"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort










Monday, April 30, 2007

I'm Getting Married..

If you have any interest in my life, you should be excited. I'm getting married!! I know, a million questions. But, I have no answers. All I can say is that this is the year I'm getting married. Why? Well, it's simple, I saw Edwin on TV yesterday, as a sign from the heavens. I have him in Tivo to record anything he is in, and in 2 years, nothing has ever recorded. Sunday, there he was. On a wedding show. He talked about his wedding, blah blah, but he said that he is going to be available to play weddings this year. I'M HAVING EDWIN PLAY AT MY WEDDING. I don't care if I have to get married in my back yard, and serve KFC, Edwin will be singing at my wedding.

I also think that I missed my 10 thousand dollar phone call. I got an unknown call, I never get those. I never give out my number, and I pay money for a private number. They asked if I was me, it was a recording, and I hung up. It was all those years of dodging bill collectors that snuck up on me and made me do it. As soon as I hung up, I remembered the contest I entered to win 10 grand...was automated. So...be a dear, and tell me that if I won 10 grand, they certainly wouldn't have a recording call me...right?!! I don't owe anyone money.

It's monday. The hot construction worker is back. The girls saw him having breakfast in the grill. He said he had a bad week when he came by the first time...and I looked at the name tag work makes visitors wear. So, now we know his name. When he came by this morning, the second time...what was I doing? Touching myself. I was rolling all the cat hair off of my boobs with my lint roller. How hot am I? I swear, I have the dumbest luck.

Today's funny is this. Out on break, and over security's walkie, you hear "be advised, you have two naked individuals swimming in the pond". I'm totally looking for this one in the paper. We have this pond between our two buildings. You can see the pond where we break, but through the tree line, so I didn't see anyone. They picked the wrong place to skinny dip. Those security guys live for something to feel important about.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Snot A Lot Going On...

I have no idea why we get colds. I think it's the government's way of killing us slowley. And, a way to make drug company's rich. Why hasn't any one cured it? For something so "common" I don't buy that they can't fix it. I swear in the future someone had better figure this shit out. Why do we just accept that there is no cure? We all suffer needlessly how many times a year?

First, I was stuffed up. I got the Robitussin for congestion. Then, all night at work, I'm like a faucet on full force. Sneezing globs of it, blowing a box of kleenex worth of it. You know, the snot, there was no end to it. Today, I went to get some Robitussin for allergies. The worst kind of cold is the crappy sinuses. When your eyes water, and you sneeze. Now, I'm not quite stuffed up, yet not quite runny and sneezy. I'd say I'm at a medicated medium, and I'll live with that.

Friday night wasn't much fun. It sucks working midnights, especially when you just want to curl up in your warm (CLEAN) bed with your warm pets and sleep for a weekend. Nothing exciting happened in the world of law enforcement. Some dude got his wallet stolen at the nudie bar at 4:30 in the morning. Then, the cops had to drive his drunk ass home, because two cab companies wouldn't take his beligerant ass. He probably deserved to have his wallet stolen. His wife was probably at home worried about him. Dickhead.

It's 2 am. All that has happened tonight, was one drunk lady got hauled in, then taken to the hospital after she was arrested, cus she said she'd kill herself. I had to go back to witness her breathalizer test, and her rights, and the whole time she kept talking to the officer, pleading with him and crying. I know it's wrong to drink and drive, but I can't help but feel sorry for them. Do you see why I marry and date the wrong people? I feel sorry for drunks. I can't believe that just came out of my fingertips. I'm such an asshole! Seriously though, the phone barely rang, and only 1 person has come in tonight.

I'm enjoying a nice vanilla nonfat yogurt, with some granola cereal. It's a good snack. I put sugar free strawberry preserves in it sometimes. Usually I pack the granola separate. I was lazy tonight and just mixed it together and it's sat for hours. Now, its like eating yogurt with oatmeal in it. No crunch. Not as exciting for me.

I got turkey breast at the grocery store, I usually get whatever non-generic brand is on sale, if there is no sale, then I don't eat meat that week. I'm not a big fan of meat. You could go two ways with that one... but don't. I got some natural kind that was on sale. It was everything free, fat, gluten, no hormones, I dunno, a bunch of shit. The funny thing is, it tasted like turkey. Like, when you make a turkey breast, and it tastes like turkey? Like, when you eat chicken with nothing on it and it tastes like chicken. You follow? I guess I don't want to really know what goes into most turkey lunch meat now.

I prefer to live in my own little world where food is concerned. I don't eat lips. Or ears. Or feet. Or penises. Again, don't go there. I don't like to think that while I'm enjoying my eggs, some chicken is lonley cus we stole her baby. I think I'm safe since I don't eat hot dogs. Just let me think that. Don't shatter my bubble.

Speaking of food. I stopped buying bread. I was getting the weight watchers low carb bread, but I still ate it too much. I'm what you call a carb addict. I love bread so much, I'd make anything into a sandwich. My top two favorites are mashed potatos and spaghetti sandwiches. I was always against cutting them out cus it's stupid to do when you work out, and I think you should eat what you want. I just buy whole wheat pasta now, not like I don't have ANY carbs.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Workin For The Weekend...For Work....

I seem to have caught a bug. I have some nasty sinus crap going on. I just love being sick, and then having to work overnight after a full day's work. You know, I'm lying.

I got my ring back today that I had plated! It looks brand new. Of course, I wanted it plated white gold and they did it regular, but thats OK because it looks beyoootiful. It's 10 years old. I got it for my second wedding anniversary. You know, 2 weeks before my ex husband left me. Bastard. I'm not bitter though. I have a nice ring to sport and he has a new ugly wife. Burrrrn. I'm mean. So what.

One of the new girls at work is all dressed up, (it's jeans day) so I asked her does she have a date tonight. She said she does in fact, have a date. She went on to say how she didn't really like the guy, because he is too dark. I guess I have to say that she is black. She said "I know that probably sounds funny to you" well, yes it does. But I guess we all have our preferences. That's how sheltered I am, right? She is the one in love with one of my VP's.

The one who today, when he brought me his mail folders, forgot his yellow one. Firstly, I'm suppose to pick them up but he loves to bring them back and smack them on the desk and scare me. It' all in good fun, don't worry. Anyhoo..I said "you didnt bring the yellow one back" to which he replied "Listen, I don't need you bitching at me, I got enough of that last week on the trip" I said "you didn't have a fun cruise?" He said his wife went with him. I told him that was his wife's job to bitch at him, and he said he wanted to quit that job. Daaaaamn. I gues he's cute because he is fun to joke with, but she finds him attractive. She said "now, he's not too dark" She cracks my shit up!

We get all the counseling forms from stores to go to HR, because our VP's have to sign off on them. I got one for that VP that was for an employee who had poor hygeine. He brought it back after he signed it and he said did you happen to read that? And I said yea, I did, and I laughed. He said, it was better than how the DM worded it. He said "I have to counsel someone who smells like he ate a shit sandwich". I laughed until I cried. It's my new favorite saying for when things stink.

Like the egg that I put in someones desk. I had a hard boiled egg in my bag for 3 days. I threatened my coworker with it when she was talking to the construction boy for me. I said you better watch it or I'll peg you with this egg. Yea, it's still in my bag. So I cracked it and put it at someones desk behind a box. I hope I'm not on camera. I clorox wipe'd my fingerprints off of it. You can't be too careful. So soon, I can say "damn (insert coworkers name) it smells like a shit sandwich over here" Those are my stories from work. It's all I got.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Being Shy Sometimes Sucks....

I am sad to report, that my hottie construction worker has left the building. He did however say he would probably be back next week. I saw him working out in the atrium today, and when he came by my desk I smiled at him and said "good morning". Cus, I'm so pleasant, and friendly. He said he's out of here today, but he might be back next week. The girls are all pissed I didn't ask him out. Um, I don't do those sorts of things. I'm old fashioned. That's probably why I also never get what I want. I'll work on that. I promise.

I think he is the drywall guy cus he was out fixing cracks, so once their done putting up the drywall they'll probably have him come back to spackle it. Or, whatver you call that. By the end of the day yesterday I had talked to him about patching a hole. Mmm hmm, I know what your thinking, but it was a hole in a planter. He's pretty cute, and I got up and fixed my hair today even though I'm sick and he left. He did do a dance for us that was adorable. He has some good moves. mmmm hmmm. Yup. Sure thing. See ya next week.

I watched Deja Vu this week. That was kind of a pretty gay movie. I didn't like it. I also got one of the 8 movies from horror fest....Grave Dancers. I'm watching that tonight. I can't wait, you can rent all the horrorfest movies. Heros is back on. Yayyyy. This may sustain my Lost withdrawl, long enough until Big Brother starts, and I then have a new obsession. I can't help it that I love TV.

It's bring your kid to work day. I spose it's a big ta-do around here. My manager brought her 2 boys, and one of the big VP's brought his son. They had some learning thing for them downstairs where they got different gems and learned how they are made. Their not real. Of course. And they had them set up display windows like our stores. Now, we have them shredding all of our old reports.

So did you watch Lost? If you didn't, don't read any further.........Ok, so I know everyone is probably pissed off that they think the Losties are dead now, and in some sort of limbo. But the producers specificaly said they weren't before. I don't buy it. But, didn't you love Hurley's response? "There were no survivors on flight 815, they were all dead" "What?" I think that the others have proven that they are pretty sneaky with cover ups, and I think they made it look like the plane was discovered with no survivors, to make them think they are all dead. Another mind game thing. Ben loves mind games...remember?

Jin used some kung-fu shit on the russian that I just thought was pretty bad-ass! I imagined that he'd get some points for that over at Aprpos of Something's Lost-vivor game. I thought it was cute that Sun was so happy to be having Jin's baby. I dunno do we trust Juliette? She's going along with Ben, but then she hates him, as she said off-tape after making he recording. WTF? Does she seriously think Ben will let her go? And we still don't know who the girl from the sky is. Although, I think she may have been the russan's replacement. Why else would he be running to find her? How did she know how to speak to everyone. She spoke english to Desmond, Spanish to Hurley, and Chinese to Jin, though Jin said he spoke Korean, and Italian to Mikhail. And what the fuck, Mikhail was fried on the electric fence! He's a pretty good faker.

Are they dead? Are they alive? Are they dead in real time, but alive in the past on the island? I dunno. I can't wait til Locke comes back and wants Sawyer to kill Ben. Some sort of test I think. Weirdo stuff man! I love this freaking show!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Sexual Harassment is For Girls....?

Happy Administrative Professionals day! I see no gifts for this particular day on my desk. *sigh*
I'm minding my own business at work, as I often do. Ok, so I brought my camera and I'm trying to capture my coworkers (CW) last days for a video I'm making her. Anyhow, they moved some of our VP's because their making some offices bigger. Making things bigger means they have men here. Working men. I like me a working man. That's hot, right?

Ok, so some cute boys walked by "the secreterial pool" and I told CW omg, did you see that guy??? She said uh-huh, you got a date tonight, I'm hooking you up. I said "don't you dare!". So we're talking, and here he comes by again, and shes leaning on my cubicle staring at him going "oh oh here he comes!" I was trying to get her to shut up, and I was throwing papers at her, which didn't work. When he turned the corner, he was laughing.

I said "good goin, CW, now there goes our eye candy!" She said "they love that shit, he'll be back alright, and he'll bring a friend". Being older and wiser, I guess I should have trusted her. Cus not five minutes later, there he went walking right by us again...with a friend! I said for god's sake, you'd think we were in a women's prison or something. Men....uhhhhh look, men. Oh well, a dirty working man is hot to me. I can't help it. So he's come by my desk quite a few times.

One girl said she totally caught him doing a triple take. They say when he walks by he looks at me. I'm embaressed. I have bad hair, and no make up on today mkay? But I do have a cleavage friendly shirt on. One time he came by and asked if we were done dancing. Cus we might have been dancing one time when he went by. I wonder if we can get in trouble for harassing the boys? It's made for a fun day. Hearing the power tools and having conversations like...

Me: "Ohh..the sound of a power tool. I like a good drill."
CW: "Especially the sound it makes when the screw goes in too far"

Oh yea.

The new girl who is training with CW is just like her. So now, they are both over there discussing how they are going to go find me a hot construction worker to go out with. They'll line them up according to single or taken. They said if I don't know what their doing, then I can't be embaressed. Uh, OK. Wish me luck making it through the next few days of construction.

One thing that stinks about working for executives, is knowing when someone is getting canned, and not being able to warn them. I hope that people felt that shitty when I got let go. It's one of my favorite district managers. He calls every day. I don't know why it's happening, but I have to set up a call for all my VPs mgrs except for him. And set up a call with him and all that managers stores. And I can't tell anyone. And I have to wait to the last minute and personally call the stores. That's what I've been doing all day. It makes me feel like crap-o-latte. Poor guy. Good thing I have a boy to distract me.

Monday, April 23, 2007

You Know What They Say About Idle Hands...

I was the busiest girl on Saturday. I got up at 10:30, and it was a beautiful day. I cleaned my carpets, upstairs and downstairs. Stripped my bed, and washed all my bedding. Steam cleaned my mattress. Euw. I don't even want to say how disgusting the water was that was sucked out of there. 10 years worth of grime. But I know everyone else's beds are likely just as dirty. Don't hate.

Then I steam cleaned all my furniture, and did several loads of laundry, and several comforters. Cleaned the rabbit cage. Scrubbed my back porch with soap and viniger, there was some nasty mold forming. Weeded my flower beds. Dusted. Did the dishes. Cleaned the rabbit cage. I even gave my stuffed Hello Kitty I sleep with a bath. After I steam cleaned the floors, I swept again. Then, I knocked a big ass potted plant over onto the floor. I got dirt all in my nice clean carpets. The good thing is, my new sweeper sucked it right out with no problem. I love my new sweeper.
After all of that, I had a delicious smoothie, and CP came over. We went on a bike ride for an hour. I was sorta worried that I wouldn't be able to hang like I could last summer, being my first trip of the season. It was nothin. Working out really does some good. I even got up the big hill on the way home, and my driveway from hell. I decided to try to take a nap from 7-10. That sure didn't happen.

You know, me and CP are friends now, and he does a lot of things for me, and I always tell him not to. It isn't like I expect him to or something. Well the other night he got ticked off at me for saying something about how I don't like worrying about his feelings, cus its hard enough to worry about mine. (was that mean?) Anyway...he said to me, that he does a lot for me and it would be nice if he got something in return. In essence, he wanted what is commonly referred to by men as "pussy payments".

I said are you really telling me...that you want me to have sex with you because you do things for me? He said yes. I mean, what is wrong with men, that they actually think it's normal to do stuff like that? It's not like I've never had a strictly sexual relationship with anyone, I am 31 you know. But this is CP, my former fiance. Sex only complicates things further when there are feelings involved. He tried to redeem himself and say that he meant something completely different, but whatever!

I got a present today from one of my VP's. He got me this gourd pot thing with a lid from the Caymen Islands. They are all back from their cruise. Time to be super busy again. Have I mentioned my ass hurts? from the bike ride? That's never happened before. I think it means my ass is less fat. At least that is my story.

Friday, April 20, 2007

From the Future Mrs. McCain...

We're having a food day at work. I made taco dip. Do you know how difficult it is to haul food in, when you have to walk a mile into the building, and pass 16 security checkpoints, and then maneuver thru a metal revolving door/turnstyle? Ok, well maybe it isn't 16 checkpoints, but it's three nonetheless, plus the turnstyle. Then, there is no refrigerator on our floor, so I had to put my stuff in one of my VP's little fridges, and that meant I had to swipe 3 of his waters in order
to fit my platter nicely. Shut up.

Know what's fun about a food day when you work for a big company? Catering. They pull up a little catering cart chock full of coffee's, teas, pops, candies, and cookies. The best part? They wheeled that mofo right up to my cube. I can roll on over to refill my coffee. And roll right on back. The leg action from the rolling makes me confident that I can one time steal a cookie, and burn it off, therefore not feel bad about it.

I havn't given you an update on the new girl in a while, and I know how you care about that. She has her good days. Mostly, she is the kind of nice that makes you look bad. Like, she asked if she should go get coffee for her VP's. Um, maybe if we only had one, but you can't properly kiss 3 bosses asses, and do all the work we have to do. She says she use to cut fruit up for her old boss. Umm screw that mess.

She also has an obsession with Johnny Depp. I know you're thinking I'm one to talk, since I might be a little too keen on Edwin McCain, but you don't see me writing "Mrs. McCain" on my
drinking cups at work do you? And I'm going to actually marry him, she has no chance in hell marrying Johnny. Get over it. You know, to make me feel better yesterday about the ex asshole re-marrying, someone could have reminded me how I am marrying Edwin to make me feel better. What the fuck is wrong with you guys?

Guess what? I suppose I still have my stellar job at the police station. They called me yesterday to ask me to work a midnight shift this Saturday. Sure, it sucks ass since I have to work midnights next weekend, but it's only one day, and it'll be extra money. Which I need. Desperatley. Go Me.

You wanna know who makes the best smoothies ever? Me. I do. *pats self on back* It's 1 cup of nonfat, sugar free vanilla yogurt, 1/2 cup ice, 1/2 cup orange juice, and a bananna. Put it in the smoothie maker and it gets the perfect consistency. My GOD is it good! And it's way cheaper than buying one anywhere. I can take off my pants without undoing them. I'll buy new pants when they fall all the way off on their own. It's expensive to re-buy clothes. I have no idea how
much weight I've lost, because I don't weigh myself, but I do know that I need to buy a new bra so I have lost in my chest. All my underwear is baggy in the ass too. CP says that I am really changing. He only sees me once or twice a week so he's the best judge. I see myself every day. Mostly I can tell in my butt. I pay special attention to it.

My earrings are paid off. Guess what that means? It's time for me to get something else! Mother's day is coming up, I suppose I could see if theres anything worth getting the Mother. Only, she'll have to get it in person. I don't think I'm shipping jewelry. Fugetabouit. Maybe it'll be like the electric can opener I got her for Christmas. I just never gave it to her, and she finally got one for herself, and she told me to keep it. I better pick out something I like then, just in case!

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Exes and O-My God Shut Up!

First things first. Thank god Sanjaya is off American Idol. I think I could hear the cheers across the country. If one of those other kids went home instead, I would've quit watching. Now my Blakey can win!

So I went to get my hair done, and as usual I get some good dish at the hair shop. Guess What? My ex husband is getting married on Saturday. Married. In two days. Lawfully wedded. Husband and wife. Wife. Now, like 2 years ago when I thought he might be married, I cried for days over it. Dayyyyyys. I didn't cry this time, because I'm not really sad. I think I feel a
little disappointed for what I thought our lives would be at this point in time, but I'm not really sad over a loss. I know we weren't meant to be together. Deep down.

I do know he isn't happy. When we talked 2 months ago, he told me how he didn't love her, and that's why they broke up and put the house up for sale. He didn't want to get married again. He gets sick of being with 1 person, he hates it. He can't be faithful. All the shit he told me when we were getting divorced. They cheated on each other. They fight and beat the crap out of each other. Hmmm...it sounds strangely like me and him. I wonder if he realizes he's marrying his ex wife, minus the fact that I'm not butt ugly. Well, that was mean.

What I did say about this whole thing, is that I might have been through some bullshit in my life, especially with him. I might be divorced, single, recently un-engaged, but you know what? I've learned from every relationship I have had, and I don't think he can say the same thing. Not if he is marrying someone like he is.

None of his friends like her. (they didn't like me either) They boycotted his bachelor party. He told Hair girl he was done partying. (he did that for me too) She asked if I wanted to be her date to the reception. I declined. I couldn't see that. I just couldn't see him "happy" with another girl. I guess I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me. And I very well could spend my weekend crying over it, but I think I'll be OK. It's not that I want him, or even really think fondly of him, but I think it's something only an ex-wife can understand. It's been 8 years.

I spent that 8 years dating 5 guys. Living with three of them. Engaged to one. He spent those years having two kids, and staying with the second baby momma for 7 years. Seven. That's how long we were together. I spent 4 of those years living on my own. I never thought I could make it on my own, but here I am. Doing it every day! Men can't seem to do the same. They need to be taken care of. Most of them.

When I went to his house recently, he had fun showing it off to me, and trying to make me feel bad for not having my own house anymore. I lost OUR house to a foreclosure. He said I should own something by now. I said "I'm on my own, and I have been pretty much since you left me. I don't need someone to take care of me, and you have this because you have a girlfriend living with you."

He hasn't made anything on his own. He stayed with his Daddy until apparently, he moved in with this other chick. And, I have no children tying me down. I'm a free bird. I'm proud of me. I went from a codependant mess, who couldn't function without dysfunction in my
life, to an independant woman who hates the drama. I didn't know how to shop on my own. Sleep on my own. Pay the bills on my own. Live on my own. Be on my own. Think on my own.

I'm proud of myself for learning from everything. Taking the time to myself when I needed it, and bettering the person that I am today. The only regret I can say that I have, is that I have never loved anyone like him. I've been too afraid, the pain from that separation was unbearable. It was the only time I thought I would actually die from a heartbreak. I guess if I could change one thing about myself, I would get a little of my ability to love and trust back. I shouldn't let him still hold that after all of this time. He never deserved it to begin with.

Married. On Saturday. The fucking bastard. (that's more like it!)

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Hello Lost Check...

Friday night I noticed I had only one check in my checkbook, so I got a new pack of checks, but didn't put them in my book, I left them on my end table at home. I was alone all weekend, until Saturday night when my brother and Kat were over. I didn't think about my checks again until last night, when I went to put it in my purse. I noticed, something missing off the front, at first I thought it was a checkbook cover perhaps. So I went and got my box of checks to see how they looked. They were all the same, each pack started with a green Hello Kitty check riding a dolphin.

This one started with a purple Hello Kitty with hearts. Looking closer, you could tell that the front should have been green, there was a check, along with it's carbon copy missing.
I got into my last check, and noticed there is a number missing between the two also. Fuck. The sad part is, it was someone I know, because I have never had the checks outside of the house. I asked everyone I know regardless of if they were in my house that weekend if they took it. Like if someone did, they'd say yes. I thought maybe it was a joke at first, ha ha, let's scare Monica. Only I'm not laughing. Once, my brother used my ex boyfriends credit card while we were on vacation, to charge $150 worth of porn online.

I could stop payment on it for $33 but the sad part of that is, that in this day and age, all one needs is your routing and account number to do whatever the fuck they want to do online. Bullshit. It's just what I need being that I'm down to one job. Someone to wipe out what money I do have.

I watched Charlotte's Web last night, and I decided that I want to have a farm. With a pig. And a sheep. And a goat. K? I'll get right on that.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

The Art of Ass Kissing....

I woke up this morning, and it was a little too bright outside. I slept in. I couldn't find my cell phone, which I use for my alarm clock. After I jumped out of bed in a panic, there it was. Underneath me. Flipped open. Apparently, I couldn't reset my alarm and fell asleep on it. I vaguely remember having trouble resetting the thing this morning. I think I need to get to bed earlier than I do. I'm sick of being tired. I set my alarm every day an hour early with the intention that I'm going to get my ass up and work out in the AM so I can do more in the evenings after work, and not be exercising until 7. Yet, I don't go to bed an hour earlier.

I called the police station last night. Because the leutenant called my voicemail and asked me to let him know what happened. I think I can still use the danged money. I might have made up a story like that, I went out of town and didn't get the messages. And that's because though it was an honest mistake, it's not entirely believable that I wouldn't call when I got the messages. So, being out of town sounded better. I left it on his voicemail. What's meant to be will be. Im neither a good liar, nor a good ass kisser.

You think your job sucks? I work by this woman, whose sole phone calls consist of her saying these two phrases about 50 times a day. "We don't advertise in the yellow pages. We have over 2300 stores, and it's not cost effective, we advertise nationally on radio and TV" and "We have our own charities we work with, we contribute to St. Judes." How boring would THAT be? I can tell you it's realllllllly annoying to listen to all day.

When I win my 10 grand, I can use it to get my house, so I can start my animal rescue. I'm all hyped up to find my true calling after yesterday's Oprah! It was all about doing what you are meant to do on this earth. I know I'm not meant to make other people rich the way I am doing now. I know it has to do with animals. I am not cut out to be a vet, because I couldn't deal with the death on a daily basis. Not being able to help all the animals would tear my heart out.

I want to help rehabilitate sick homeles pets, as a foster home or something. Ultimately have my own rescue. That's what would make me happy. I'm convinced that this is why I lost my job after 7 years. I wasn't going to ever leave that place. So the universe forced me out of there, and now I make less money, and I'm forced to think about what I really want to do. Funny how things happen isn't it?

A girl I work with told me yesterday, that one of her VP's (who is now our VP's boss) paid for her honeymoon stay at a 5 star hotel in New Orleans when she got married. I'm thinking, I better freaking get something next week for Secretaries Day. I'd be happy with a freaking card! I dunno when my ship will come in. Maybe when I quit handing out porn line numbers for conferences, and dropping the F-bomb in my VP's ear. Maybe.

I started going tanning this weekend. I use to always have a tan. Losing my job caused me to be pasty, and use self tanners that don't really work. Most of my bras are permanently dingy on the underwire from the tanner shit. Bra's cost $40. I'm all about getting my UV rays, it helps to boost your mood, and keep your bra's clean. Tomorrow I'm getting my hair done. I use to get to go once a month, now I go every other month. This not living in the lap of luxury bullshit is getting on my last nerve. I will get there again. In time.

Did I tell you I'm going here in one month? I can't wait! Just so you know, I'm really pissed off that I can't bring my flag pole of any kind, or my instrument!

Monday, April 16, 2007

Monday Schmonday Big Fat Sundae...

So, I inadvertently quit my second job this weekend. How does one do such a thing? I switched 2 shifts with girls who wanted my hours. I thought this wknd was one of them. I was cleaning my laundry room and at 6:00 I went to check my phone and I got a call at 3:05. Apparently I was suppose to work 3-11. I never called them. I felt bad all weekend about it, but then I thought it's a sign because I'm tired of working my life away. What's the point of having money, when you can't enjoy having it? I'm not entirely sure what I'm gong to do. Get another job? Find a sugar daddy? Who knows!

I made only the best smoothie ever in my smoothie maker. Ice, Orange juice, bananna, nonfat vanilla yogurt and a dab of sugar free strawberry preserves. A meal in a cup! Quite Tasty! Deee licous! I should start selling them, their that good m'kay?

This Friday the 13th, when I got out my Friday the 13th Box set, from Crystal Lake to Manhattan to watch, I thought to myself how much I miss my ex-ex boyfriend. He bought the best gifts ever. Seriously, I got flowers all the time, and the gifts he got me weren't generic and cheap. But, in all other aspects he was pretty much useless. So maybe I didn't miss him after all. I just miss the stuff. Sometimes I can be a super big bitch. Sometimes.

Someone has a mouse living in her garage. I say a mouse, because I don't want to think about the possibility that I'm infested. At Christmas, I noticed my santa gourd was missing half his beard, and it was obviously chewed off to be used for mouse bedding. I have 3 boxes of crap from when I was unjustly let go from my job, in the garage. I got in there to get my computer speakers out and noticed a package of instant oatmeal chewed open. My brother said I should put a mouse trap out there, and I said mouse trap? I've got FOUR FREAKING CATS! Hopefully this keeps the mice from getting in my house! Farmers always said female cat urine keeps mice away. I told him I thought traps were inhumane, and he said "so you would let your cats
torture the mouse to death?" Yea, cus that's called nature. And I don't have to pick up a dead carcass that way either. We all win.

Did you have a fabulous weekend? I went to 80's night. It was metal bands of the 80's. It was raining ice. Super. It's freezing cold, and all our vice presidents are on a freaking cruise to the carribean. Yeah, I know...it blows. So, a retarded boy tried to pick me up this weekend. I don't really know that he was retarded, and for some reason I vaguely remember him trying to pick me up before, but with my track record, it could have been anyone, anywhere. I attract the most interesting characters. He was out on the dance floor, dancing to the beat of his own drummer, all alone.

He introduced himself to me, and asked me my name and I think was asking me to dance when my brother came back and rescued me. I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do about a second job yet. I think it's a sign that my 10 grand is on it's way. I'm thinking it's way into my hands. I havn't not worked two jobs in years.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

1-800 Dial A Hoe...

You want to know why I don't make the big bucks? Don't ask me, I mean, I am constant entertainment for the people I work with. First, I cuss out my VP inadvertantly last month on the phone, and then I direct coworkers to call a sex line.

Last week, I set up a conference call for one of (luckily) my favorite district managers, to happen on Monday. When you set them up, the conference place sends you a phone number, it's usually an 800, 888, or 866 number. Then I send an email w/the phone number.

Monday, I get a call from a manager... He said he had a conference call, but the number was definatly not the right number. He was laughing when he said it. So, I looked it up and gave him the phone number I had on file. Which was the same number.

I got two more phone calls like that, claiming the number definatly wasn't right.

Two days later, my DM sends me an email, to tell me that the number I sent her for the call, was for a porn line.

Porn?

Yes, Porn.

So, what else can I do but call her and leave her a message asking her if she needs me to set up another call. She said no, she thought it was quite funny, and they figured out what had happened was, the number should have been an 888, and I sent them all an 866.

Dumbass! I'm waiting for the auditors to ask why the stores all dialed porn lines. You know where the blame is going for that one. I'll never live it down.

Without me, their call would have just been about boring work crap. And what thanks do I get? None. I'm just glad it was one of the DM's I get along well with, or I would have felt really stupid.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Tossing and Turning it Over to the Cats....

I sure didn't sleep well last night. Freaking cats. Sometimes they annoy me. I sleep in a queen bed with 4 cats and a dog. Since I've been living single, sometimes one or two cats will sleep on the spare pillows, and leave my head alone. But the dog owns that pillow 99% of the time, and still, there is generally a push fest between at least two cats, involving my head.

They like to nuzzle my face with their whiskers. Purr. They have to put their paws in my face, and touch me. If one does, then the other does. As if to say "No, I touched her last". "No I did". It's so fabulous to be adored. Then, I hear the dog rustling around on the newspaper I put down to deter her from peeing on the floor. I got up and caught her crapping! I put her outside, tried to go back to sleep. More of the same. Assaulted by cats. I put up with this crap until 2 am, I couldn't fall asleep. So, I relinquished my bed to my pets. I slept on the couch.

I know you think this is pathetic, but first I did try to lock the cats out of the room. But then they just scratch and paw at the door until I couldn't stand that anymore either. Do you now see, how much my pets run my life? I might need therapy or something. You know those assholes followed me out to the couch, and proceeded to bat around the catnip container. I had to take it from them, but by then they were already stoned. They chased each other around and on top of me until about 3 am.

I dunno about me sometimes. Who on earth does this shit? One might say that I should be a vet, but watching E-vet interns last night, I remembered why. Sometimes they die. And, you have to tell the owner. And the owner is a man, who is bawling over his poor dog that died. It tore my heart out. Not for me. Uh-uh.

New girl update:
She is going to school, and majoring in shakespear. Majoring. Who does that? No one I know thanks. She also likes dancing with the stars. Lots of people do, but she said she likes to go to the ballroom dance competitions. She also actually said she wanted to go to one of our stores (not our employee store) and buy something at full price, because getting the discount seems so "unethical". Shut. The. Hell. Up!

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Walk Like a Man...

So, the past few nights, I've dreamt that I am a man. I think I'm still suppose to be a girl, because the fact that I'm growing a go-t confuses me, and I'm not that happy about dating women. Unless I'm a gay man. I wonder what the fuck that is suppose to mean?

I blame that show Work Out, because that Jackie is a lesbian. But, she doesn't look or act like your typical lesbian is usually portrayed. Aside from the making out with women. And, how she turns one of her employees to the other side. I dunno. Maybe I secretly have the hots for her, and I'm dreaming I'm a man? Whatever, I don't pretend to understand!

Guess who I think are the assholes of the week? People who hit fucking geese in the street. I mean, their geese, they waddle. It isn't like they jump out in front of the car, and suprise you. I have no respect for people who kill an animal instead of barreling over a cliff, or getting stuck in a ditch. They are what matters most. I don't care if they crap all over, or hiss at you. If you havn't guessed it, I've seen a lot of dead geese on the side of the road lately.

So, one of my new friends at work has turned in her notice. She's leaving to be home with her kids. Betch! She is my bestest work friend, we are so much alike, and we crack each other up. Cus...we're freaking hilarious! So, they hired this new girl. And I know I'm suppose to be positive and whatnot, but I dunno. This chick is too nice. She's nicely annoying. Or annoyingly nice, I mean. Send help.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Hippotus Hoppitus...

How was your easter? The easter bunny didn't come to my house, but that only means, I wont gain any weight, so I'm fine with it. I'll miss the reese's eggs. And Starburst jelly beans. And frozen peeps. And pastel M&M's, and Dove eggs. But, I'll survive. My ass will thank me later!

Me and my brother went to Chili's for Easter Dinner. Lots of people eat out for the holiday. I had me some chicken tacos, and a big ass margarita. It was the shit. And, I didn't stress out. I didn't break a sweat cooking. I didn't wonder what I'd make. I didn't spend $100 bucks on one meal. I didn't wash a dish, or sweep a floor, or wipe a counter top. I think this eating out thing is the way to go! Plus, I have leftovers for dinner tonight! Bonus!

I got somewhat tipsy on Friday, but I deserved it since I've gone virtually weeks without a drop of alchohol which is good for me. I met kat and some folks at the bar for a drink. But, that's after I had a bottle of wine and colored eggs with CP. Oh yea, by tipsy I mean I puked a few times. Nice. It was the wine, and the shot, and the beer. Never do the last two with wine. You would think I'd have learned a lesson or something.

Coloring eggs was so much fun. I havn't done it for years! I made my Mom a craked yellow one, since she's still got pins in her arm. She called me a bitch. Bitch. I made one for each of my family members with stickers. Oh, we shrink wrapped some too, that was fun. Eating them was even more fun. I forgot how delicious they are. Even better, is that I made the perfect boiled eggs thanks to Martha Stewart. I always over-boiled them. Bring them to a boil, turn them off, wait 7 minutes, rinse in cold water. Brilliant.

Guess who kicked her brother's ass, and broke her own record at silverstrike bowling on Saturday? Yep, that's right, ME! I got a 190, cus I rock. Kat cheated and had the guy that works there and posesses the high score help her. You know cheaters never win, and she didn't! We took some boy home that lives by the Circle K. He kept trying to get me and my brother to come over to play Foos ball, and drink beer. He was really drunk. But it was my neighborly duty to drive him home. And we all know I'm the bestest neighbor.

My new most favorite thing in the world is vanilla non-fat yogurt, with grape nuts in it. It's even better with frozen strawberries. I can eat a big ole thing of it for 100 calories. Mmmmm. Delicious! I also only took off Friday from working out. Normally I take off Friday and Sunday, but since I'm awesome, I worked out yesterday too. I'm starting to finally tell a difference after all this time. And it feels fabulous!

Friday, April 06, 2007

Compassion-Less....

I lack compassion. Well, for people, that is. I know this, and I'm able to admit it. It never really bothered me, until I started wondering why I didn't like myself completely. I've done so much therapy, and self help, and I think I've gotten to a point where I just settled for myself. I want to be a more compassinate person. How do you do this when you think most people are stupid? And want a pity party for being dumb? That's why I'm reading about buddhism. It's mostly about living with compassion. I'm not going to turn all Richard Gere, or anything...but I like the believe that we are responsible for our own destiny, and no "God" is going to hand it over.

I believe that you have the power to change your own life. Often people expect great miracles to happen to them. While feeling sorry for themselves. I've been to the bottom, and I fought my way back. So, to me, there are no excuses. Shut up, and fix your freaking life, right? I can spot this in anyone.

So, you see, I don't feel bad for others. This is my struggle. I push my life experience onto everyone else. I know better, so you should too! I did it so you can too. I think I'm pretty hard on people. Me?

This caught my eye:

"In this life miserliness causes us suffering. It is a tight uncomfortable mind that leads us to isolation and unpopularity. Giving, on the other hand is a joyful mind that leads us to experience wealth and abundant resources in the future. There is no need to cling to our posessions, for wealth acquires meaning only when it is given away or used to benefit others"

It goes hand in hand with The Secret. The law of attraction. If you are giving, you will attract that to yourself. If you are caring, you attract that to yourself as well. The book also states that you should spend time doing what you really enjoy, because that will bring more of the same into your life. Even if it's spending time with your pets.

Pets? I think this is why someone is always trying to pawn a cat off on me. I loves me cats! I really enjoy all there is to caring for them, and they give me love in return. So, the universe says, "hey, this girl really loves cats, let's give them all to her". Now, the universe needs to bring me my money, to help me fund my animal shelter, and I can really be helpful!

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Sorta Random Bits...

I gave my doggie her bath and, got her bedtime treat and said lets go to bed! I also use this phrase in the morning when she knows that "go to bed" in the morning means go down in the laundry room for the day. She's now 11, her birthday was yesterday, so she's not as spry as she use-ta be, so she got all excited, and hopped down one step, and I said "no" and she
stopped, then proceeded to fall the rest of the way down the steps!!

All I could do was watch her twist and turn and try to stop herself, til she hit the bottom, did a roll, and got right up and shook it off. Thank God she didn't break a bone. It was probably the scariest thing to happen to me in a while. My poor little punkin head! I told her, she'd feel that in the morning. You always feel fine after an injury until you sleep on it. Suprisingly, she seems to be perfectly fine. Phew!

It snowed and iced last night. You couldn't tell from looking, but the roads were horrific. There was 6 accidents just on the way in, and all over on the radio. The poor daffodills have all wilted and fallen over. That's life in the heartland! Gotta love it!

I signed up for classes at work. I dunno how other places work, but I always had to to go Cleveland for any training classes before, outside the company. We have an entire department dedicated to training employees. How fun is that? Just a walk downstairs. The first one, is an entire four hour class....about our mission statement. I wish I were kidding! Mission statements remind me of Jerry McGuire. I also have to take one on how to be partners with our employees in "the field", and the last one is team diversity. After that I can take fun stuff, like more programming classes. I'm gonna be an even smarter cookie.

I really want to buy a new mattress. And, by "buy" I mean charge it. I'm also really thinking about quitting that shit part time job. But that would mean I have to work all I can for a couple months, and Put every penny I earn towards paying off a credit card. I have one that is only $500. I would be so happy to be rid of it! That's an extra $50 a month I'd have. And, last time I quit my part time job, I really regretted it. I was also pulling down about $800 a week.

So, did I get any sleep yet? Well, I had a nap from 8:30-9:45. I fully intended to just walk for 30 minutes, then shower and nap. But once I start working out I psyche myself up and say, I'm already doing it, what's 15 min more? Or, why not still do crunches? You'll feel better tomorrow. So, by the time I do all that and get a bath it's 8:00. When I went to bed at the usual midnight, I tried reading to make me sleep. Only, I couldn't sleep because I was afraid I'd pee the bed. So, I
was up every 15 minutes peeing. Then, my usually adorable pile of cats on the pillow annoyed the shit out of me. I kept moving them, and they'd come right back.

**Now, on to LOST! Don't continue if you didn't watch.....**
I thought this episode was friggin' awesome! I loved how Kate had a connection to Sawyer thru his baby momma. And who doesn't know, that Juliette intentionally got left behind, as a spy. Hello, Ethan? But, it's going to get interesting having her at camp, driving Kate mad with jealousy! Maybe she'll kick her ass again? Hurley's attempt to get Sawyer to be nice to everyone seemed to be the only thing to make him happy the whole show. Too bad it's going to be heated when Jack gets back.

And, the monster. Ummm, it's never done that thing before, with the light. Obviously this is some important info to remember. Juliette knows what it is. I can't wait til Sayid goes all Henry Gayle on her ass to get the info from her. Can't wait til next week!

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Theres A 'P' Running Down Your Leg..

I had my review at work. Well it's not technically a review, as no pay increase was involved, but still, I got to hear what a fantastic employee I am. My boss said that she remembered from my interview that at my last job, I left the department because my boss wouldn't give me a chance to advance. She wanted to be sure I was happy so that didn't happen here. She said she gets the feeling I don't want to get bored in my job. I could tell she wanted to say "I know you don't want to just be a secretary". I told her that I like diversity, and once it becomes routine, I might get bored. She told me there are lots of opportunities if I wanted them, to do more reporting, and analytical projects. I told her I was very interested in that. I miss working on the website at the old job, and figuring something out on my own, and feeling accomplished!

She told me she was willing to teach me all sorts of things, and that one of my VP's is also willing to do the same. When he asks me to do things, he explains the background, he says he wants me to know all I can about the company. I'm about to be a fantastic asset! I don't get a pay increase until February, but I look at it as I have that much longer to learn more, and earn a bigger increase! Of course, I also got to hear how impressed she was with how fast I caught on to the way things run, and how well I document my job.

I'm not ashamed to admit this, considering how tired I've been. Last night, I woke myself up at 3:15, peeing the bed. I get up every night to pee at 2, and 4. I didn't wake up at all until then. I blame being so exhausted, yet unable to allow myself to rest! I took the night off working out last night to have dinner w/CP, but I still stayed up all night. I can't allow myself to go to sleep early. Cus then I feel like I'm living to work. So, I had to take all the bedding off at 3:15.
And remake it. I realized, I only have 2 sets of non-flannel sheets. I think I need to keep an eye out for a sale.

Here it is Wednesday, and I'm still not recovered from working that freaking weekend shift from hell. You know, I hear that I can have my old job at Taco Bell back if I wanted it. If I did that, it would be the fifth time I went back. I bet I could make more money there. It's further away from home. Free food. Ugh, the public. Better hours. Good exercise. Kids today are so lazy, and I might have to kill one. Well, it's something to think about. That would be a hoot to tell the police station, um I'm leaving, cus I can make better money and get better hours doing fast food.

I brought a ring to work to get some work done. It's a diamond cluster ring, from the ex-husband. I tried to sell it, but they only offered me $50 for a $500 ring at the jeweler, so I'm just going to keep it. I'm having it rodium plated, so it'll be white gold, and sized a little bit, and it'll be my "right hand ring". I get a discount on special orders and repairs, which I just found out, so I'm taking advantage.

Since I know you all care, my TiVo has fixed itself. The time is now correct. Rejoice.

Monday, April 02, 2007

When Time Can't Go Fast Enough.......

Good Godfrey, I'm freaking tired. You know working that shift on the weekend throws my week all to hell. Friday I worked of course, my 8-5, then 11p-7a on 2 hours of sleep.

7:15am arrived home, and I decided it would be a swell idea to get some shit done before I went to bed. I carted down my trash, cleaned out my car, and by the time I let the dog out, cleaned up her shit, and fed all the animals, it's 8:15. I'm wide awake.

8:15...I get the dumbshit idea, to workout. Might as well, I knew I wouldn't feel like it when I got up later Saturday afternoon, and I had to work off the chex mix, and energy drink binge I was on. I thought I'd just walk for 30 minutes, and be done with it. Thirty minutes turned into 45, and then I still did weights and abs. What time is it now?

9:30.. Hm. I decided to watch some TV, and throw a load of clothes in. I kept calculating my 5 hour sleep time by the hour. Ok, It's 9:30...if I go to sleep now, I can get up at 2:30 and then I'll have 8 hours until I have to go back into work.

10:30. No, I'm not asleep yet, but I'm on my way! I finally got into bed.

11:30 Time for a hot bath, because I couldn't fucking sleep. Brilliant idea working out right before bed. I started dozing off in the tub, so I got back into bed.

12:00 If I go to sleep now, I can get up at 5, and then I'll have 5 1/2 hours until I go back into work. Sleep finally came.

3:30 The ex Z called me. from Arizona. I only answered cus it's the fourth time a Rhode Island number came up on my phone. (I know, the two don't make sense to me either) Apparently he is driving cars cross country.

4:00. Kat texted me. Am I home? Yes. I'm sleeping.

4:30. Wide awake. Ever see that movie, Fight Club? I'm now thinking, Tyler Durden is out collecting body fat to make soap while I'm stuck at home counting the seconds until I fall asleep again.

4:45. Still awake

5:00 Got out of fucking bed, because obviously, I wasn't meant to sleep. I got three and a half hours of sleep. Add this to the 2 I had before work Friday night, and I have been up for.....uhhh....2 plus 2 is 4, 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, carry the two....mmmmm...well, a really long freaking time. Since 6:45 Friday morning.

6:30 Kat came over to show me her new car. We ended up at Starbucks, next door to where one of my exes works. He was there, you couldn't miss his big ass. I got a carmel light frappucinno. Yum. We also got the wrong drink, which Kat sucked some whipped cream off of, and got to keep it. Pretty good tactic. Only, neither of us wanted it. We saw that the ex got into a new truck. A new, UGLY truck I might add. He never did have good taste. Shit, except in women, but that goes without saying.

7:45 Walk past the cell phone store where said ex works, and I see my old friend Steph inside! Me and Kat went in to talk to her. I knew her since like, 1980 something. I havn't seen her for like 8 years! Small world!!

8:30 Arrive back home. Wash my hair. Think to myself..."self, remember how back on Leave it to Beaver, and Happy Days, washing your hair was a perfectly good excuse to stay home? I wonder if I could call off work, since I am in fact....washing my hair?"

9:00 Give the dog a bath.

9:15 Blow dry the dog

9:30 Clean the rabbit cage

9:45-10:30 I didn't do a damn thing but watch The Ghost Whisperer.

10:30 Circle K. Need. Energy drink.

11:00 Work.

7:00 am on Sunday lather, rinse, repeat. I'm a walking zombie. The only thing I can say good about working midnights, is the phone barely rings, and just about the only people that come in are either; a)picking up a drunk b)wanting to bail a drunk out of jail, and I send them to the jail, or, c)drunk themselves, coming to pick up a drunk friend, and wind up having to sit in the lobby and wait for another friend after failing a field sobriety test at the police station. People are so flipping stupid. The best part is the entire place is mic'd and I can hear their stupid cell phone calls.

So since I slept all day yesterday I was up until 2 am and back up at 7 for work. I had a cappuccino for breakfast. And a Starbucks Frappacinno for lunch. I'm losing steam pretty fast. All for $8.25 an hour.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Would It Be Like A Needle In a Haystack?....

Geez, Friday night I had to go back to be a witness in an OVI. Shit, I felt so bad for the kid. He was really young, and shaking so bad the whole time the officer read him the statement on drugs and alchohol testing, he was trying to hold it together. It was my first "witnessing" where I had to sign that he was read the rules, but the whole time I just thought, that poor kid. I guess I wouldn't think that if he'd hit and murdered someone with his car, but still. I usually do sympathize with the wrong people. Thats my problem.

I dunno if working 11-7 is the graveyard shift, but it sounds good to me. I'm pretty much dead when it's over, after working 8-5 already. I tend to miss all the good stuff at work, but this happened on Tuesday. I'm kinda glad I missed it, cus from what I hear it was a madhouse at the po-po station. Apparently the local Roger's Jewelers, which is one of the companies my full time job owns, was robbed! Four guys came from Detroit in a rental car, to steal a $30,000 ring, and I guess tried to get a $20,000 ring as well, but the sales clerk fought them for it. They stole a car from the mall parking lot, to get them to their getaway car, which was what gave them away. They fled the car leaving it open, and got into another car, witnesses called the police.

I guess it was a big ordeal. They came to the station to do the news, there's a video, I don't know the highway patrol, just the officers in it. and it was in the paper.

Anyhow, the funniest part about it all, was that they couldn't find the ring, apparently, dude swallowed it. He was feeling sick, so they suspected that's what he did, and they called in 'sanitation workers' to keep an eye on him, and retrieve it. It still had the price tag on it. How do you get THAT job? Unfortunatly I couldn't find the article to link, but I'll rewrite the best part.

"To recover the missing ring, the Stark County Sanitary Engineer had to be called in. At about 4:15 p.m., sanitary workers sucked the ring out of Turk's toilet. There was little doubt that the ring was part of the mall heist, according to the Sherrif's department, because it still had the original price tage on it"

When I think of an engineer, I think of someone building something, or flying to space, not digging thru shit for a ring. Not much happens around here, so a good shitting a diamond ring story, is big news! I wonder if they'll re-sell that ring? A girl at work told me that the next day when the lady whose car was stolen from the mall came to pick it up, she had a can of lysol. She told her "I'm not getting in that car until it's clean, criminals were in it" her husband, she said, was clearly embaressed by this statement.