Friday, March 31, 2006
Another technilogical study I have discovered, is with my TiVo. Normally, if it is recording 2 things, you have to either watch something recorded, or watch 1 of the shows recording at the time. Well it let me watch a third show while recording two others. Be jealous! I know you are!
On the real housewives of orange county last night, um, they shot rabbits. Was NOT happy about that at all! Rich people and their fucking GRASS. It's GRASS so what if bunnies eat it, it's a weed! They are doing you a service!
I had a fabulous night CP woke me up special bout 2am when he got home from work. Thought it might have been a dream. But it wasn't! Then, he called this morning to tell me he had to eat sandwiches with no mayonaise on them, cus I ate the mayonaise. *gasp* He uses it every day, but I ate it ALL by scraping the jar to get enough for 1 sandwich. And he had to suffer cus of it. Then he said it's no big deal, after he had already pissed me off. Well then why bring it up, if not just to be a dick? After I bought him bread for his fucking lunch, cus he ate the last of my special light wheat bread, to which I didn't say a word! He didnt mean to piss me off, but the fact is that he did. It's fucking mayonaise. GOD!
Thank the good Lord it's Friday! It's also pay day! But, it means nothing to me. I pay everyone else on the first so what's the difference?
Remember my prediction the other day, that I'd go to a psychic fair w/Kat this wknd? I am getting good, cus I AM going to a psychic fair w/Kat! I think I should take a table and give readings! There are some cool speeches going on, one on nothing being an accident. Which I really like, because I believe that there are no coincidences. It's also the anniversary of my Dad's death this wknd. Which is always a treat.
Spring is here! I took the plastic off the windows, and turned off the heat! Now, bring on the snow, I know it's inevitable!!!!
Thursday, March 30, 2006
I love to sing. I am not really good at it, you won't see me on American Idol, but that doesn't stop me. When I was younger, I use to tape songs on the radio, and write down all the words. I made it my mission in life, to memorize all the words, so I can sing along. I'd also spend time pretend interviewing myself, which is pretty embaressing, but true. I'd act like a superstar. Make up dances, and sing in the mirror. What happened to my plans of stardom? I'm actually shy...really, I am!
Remember, back in the day of cassette tapes, you use to have to rewind, to listen to a song again, and sometimes pass the song up, and have to fast forward. Rewind. Fast forward. So, to avoid that, I'd make an entire tape of the same song. Mainly, when I wanted to bawl my eyes out over some stupid boy who broke my heart, but you get the point.
I like my music loud. I think it's so I can belt out the songs, and not hear that I'm not singing along very well, cus my voice is drowned out. To me, I sound just like Madonna, or Christina. Or...yea, EDWIN! I'm very aware, that you look like a fucktard in the car singing to yourself. So, I often whip out my handy cell phone, for when I get stuck at red lights. I pretend to be talking on my cell phone, but what I'm really doing, is singing.
I imagine I am quite entertaining on the road. If a really catchy song comes on, I have car dances for them. "My humps", inspires the moving of my shoulders up and down, to the words 'my humps, my humps my humps my humps..' "California Dreamin" (by Dr Dre not the beach boys) calls for the gangsta hand bob. Something I am really feelin', for instance, "Back 2 That Hotel" requires hand gestures on all the important parts of the song, and the pretend horn honk at the appropriate time. If I'm in the mood for some Staind, or Disturbed of course, it's the 'not so banging' head bang.
I bet putting cameras in peoples cars would make for a really good reality show. Do you have any fun car rituals?
Everyone loves a slinky! I swear I will figure out why my videos look so shitty. But this is for my sissy.
*Bunny Update* Chelsea Bear feels better alright. I had to chase her around last night while she tried to get into everything, and sneak downstairs. And she played w/her slinky. Yay!*
It has to be said, Shakira was fucking HOT on American Idol. If I swung that way, I'd be swinging, OK?????!!! She has the moves, that's for damn sure!!!!
And if there are any people who are as big of LOST freaks as I am, this is a link to the diagram on the door last night.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
I might wait until I can afford to get my back tattoo re-touched and just deface my body all in one night! The black needs redone, and I might change the color of the eyes, and add more color around the black parts on the side. Not sure yet. The face was done like, 8 years ago, when I got divorced! And the sides were done about 5 yrs ago. The sides were done by a friend of a friend as practice for him to get into tattooing. The color never stayed well on that part. I might save that until summer time. Cuz, nothing says I love pain more, than having a tattoo done in the summer when you sweat to high heaven.
I got the skankiest batch of STD reports last night at job 2. How do I know? Well, when someone has had a previous STD, it takes you extra long to enter the fucking report. You have to search for the prescriptions they were taking for it. So, you notice! Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, their current test that I was entering, was POSITIVE TOO! Hellooooo, first run with gonorreah wasn't bad enough? Had to give it a second shot? Chlamydia anyone? Out of 50 reports I had maybe 10 that didn't test positive in the past, or currently. Doesn't anyone wait until marriage anymore? Condoms? Do they still make them? WTF?
Remember how I'm psychic? I predict this weekend, I am going to a psychic fair with Kat.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Anyhoo, I had to report that Chelsea has not pooped for days. I've been on poop patrol. Wishing, and hoping, for poop. Calling CP during the day, poop yet? Any poop? Is she up? Is she moving? How's her belly sound? I spent 20 minutes twice last night, laying her on her back and rubbing her belly to break up her gas bubbles, I could feel them! She was uncomfortable and bloated. It actually worked! She looked noticeably different, she did her happy bunny shake, and started hopping around! She went right for her litter box, peed, and FARTED! I produced my first bunny fart! Give me an award!!!!
Is this my payback, for my mom having to take care of me after I ate fuzzy blankets? (long story....me and my brother use to eat fuzzies off our blankets, they were freaking good, ok? That's all I can say! You imagine what that did to our digestive tract)
Or for the poison control incident, when my brother O D'd us on flintstone vitamins? I swear I was a good kid, so why am I being tested with the bunny not pooping?
She has until tomorrow til the vet wants her to come back. She's gotten some poops out last night! Success! It's the little victories that count! Reason #456,903,125 not to have children. Rabbit poop patrol is bad enough.
Since I'm a Mom, that's all that is going on with me, my sick kid. I think nursing them through illnesses, bonds you closer. I bonded with my precious fizzgig when she almost died. Now we're inseperable. I'm on my way with Chelsea now. It'll hurt that much more when they die. I'm so optomisitic!! Oh, last night my supervisor at job #2 said she was glad to see I had my engagement ring on, she didn't see it on Friday and thought something happened. I knew people would think that! She is friends w/CP, so she was concerned.
Have you had to nurse a sick pet? Some people don't have the stomach for it. (mom)
Monday, March 27, 2006
Here are new things I love. Real housewives of Orange County. This show, is like Desperate Housewives, only, it's reality. I Love it! It's on Bravo. A new season of Blow Out started! New Ghost Hunter's starts this Wednesday! I know what you're thinking. Lost, is on at the same time. Well, Ghost Hunter's re-runs 11-12, so there are no excuses not to watch. A true TV whore, investigates all possibilities, before dismissing a show! Tivo makes this easier for me, but it's still a lot of work. You have to find out conflicting programs, different show times, sometimes set up manual recordings!! I should get paid to be so proficient in TV! While I was off sick, I discovered The View. I Tivo that now too!
I got another book on CD. When the Wind Blows, by James Patterson. Now, I like James, almost as much as Dean Koontz. But what I don't like, is I read a book, only to find out, the next time I get one, it came before one I already read. Making me have to then re-read the ones I already read, to make sense of it! I read the Women's murder club's all out of order. The Alex Cross all out of order. Now I read Lake house, and find out that When the Wind Blows came first. I'm all outta freaking whack! I've got all Dean's when they come out. So, there is no mistake about order here.
Have I mentioned I have bulemic cats? They throw up after they eat. Sometimes. It's a food allergy, I've been to the vet a billion times over it. I've settled on chicken and rice Purina One, for sensetive systems. Only, for some reason lately they don't make the sensetive systems in a normal or large sized bag. Only a small bag that is for one cat maybe a week. Ummm, I got four! It aint cuttin it. So, sometimes they get the plain chicken and rice, and they barf it up. What do I get for that? Cat's with bad breath, who all need their teeth cleaned. It's about $120 per cat. You do the math. I'm going to the freaking poor house. This might be why I lose myself in my television shows. It's free to live like other people!
The cat's got to watch their TV this wknd. They watch Cat Sitter. It's the one thing they all like to do together. Even Tai joins in on the fun. She is normally anti-social. Pickachu is afraid of the parrots. He leaves the room for that part. It's entertainment for everyone!
Friday, March 24, 2006
What if they put a fake diamond in it? I saw that shit on TV before. They would laser ID marks onto diamonds, take jewelry in for repair, and get back a different diamond!!! My sister said cubic zirconia turned a different color in a tanning bed, but my fake ring I've been wearing in place of my engagement ring, looks fine n dandy in there.
Well Chelsea is looking a little better. It breaks my heart to keep her and Boo's apart, cus they are snugglebunnies. I feel like such a meanie. It's for their own safety/health, but they don't know that. How do parents do it? Reason #345,671,234 not to have children. They make you feel guilty. I do that enough to myself. Like, how could I call off BOTH jobs for TWO days??? I feel guilty! I'm not allowed to be sick! To be sick is to show weakness!
I havn't been that damn sick in a long time!
One thing I have concluded, no more pets for me! Of course, I do not mean EVER, cus I couldn't live w/o the furry greatness of pets. But, my cats are all getting up there, one is 9, one is 7, and two are 6. My dog is 10. And my bunnies, nobody knows for sure how old they are but they are "about" 2 years old each, which is sadly around middle age for bunnies.
It's getting to the point where they are all requiring more than their 'regular' vet maintenance, and getting different illnesses, and costing me a fortune. And it's too hard to see them go. I have seven pets, so that's seven more times my heart will break.
Gee, aren't I a ray of fucking sunshine? I went to work today. My coworker and boss are not working today. So I showed up for nothing I guess. Don't wanna lose any more vacation time though. Plus, I got to wear my cute new K-Swiss I got last weekend. Always incentive to go to work. New clothes!!!! I got paid from Job #2. Um, it's less than half of what I normally bring home. This. Sucks. Ass!!!!!
I'm working on inventing something. American Inventor has inspired me. It'll be better than bullet ball though, that's for sure. (you would have had to watch the show to fully understand bullet ball, which is just that football game you played in school on the table, only, with a ball) I'll reveal this when I am ready, and I have a patent. I know how shady people can be!
The stupid thing about the show is there is 3 men and 1 woman judge. Half the ideas are for making women's lives easier, and what the fuck do men know about that?
Thursday, March 23, 2006
So Sunday, I woke up about 10, and spent hours on freaking blog explosion, cus it sucked me in. CP went to church. He's a good boy, I'm not into that at this point in my life, so I stayed home. If I'm going to hell because of it, I'm sure I'll be in great company!!
When he got home we were going to talk, cus I told him I didn't want to be 'the man' in the relationship, and I feel like I am right now. So, he wanted to know what I defined as a man. Glad you asked! It goes as follows:
1) Men should earn the money
2) Men should handle the finances
3) Men should carry, and lift heavy things.
4) Men should be supportive emotionally.
5) Men should protect you.
6) Men should fix things when they break (or at least try and if you can't handle- call the repairman)
7) Men should have the sex drive and initiate sex more often than a woman.
8) Men should kill all bugs, and other things that try to attack you
9) Men should do all things pertaining to the car!
He said "I don't think any 1 man can make you happy" ummm, hello, I am a woman, does that not go without saying? Thanks! I don't think I ask for much. And I tell him all the time I'm hard to please, so him making me happy is a huge accomplishment! Then he told me I didn't mention 1 thing about love. I explained that he didn't ask me what I wanted in a partner, but what I viewed as a man's responsibilies. Right now, I am doing 1-8, plus all the stuff women do. Such as cleaning, and taking care of the (fur) "kids".
This fueled a huge conversation about everything else in our relationship. Which for some reason CP decided all had to be worked out and fixed THAT DAY. I finally snapped, and told him no way can I work on 6 issues at 1 time and retain my sanity. Been crazy and back again, thanks, I don't wanna ride that train. Relationships are a lot of work. But, in my opinion, you get out of them what you put into them.
What makes a man to you?
Still not sure about Chelsea. She is active for a minute then snuggles up in her wooley cat bed. She is really good with taking her medicine! She's still not eating much but hay, and I've seen her pee twice but no poop anywhere. It's not all over her butt either, which is good. The vet said to try to get her more active to get her gut moving. I feel too bad! Plus she misses her husbun Boo's. On the other hand, her eyes do look better. It's only been 2 days though, vet said about 4 to see an improvement.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Now, I do call off, but instead of being a schmuck, and sucking up all the free sick time in the world (pretty much its UNLIMITED at my job, there are no rules!) I use my vacation time. And, then I feel guilty! It all started 6 years ago, as an accident. When I first started here, they got a new computer system, so all the old orders had to be re-keyed into the new system. (so, I was in order entry, you gotta start somewhere!) I was a temp for 3 months, then I got hired and started working about 90 hours a week, and that's no lie! I lived here! I made so much money, it should be illegal. So did the government, cus they took half of it!
And, if you call off, you don't get your overtime, and who the fuck do you know that works 90 hours only to call off and lose their overtime? That's how my perfect attendance started. After the first year, it was kind of a little goal of mine. I was horrible in school. Just horrible!
So, what do you get for this giant achievemant you ask? Not much, but it's something! We get a plaque, a spring plant, and a catered breakfast. Then your boss has to give you your award and say something nice about you. They also put your name on a plaque down in our lunch room each year, with your years of perfect attendance. This year I also got $50 to spend on me however I want. I dunno how the company is going to reward me just yet....but they certainly aren't going to be paying a fucking bill!! I'm spending it on something fun!
We kinda wish they would give us like, a day off or something, but they seem to think that is defeating the purpose of perfect attendance. The president made a good statement. That women should get 1.5 days per day at work, cus we not only take care of ourselves, but our husbands and children! AMEN!
I lost my diamond out of my engagement ring! Talk about flipping out! Luckily, I am always feeling it, or looking at it, so I remembered having it the previous night, so it was somewhere at home. We retraced my steps, I was on my hands and knees! It's an emerald cut, so it's flat for the most part. I thought it would be stuck in the carpet, or washed down the sink. We only looked for about 10 minutes, and I found it!!!!!!! On my bedroom floor, right after saying "this is probably a sign that we shouldn't get married, who loses their diamond??????" Then, there it was right after that! CP said THAT was a sign that we SHOULD get married.
So, now I feel naked. I'm wearing my diamond dragonfly on that finger, but it's not the same. You know how you get use to having something on all the time. I dunno when I'll get it back he's taking it to get fixed today. I am sick as a muthafucking dog. My entire body hurts. My head is stuffed up. And my eyes are puffy. I look wretched! My chest hurts, my throat hurts, my eyes hurt! I think I'm getting pneumonia!
To top it off my bunny Chelsea is sick. This whole time I thought it was Boos with the poo problem, but it's her. I spent a half hour cleaning her butt up. Hopefully she can get into the vet asap so I don't have to take her to emergency for $300!!!
Have you ever had perfect attendance? It looks great on the old resume!
Monday, March 20, 2006
We went to the Pet's Pajamas, where I just had to go and fall in love with a freaking dog I don't need. A Yorkipoo. He had a fat little belly and hopped around like a grasshopper! I was moved to near tears over the stupid thing! Like I need another pet? No, but I think my next dog will be a yorkipoo. I don't know much about the breed though, and I did promise myself in light of all my dog's health issues, to fully investigate my next breed before buying. *sigh* Just call me Noah. I'll start the ark.
Then, the movie. Bubba said she cried forever after she saw 'The Hills Have Eyes'. I saw the original, and, personally consider myself unshakeable, and I love me some scarey, disturbing movies. The only movie that ever irked me was Event Horizon. I don't even know why, it was just evil. So, me and Kat went and said things like Shit. Fuck. Holey Crap. What the hell? OMG! Jesus!
It was a good one. I'm into that sorta thing though, and I imagine it really isn't for the faint of heart. There were a couple things that happened that were just sick, and I don't mean gorey, cus there was that too. But some stuff was just wrong! But mostly, I'd say the movie was stressful, more than it was scarey. I get that edgy, panicked feeling when I watch something, and don't know what will happen. Shaking the leg, twiddling the fingers. So at one point, everyone had to laugh, because you just got so keyed up.
It made me want a big dog....I don't think Little Billy would be a match for the mutants, if I were to ever be stranded in the desert, after taking a dirt road some stupid redneck told me to take, where the mutants in the hills would watch me. When me and Kat came home, she said she bet Rocky Road would protect us from the mutants. Cus he was barking at us. Yea, I think he'd be a good match!
I also had 2 nightmares, and had to get out of bed, smoke, and tell myself it was just a dream. If you like that shit too, then go out and see it! I can't wait to add this flick to my extensive horror DVD collection!!! I'd even pay another $7 to see it again!
*sidenote: the dad in the movie has the same freaking unmistakeable voice of the serial killer/transvestite in Silence of the Lambs. (it puts the lotion on the skin, or else it gets the hose again)
*BTW I looked up the actors, and it WAS the freak wild bill from silence of the lambs! That voice is unmistakeable! Creep-o-philia!
So, what's your favorite scarey movie? I can't pick a favorite, cus I like too many, and there is different types of scarey. So if we're talking classic horror, then it's Texas Chainsaw Massacre. New, and old. I like the new one better of course.
For the creep factor, it's gotta be the original Amityville. Cus when I was little it scared the living shit out of me.
For a psychological thrill, it's either Signs, or The Others. I fucking hate aliens, and ghosts scare me too.
Classics? The Nightmare on Elm Street's win hands down. The best of course, being Freddy Vs. Jason. I hear there is another one in the works. At least, there is another Friday The 13th, that much I do know. It was in my Entertainment Weekly!!!!
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Me and CP met Bubba at Shooters and had some green beer. There wasn't a lot of people there, but we had fun. It was nice to be 'out' and laughing, and, it was nice to be drinking, I won't lie. We hit the bell and were home by midnight cus CP had to work Saturday, and I had plans with the girls so I needed to rest up!
I'll write about that tomorrow. Now, I'm trying to get pics off my camera...I've only done it a hundred times, and now, it isn't working. I am so technologically challenged sometimes!!!!!!!!
Friday, March 17, 2006
What was I doing last St. Patty's? Hmmmm... Oh, yea, I got dumped after 4 years!!
Spring is coming! Daffodils are starting to push up in the back yard! The bunnies love spring, cus they get fresh herbs! I love spring, cus I don't have to buy a mass of veggies every week for them!! Everyone is happy! It doesn't look like anything I transplanted from TWDSO house has survived the winter. I think my ground cover has, but so far everything still looks dead. I won't know til I get out there and start cleaning it up though, so I can still hope!
Almost time for Fires, and tiki torches, and bug zappers! And, fun frozen drinks! I already got bit by the spring cleaning bug. Cleaned the walls in the laundry room and the floor. Does it make me anal that I cleaned the inside/outside of my washer and dryer? I spent a lot of money on them, might as well look nice! I cleaned the downstairs baseboards, and the hair that gets caught in the carpet right along the baseboards, that the sweeper never gets. Maybe that's just my house, cus of all my pets? I can't wait to get a nice breezy Saturday, to open all the windows, and wipe down all the walls. Everything CLEAN! I'd love to know if I was having some company coming in May..*ahem* It might motivate me a lot more.
I got off job 2 early again last night. My pay is gonna suck but you know after a year and 2 months of working 60 hours, it's nice to have a break this month, and I'll get over being poor!
I think my bunny Boo's has Irregular stool syndrome. He's gotta go to the vet next week. He is eating and drinking, but he has odd poop latley. That's the tell-tale for non-bunny people. The secret is all in the poop. That, and he's been lunging at my poor little Chelsea bunny, who does nothing but kiss his big mean head and hes a grouch to her!
I'm going out for green beer tonight! I am hoping to meet up w/Tayray and Bethie and the crew after I get off of work, but they are all off today and will possibly be passed out by that time. If so, it's off to the trusty Beir Haus.
I think those allergy pills have suppressed my appetite. Not that I'm complaining. It's a nice bonus. You have to take them on an empty stomach. But, I can breathe and I don't sneeze constantly at work! Anyone watch Desperate Housewives? Hopefully I don't end up like Bree and pass out in the front yard from mixing alchohol with my antihistimines. Cuz, I might just have to dump them in the sink to avoid that in the future.....
What's a favorite holiday memory?
Thursday, March 16, 2006
I got off job 2 at 7. Two hours early. Yeee haaaa! It's fun being slow at work, but, my next 2 paychecks aren't going to be so much fun! I also have to think about quitting in a month. Ugh!
On my way home, I come the back roads. I guess I live in what some people would consider 'the sticks', because there is a lot of land. Right before I get to the main road, a freaking deer ran in front of me. I'm always on the lookout for the mofo's cus it's one of my fears. Hitting a deer can total your car, and even kill you! I saw it's eyes and knew it was coming so I turned away from the deer into the other lane. And, I know it's hard to believe, but that fucker got that 'deer in headlights look' and stared at me. She turned around and went back the way she came, ummmm, hellooooo, right in front of my car...AGAIN!
I'm playing back and forth with a deer, at 55 mph! I was almost stopped before she decided it may be a good idea to get the hell off of the road for the night. DAMN! Then, around the time I would have gotten home, at 9:30 we heard all sorts of sirens and fire trucks. I hope someone else didn't hit the deer. But it's funny how things work. I was safe and sound at home, and not out on the streets!
So, yea, money. So, I figure, I'll be fine just don't spend anything foolishly this pay to make up for my next 2 checks being short. I was going to go to the library since I never have time to do that during the week and I'm on my last audiobook.
What do you think I did on my night off? Oh, I ran to Hallmark, and spent $60. I went to only spend $20 on 1 Yankee Candle, but they had a 25% off sale. So, I ended up getting two. But one was $5 off. And, then....I sorta had to get refills for 4 of my plug ins, and Yankee has 2 packs now of the refills....what would YOU do? I will say I'm quite happy with my new fragrance. I got Cherry Lemonade. YUMMMM! I always have French Vanilla, and Buttercream. So, I wanted something new. I also got a Fresh Comfort cus it was on clearance, remember? My plug-in's are normally French Vanilla, but this time I tried Macintosh Apple.
It be smelling goooood up in my crib Oh K? Candles are my weakness. I dunno, I can't stand not having them burning. And, if your going to burn candles, who the fuck wants to smell burning wax? So, I gotta get the good kind! And by good I mean Yankee, I don't like anything else. I have a bad sniffer, I can't smell much. I even gotta have the Yankee car oils, I don't like the glade scents. I seriously get bummed if they discontinue a scent that I love. I save my jars, and use them for stuff. I save every smidge of wax from my burned candles, and I re-use them in my tart warmers. Wanna buy me something? Candles. Obsessed. That's me! But, only if it's Yankee! (they can pay me for that stellar sales pitch now) I should buy some stock in them!
Is Yankee a worldwide company? Is it just a "Northern" thing? Accept no imitations! I'm off to browse the clearance on their site now, cus it's clearance!
What can't you pass up on buying?
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Yesterday was just one of those every day things, like, when your brake line leaks all the brake fluid out, and you can't stop your car. I had to run CP to get it fixed, and we spent the day together. Talking, he made us yummy breakfast, but mostly we talked. I found some more things out. He went to some meetings, and met some good people. It was really nice of them to take time out of their lives to 'come to his rescue' when no one else seemed to care if he got help. He's told just about everyone he can tell that he has a problem. Which, is hard to do, so I have to commend him for that. 5 days. So far, so good. We're taking it as it comes. I will say, that it is nice to feel close with him again. Lies tear you apart.
This weekend we had the worst storm, clashing, pounding thunder. My dog HATES thunder. It terrifies her. So, the dog who ignores me, turns into mommies sweet little baby in the storm. She likes to be held just like you burp a baby, and she shakes violently, until I soothe her and tell her it's ok. I'm a damn good mom! I even went out into the pouring rain with her, with a candle, because our power went out, and she can't see with her bad eyes. Is that love, or what?
Monday, it was almost 70 degrees. Yesterday, and today? Snow! God I love Ohio! Variety is the spice of life! I'm mentally exhausted. Life has a way of taking it out of you! I was walking into job #2 last night, and trying to put a paper into my bag, with both hands full. I had coffee, my boombox, my purse, my bag, and BAM! I ran face first into a freaking handicapped parking sign pole!!!!! Face first. I hit my face, in broad daylight in front of people. And I'm not the one on drugs, OK?
Ah, yes, I forgot CP's ex wife called me. She thanked me for sticking it out with CP because she knows he really loves me and was afraid to lose me. Talk about weird. She's really nice though. And, what do you say to that? I just said I feel like it's the right decision.
Not much else on my mind for today. I feel tomorrow I'll be more interesting. I swear.
Have you ever done anything stupid in public (like running face first into a pole?)
Monday, March 13, 2006
Friday, I found the evidence. He tried to lie to me again about it. I've been around enough addiction in my past to know how they think. He wasn't thinking about how it hurt me to lie to me every day. This one lie, caused a billion other lies. It is to the point that he can't deal with it alone. I figure there is no point in us being engaged, if we can't see how we deal with this sort of obstacle in our lives. Yes, I'm very hurt. No one likes to be lied to. But, it also helped me realize, how much of a problem it is, and how out of control it had become. He wanted to come clean, and asked for my help. Funny how that works, ask and you shall receive. I can understand a lot of his thinking, and actions. I don't think they are ok. But they are typical of addiction. We spent the weekend talking, and crying, and coming clean with each other. I dunno what's in store for tomorrow or the day after that, but today, he wants help. And, I'm willing to stick by that. What we have is special to me, and everyone deserves a second chance. Beyond that, who knows.
What I take from this, is instead of feeling stupid for falling for lies, I feel grateful that now I know, I was right. Something was wrong. Every time that I felt he was lying to me, whether to my face, or on the phone, I didn't buy it. I knew something was going on, I just didn't know what. I didn't want to believe it either. I feel good knowing, that in the future, I can trust my instincts.
Trust is a huge issue with me. I know it will take time. The thing that is getting me through, is that I don't have any doubt about my decision. That has to mean something, from someone who could never make decisions for herself in the past. I asked him if I fell in love with the real him. The told me he isn't a liar. He knows he lied to me about this aspect, that caused others, all related to drugs. I can understand that. I am really even amazing myself, because this is not how I pictured myself reacting. I'm not even saying, that I'm sorry for deciding to take this route, because I'm not. I feel it is the right thing to do. Past hurts, and relationships, have clouded a lot of my life and my present. I'm not letting that happen this time. I can learn more from my past, besides that I was hurt. I'm taking the positives, and using that.
And, all that therapy on my own has paid off. This time, I know I didn't cause this problem. I know I can't change it either. I know I can't make him stick to his word. I know that while it would hurt not being with him, incredibly....that I can be without him. I don't need anyone to make it the way I use to think I did. That helps me not get mixed up in his problem. Having gone through this in every relationship, minus one, I should be an old pro. But like most things with him, this is different.
It's going to be a long road, but nothing happens on accident. I found those pills for a reason. We are still together for a reason, and we are working together to try to fix it for a reason. It's not easy at all. And I'm still hurting. What helps is that he is sorry. He knows he did wrong, and he wants to correct the problem, causing him to take drugs. As long as I feel like this is going foreward, it'll work out.
Like I said, Today, it's O.K.
Friday, March 10, 2006
I'm all better. I feel like a million bucks! Which leads me to ask...how does medicine know what's wrong with you? How does it know that my ear hurt like a mofo and my head was full of snot? I don't get it. And...that's why I'm working where I am, and not a rich Dr. It probably has something to do with math or science, and a big F-U to those subjects!
We are having a freaking wind storm today. Winds up to 50 mph. We might get blown away to Kansas. I feel bad for my little doggie, who gets blown over in high winds when she tries to poop. It's impossible not to laugh at her, but I can still feel bad! I'm glad the little pigs built our building out of brick! No wolf is going to blow that bitch down!
New rule at job #2 last night. We are no longer allowed to leave the premises on breaks. If we do, we have to clock out. If we clock out, we get an 'incident' which is the same as calling off for an entire night. If we want to leave on a break, we have to give 48 hours notice, and still clock out. So say, Monday, you can tell them that on Wednesday, you'd like to go get coffee. Or fill up your gas tank right across the freaking street! We're prisoners. As if working there wasn't bad enough on its own, now we can never leave. Talk about cracking down! Isn't that the gayest thing? We don't get paid, unless we are sitting at our desks, actually typing. So, what's their loss? Assholes!
I'm going to get my hair done tomorrow. Thank the good lord, as I have got some roots goin' on!!! Much to CP's dismay, I am in fact getting it cut. If he would like to get up every morning and style my hair.....nicely.....I might think about growing it out. Until then, he has no say so! I don't understand why men think think you have to have long hair. It's a freaking pain! I had hair damn near to my ass until I was 22. I'm over that shit! I have seen the light!
In true party animal fashion, I'm going to clean my house tonight. It's OK to be jealous of me, many people are. I have too much to get done tomorrow, and drinking with the gals to do in the afternoon, so I'll probably pass out early and never get my house clean. And, it needs it!
What's a stupid rule you have at YOUR job?
at job 1 it's smoking outside. Not because it's a law, but because 1 bitch had to complain and complain and complain until they took our smoke room away. We could have had it another 2 years til they passed the smoking ban!
Thursday, March 09, 2006
I have to deal with "Let's go out, don't act old" (which to me says "I know you have to get up and work 13 hours tomorrow but do you want to go out drinking after you get off work at 9 and already worked 13 hours?")
You. Just. Wait! Back when I was young, I did that shit. Man, I might have even invented half of it, ok? I did the making fun of my older friends cus they couldn't hang. I remember calling my sister old when she was 21! 21!!! I Never thought I'd be one to pass up a night out, but here I am! Passing 'em up all the time! I have kids at home that are neglected all week, and I find it hard to leave them on the weekends. They fucking love me!
Back when I was young, I'd stay up til 3 and 4 am, go to work at 7 and sleep at my desk til Bubba came in at 8. Sure, I got fired, but it wasn't for drinking, or sleeping at my desk. I didn't get caught. It was cus they were assholes. (*cough* bankone*cough*) I use to live at the bar. I was at the bar more than I was at home. And the rowdy friends I had (well one in particular) got us kicked out of our every day hang out. Why? Cus we were that much of a muthafucking party!
When I was 25.....I had already been to the bottom of my rope, divorce, bankruptcy, foreclosure, FIRED!, reposession, my dad died! So, it didn't much bother me that I was living in an apt. that I couldn't really afford. In a shitty neighborhood, with dicks for neighbors. Who cares that I was into cash advance for an entire paycheck each month? So what if I couldn't afford food? That's why the good lord invented ramon noodles, and generic Mac and Cheese. I had beer! I had cable!! I had electric! I learned the art of paying 1/2 a bill before they threatened to revoke whatever service it was. Therefore, not having to pay monthly bills to everyone. And I didn't have no man to answer to!
So, I didn't have money to do much, I had $10 bucks a wknd to go out. Not having money to eat was a blessing in disguise, cus every single poor person knows, thats the best way to get drunk. (and puke your guts out all night/the next day cus you drank on an empty stomach)
So what if I had to get a peice of shit car from a buy here pay here, that I paid way too much for, that someone busted the window out of, And I had to drive it with snow in the backseat, I had a car didn't I?
I spent my hung over Sundays watching Lifetime movies. Did anyone bitch at me? NO! Sometimes I'd get right back out there and drink again! PAR TEE!
The point is. We all have ideas of what we want our lives to be like by a certain age. But then you get caught up more in the dream, than the reality, and settle for people you normally wouldn't give the time of day to. Those days were the best times of my life. I was a free bird. And I loved almost every minute of it. I did what I wanted, talked to whomever I pleased, went out with my friends any time I felt like it, and answered to no one! I was livin' it up, and not thinking twice about it!
I also work a lot, so I blame most of my not being 'able' to kickit on that. I wouldn't be so freakign tired if I worked 1 job. So, re-match hoochay, I'll catch you in May when I'm free from working! Then we'll see who you wanna call OLD!
*Then I met TWDSO who washed away all my fun-ness for 4 years, and I am slowly making a come back.
What was your favorite time 'when you were young'?
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
We had a meeting at work. Since coworker left, I've kinda felt out in the dark, and all alone, and forgotten about. *sniff sniff* Feel sorry for me? Well, you should! I have seriously been forgotten about for an entire week! No one asked what I was doing. I could have done nothing and no one would have known or cared!
Then we get this letter in the mail from work. Saying that we have to cut costs. You know, things you love to hear from your employer, in the mail. At least there was no pink slip attached. It is a really scarey world out there!!
Anyhoo-the other girl I work with took on all coworkers stuff, and I'm prattling along doing my job, minding my business. Thinking...are they going to can me? Why not give ME more work? I finally found out that I will be doing more E-marketing, and website work, less copy stuff. At least there is a plan for me. I like that because I find it challenging.
I like the diversity of my job, doing those web things, plus marketing stuff too. Of course, I'll probably still get the opportunity to keep on doing that stuff, when we get busy, and help each other out. Time will tell!
CP has been really good to me, he is a good care taker. It's nice to feel loved, especially when you are SICKYPOOOOOO! He's the best. I think I'll marry him.
Kat sent me pics today from Venice, and France. It looks so cool there, I'm 100% jealous! She seems to be having a good time too! She went to Luis Vuitton, the building is amazing, and she was standing in line. Must be a hot place to shop! Oooooo la-la!
I'm too sick to think of any questions today. Shit happens. So, Instead, look at my adorable cat Fizzgig, and wish you could kiss her cute little face.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
This weekend, I spent several hours on blog explosion. Surfing blogs. I joined in October, and I never did a thing since I signed up. Once I started surfing, it was hard to stop. It was kind of like gambeling. One more time. One more time. Wonder what will come up next? Seriously, I spent HOURS doing it. I have an addictive nature.
I bought a new hair dryer. You would think this is not exciting news, but for me, it is and that's all that matters. I've had the same dryer at least 7 years. It would smell like burnt hair, turn bright red, and die every time I used it. I was due for a new one. I got one that you can clean the filter on! And the handle folds up, I dunno why it folds up, but it does!! I also got me a new flat iron. The generic metal one I had was frying my hair. I got me a fancy-schmancy ceramic one.
I don't want to go to the Dr cus they will weigh me. I seriously don't want to go. I suppose I could close my eyes, right? I don't like being weighed while trying to lose weight, as it makes me backslide if I see I havn't lost. Evil scale. I think the fact that it feels like a little man has moved into my ear canal, and is dancing in high heels in there.......should be reason enough to go.
One more thing. Upon being late to work this morning.....When I was a kid, we had to stand outside, rain, sleet, and snow, and wait for the school bus. We didn't get to sit inside, warm and toasty, having hot chocolate with Mom, while the bus sat outside and waited for us to get ready for school, while holding up traffic of the people who go to work to PAY for your fucking school. Every fucking kid that lives on route 619 needs to get a fucking clue. Your bus comes between 7 :40, and 7:45. I know that, and now, so do you!!!!!!!
What regularly holds you up in the mornings?
If it isn't some stupid kids, then it's something my pets did. Peed, or pooped somewhere I have to clean up usually.
Monday, March 06, 2006
I got another call Friday from the ex. 'Z'. We broke up back in I think 2000? Officially. We still messed around, which was mostly my lack of ability to let go. I had that problem in my early 20's. Being a mature 30 year old, now I can say different. While we did talk from time to time during my dating TWDSO, the calls were much less frequent. And, if I went to see him for other reasons, I took a friend along, so as to not get roped back into the sack. And, yea, we tried to hook up last summer when I was a free woman, but it never happened. He has a girlfriend. And, she had his kid. I have a fiance.
So, we made the now ever-popular 'sex tape' when we were dating. I was really embaressed doing it, and I only watched it once through my hands. Watching other people is fine. I don't want to see myself. Ya know..."ugh, I make that face?" This tape has been 'torn up' several times, so he has told me when I get pissed when he mentions it. But he lied
This time he told me that he watched our tape the night before, on his BIG SCREEN, and well, you fill in the blanks. I was mad, and told him that he had no right to watch that, we aren't together! It makes me feel dirty. How the fuck do porn stars do that? Ah, yes, no self respect. I mean, who wants their exes to have live action to remember them by? Who wants to wind up on the internet some day? Men probably think differently on that subject. But I don't like it.
Z was C R A Z Y. I can't say I was much better. I'll post more on that nuts time of my life in the future. But he would make up stories and tell my boyfriends, and broke me up with one guy because of it. So, I've been smart, and I tell CP every time he calls, and what is said. I've told him a hundred times not to call me, then he won't for a few weeks, and call and be nice to me and not mention sex. Then, being the girl that I am, think, oh he's changed. He wants to be my friend.
It is just like Z to tell CP that we've been screwing for a year or something, because that is how he is. And if CP didn't know the truth, he'd be inclined to believe him, who wouldn't? So, he told me that we needed to hook up before I got married. That watching that tape made him remember how we had the best sex. I'm engaged m'kay? Step off, my goods are being leased, and soon they will be paid for.
I guess in the end it should show me, that all we really ever had was a sexual relationship. I am a smart, funny, gal, with lot's to offer, that he didn't even like to hang out with. I'm worth more than that, and even if I am like crack, you gotta give me up. Thanks.
Ever have an ex that never went away?
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Your sitting on the toilet, minding your own business, and the cat's push open the door and circle your legs. If this goes unnoticed, they flop over and insist that I rub their bellies. If that goes unnoticed, they jump on the tub, and crawl between the shower curtain and liner, where they make their way to my lap and knead their paws vigorously on my naked legs.
Think it's cute? My cat's are not declawed. Imagine.
I scream, push them off, and the whole thing starts again, and by that time, there is another cat or two in the mix.
I don't make a point to follow them to their shitter, why do they feel the need to investigate me? Is it because I'm crapping in their watering hole? Do they think the bathroom is the gateway to a new, mysterious world? Will I go in there, and never, ever come back again? Am I hiding the whisker lickin's in there? Do I harvest the cat nip while behind closed doors? Do I have a secret cat stashed away that I might give 2 seconds of attention to while I'm doing my business? What?
If I decide I want more privacy and push the door all the way closed, they scratch the outside of it, and cry.... as if I am tearing their hearts out with a spoon!!
Add this as reason #457,895,127 why I don't want kids. I get enough harassment with 4 cats.
Friday, March 03, 2006
CP picked up a bunch of crap from the Library. Guess what he got me? You'll never guess, so I'll tell you, FRAGGLE ROCK!!! I squealed with excitement!! The FRAGGLES! I don't remember that much singing in it when I was younger. But awesome nonetheless. The gorgs, the trash heap, the doozers. It made me LOL. Remember the way muppets would dance? I chased my cares away, down at Fraggle Rock! Sure beat typing until my hand went numb all night!
The man came to bed at 2am again. Then he read! I said wtf are you doing? "Trying to fall asleep" He was up playing that gay game. I don't understand boys and their toys. How can a game take over your life like that? I mean, I've been sucked into games. Mainly, the Crash Bandicoot series, and The Sims. But, since it was ME, it was cool.
This wknd Bubba and her fiance are coming over to catch up on Grey's Anatomy. I've got 6 weeks of that show saved on Tivo. Plus, 2 Desperate Housewives. 8 hours sucking up her hard drive. Not to mention the 3 wks of Lost I have to always have on-hand. Cus, you gotta go back and re-watch that shit!!! She aint been right for a while, running slow and what-not. I blame it on the suckage of space. Bubba's gonna flip when she see's all that she has missed on Grey! I'm the best friend ever. I don't loan out TiVo space that often!
I went to the bank yesterday and I had an insane amount in the bank. I just got paid and paid my entire pay out, so I was confused. They fucked up. Big shocker. I should sue them for something. Getting my hopes up? Did I win the lottery? NO! Assholes.
I have PMS and I feel like a freaking lard today. Even my hair feels fat. Being a woman can suck balls sometimes. However, I did make the best shake in the universe for breakfast! Milk, Ice, Frozen strawberries, and strawberry slim fast. It was just like a McDonalds shake. Only, not as creamy. But just as yummy!!
**Update. Tayray informed me onsmoke break, that she 'heard' us doin' the deed last night. Our bedrooms are neighbors too. I said no you didn't!!!! She said she was doing the same thing. We had a good laugh, and out walks a much older co-worker from behind the dumpster who was also smoking. She said "more power to ya"....classic.
Today's Question is random from the book:
What are the best and worst letters you have received in the mail?
Letters in the mail? Oh, yes, I use to get snail mail! The best? Probably when my boyfriend Chris would write me from the army. I got a letter every day, and it always made me smile. The worst? Every fucking time I get DENIED credit for some BULLSHIT reason!
Thursday, March 02, 2006
I have felt hung over for a couple of days. I wonder wtf that is all about? I havn't drank since last Saturday, when I had a whopping 2 beers. And then I had a glass of wine Monday. And 2 beers last night. But thats not DRINKING drinking. It's 'having a drink' big difference. My brain is probably sprouting a tumor. No biggie.
I've been doing stupid things when I am alone. At work. Calf raises. 1 legged squats. Crap like that. Mostly I do it at job 2 so I'd just seem like one of the retarded people if someone saw me. I might not have to work ALL WEEK at the second job. Sure, the pay will suck, but it's a small price to pay for happiness! And I'm in a great mood today!
TV addict moment: Has anyone seen the previews for that new show...Unanimous? Nothing screams made for ME like a good freaking reality show about people who want to kill each other!!!! IMAGINE what is going to happen!!!! I love it!!!
I leave you with this pcycho fan moment. Edwin's new album drops April 11. I pre-ordered mine, have YOU? I see him in 2 months and 4 days....I realize that no one really cares but me, but I just might never come back again, YOU DON'T KNOW! I could be spotted in the audience by some record label person who enjoys my vocal stylings. Be on the road singin' back up for the band. Be like Penny Lane and become a band aid! (and we all remember what kind of band aid SHE was, right? wink wink nod nod)
Ok, now, I have to finish up my second addiction, my LOST post. God it was freaking awesome!!
What do you do when you think you are alone, that you'd be embaressed if someone caught you doing?
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
DING DONGS. There are very few things in this world that I simply CANNOT resist. (although at the time of this post, it will have been 24 hours I have resisted) Ding Dongs happen to be one of them. I remember when Ding Dongs came in a box. Do they still? Are they still individually wrapped in foil? I have so long since given them up, that I don't even know.
They are in the vending machine at work. Right next to a Double Decker Oatmeal cream pie. Why anyone needs that, is beyond me. I went to get my semi-healthy mid-morning snack of peanut butter crackers. Good thing I am wise to the vending ways, and know that not much can hurt you for 50 cents. If you only take 50 cents, you can't get the evil Ding Dongs, or Oatmeal cream pies, or Pop Tarts. Just the crackers. Or, I guess, the candy bars, but they don't really tempt me.
And, because I was actually thinking about indulging, I looked up the nutritional facts. This will stop anyone from eating the fuckers! That is in 1 Ding Dong. They are smaller than a cupcake! I can have a whole bowl of sugar free ice cream, and still not get to that calorie count! Evil! Pure Evil!
Yesterday was pay everyone else day! It's a new moon! Time for spells and mischief! Just kidding! But I'm cleansing the house tonight. Never hurts! My friend K from job #2 called me and told me we didnt have to work last night!!!! I called my supervisor and it was TRUE! I had a night off! 4 extra glorious hours at home! I put laundry away, mopped the bathroom, put dishes away, swept, dusted, lifted weights! AND watched plenty of TV! This having a life shit is just what I needed yesterday. I had the shittiest outlook on life!
Hey!! Have you ever found money in your purse or pocket that you forgot about? Me either, I think that is for people who don't pay out down to their last dollar in their bank account. *sigh*
What is your irresistable every day snack food?
It would have to be Combos!!! Or those flavored pretzel bits from Snyder. The ranch ones, or honey mustard!