I seriously can't believe it's been a year already. Time does fly when you're having fun! I love him a little more every day too. I have never met a kinder, more caring and affectionate man, who is also hot n' manly! I hit the jackpot with this one. I'm gonna marry him one day. And I have no problem saying that. I just know I will.

And, I have an old Ninetendo laying around. I wonder if the manfriend would do this for me. It's the perfect size for lunch. I've been in the market for quite a while, for the perfect lunch box.

Big Brother. (spoilers) Ummmm...I would have driven to Cali and kicked Dan's ass if he used the veto on Jerry. He is such a dick, kissing Dan's ass after calling him a Judas, saying he didn't mean it. I mean honestly, I'm not into that religious stuff, but Dan is being what christianity preaches, right? Forgave Jerry, didn't go after him for his MEAN words. I can't wait til the old fart goes home but let's not do it this week. I'd rather see Ollie cry over April being gone. And what's up with Renney? "I like Ollie". You're gonna like him right out of the Big Brother house, wtf?!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Pets...They're just like people!...

video

What? Doesn't your cat like to watch Meerkat Manor? Or, is it because my cat takes after me and loves TV? This is Fozzie Bear. She'll watch anything I have on animal planet. I honestly think they broadcast a high frequency soundwave or something smart and scientific like that, to attract the animals. Because when I uploaded my little video to You Tube, I noticed there is quite an array of cats who also enjoy watching the Meerkats. Maybe I should start the first support group?

My cat also loves the planet earth series, which I have the most videos of her captivated by the tee vee. And, planets funniest animals. And, they all like their cat sitter video. Does your cat like TV? I find it adorable when she stares at the tube.

Look what I did to my phone. I blinged it out. The head was too big to go the other way, but it doesn't make it any less cute. C'mon it's Hello Kitty!

I've had to use my brain a lot at work this week. I'm using the new reporting system, and creating ways to download information in a pretty format. I get to use my knowledge of computer stuff. Like, subtotaling and linking worksheets and making forms. It makes me feel way more productive than cutting and pasting information all day, as I did as a measley secretary.

P.S. Have I mentioned my new found addiction to hummus? I eat it every day. It's only 30 calories a serving. I would live on it if it didn't cost so much. I'm going to attempt making my own. Gasp.

P.P. S. Though I havn't mentioned it. I still hate working out 5 days a week. Nah.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Case of the Mondays...




I was in the big city visiting the manfriend yesterday, and I totally saw the famous clip from Napoleon Dynamite acted out on the streets of Lakewood, (only the best movie EVER) as pictured to the left. Only, instead of the roller blades, the kid in the back was on a skateboard. As we wizzed by them in the car I said "he's getting pulled into town!" Then, he biffed it off his skateboard and down a hill. The only thing better would be if he caught some roadrash. I might have mentioned...I don't much care for children. Reason 324,567,890,124 not to have kids. I might laugh at their stupidity vs. helping clean their cuts.



I remember doing this on roller skates. Only, it was these metal skates that fit over your shoes. (remember those?) You had to have a key to adjust them, which made then so much cooler. That was dangerous. I bet today, that company would be sued in a heartbeat for endangering children. I swear, what's the point in having kids cus they can't have any fun?


My weekend was pretty easy. Friday I met Katie out for dinner at El Rincon (mmm) and met the gals at the Moonbeam for drinks. I put a cigarette out in my beer and drank it. In my defense, we were outside, it was dark, and I had a lime in my Corona already. It tasted pretty good. I hung with my manfriend that I'm madly in love with, and he cooked us yumeeee chicken on the barbie. He's the cutest sleeper. Even if he sometimes drools a spot bigger than his head. Leave him alone.



Then we saw Mirrors. Aaaack. Some would think it was horrifically spookey. But for me, it was just a good movie, with a good plot for a horror flick! I'm not easily scared at all. I did get "BOO!" scared a few times. And, one scene I had to look thru squinty eyes at, but other than that, 4 thumbs up.

P.S. Big Brother. Not much excitement. But (spoiler) I'm hoping the reason Renney put Jerry up vs. Ollie is so if one wins the veto, she can put Ollie up. Cuz, April is gonna cry her way out of going home. She annoys me. And for the record, she is not prettier than Keesha. As she stated was the reason Keesha didn't like her. Are you serious?

Space Ship Sighting!...



I don't know about you, but aliens scare the shit out of me. I was fooling around with google street...which I have decided is useless to a person that lives in BFE, but may be awesome if you live in a city that is on the map.

I looked up the interstate for shits and giggles, and asked it to show me the traffic at 5:00 on Monday. Well, apparently on Monday there was a space ship on the highway!

We are not alone. I found proof. This might be my big ticket outta here. My claim to fame. My opportunity for greatness! Maybe they will take me to their leader. And their leader is my manfriend. Squee! Awesome!

When I got up for work on Thursday, the manfriend was being so stinking cute, I'd try to get up and he'd pull me back into bed to cuddle with me. When I made it halfway out of bed, he had hold of my draws. I gave him a zillion kisses, and eventually had to get up. Why can't I win the lottery and spend my days in bed with that boy? Really, universe, where is the harm in that? Arrrgh

Ok, Big Brother. Who is happy about the new HOH? Me! Me! Me! I'm not happy Libra went home, but then I liked keesha too so, it was a toss up! I was watching You Tube of the live feeds and found one thing particularly funny. April was upset over some interview they did on a talk show (which wasnt disclosed) and he was asking her questions about Ollie and it upset her she said "My Daddy's gonna watch this show". Like, two seconds later, I'm watching her bang Ollie under the covers. Over. And over. Now, I'm not a hater, have your sex, it's good for you. But does she not realize that she is on TV? And that may be more upsetting to her Dad than some stupid questions on a talk show?

I can't stand April. She's my new Michelle.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Not a Very Christian Thing To Do...

I always say, to each their own where religion is concerned. I belive in something, but it's called me. I believe in me. I know that I am the only one responsible for myself, and I can't ask "someone" unseen to make my life better and lay around and expect it to happen. That's just retarded. I lean towards buddhist beliefs because of this idea.

It scares the people that I know that are "die hard bible bangers" because they think I worship false gods. Gasp. And they always feel the need to tell me that I may go to hell. Well I can't go somewhere I don't believe in. Like I actually care. It makes me laugh. I have my own beliefs. They aren't less real because you don't accept them. Compassion is the common denominator in most religions. We can agree on one thing.

Anyway, I don't want to get into how much I disbelieve in this whole website, but I saw this on geekologie, and thought it was hilarious. These people are taking your hard earned money, to send an email to your loved ones once God swoops down and takes them all in the rapture, and you (I'll be there too, we can hang out and drink wine together, don't fret..) are left behind because we are sinners. Seriously?

This is my favorite part ""WHY" is one last chance to bring them to Christ and snatch them from the flames! "

Ok, so, I'm more jealous I didn't think of this idea, than I am outraged.

P.S. I officially gained 4lbs on vacation. In a week. It's been two weeks trying to lose it again. I'm also blaming my period. Because I am a woman, and it should at least have some use to me.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

In the great scheme of things....

Back in the day, my friend Katie and I use to be able to watch Jerry Springer and that brought us joy because we could say "at least I'm not that chick who had 10 kids by her cousin". Or, "at least I didn't slave all day for Thanksgiving dinner, only to have a food fight on national TV". (remember that episode?)

You know, there is always someone out there bigger than you, hairier than you, uglier than you, more fucked up than you, their boyfriend is a bigger dick than yours, house is shittier than... You name it. In most cases, you should always be able to say, "my life is great" because in comparison to others, it's pretty flippin fantastic. Even if you're standing on the side of the road begging for food with a sign, at least you have a sign. What if you were deaf/blind/mute and had no sign? Then you'd be pretty pissed off. And hungry. See?

Since we don't have springer anymore, (come on you know that shit's made up) and you can't all have my ex-husband to be thankful you're not married to, fear not! I'm here to help. There are people in the world more screwed up than you. Unless you are one of these people. If that's the case, you may want to seek professional help. People actually want to be elves. If you want to be an elf and do this to yourself, I'd say even professional help may not be enough. My guess is that my friend Kat probably knows some nerd who has these.

Big Brother. Ok I think Michelle might be coming around. Maybe. I wish someone would kick Jerry out and make him watch the first HOH when everyone bullied him into doing what they wanted. I'd say he betrayed what, 3 people that week? He needs to shut up. I don't like religion, but if I did and someone was knocking me, I'd punch them in the face. Cus, that's totally what Jesus would do. Oh and did you watch the house calls when Steven told everyone Jerry calls Libra "the colored girl" when he can't come up with her name? That's way classy. He's one of those old farts who will use age as an excuse when convenient for him. He's racist, cus he's old. That's probably OK, right? But don't say he can't cut onions with the best of them cus he's 75 and should get an award for winning that veto. Puh. Leez.

Is it too soon to start the official countdown to the return Heros? It's only about a month. I love and hate heros (for the same reason as Lost...) because you cant say to someone "oh, you should watch heros". Cus you can't. You have to watch the whole series to understand it. You can't start now, and fully grasp why you should fear and hate Sylar. (dude just looks scarey!) Or how Hiro almost saved the world. Or, that Or why when Peter Petrelli goes into the future, and gains all his bad-ass powers, he becomes my favorite character on the show? Or why is everyone trying to save the cheerleader. Why is Claire's Dad such a tool the first season? You can't.

P.S. Doing two workouts today. B-l-a-h!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

It's Electric...(boogie woogie woogie)

You remember how I was complaining that my power kept going on and off for no particular reason, and then the maintenance guy took a week to figure out the issue and fix it? My electric bill was also always around $100-150 for the month! Yea, for just me. Even when I was home for 2 hours a night before going to sleep, it was around 80 a month. I live in 65 degree winters inside and darkness cus I'm so cheap, and I pay out the ass for electric.

That was only a couple of weeks ago, and only 1 week shows on my new electric bill, and it's already cheaper. So, guess how much my electric bill is? $36.43 for the month.

Guess how much my total due is? $65.50 bucks! I get charged from Ohio Edison $29.07. Almost as much as First Energy charges me for my actual electric usage. I also get a 5% credit monthly for signing something a couple years ago. But seriously, this whole energy thing is a racket!

At least, my electric bill is now under $100 a month. I can't wait to see it after a full month of no electrical suckage. I knew I barely used any electric for fuck's sake.

What else is new. I'm sick of a person who works for me. I can't wait until I give her review, and she sees that she dropped 15 points from her last one, being that we are friends I'm sure she expects more. But, I was honest and went over and over it with my boss. She's slacking because I am her boss, missing deadlines. She has an attitude with me when I assert any authority, for example, telling her what has to be done first (which is the same every freaking month) when I see her skipping tasks. Because "I don't like doing that". Yea. '

It's like I told the manfriend, I was unhappy with my job, but did I stop working? No, I looked for other employment while keeping up with my work and even doing more. And then I got promoted! I don't expect any less from anyone else. She should at least be doing her job "as expected". And that means not bitching about being busy, while you sit online and piddle all day. After.....I helped you stuff hundreds of envelopes to get you out of the hole. Oh yes she did.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Certainly Not a Boyscout..

I wouldn't complain about the manfriend. But if ever I wanted to complain about something it would be his lack of preparation. I'm pretty sure a nice organizer, used properly would fix that. He forgets a lot of events, or details of events. This weekend was one such incident.

Saturday night we met his friend and his girlfriend out at BW3 to watch UFC, which if you don't know is fighting. I really had no interest in it at all, but it was kinda funny to watch the boys roll around together on the ground. (gay) They also had interesting choices in underwear. The girlfriend told me I would like it if I watched this reality show on Spike TV. She is also obsessed with Big Brother so she must know what she's talking about. Reality show? I'll pretty much watch a reality show about anything, so I may check it out.

We're outside for a smoke and non chalant the boy says "Oh, tomorrows the (insert manfriends family name) reunion at 3, do you want to go for a while?" Meeting the reunion family? Kind of a big deal to a girl. Remember, we have a "long distance" relationship so what I have with me is what I have with me. I can't just 'drop by my house' and get a few things. I said "I don't have supplies for the shower. And I don't have anything nice to wear" He told me it's informal. Then he said it was at the Cleveland Yacht Club. Uh. Yea. He apologized for springing it on me but kept assuring me that it was no big deal that I wasn't wearing something nice. (side note he never said I didnt have on nice clothes, I did..)

So, I showered with my girlie stuff I have at his house (from his mom, cute!), but had to wash my hair with his manpoo. Which doesn't leave your hair soft and shiney at all. Then, the best part, was blow drying my hair with a high velocity fan in the hall way. I had a great wind blown look going on. Then, I put on my jean cut offs and t-shirt and trucked it to meet the family. I felt so classy.

The best part of this story, is that you know how I've been doing a body cleanse, and my pipes have been sort of clogged since vacation? I have been that cleansing system for 5 days, and when does it decide to start working? At the (insert manfriend's family name) family reunion. With two of his relatives in the small bathroom with me. Oh yea, have I mentioned it makes it smell 100 times worse than poo would normally smell? Yes, I can imagine I'm the manfriend's classy girlfriend who drops a stinker in the crapper, and under dresses to family functions.

I saw a toddler picture of the manfriend. They had a baby photo contest. He was probably one of the cutest kids ever, and I don't like kids. My new name for him, is goldilocks. It's pretty cute.

Have I ever stated how much I hate sports? Especialy when they interfere with my freaking TV shows? Big Brother didn't record. I got the first 10 minutes, which was the HUGE blowout with everyone over Jessie going home. Does anyone outside the house even care that he's gone? I didn't think so. I'm watching the episode right now. Here are my thoughts. Um, when did Jerry get so high and mighty? Wasn't everyone pissed at him for lying the first week? And he "took off all my marine gear so that makes lying ok". Dan took off his cross, so whats the difference? I hate hippocrytes. I wish I could smack the shit out of Michelle. I hate her.

Not as much as I hate Jessie. If you havn't watched the House Calls where he got the boot, you have to. It's right here. Evel Dick asked him 10 times how it felt America voted him out, and he won't admit that they did. He is a total freaking idiot. This is classic.

Friday, August 08, 2008

A little about Big Brother...

This work thing is interfering with my internet usage. One day I'll have another computer and be back online. I'm hoping this month. While Big Brother is still on. I never seem to have computer access when I need it. Dayum.

So, Big Brother...does anyone else hate Michelle? I can't stand her mug. And her stupid attitude. She seems so.....80's!

That comment she made about Libra being a bad mother for taking the Hawaii trip over the unitard, was uncalled for. Who wants to wear that thing? Not you, you stupid betch! Who wouldn't do the same thing?

And I cannot Stand...when someone votes out someones friend (good riddence Jessie) and then that person wins HOH and you are stuck watching them dance around like an idiot and making idle threats, and shout outs to the evicted person. Shut the hell up before youre next out the house.

I guess my favorites are Keesha, Dan, and Renny. I also dislike Jerry. He has a big mouth for an old guy.

P.S. Working out after 9 days off pretty much sucks the big one. I am kinda sick of it. Then I get to work, where Kat sent me two pictures from 2 yrs ago, when I was a big lard and it makes it all worth it. I really can't believe that was me.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Got it Bad...

The manfriend and I had a fantastical conversation on date night. Firstively, we totally missed each other, and it felt amazing to touch him and kiss him and squeeze his buns. He said he had a dream about me. I told him I had two about him. We analyzed each others dreams and it turned into an interesting conversation. One of mine was about aliens (way long story short) who wanted us to reproduce for them. I was all alone running from them, and the manfriend found me and saved me.

He said that when you are more intimate with someone those things come up, like babies. I said no, it doesn't mean I want to start having babies, and he said he didn't mean it in the literal sense. My other dream was about my friend Kat's cat knocking him out with a baseball bat. I know, weird. But the fear of him dying, him being there for me when an intruder came in the house, were all signs to me that I feel safe with him. I don't remember the last time I felt like a man would protect me. That I could take down my harsh exterior. That I could 'be a woman' and not independant to a fault. What an amazing feeling.

We then talked about vacation. He told me that he wasn't taking notes, but he wondered what it would be like "in a living, day-to-day situation" with me, and he was really happy with how it turned out. He said he loved waking up with me in the morning. (I loved waking up with HIM in the morning) I told him I guessed I was doing the same thing, wondering what it would be like to be together so much. We talked about how we like each other for who we are, and for the first time for both of us, that's nice. We talked about walls. We talked about why we make each other so "mad". Which he said he thinks is us taking part of each others wall down. When I say that I'm mad at the boy, I only mean that I have feelings that are so beyond my control that it's frustrating. In a good way.

I make the boy mad too. He also cleaned his kitchen and gave me some silverware. Like, real stuff. I don't own silverware without plastic handles that is silver. He also gave me some sharp knives. I own none. I'm moving up in the world. I think it's pretty adorable that he thinks of me like that. I gave him a sea bean I got for him on vacation. I call him several variations of the word bean, so, it's fitting. And cute. And, he liked it. I also gave him a feng sheui bell I pretended to get for myself, but was for him.

What else is cute? This story from the vacation files.

We woke up early one morning. (oh, about 10am) and were outside enjoying a smoke, after a night of drinking (fancy that). The boy asked "know what sounds really good?" I ask what, and he says "an orange julius". "Mmmm" I said, and observed that my sister had frozen orange juice, and I could probably finangle one. He said it was too much work, and let's just go to breakfast at the old country pancake buffet. (something like that) I was up at the buffet plating my ton of eggs and potatos, (cus I don't eat pork) he walked by and told me they had ice cream! And, he was going to have an orange julius. He was pretty excited.

He sat down with his orange julius, complete with a big smile, and the waitress came over and said "you know that's butter, right?".....(pause for laughter)

The boy had ice cream scooped butter into his OJ and had the waitress not caught him he would've had a nice suprise. She said kids do it all the time, they get a bowl of it, and take a bite or two before they realize its butter. I told the boy after she left, see, all the kids do it.

In his defense, it was in a big ice cream tub, with an ice cream scooper. But seriously. He'll never live this one down.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

A Sort of Recap..

(this is the meditation garden at the A.R.E.)




So, what did I do on my spectacular vacation besides the obvious, not poo, have lots of sex, and catch some rays? There was always stuff going on at the beach. There was performers, and bands. Saturday after we arrived we went to dinner at Sonic. I know most people think this is horrific, but you have no idea what it's like to be teased with the commercials showing yummy shakes, and delicious fried foods, only to have none to visit. Unless I want to drive 75 miles for some fast food.

We walked the boardwalk, and hung out at this bar Hook Up Cafe. We had Corona's, and listened to the best DJ either of us had heard. He mixed old stuff with new stuff, and it made ya wanna stay all night! I had a bathroom incident, when I peed in the boys room. Firstly, there was no toilet seat. Then I noticed the urinal. Then the lack of toilet paper gave it away. By this time, I had already began the flow, and there was no stopping it. Then a boy walked in on me. Perv. Later, the manfriend used the same bathroom without shutting the door. Maybe we had too many shots of Three Olives Cherry, and Corona's?

Um, the next day we spent lounging in the pool, and dinner. Oh, and more um, drinking. Then we went to the ocean for the day, when the manfriend had two spots unprotected from the sun, that practically fried off his skin. He was kinda pasty with his farmer's tan. Hung at the beach. Drank, hung out at the pool. One day it rained and we stayed inside all day and um, had some uhhh quality time together. Then we went out to a sports bar called Just Joe's. Which has no website. We had a great conversation, and watched skateboarding. Which we found interesting, since well, we were drunk.

We ate at Abbey Road one day, and went to the Purple Cow for purple ice cream. I also got moosetracks, which the boy had never had. So I told him it had moose in it. Why not. This is what happens when you eat purple ice cream. We also spent the day at the A.R.E. it was my second trip and the manfriend's first. We went to a seminar that I'll blog about soon. It was on soul mates, soul groups, and soul twins. We also learned that it houses the second largest metaphysical library in the world. Guess who has the first? The vatican. Imagine that. They don't believe in such things either. Wonder why I question religion.

Here I am pretending I was going to make a shot at Kelly's, where we spent our last night with my sister, and her friend Lauren. FYI I suck at pool. Not in the way that Lauren said she sucked then did fancy things like sit on the table and shoot the ball behind her back in her "it's not a real skirt jean skirt". (oh yea, I went there) But suck in the way that I don't even hit my balls with the white one. Mkay? This picture says it all. It says, I suck, but do you still think I'm cute? The manfriend looks shocked at my suckage. Guess what else? You can smoke in public in Virginia. How rockin is that? Some places are smoke free until 10:30, and others have smoking sections. We smoked at two restaurants! Hollaaaaa!

Oh yea, did I mention, I drank a lot?

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Eh, I'm Back...

I'm back home. I'm not only getting over being on vacation, and at the beach, I'm also going through manfriend withdrawl. Gawd it sucks. I knew that it was going to be hard, but really, I had no idea. He did tell me that it was a wonderful bonding experience and that waking up next to me more than we've been able to is is wonderful for him. Even if I push him off the bed. Well, whatever. I loved waking up with a smile on my face, and going to sleep in his arms. We really did have a fabulous time. We had a ton of laughs, and so much time being cute, it is kinda sickening. We got along great, and each had a blast. We also did some talking which we both like. But shed some light on our future. Men are much slower at things (sorry boys). But I'll leave it at that and not air out his dirty laundry.

Speaking of dirty laundry, guess who texted me on my vacay? The old booty call. I dunno how many times I've told him that I'm in love. I said "I'm in Virginia Beach...Kickin it with my boyfriend". Then like 2 hours later he texts me "when's the last time you thought about us?". I didn't even respond. I mean seriously, why is it guys do that? Don't want nothin to do with you til you move on? Not that I'm complaining, because I happen to be extremely happy...but damn. Step off.

I don't want to stick us out on the net for the world, so I'm going to link some pics if you want to see us. The great unveiling of the boy. This is me and the manfriend enjoying our first day at the beach. This one we took on the dolphin cruise. And this is us lounging in the pool on our rafts.

I have lots more pictures to go through, but unfortunatley, I am swamped with work. My boss told me today I have to have my girls reviews done by Friday. Uh, gee, thanks for the heads up on that. It's month end, so theres the usual BS that goes along with that, and I have district manager reviews to prepare, (not write thank god).

While I was on vacation I had a little digestive trouble if you will. Like, nothing digested. At all. It kinda hung around like it was afraid vacation would end more than I was. I was pretty miserable for the most part. I usually have some digestion several times a day. I eat pretty balanced. So, me and the boy got whole body cleansing kits from the store. I started mine yesterday. So far, nothing has been cleansed. But, I'm looking forward to it, since all we did was eat and drink each day, I need something to clean me out. You're suppose to not exercise for the two weeks, but um, that's not happening. I am on a mission. Plus it's suppose to make you feel "fabulous". I'm waiting for that.

I also am trying to ween myself off caffeine pills. I've been taking them for years working 2 jobs. So, I tried all sorts of herbal energy pills. Nothing. I bought some guarana on vacation, and I think so far it's better than most substitutes I've tried. It's a horrible addiction!

Oh, I also have a few videos of dolphins to post!