"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

At Least I Like Cats!....

I'm gonna be sharing food with the cats soon. So, good thing I like them, and won't mind getting down to slam some 9 Lives with 'em!

At work, they froze our pensions back in 2003. I have no form of retirement, I started working my job in 1999. They had a pension plan for us back then after 5 years.

This sucks because they encouraged us to join 401k, but they didn't match us at all on it, and you had to pick how to invest your money.

Ummm, invest? ....Stocks?,.........errrrrr, percentages?!!! Multiplication? Payroll deduction? Tax Exempt? Gains? Losses? Aggressive investing?!!! My head hurts! That is math, and we all know, I don't know JACK about math. (that's what computer's are made for, to think FOR you) I decided I'd save up $500 and buy an IRA or something. That never happened.

So, I earned $59 for my retirement before the freeze. I have no idea what I will do with all of that money!

I also, cannot retire until 2041 at the earliest. Why they felt the need to depress us by telling us that shit I'll never know.

The only good thing? My company is going to mach 1/2 of our 401K now. Half of what we invest, not match!

So, I'll be working until I am decrepit. And even then, I'm going to be eating 39 cent cans of 9 lives. (well I'm sure by then the price of horse meat will go up and I'll be paying 89 cents per can! Better yet - Wal Mart will buy exclusive rights to sell 9 lives, and I will have to eat horses raised over-seas with some kind of gross horse intestinal disease, and die before I get to enjoy that $59 I earned in my retirement fund!)

I surely hope CP lands the lotto, or job of a lifetime, cus I certainly can't support myself at retirement, let alone both of us. Who am I kidding, that marry a rich man ship has sailed!! He told me to take what $ I need from him to get him something to retire with. He really doesn't worry about it! I think about it all the time!!! I'm not having kids, who will support me besides me? I think I'm going to cry now!

What is wrong with the world today? Where do I start? I think I am the one who was slinging those tacos since I was 16. (and 17, and 18, and 19, and 23, and 24!) Working 2 jobs more than once in my lifetime (and I'm sure there will be more times in the future) Why does the government get to use my freaking earnings and then tell me that one day they won't be there for me. HUH?

Hello? I'd love to see those assholes work at Taco Bell! They'd cry like little bitches! (I spent plenty of nights crying over the drive thru!) Now, I have to pay taxes to the place I live, even though it isn't a city. I leave what taxes come out to um, my employer, cus thats like, their freaking job. So, I have to pay the city I work in....annnnnnnnd pay extra taxes to live there. Isn't that special? Did I mention I rent a friggin' apartment? Ooooooohk!??

I really have no idea how people have kids!(or why for that matter) Especially single moms! I can't support myself, and I make good money, at one job! And I got 2! I really dont have bills, but a car, and 2 credit cards. Kids? School? Needs? Gas? Food? Ummmmm......???? I spend all my money on my kids as it is, and they don't get to go along to the store with me and whine and cry. "BUY ME SOMETHINNNNNNNN!!!!!!" (if they could they would, with their cute furry faces, and I would cave cus their not brats!)

Then, they decide they are going to move that stupid fuck smoking ban to my county! (well the county where I spend most of my time, I live in a different county) Let me kill my liver with alchhol, pay even MORE taxes to my community..., but I better not light up a GD cigarette!!!

I really need to be the president. A woman, is what this country needs!!! Why didn't I spend more time paying attention in my classes? Join student council? Ah, that's right, I was too busy working, cus I had to start being a productive citizen at 16!

The reality? I'll be working until my artheritis is so bad I can only hunt and peck on the keyboard. Then I'll get canned from my second job cus I cant type fast enough, which at that time I'll have been there 40 years. (let's face it, I'll still be working 2 jobs then too). Maybe I'll afford a motorized wheelchair since I'll likely be on oxygen, and weigh 600 lbs cus I can't leave the house and smoke in peace, so I'll stay home and eat and smoke. And have no time to exercise, so I'll sit on my fat ass all the time! I say that because I can't afford health care, so I might as well smoke myself to death.

They raised our health insurance, 30 a month. Why? People are using it too much. God forbid, you use your health insurance. Too many people got sick this year. I'm not even making this shit up, they literally said that in our letter, informing us of the change. So now, we have to worry about using it too much cus we have to raise the premiums! 30 a month! My raise this year? GONE! It's like it never happened!

I seriously feel like a hamster running in its wheel. *Furiously intent on getting 'somewhere' but in fact, getting 'nowhere'. But yet, I keep trying, cus I guess I don't know any better.

Thinking about the future, really puts a damper on life!

I have a meeting today to think more about my retirement, and get even more depressed!

(CP's blog is listed now in my favorites..he only has 1 post but visit him and make him feel special!)

Today's Question:

Are you prepared for your retirement??

Read my post. I'm totally eating cat food when I'm old!

*For Tayray, I couldn't decide if I should use the definition, then I thought, Tayray knows furious! (I hope!) lol.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Helpful Holiday Tip #1 Make Your Own Ornaments...

Tampon Angel (see below for website I found this on)

(I assume you should start with a 'new' tampon.....)

1. Dip into water until tampon expands.
2. Remove and tie at the top to create the angel's head.
3. Let hang (by handy dandy string) for several days until dry.
4. Paint face with peach or skin tone color, and draw small black dots for eyes.
5. Add blush or pink paint to cheeks.
6. Paint "dress" with glimmer paint.
7. Criss-cross thin gold ribbon across chest (around neck) .
8. Add yellow doll hair to top of head as well as a gold pipe cleaner for a halo.
9. For the grand finale...glue small gold angel wings to back.

Ta da!!! You would never know she belonged anywhere other than your tree!!!! People have to look long and hard to figure out where thatlittle darlin really is from!!!

See the final result here.

Ok, so, I'll wait til Xmas for mine, cus I know my Momma is gonna tackle this project! I bet she sets them up at a craft show alongside her flag windows, and shell baskets.

And Justice For All?!....

This cracks me up!

There is a local story here, that goes a little something like this.

Woman, dumps 35 kittens in a park.

Woman gets in trouble for dumping 35 kittens in a park, goes to court.

Judge sentences woman to stay the night in the same park, overnight, with only water, and a phone for an emergency.

The night the woman is to stay in the park, it is 26 degrees, wind chill of 11. I was loving it!

That spells justice for me!

Unfortunatly the stupid bitch got out of her sentence:

About four hours later, as temperatures dropped into the 20s, the judge who sent her there relented, allowing Michelle Murray, 26, of Painesville, to return to her heated jail cell Wednesday night.

"I couldn't allow it to go on any further," said Municipal Court Judge Michael A. Cicconetti, who sentenced Murray to spend one night in the woods. "I did not want to put her health and safety in jeopardy."
Cicconetti, who is known for handing out unusual punishments, also modified Murray's sentence Thursday morning, releasing her to serve her remaining 29 days on house arrest, instead of two weeks in jail and 15 days of house arrest.

Murray also was sentenced to three years of probation and must pay $3,200 in restitution to the Lake County Humane Society and $500 to Lake Metroparks.

Murray pleaded guilty last month to abandoning domestic animals, a second-degree misdemeanor. She said she did it because she couldn't get help from the Lake County Humane Society. The kittens were recovered but many had upper respiratory infections and nine died.

I think she should have had to stay the night in the park. Those kittens didn't have a choice. I am one of those people most people hate. Who have more compassion for animals than humans. Kittens can't make decisions like people can. But even if they could, I don't think they'd dump their human off in a park somewhere.

It's plain irresponsible. Those 35 kittens would turn into 1,000 kittens in a matter of months!

The stupid bitch said this:

"I don't have warm enough clothes and I'm not even allowed to bring a sleeping bag," she said before she began her sentence Wednesday night. "I don't understand how a judge can send me out there to freeze."

Firstly, we live in Ohio. This chick, lives near Cleveland, where they have a thing called the snow belt. Don't say you don't have warm clothes. We're not stupid! She didn't give those kittens warm clothes, or a sleeping bag! I don't understand how she could send them out there to freeze! They were babies too! Even worse!

Last week, my friend Katie saw a kitten in Wal Mart. Someone dumped it inside Wal Mart. Of all places, don't subject the poor thing to WAL MART! Lucky they didn't strap it to a sewing machine and make it work on their cheaply over-seas made items that put us all out of work, and have to uphold standards that quality cannot fill! Suprised they didnt force the poor kitten to sell its item to them for 2 cents so they can mark it up to 1.88 and make a killing! Prices falling every day!! Shit, it might be 1.87 tomorrow! Hurry! (sorta don't like wal mart!)
So, day #1 on the 6 day makeover really went well. I lost 3lbs yesterday. I wasn't hungry, but what I was was really freaking tired at my second job! I quit caffine cold turkey which means no energy drinks. No sugar. Waaaaah! I was literally falling asleep working! A friend told me to beat my thymus lol! It's a bone in your chest, like gorilla's do! I swear it woke me right up! I did my proper breathing while I walked (in through nose for 4, out through mouth for 2 filling stomach with air on the intake) and I swear that also made a difference. I didn't get overly sweaty, yet my heart rate was up the whole time. I'm listening to 'First to Die' (james patterson) it's really good, so the 45 min flew by!

And..CP told me I looked good! That I had a glow! I said I think it's the blood pumpin I did! That, and I was pretty happy to see him!

The only hard part about this diet is getting the food ready when I don't have any time at night. So, the week is going to be rough. But, so worth it. I thought I'd also miss flavor, but ya know what? Food has it's own flavor, what a concept! And, Mrs. Dash is my new friend. (no sodium, no salt, no calories!) I put it on everything! I'm off to enjoy my egg whites and grapefruit! mmm!

Last night, aside from wanting sex like a maniac, I really wanted some freaking frosted flakes! I havn't had them for a couple years too. Cravings. Suck. Balls!

Today's Question:

About this cat lady..does the punishment fit the crime?

I say yes! Statistics clearly show, that people who abandon, or abuse animals go on to abuse people. It is about respect of life. This woman has kids too.

Monday, November 28, 2005

'Tis The Season..(2 B Jolly dammit)...

Snowed for a couple days, and now its 63 degrees. I dunno how the rest of the world can settle for such boring weather. We got you all beat!

How depressing that Nick and Jessica are splitting up. I am still in denial and I can't cope with it right now. It's too much!

It's Monday. As always, the wknd. went far too fast. If all goes well, in 2 weeks I'll be at my Mom and Sisters for a 4 day wknd. If all does not go well, they will have screwed me out of some benefit time at my second job, and I might just cry!

Got my tree's up this wknd. Deck the halls and fa la la la la. All that jazz. I was so excited, because I love Christmas. I am a valued member on our holiday committee at work, cus I bring so much Christmas cheer!!! This is no joke! So, for me, decorating is exciting, I am like a kid. This wknd I decorated at home. CP was sick. He has a cold. You know men. Not to belittle him being sick. But, he said I was mean to him. He had a cold. This equals death to a man.

All I wanted was to decorate the freaking house.

Sadly, I left my awesome Hello Kitty stocking with TWDSO. Asshole.

I went shopping for some odds and ends Saturday and came home and he wanted to go back out, he was raring to go to get some stuff for bulbs. We got back and I put together a tree, and he held the lights and I put them on. Then he kept disappearing on the computer. "Downloading music" I think I asked him 10 times to help me decorate. Why? Cuz he told me that he was into Xmas. No one else ever was as much as him, so I was soooo excited, thinking, finally I met my match. Nah. He wasn't feelin' it. Granted, he was sick.

But putting ornaments on doesn't require much effort, and lets remember he wanted to go out shopping earlier. The moral of this story, is that CP told me I was mean to him this wknd, cus I "made" him carry boxes. (If I carried all these boxes at once, I could have done it, they were NOT heavy!) Not to mention I didn't make him do it. I was upset cus he didn't seem to want to help me decorate. That was what started it. I'm still mad about it. It caused 2 tiffs that night. He told me to go out. Cus my friends were going out.

So I went downstairs and popped in a movie and watched it by myself. Gave him space you know, cus I had an attitude and all. I dunno. May your days be merry and bright! More so than mine have been!

It's Christmas! Someone got me sick, and while my head feels like it might explode, I am still a productive citizen of the world. And I still have to work 2 jobs. And now, walk for 45 minutes every night. I'll be happy when the 6 days is over. The exercise will be the hardest at 10pm. Cus It'll wind me up and I won't be able to sleep. But It wont be hard like usual. Just keep my heart rate up, and listen to my books on CD! Long, slow walking. New concept! I found another author I can tolerate besides Dean Koontz, and Mary Higgens Clark. James Patterson! So far, I've liked 3 of his books.

I think thats why I had a dream about TWDSO. He was one of his favorite authors. Pretty much the same dream as before, he wanted me back, pretty bad. I dunno why I am dreaming that, cus I really have no hidden desire to be with him at all.

On another note! I started my makeover today! I feel fantastic. (sorta) I had some ground turkey and a grapefruit for breakfast. In about 20 min I'm gonna have a 'mid morning' snack of 2 oz. turkey, and a cup of greens. The only 'green' I like is Iceberg Lettuce. It was on the list though so I'm good to go. 100 oz. of water. I normally drink about 80 so this is gonna be easy for me. Wish me luck!

Today's Question:

What is your favorite holiday tradition?


Sunday, November 27, 2005

Happiness Is....

Sunbathing Cats!
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(Fizzgig and Fozzie)

I had this Peanuts book when I was little and it had a page for everything that made happiness!

I'm off to paint pottery and be creative. I got some cute primitive snowmen to try to paint. I can't wait to see how they turn out!

Back to work tomorrow which is pretty depressing. 4 days goes way too fast. It was so nice to not be working!
I got up 2 trees last night and all my Christmas decorations.I still need to get garland for the banister but that is all. And, time to start shopping! I can't really get much til closer til Christmas. Normally I start in October and I'm about done by now. How do most people get all this done so late? I know I will regret it!

Friday, November 25, 2005

What Happened To Fall?...

I took these pictures just a few weeks ago. They are out my back door, and, beautiful! Think Warm Thoughts!!

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Recovery...One Day At A Time...

I sorta got up at 11 and didn't go shopping! Oh well. All I really wanted was a $30 featherbed from Kaufmanns, which you really can't beat.

So, about eating myself into oblivion, cuz I was going on my diet Sunday...not a great idea! I am here, 24 hours after eating my Turkey dinner, still sick! I guess when your not use to having the 4 food groups maybe having them puts you into shock. And by that I mean, meat, carbs, carbs, and carbs. That's all we had! Stuffing, Corn, Potatos, Mac and Cheese, Rolls! Mix that all together with some punch, and peanut butter pie, and you have yourself a sickness in a tummy!

I just took my brother home, who has to work today, along with CP...*ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh* I served my time. I don't feel that bad about it. Plus, as previously discussed, a day off for a woman and a day off for a man are far different things. If they were off, they'd be lazing around anyways. I am off to cover the windows with plastic cus its I think 19 degrees here. Then, I'm going to work out. Yes, I said work out. I think thats the only thing that'll make me feel like putting clothes on later.

BTW did a turkey call any of you? I got a call from a turkey, all he could say was Gobble.....but I understood it. I think its the new Santa Clause. I am waiting for my Turkey Gifts!

We're going over to CP's wife's house. Yea, wife. Dec. 1 it'll be officially the 'ex-wife' but until then, I can still say it! I can't wait! Anyhoo, we're going over there to play some games and be social. People can't stand that we are in love and want to hibernate for petes sake! But, at least were together! CP wants me to help him start a blog. I told him it's rather addictive!

So, I'm off to try to work some of this food out of my system. "De-tox", if you will! Happy Post-turkey day celebrating to all!

Thursday, November 24, 2005

It's All About Giving Thanks!....

Happy Turkey Day! I found time to tear myself away from my food-making frenzy to post! Even though, I'm sure everyone is eating turkey and could care less. But nonetheless, I do!

I have a lot to be thankful for, and I don't pay much attention to it, unless its Thanksgiving, or, my birthday, or Christmas. (those other two were cus I gotta suck up for gifts, but I didn't say that!)

I bring you what I am thankful for this 2005!

I'm thankful for the family that I have, because I am one of few people who enjoys their family. I hear a lot of people griping about spending the holidays with 'the family'. I like mine! Their fun! I wish i could spend Thanksgiving with all of mine! We're a fun bunch! And, no screaming kids! BONUS! While I'm on the subject, I'm thankful for God being smart enough to not make me have one of them there screaming kids!!

I'm thankful for finally finding my "one" CP. I give thanks for him every day because he truely makes my life better. I've never felt more loved, and appreciated by a man than I do now. He has always been there for me, no questions asked. I couldn't ask for more!

I'm thankful for the friends that I have, because, they put up with me. I am lucky to have friends that I love and trust, and can tell anything to, without fear of being judged. I can be my goofy self, or my bitchy self, or my sad self, and still never feel like a burdon. Not many people can say the same! I am also lucky to have 2 good friends, from my school days! I think going on liiiiike 16 years or something. That is something I'm really grateful for, they know it all, without having to explain "this one time....at band camp...." Cus, they were with me for my band camp days! And...stupid decisions, periods, skipping school, we can say drum thumbs, Peno, Bubbles, cat fucker, and know exactly who we mean! LOL!

I'm thankful that I get a paycheck for doing what I do at work. I really like everyone that I work with, and it has been like a surrogate family for me, since everyone but my brother has left me, either by death, or distance. I really would have had a hard time getting through all my tough times without my job, and the people there. I really, actually, like what I do! Otherwise, I wouldn't have 5 yrs perfect attendance!

I am thankful for all my furkids, who purr on my pillow, lay on my legs, and tickle me with their whiskers. They make me feel loved, in a way that only furkids can! And, they don't need constant supervision! BONUS!

I'm thankful for a roof over my head, that I really like. My garage, the clothes on my back, and my health. A car that starts in the morning, and gets me to both my jobs with no incident! (it doesn't hurt that she's pretty too)

And now for the fun stuff! In no particular order: Tivo, my TV, Hello Kitty, Bud Select, Carbs, Energy drinks, Books on CD, Yankee Candles, my microwave slippers, boy short panties, Edwin McCain (who btw missed the boat with being my future husband, HIS LOSS MAN!), the kitty blankie my sis made me, my engagement ring that brings me hours of enjoyment a day, my smoothee machine, the internet, Vignoles (Ohio Wine!), holiday specials, music, Christmas lights, Angie (my hair stylist!), leverback earrings, freedom of speech (but not to smoke where I want), my lane bryant bra, festive socks, the body shop coconut body butter, nasal spray, the fact that direct tv picked up xm satellite music channels, and last, but definatley not least, hot baths!

I'm not however, thankful that I ate 'dinner' at 2pm, and now, at almost 8 I am still throw-up full. Not, quite, worth it!

Gobble Gobble!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

The Weekend Forecast...

Well, weather-wise, we're looking at snow, snow, snow, snow and more snow. How exciting for us! I don't have new shoes or gloves even! I've yet to turn my heat up past 65 either. I have that heat that you turn on in every room in the ceiling. That shit is expensive so I don't like to run it! It snowed a lot yesterday but you can still see the grass so it wasn't too bad. I got up and pulled out of the garage and went to work. Nothing makes me happier in the winter time!!! This is all new to me! A garage!!!!

I got up coughing at like 2:30 am, went to get a drink and thought it was awful warm in the kitchen, where I have no heat turned on....CP left the OVEN on all night!!!! Firstly, that'll cost a pretty penny, 425 degrees!!! Second, we could've died! I think his plan to kill me is still on! Hey, I already told you CP I'm only insured for like 50 grand, and that's only ACCIDENTAL death. I don't think that it covers leaving the oven on all night and burning up your fiance!! Not to mention, I havn't had my open enrollment yet, and my family are still my beneficiaries! (don't give him a cent if I die in my sleep, or in a house fire...........!)

Maybe he had sex on the brain, but that is no excuse for trying to burn down the house! Even if it was really worth it and we'd have died happy.....that is *irrelevant!

4 day wknd!!! If I were a man, I would eat myself into oblivion, and lay around for 4 days hogging up the couch, stuffing my hand in my pants, getting up only to piss, maybe find the remote if someone moved it, and eat some more. But we all know, that being a woman, my work is never done.

Tonight, after working 2 jobs, I am sure that I'll go home and have to clean, because for some reason, this is my job and we won't even go there!!!! Now, I know why me and my mom fought on the holidays. ITS A LOT OF FRIGGIN' WORK! And kids would make it 10 times more annoying! Even perfect, well-behaved kids, like...well, like ME!

The most exciting part about Thanksgiving to me, is watching Oprah's Favorite Things!!! I like to save it to watch for the holiday! It is so much fun! I will watch it a couple times before Xmas!

I'm making turkey, of course, and stuffing. I'm going to try to make it like my mom does, (none of that boxed crap) so wish me luck! It'll be an experience. Two peanut butter pies. Which aren't your grandma's pies! They have cool whip, hot fudge, and reese cups! Delicious! And Secret, don't ask for the recipe! Spinich dip, CHEESE chunks (love my cheese!), MOUNDS OF MASHED POTATOS! I love smashed taters. None of that boxed crap either! I also bought 20 lbs of potatos. Cus they were buy one get one free. What the hell would YOU have done? I'm probably making crock pot mac and cheese, but this is like a last minute item that might get dropped! lol!

CP is making 2 pumpkin pies. I dunno why, cus there is only 4 for dinner. And I also dunno when he intends to make these 2 pies. We might have to borrow Tayrays oven! cus I got the bird up in thurrrrr!

I'm also waking up CP early, cus he has to pull the gross stuff out of the turkey. And rinse it. I do not like to touch raw meat. Especially when it still looks like the dead carcass that it is. BLEH!

I'm also making slush, which is also delicious! It is pineapple juice, ginger ale, and vodka. Only 2 cups of vodka. But, I'm using my 80 proof Absolute from Canada! We'll be good to gooooo!

I can't wait to watch the Thanksgiving Charlie Brown Special! I am so in the mood for the holidays! I am going to pop in my Muppets Christmas CD and just sing until my hearts content. I hope to lift my spirits! I can see my brother now, he will make fun of me. He just can't admit that he loves it!

Besides shopping, eating, sleeping, eating, cleaning, eating (I'm starting my makeover diet on Sun, so leave me alone with all the turkey eats!) I have to start making windows, for Xmas gifts:

These ones are mine

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These are the first two I did. I have done better. But, I don't have pictures of those ones.

Today's Question:

What are you most looking forward to this Thanksgiving?

This might sound selfish, and rude, but I most care about having 4 days off of work. Annnnnnnd...sleeping! Then, giving thanks for shit. The work takes first rank though! Cus it's sucking my will to live!

*For Tayray!

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

My Dirty Little Secret...

Isn't the first step in battling addiction, admitting you have a problem? Then I'm well on my way cus I'll be the first to admit that........

I like to partake in a little nasal spray.

It started out innocently, a few years back, visiting my mom and sis in SC in May. Pollen. So bad, everything is yellow. My face was sore because my sinuses were so clogged. Mom gave me some good drugs for my sinuses, but also nasal spray.

Ohhhhhh....the instant gratification! Puff Puff, ahhhhhh!!!

Last time I checked, it is perfectly legal to use nasal spray. You can buy it at virtually any store across the country. But, I get a lot of crap from people for using it.

Everyone: "You're addicted to it"
Me: "Yea, and....?"

It started out like most addictions, once in a while. I would use it more sometimes to 'get through a bad day'. When my nose started to bleed when I blew it.....I cut down. I would only use it at night, so I could sleep without snoring myself awake. Otherwise, I have to take sleeping pills to get a full nights rest, and then I can't wake up in the morning and get to work. I finally decided I'm just using it whenever I damn well please!

The only reason I even bring it up now, is that I'm pretty sure it's rotting my eyes out. I don't know if this is possible, but my eyes hurt and burn almost all the time, so much, I want to poke them out! When I first give a sniff, my eyes burn and water horribly.

So, yea, I know that it can ruin the mucas membrane in my nose, and dry my nose out. I know it is addictive. But, I don't really care. Nothing works to clear a clogged nose like nasal spray.

I gave it up a couple times, you just have to get through the first few days of not breathing. But why don't YOU try not breathing for a few days and see how you like it! Don't judge me! I am entitled to my *legal* addiction. I am not going to have a hole in my nose, that's called a cokehead.

I knew I was in trouble when I left my sniffer at work last night. I really was nervous cus at night I really can't breathe. I popped a few sudafed's and they didn't really work. I suffered through a restless nights sleep.

My conclusion? I'm not giving it up. First thing this morning when I got to work, I got my fix, and I feel so much better. (minus, the burning, watering eyes)

I had to do my little bit of exercise downstairs cus I put plastic on the windows, and the blinds are always open now. Not into doing my strip aerobics for the world. I won't even do it around CP! So, I feel lazy cus I didn't 'really' work out on the only day I 'really' work out. I have PMS and nothing will make me happy! I hate everything there is to hate about me. Which, is a lot when you got PMS! Which reminds me, I'm still gonna post about that medical condition shit! Some day!

CP worked a night job last night so we didn't see each other. Only I stopped at his work on my way home from job 2 to give him kisses. Go ahead and say that I'm gay, I don't care! It was so worth it! =)

I also got my first "unsolicited" compliment on my engagement ring last night. The girl at BP said it was a beautiful ring, I said "thank you I think so too" then she said it again, It's just beautiful! Yea, he did a good job! I'm proud of him! (BTW I got gas for $1.89 last night!!!!!!!)

Today's Question:

What was the warmest welcome you've ever received?

I gotta go with my Canada trip this year, cus CP went to a lot of trouble to make my coming home special, no one has ever done that for me before! And, it felt reallllllly good to be back in his arms!!!!

Monday, November 21, 2005

'Tis The Season...

Ummm, I just ordered 12 poinsettia's from work.

Their cheaper, than buying them at the store, but not by much.

They payroll deduct it. So it is almost like you don't think of buying them.


I blame the fact that they sent us the order form and had to have it back the same day!

Sort of like those sales, that end at midnight, they make you want more than you need.

Well, Ho Ho Ho!


I always say, everything happens for a reason. I drive Bubba nuts with this, but it always turns out to be true!

Well, it's offcial. Bubba isn't coming back to work at night. She has been gone, first on a leave of absence, but she was to come back the 7th. Our supervisor is really nice, and she gave her 3 no show's to come back. She asked me the first day:

Super: "Isn't Bubba suppose to come back today?"
Me: (clueless cus Bubba didn't tell me she wasnt coming back) "yea, she came to get her keyboard this wknd"
Super: "I hope she's ok"

Next day:

Super: "Have you heard from Bubba?"
Me: (clueless cus I didn't know what she was doing) "No"
Super: "I hope she is ok, I know you guys are close, that's not like her to not call you or call off work"
Me: "I'm sure she is fine"
Super: "If I don't hear from her today I'm going to have to term her."
Me: "whattya gonna do?"

Bubba called me and said the super called her and said she had to call her or she'd be fired. So, she called her, but it was too late, she was fired. I said well, maybe that means there is something bigger for you?

And then there was one.

I'm all alone. But I rock so hard, I already have a new friend at work. Sometimes we take breaks together, and we chit-chat. Then, she invited me to a Tastefully Simple party. There is going to be wine at the party. I'm taking Tayray and Bethie if they still come. We're gonna have fun.

I'm thinking, the reason behind Bubba leaving was so I could branch out and make new friends. Seems like everyone at that job also knew about my engagement besides me!

I'm so friendly! It only took me 10 months to make a friend. But wait, it only took me 5 months to snag a future husband from the same job. Funny how things work. I wonder what else I will find there. Besides, a lot of laughs.

I got that job, cus I was planning to leave TWDSO anyhow. 'If things didn't work out'. I ended up meeting my CP! And, now that their all gone, I'm making a lot more money, so that's why I'm left behind, so I can bank! Cha Ching!

Tourettes guy, got a video camera. He likes to record people's reactions to his ticks. It's pretty funny. He is really an upbeat guy, he is always so happy, and positive. He is always "GREAT!" when you ask him. I think, I should learn a lesson from him.

We've got a leaky hole in the ceiling there. It POURS water now and again. The other night it was so bad, the little trash cans wouldn't cut it. One guy who is mentally handicapped (I'm so PC) kept cracking jokes about how we should watch out for hail, and lightening.

What rocks about working two jobs.....well the money. And...once in a while you have happy news. Like, when you go in and read the job board, and see, that we are closed Thanksgiving, and the day after!!!!!! I did a happy dance, because I am also off my day job those two days!!!


I just dont know what I'm going to do with myself. Besides, prepare a meal for the masses, eat, watch movies, have sex, and snuggle with my man! I live the good life. I don't pretend not to.
I heard online (where all things are true) that Fiddy Cent gives a full frontal in his new movie. I'm all over that shit! I'm gonna see if Bubba wants to go with me. Cus, it's not polite to drool over a mans manhood, on the big screen, in front of your man. And...Fiddy has got a nice ass body...ohhhh kkkk??????
I might have to start blogging about Invasion. Well, I am! That show rocks! I hate aliens, they scare the crap out of me. This show, is getting good! If you don't watch, you are not in the in crowd! It's a conspiracy! This chick who spent the night in 'the water' during the hurricane, just found her body in the water. Yea, she found her own body, but yet, she is walking around in her body.....dun dun dunnnnnnnnnn!!!!!

Cp is all moved in. More on that another day!
Today's Question:
What was the job you enjoyed the least?
I've had lots of stupid jobs. I temped for a little over a year before my current employer realized my greatness and snagged me up!! I worked at this metal place for ohhh about 3 days. It was an office job. Inventory I think they called it? You had to take these slips from when people cut metal, and figure how much was left after they cut portions off. Can you sayyyy....MATH?? The guy who I worked for told me it was a great opportunity, and that I'd eventually be the office manager, but I got the hell out of that place faster than you could say multiplication!!! I just didn't go back. This, is what my friends came to call "pulling a mon" which was, taking jobs, and not showing up again when you don't want the job. I pulled lots of them in my lifetime. Cus, I'm a huge puss when it comes to that shit!

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Friday, November 18, 2005

It's All About My Blog!...

I got this from Zazzafooky which I just started to stalk, thru gigglechick, whom I also stalk. I'm a stalker baby. So why doncha kill me!

1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog?
I don't think anyone would recognize me. Sometimes I worry my coworkers may.. Not at my real job, but my second one, where I poke fun at folks!

2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered?
Unless red eye reduction counts, and in that case, only my bunnies have been altered. If I had this capablity, you wouldn't see me blogging about being fat. Mkay?

3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks e-mail you?
I don't get emails. I'm lucky to have nice people visit me. (namely, my family and friends mostly!) which is ok with me.

4. Do you lie in your blog?
No, this shit is really my life.

5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog?

6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop?
No, but I hate when bloggers do that. And then, they really do quit!!!! There should be some kind of a law to protect readers! lol!

7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping?
I have no time for therapy. This IS my therapy. Been there, done that! It helped me a LOT.

8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones?
I've deleted spam. I've not gotten mean comments. Fake nice comments...is that like faking an orgasm? Havn't done either! (well at least I havnt done one in almost 5 months...up to you to decide lol)

9. Have you ever rubbed one out while reading a blog?
uhhhh no, I prefer to be lying down thinking my own thoughts when I "rub one out" lol.

10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less?
Everyone would like me more, cus I'm fo real dawg!! (most my readers DO know me...do you like me?????? huh?????)

11. Do you have a job?
"A" job? NO! I got TWO! Eat that bitches!! lol!

12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it?
Shiiiiiiiiiit yea!!!

13. Which bloggers do you want to meet in real life?
That's kind of like a fantasy-reality border which you must not cross! LOL!

14. Which bloggers have you made out with?
I've kissed one. But I wont mention names. =)

15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have?
Loaded question. I act like I have more money, cus I spend money I don't have. I really would be ok if I gave up spending. But then what fun is there in that?

16. Does your family read your blog?
Yes, whenever they DAMN WELL PLEASE and I better APPRECIATE IT TOO! I got nothin but love for ya!

15. How old is your blog?
6 months. I think it might be just starting to crawl. (but i dont know squat bout babies, and by 6 months they could be walking or talking, and then, my blog would be developmentally challenged..)

18. Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care?
Ummm, at this point I'm around 2,000 TOTAL. Which is fine with me. When I'm rich and famous, Ill threaten to quit blogging!!!!!! See how they like THAT!

19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar?
No. I talk about being a depressed, slutty liar right here.

20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing?
Money? People get MONEY for this? Where's MY money? Huh? Seriously? Money?

21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes?
Um, read #20. I dunno why I would have to pay the government for being brilliant. They rape me enough as it is!

22. Is blogging *narcissistic?
So what if it is? Got a problem with that? Cuz I don't!

23. Do you feel guilty when you don't post for a long time?
Me? Not post for a long time? Sha!

24. Do you like John Mayer?

25. Do you have enemies?
Doesn't everyone? I burn bridges!

26. Are you lonely?
No way Jose!!

27. Why bother?
Because it is fun for me, and I really dont care if no one reads it. I am fragile and couldn't handle the negativity that some people get. BRING IT! Except for family. They are required to read. I make them, I really do, ask 'em for yourself!

*For Tayray

Thursday, November 17, 2005

It's My Late Lost Post....

This might suck being so late, but forgive me! I got ENGAGED this week! You know, it tends to occupy your mind. Along with my having to stop 100 times a day and look at my ring. Which is absolutely BEAUTIFUL and I will post a picture of some day! Then, trying to work on top of it all? And, have PMS? How can I be expected to cope with it all?????

So, on to LOST!....

To hear the whispers on MP3, and to see what the whispers are, click here. You gotta love the techno geeks of the world, who make things easy for us all!!!!

The tailies. Eh...I don't think I like these yahoo's! First of all, I can't stand the chick who plays Ana Lucia. She always has that hate monger look on her face, no matter what I have seen her in, I think this is called, her face. This is the only look she has. If I'm right, I apologize. But, c'mon! I don't like how she seems to be in command. I don't like that people listen to her. I don't like that she thinks she is bad-ass when she isn't.

I didn't like how it sped through the whole 46 days. If you were gonna add a new cast to the show, it could have been done much better. But..I don't make the big decisions, but if I DID you'd all love me!

The others. Briefly, I thought the others might be like THE OTHERS. The movie, that is. The people on the island are all dead, and the people who are 'the others' are alive. This theory could be wrong, but right now, anything is possible.

So since Ana is the decision maker, I'm thinking she is like Locke. She is Lockes nemisis so to speak. He being good, even though some things he does are questionable. I think the same with Locke.

What's up with the others having those peoples names written down? And their clothing? Who knew they were coming? God? And that Goodwin guy, who was one of 'the others' seemed to look fine to me! He wasn't ghostly. Or weird. He was just another stranded person. The kids are the ones who look freaky, well at least their feet looked freaky.

The show is starting to piss me off cus you know soon, it'll be over for the season and we'll all still be saying.....

"what exactly was in the hatch?"

Cus, they never answered anything. Where is Walt? What happened to shannon? Is she really dead? Will she show up to everyone with mysterious messages? Is Ana a bad guy? All I remember of her is Jack having a drink with her in a flash back before their flight. She said

"the hard part is over"

this can hardly be all about pushing a button. Too many mysteries here.

Did you catch the front of the plane fly by after the tail crashed? What's up with the delay? The tailies were already running and screaming when it flew by in the background. And if it was that close for us to see, why didn't anyone else see it?

Do you remember when Boone got on the radio in first season? That's who the tailies heard on their radio, when Ana told Bernard to shut it off because it was 'the others'.

Stupid bitch!

I read on the boards, when they were looking at the 'army' knife, there were 2 cars in the background. I missed it! I also read that not only is Walt speaking in reverse, but the water that drips from him, is also in reverse. This is freaky deaky!

My only other thoughts are this. Possibly, the people on the beach or 'fusies' all seem to have issues don't they? Selfish, murderers,druggie, unwed mother, something is haunting them. Some "issue". The tailies are being taken by the others, perhaps because they are all good? Good enough to join the others. Maybe the others aren't bad? Maybe Boone found himself, and buried his issues, and that was why he "died"?

And, really, why are they afraid of 'the others' anyhow? Cus some crazy french lady said to be? She said the black smoke brings them. Uhhh, now, it makes sense, that the black smoke, is crashes, tragedies that brings more people, but who needs to be afraid of them? She tried to give them the baby too, right?

40 days.

It took Mr. Echo 40 days to speak after killing someone. Was it also 40 days that they were alone until the 2 groups united? 40 days for Ana to cry.

Didn't it rain for 40 days, and 40 nights in the bible or something???? The rain in Desmonds hatch painting. The boat at black rock that had to have 'floated' to where it was in the middle of the island. Beginning of time? End of the world? Anyone? LOL!

Keep watching! It's like crack!!!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

The Question Finally Popped!...

Happy Hump Day!

I am going to forgoe my original plan to post about the medical signifigance of PMS, and go on to a new topic....... I wouldn't want to disappoint, those who said they bet they knew what I would be blogging about today!


It may be rude to say it's about time......but it IS! I've been patiently waiting forever since he brought it up over a month ago! And you don't tell a girl what your going to do and then make her wait. I'd rather not know. Well maybe not so patiently, but as far as he knows, I've been patient!

The, "you wont know when it's coming" "It could be anywhere" "itll happen when you least expect it". Makes you live in constant fear. And fear that you have to try to hide. I think I was starting to have anxiety over it and everything!
We had plans to go to Applebee's. Just dinner. After my second job at 9pm so I didn't reallllly think anything was going on yesterday. On a Tuesday, at Applebee's. He met me outside and walked me in and sat me down and I was telling him this funny story about work, and the cleaning nazi. I was pretty sure I saw Heather's car outside, but she wasn't there..
Out of nowhere he just said he had to ask me a question.
I said "What?"
And he didn't say anything, and then I said what do you have to think about it?
Then.... he got down on his knee and asked me to marry him.
I said "Of course I will"
He said "You will?"
I said "Yes"
And there was clapping. I saw him looking over my shoulder, and there was Heather! And her fiance, and a video camera. I had 3 day old dirty hair and scrubby clothes. Plus I'm bloated due to my period. Then he kinda just, stopped talking and was really quiet. We kissed and all that and had dinner with our friends. Heather claimed to only have found out yesterday. I found out all the times it could have been. Like, he had talked to my boss to try to set it up at work!

I love my ring, it's just what I always wanted. It's an emerald cut, white gold. We tried to take pics but couldn't download them. It was late when we got home. I asked him if he was sorry he asked me, cus he was being really quiet. Boys are weird.

He said he was nervous and tense all day and when I said yes, it was a release and he kind of crashed. I said you knew I'd say yes! He said he didn't know for sure, until I said it, what I'd say!
Our post-engagement sex wasn't all that fabulous due to the fact that I think I was the only one really into it! I told him this morning he is to go home to bed and be ready for me tonight dammit!!!!! He assured me he wouldn't have asked me if he wasn't sure and he was just tired.
I'm a worry wart!
I got him a present too and it came yesterday! I had him a keyring engraved for his house key since he is moving in this wknd. I had a nice card made and had it gift wrapped. He really liked it. I'm glad. Being ' home' with me means a lot to him, so I wanted to make it special.
The wedding will be next fall/winter. I want a winter wedding. Ice blue and silver, snowflakes, candles, a FAUX fur shawl..the works! Maybe January.
And now, a little of my trials and tribulations on waiting for 'the moment'.....

At first, I thought it would happen on Sweetest Day on the cruise. Then, he said it wouldn't be on the cruise. Then I thought, he just told me that to throw me off. Then I thought, it'll be 'on' Sweetest day since the cruise is the day after. Or, maybe while shopping for our Sweetest day Cruise outfits. Or, maybe the night before? Or the morning of?

The only time I thought for SURE I had figured it out, was this past wknd, when he told me to go out with my friends. I wouldn't have even suspected it, except for this conversation of which I told him nothing of our plans for the night:

WG: "I'll be up when you get home"
ME: "No you won't we'll be out really late"
WG: "Well, just don't go to Luigi's"
ME: "How did you know we planned on going to Luigi's?"
WG: "I just guessed, everyone goes there after the bars"
I thought, ok, he's right, it's a well known fact that you go to Luigi's to sober up. I let it slide. Then, later, he mentioned Frank's Place.

ME: "how do you know what I am doing, I KNOW I didn't tell you that!"

I then found out, that WG had been in 'cahoots' with Bethie, and he was going to do it that night, but that 'his plans fell through' whatever that means.

He had talked to my bosses about doing it at work, at BOTH jobs....

Yesterday he said 'everyone' is asking me if its tonight', because were going out. Well, were not going anywhere fancy, and its after work! So....? I wasn't sure!

Guess what? I havn't had the raging shits today. And I don't feel anxious. And I think I can get a lot of work done! It was all the wonder that did it!

If you learn nothing from my sorrows, learn this. If you plan to propose to someone, don't tell them. And if you do, don't give any indication of the 'when it could happen' cus you could drive her to secretly hate you daily! Well...not hate, but I get pissed off on a daily basis cus I go all day anticipating it, then nothing happens. I think there is a word for that.

Congratulations to the happy couple! In honor of our engagement, I'll change WG's name to CP which is my pet name for him.
It's Chuck.
(NOT Charles)
My Chuckiepoo (CP for short)
My love.
My friend.
And now, My future husband!!!!!
He makes me cry.
He knows what I need the most.
He makes me believe in love.
He has shown me that there is such a thing as forever.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Wishy Washy


I just paid off the $300 balance on my account.

Their mine! ALL MINE!

Go ahead, and be jealous!!!! It's ok! I would be too!

If I Were God...

This post is inspired by this song:

If I were God thou shall not worship false Billy Idols
And thou shall add the Book Of Flavor Flav to the Bible
Thou shall make fun of Hindus thou shall not make a "Speed 2"
If I were God that's what I'd do
Heavens no
Hell yeah
If I were God I'd get a bunch of slaves to do everything
If I were God thou shall not wear tube socks with Flip-Flops
Thou shall resist the Olsen Twins, thou shall not cut "Footloose"

But would I be a good Messiah with my low self-esteem?
If I don't believe in myself would that be blasphemy?

If I were God...I think this life thing would be a lot easier! Truely, you should all vote for me! I'm so worth the 2 seconds it would take! Things would be more fair! I can get all the women's votes right now.....

I'd make men have periods, and babies. Now, we know their pusses, and it wouldn't last. Once word got out that it hurt, they would all have their tubes tied. (and you KNOW what babies they are when it comes to pain!) I think this could be good for us. Show them how it could be for them, and we'd have them kissing our asses all over the place!

Of course, along with giving them those things, we'd have to put up with their whining and bitching about it, when we can get along just fine and suck it up. They couldn't.

I think a good start to having me for God, would be to vote me as president. Once the world see's my full potential, I could be shot right up to the heavens. (or...shot UP and sent to heaven!)
So, I'm all about talking about this stupid smoking ban in Summit County. I listened to talk radio last night, which means, I'm informed. I am a mature adult, and this is my opinion!

Here in oHIo, we enjoy our cigarettes. Particularly the Akron area. Now, we are not a big city, so we should stop being compared to places like, Columbus (which already has a smoking ban) and Toledo. And, especially not California!!!! We are little, blue collar Akron. Our people work hard. We're not rich. We struggle. We like to smoke!

What gets me the most about this 'proposed ban' is that it isn't up to the people who live here. The law makers are trying to look good and decide for us. Last time I checked this was a democracy...right? I smoke. I like it. It's my choice. People have been smoking for centuries. All of a sudden people have to whine about it. And take away our rights. What if they tried to decide that non-smokers HAD to smoke. What if they did away with NON SMOKING sections? What if it were THEIR rights on the table? It isn't about smoking, or not smoking, it's about having our rights taken away. The more NON SMOKERS who realize this, the better. It starts with this one little thing, and then, they will start taking away other priviledges.

Make non smokers pay a tax to have non smoking bars and restaurants. Why not? We pay a buttload of taxes for our right to smoke. They are almost $4/pack here. We pay for the right. If they say we can't smoke anywhere, will those taxes be revoked? I think not. We will still be paying taxes for everything, yet, not being able to enjoy a cigarette anywhere. It's fucking bullshit that they think they can do this to people.

A lot of business owners called in the show. They have valid points. One guy from Columbus called to say his bar business dropped 60% when they implemented the smoking ban there. It started in May. He said after a few months business picked up a bit, but he thinks in the winter it will get bad again cus, hello, its oHIo and it snows and freezes, and no one wants to go out to a bar and freeze their buzz off smoking outside! What about the small business owners? They feel they will be shut down. People won't spend as much time in restaurants. I'm sure we will all still go out, but we wont hang around. We wont spend more money on drinks, or desserts, cus we will want to go to our CARS and smoke. It should be up to the business to decide if they want to go non smoking or not. There are a billion places as it is that are non smoking. Go there.

Since all the hoop-la over the subject, now, they are proposing, a 'compromise'. What if.....we let you smoke in bars and restaurants after 10pm??? So now, we don't deserve to be out in the light of day or what? We don't want a compromise. I can't stress enough, that this is about taking away rights. It starts with this. Once they see how easy it is to fuck us over, they will start taking away other rights. Even from NON SMOKERS! *Gasp* People have a hard time seeing past this being a smoking issue, and realize what it really is.

I would also like to point out, that they have yet to prove that second hand smoke has ever killed anyone. If you don't like being around it, which even being a smoker, I can really understand, then go somewhere non smoking! There is a billion places around like that.

I'm tired of being treated like I am doing something illegal, when I trot my happy ass anywhere and buy cigarettes! Its LEGAL.

We need to stop worrying so much about what other people are doing. Let people live their lives. I don't want to get into abortion, but I believe you have a right to do what you want to your own body. If people will 'go to hell' for something, thats their decision. That is the next right we will have taken away!

Today's Question:

What do YOU think about having your rights taken away from YOU? (remember, it's not necessarily about smoking!)

Monday, November 14, 2005


And...let the countdown begin.

I just realized...







Proof that I am old, being, that I just listened to some chick sing Seal's song.

...no were never gonna survive unless, we are a little crazy...

...another remake! I am tired of them ruining songs.

Is there no originality anymore? For God's sake I could go on for an hour on all the stupid remakes, this year alone!! On a DVD we watched this wknd, there was a remake of Yours, Mine, and Ours. That is a CLASSIC Lucille Ball movie, and they can't possibly remake it well because it was funny back then....blended families are common nowadays, get an original idea!!!!!!!!!

Stop messin with my childhood favorites!

Is nothing sacred????

I'm Not as Young as I Use To Be....

So I had a pretty rockin' wknd. I think I'm still feeling it. I remember being able to go out and kickit til 3am and come to work. Now, I sound like an old fart!

Friday night I fell asleep on the couch w/WG watching a movie. He told me to go out w/my friends so I went out w/Bethie. Of course, he changed his tune once the time came for me to go he didn't want me to. I admit, I missed him. It's sad. LOL.

We went to scorchers, Bethie was winning on scratch off's, she was on a roll. Lisa met us there, and we talked about her new couch. Which, is pretty nice! I laughed and said isn't it funny what we talk about now that we're older. New furniture IS exciting! We went to Frank's for a drink, and left there to another Scorcher's. Where we had the best shot ever:

Vanilla Stoli

It was a rootbeer float! It was freaking awesome!!!!!! We had a lot of drinks and shots...and we ended up going to Posh to dance. I remember peeing in the trees downtown akron...right alongside the street. Nice. Worse? Using dried, crunchy leaves as toilet paper. Not smart! When you gotta go, you gotta go! We saw some peeps from camping out at one bar. I don't even remember where it was, but it was in the valley. They tried to make us a rootbeer float there, but it wasn't creamy. I think they used schnapps vs. root beer and it wasn't the same. It's totally my new drink!

It was marine night at the club. And they were taking pictures. You might see us online, but I didn't check. I lost a lit cigarette while dancing. I hope that I didn't hurt anyone....unless maybe, they deserved it!

We danced the night away til I don't know when, and then we went to eat at Luigi's. It was really good, I have never had so much cheese in my life! Cheesy salads + italian dressing + alchohol and beer = a sick me!!

When I got home I puked. It feels goooood to puke! I was spinny then so I had to lay on the couch with one foot firmly planted on the floor. It sure works like a charm! I passed the fuck out and woke up at 9 to WG banging around in the kitchen.

We went for him to get a CT scan. I didn't feel so hot. I got my guaranteed (only guarantee this for myself, you can't sue me for it not working) hangover remedy. A sausage biscuit from McDonalds, and a medium coke. Don't ask me why it works, it just does. I normally don't eat sausage.

Know what he asked me as I was petting a kitten at his brothers? If I wanted to have an animal rescue when we get a house. Yea, he asked me that! I said.....THAT'S MY LIFES DREAM!!!!!! I really couldn't believe my ears!!!!! I have always wanted to foster cats or dogs or bunnies! (some day) but no one ever supported my desire!

We went to the Good Will because WG likes to go. He makes me want things, like a rocker, for $25!!!!!! I did however, get myself the cutest teacup. It is white, and has delicate blue flowers on it. It's my new thing. It was only a dollar...I couldn't pass it up!

WG made us chicken and dumplings for the second time. I also got the raging shits for the second time after eating it, and so did he, but I'm not saying the incidents are connected. It went down good. Waking up sweating and poo'ing isn't my idea of a fun night!!

I am starting my diet like Wed. or Thurs. I'm almost done with my book it doesn't seem difficult. I get to eat chicken 3 times a day. I love me some chicken! Bawk Bawk! I get to eat turkey too, gobble gobble!

I have to buy the turkey for dinner this week. And all the yummy things that go along with it! This is only my second "unassisted" turkey. Hope it doesn't suck!

We're gonna win the lottery tonight. It's 310 million. If I suddenly stop blogging, you know why. But, fear not, I will take it up as my full time profession, since I'll be rich!

BTW: I just found a bunch of butter in my purse. I tend to steal useless restaurant items when I drink. Butter. Salt/pepper shakers. I have a problem.
Got some country crock though!!!!

Is it pathetic, that I still feel hung over...2 days later?? WTF?

Today's Question: (i loaned my book to a friend so this will be generic)

If you had to choose 1 alchoholic drink to drink the rest of your life, what would it be?
I'm gonna have to say beer, cus it's way more versatile. Although there are way better things to drink than beer.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

It's All About My Momma's Love of Saving a Buck!...

My mom, or "packmule" as we affectionately call her, is a unique individual. If you have had the honor of meeting my mom, you know this. She's really funny, and loves to laugh. Hey, so do I! Maybe she'll adopt me or something!!!!

This was pulled directly from an email I recieved from her when I brought up her saving 79 cents on some cake frosting:

Speaking of which, we went to that dumb food lion again sun. and the cheezits rang up reg. price. I said those are 2 for $5 but she didn't listen. So off to the counter I go.. she said I will have to check.. go ahead bitch.. {your sister} said it is only going to be about $.49.. I said I don't care. I work too hard for my money.. you can go start the car.. I got back $.59.. that is almost $.60 which is almost $1.. My money.. MINE MINE MINE..Gotta love me..

Need you ask where I get my frugality? She is determined that they are trying to screw her out of her hard earned money!

Friday, November 11, 2005

Recipe For A Bad Day (chock full of secret ingredients!!)...

From The Kitchen of: ME!

Prepare ahead of time:

Work 14 hours the night before, after 4 days of no sleep and working 14 hours. Sprinkle with a little aggrivation, a touch of the dog eating the cat food you just opened, a little bit of cleaning up a kitchen after the man, when you just cleaned it the night before and didn't dirty anything yourself, and remember that was going to be his one friggin job, add a tablespoon of cleaning the floor on your hands and knees, and vaccuming, Sift 3 jumbo litter boxes, and brush 2 cats. Follow that with giving your dog 2 pills, cleaning her eyes, ears, then apply eye and ear medication... all while your BF relaxes and reads. Mix it all together with being torn between your duties and spending time with your man and let sit overnight. Go to bed at 12:30 a.m. like every other night. While BF was warm and snuggly in bed at 11:30. (not until fulfilling his 'boyfriend duties' though...so he gets some props here. This ingredient is not required, as it may sour the goal of having a bad day)

Then after sitting overnight, add the following:

  1. Have your alarm go off at 4:15 a.m. to get your BF up for a test
  2. Have your alarm go off at 4:30 a.m. to get your BF up for a test
  3. Wake up at 6 a.m. to hear BF in the shower, when he had a test at 5:30 a.m.
  4. Doze off ever so delicatley, have BF come and wake you up getting into bed again.
  5. Have discussion about why BF didn't go have his test when he is in pain
  6. Fall asleep for 1/2 hour, then YOUR alarm goes off to get up at 6:30 (I never wake up that damn early)
  7. Think about how you can't fall asleep and not fall asleep til your alarm goes off at 7:15 to get up and be out of the house by 7:30
  8. Have BF rub back to put you to sleep (this also is not required, it may sour the recipe)
  9. Wake up and feed pets, let rabbits out, let dog out, brush teeth.
  10. Run into door, because you are so tired.
  11. Rub eyes for 3 minutes and become more sleepy
  12. Dont fix your hair, or make up
  13. Notice large hump growing on your face. Nice. (this makes the bad day even more bad, but the recipe will taste fine without it)
  14. Make coffee. Notice, there is no lid for coffee cups. BF takes them to work and loses them.
  15. Blow top, silently in your mind
  16. Run downstairs, and forget your lunch after hurdling the baby gate penning up the dog, and have to go back up to get said lunch.
  17. Get all shit together, go to car, spill your coffee on the drivers seat of your light tan interiored car.
  18. Curse vigorously, and throw random tupperware kept in car at garage walls. (throwing things makes the recipe mesh better)
  19. Hear jingle jangle of cat bells and realize, your cats are outside, cus someone left open the laundry room door. Chase cats back inside.
  20. Open trunk and use blanket to cover up coffee on seat.
  21. Get behind slowest person in the universe, only to have them turn, feel a glimmer of hope, and get stuck behind a school bus.
  22. Drink topless coffee, splash on glasses, that you had to wear cus you have no time to put contacts in.
  23. Smear hopelessly, the coffee on your glasses, the 3 times you attempt to clean them while driving.
  24. Lick sticky coffee fingers, only to make them more sticky because you have a sticky coffee mouth. (I like my sugar!)
  25. Use hoodie to wipe sticky fingers on. Be sure and dip the opposite sleeve, INTO your topless coffee cup.
  26. Finish it up with being late to work, and there you have it.

Put in large bowl and beat. and beat. and beat. Cook at 350 for 24 hours.

A shitty morning! It's a simple recipe! Anyone can do it!

I also had a stupid dream about TWDSO. I came to work and he was sitting at my desk on the phone. I didn't say a word to him, I went outside and waited for him to leave, but came back in and told him I needed to sit at MY desk. Then, there were kittens outside my work. 1 looked like it might die. Of course I took the damn things home, so then I had 7 cats!!!!!! And I also had 4 hamsters that were eating each other. And...the *plethora of other animals that I have.

So, I'm sitting here, blogging about my shitty morning, and WG calls me. Asks if I am OK. I said I just got up on the wrong side of the bed, and only had about 4 hours of sleep. He said "What can I do to make you feel better?"

Do you believe this guy? He's MINE all MINE! Back off bitches! LOL! I just really don't feel like I deserve to be treated so good, he is really good to me. I'll always find things to bitch about cus I'm a woman. But, he really is a great guy. And now....I'm gonna go daydream about him! .....



It's Friday. I included an icon on the left titled 'Fear Friday' If you click it, it will take you to femimommys blog, where you can confess your fears today. It's a fun way to shed some baggage!

I'm kickin' it w/my homies tomorrow night. Gals only. I can't wait! It's been forever since I went out solo. It's sad, but I'll miss WG. I miss him now, and I saw him less than an hour ago! Did I mention drinking?

Today's Question:

What's the most daring sexual thing you've done with someone of the same gender, that you don't prefer sexually?

Well I wouldn't call it daring. And, I won't mention names to protect the (not so) innocent. But I kissed a friend. NO TONGUE! And I also grabbed the same friends breast. I have pictures of both incidents, which were in public, and not sexual by nature, and induced by alchohol, but the most sexual thing I've done. **I have no desire to 'be with' a woman. Joking, yea thats one thing. If I ever had a vagina in my face I think I'd puke!!!! No, I know I'd puke!

(**Unless you include yourself. But, I prefer myself sexually. So I don't count! lol!!!!!!!!!)

*For Tayray

Thursday, November 10, 2005

I'm Not Fat! I'm Getting In Shape!...

I have a talking Cartman Statue..that says that. Classic!

I got another gift in the mail, this girl, Mon really likes me man, cus this is the second gift she sent me! I love her, as much as I love myself! Thanks ME! (sometimes I'm totally gay, but get over it)

I got my 6-day total body makeover by Michael Thurmond. If you watch Extreme Makeover, then you know, Michael Thurmond is like.. way smart! He transforms people into totally different shapes. It's amazing. The things you can achieve with discipline, and dedication, are amazing! This book promises that you will lose 1 size in 6 days. Of course, the heavier you are the better you will do with results. Before I bought it I spent countless hours online reading user comments. The only people who didn't get results were the ones who didn't follow the menu. Now, before you go telling me all about how crash diets are bad, let me elaborate!

I've tried every stinking diet in the world. I know they don't work! (this includes pills too!) The problem with them is, that I HAVE tried them all, and ruined my metabolism. I lost 28 (not even 30!) pounds since March, which is completely acceptable time-wise. I did it just eating less, cutting down on sugar, and salt, and exercising at least 2 days a week. (hey - I work 14 hours a day!) But, I've hit a plateau for about 2 months now. I got this book to jump start me back into weight loss.

It is designed to feed your body the right way so you efficiently burn fat. I'm only like, 10 pages into it, so I don't know it all. But, you take a survey about eating, and weight gain/loss and it puts you into different categories and body types. Then you follow certain meal plans for each type. And, eat about 6 meals a day. That will be hard for me, but I'm not one to complain about eating! The thing is you have to eat even if you ARENT hungry.

It explains the importance of fat, carbs, and protien, and that you need everything, in the proper amounts. I am telling myself, that it's only for 6 days and I can do it. The hardest will be cutting out salt. Completely. Now, I did cut down by choosing low-sodium foods, and less salt added to things,which I'm totally ok with..... but I more than make up for all that with the friggin' energy drinks. ITS AN ADDICTION!!

I'm hoping that as promised, I will naturally have more energy from the food choices. I believe it, cus I've done it before. I also read that I am working out all wrong. If you have a lot of fat to lose, you should not over-do it. Everything I've done is on the 'don't do' list. Tae bo, aerobics, stair climber. Long, slow, distance is what I am to do. This would explain, why I lost the most weight doing strip aerobics which seemed so stinking easy to me. I thought, I wasn't getting a work out but the key was that I was moving for a long time, and not killing myself for a short time. I also would incline, and run/jog/walk on the treadmill. Another no-no for me. No incline!


So no more 30 min fast hard workouts. I have to do at least an hour on the treadmill. I guess, it's a good thing I got my library card, cus listening to books is a lot of fun while walking. It'll give me something to focus on. I'll also have to forgoe taking wknds 'off' from workouts, as I'll have to do 2 long workouts each day, and one during the week. It's only 6 days. You can do it again, and again, Hopefully, this is just the jump start I need. To break me of my carb addiction...which, is obviously keeping fat on me.

I don't aspire to be rail-thin. I'm not built that way. I'm polish. I'm big boned. (lol) I just miss buying off the rack without thinking, how is this going to cover my fat.....

I don't ask for much.

Oh, carbs. How I love thee. You are not bad for me, but I love you too much. Please don't hate me because I cannot indulge in you in mass-quantities. I will still be able to see you a little each day, but I'll have to take turns as to which ones I spend time with. Stay in the cupboards, and I will visit you again. I promise!

What am I doing this weekend? GETTING DRUNK! It's been a while. Me, and a bottle of wine, because I'm poor, and $13 bottle of wine will do the trick faster than 12 beers. (not that I'd drink 12..but I can! I said I'm polish!) I'm also going to see Harry Potter w/WG and my future stepdaughter. I promise, not to be drunk when we go though. This...I *solemnly swear.

Today's Question

What do you MOST need to change in your life?

Aside from the obvious stopping smoking and drinking...I need to quit working two jobs. I find it to be more hazardous to my health than anything else. I'm delirious with exhaustion 1/2 my days. I shouldn't be held responsible for what I do. So...I guess by process of elimination, I need to save money better and stick to paying off large purchases. So THEN I could quit my second job! There!

*For Tayray

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Powerless Against It..

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This Just In!....

And now, in local news...my sources (WG) tell me that the results are in for our (and Tayray's) town elections....

I don't really care about the levy...cus I rent. I do care that the library passed, even though we got a flippin' sweet library as it is.

The best news....ever???????

Now, you know where to find us, on Sundays. Wandering from the Bier Haus...to the Minit Mart. In search of *sustenance.
*For Tayray

When The Going Gets Tough....

....You eventually explode! Geez! I guess it's A-OK to say this now, since things with me and WG are now peas and carrots again, but for fuck's sake we had a week of not seeing eye to eye. You'll have that, sure I know! The important thing is, that we kiss and make up!

I took 1/2 vacation day this week to amend our arguement over the wknd./make up for lost time (you know, we had some make-up sex!) So right after we got done making up he suggested going to the library. I saw on Oprah, that you should never ask a man what he is thinking right after sex because, "you usually don't want to know" (I suggest everyone do this actually, cus I got some funny responses too, totally unrelated to sex, it like frees their brains from sex momentarily)

This time I think I can blame myself. Because I didn't want to go to the library.. and I copped an attitude. I didn't want to waste a vacation day on the LIBRARY! C'mon! I just went last week! We got in the car and I asked if he knew where we were going. He didn't. I got more mad. I said "why do we have to waste our time off work at the library?"

And, how can you not love a guy, who gives you his little rev-up car from his battery package, and then, attempts to make 'sweet jumps' with you at work, to see who can get it to jump the furthest? Now, that's what I call FUN!

It's only 2 weeks until he 'officially' moves in. I think it is frustrating for him being somewhat homeless. But honestly, I was making him wait to make it easier on him. Cus, he doesn't have the $ to live with me yet. (too busy paying for my ring!) He stays with me every night, he just doesnt have ALL his stuff there.

Patience. Grasshoppa! Patience!

Today's Question:

What is the most indulgent thing you do each day or week?

Ummmm. Baths. I gotta have my bath. Bubbles. Relaxation. Privacy. It's my thaaaaaang! When I do all those secret woman things that we only do in private, so you think we are always as pretty as we are when you see us in public. You know.

Monday, November 07, 2005

The Goose Is Getting Fat.....

This is a much-loved time of year! Christmas is Coming!! Ok...so, I really, cannot contain my excitement when I receive catalogs in the mail. I got my first Holiday catalog, 2 weeks ago!!! Funny, because I am 'in charge' of mailing catalogs at my job, and I hate when people call more than once for their damn catalogs!

Maybe I should be more sympathetic to them? ......Nah!

Clearly though, the new Yankee Candle, or LL Bean catalog, is way more exciting than a plant catalog!!!! Which is what they get from me. It's not The Body Shop! Or, even The Dr Fosters & Smith Catalog! I am so thrilled with the holidays! I just got the new IKEA catalog. I love it, because it reminds me of Fight Club. When he says his apartment is furnished from a catalog and all the info shows up on the screen, it looks just like the IKEA catalog!!!! I never said it took much to amuse me!

I want everything in the holiday Yankee catalog. And, I pretty much mean, everything. There isn't one thing I wouldn't like. I try to avoid the actual Yankee store, as I spend money I shouldn' t there. I try to limit myself to card shops only, then I can't find 'new' scents and buy them. But, Come on....they have buy 2 get one free!!! thats 20 bucks for free! (thats woman's logic!)

The worst part about Christmas? Giving. Don't get me wrong, I love to give. The hard thing, is giving to others. Get it? Normally I like to give to myself. I see cute things, buy them for people, and have to keep some. Or, I have to doubly buy things so I too can share in the joy that is gifting. I kept a birdhouse shelf I got for Bubba once, I should have never told her that cus she wont let me live it down.

It runs in my family, last year, I visited this really cool blown glass plant water-er that my sister got me. Yea, I visited it, at HER house, in HER plant! She is my older sister, and should lead by example, so I think I can blame her. At least, in my world.... which is after all....where I reside 95% of the time.

Maybe this is why I have no money and work 2 jobs you think???

I got another tree from a friend at work! I was going to miss having 2 trees! I have a themed tree, and a regular 'tacky' one. My themed tree is beautiful! It's Ice blue and white!

Even TWDSO will have a gift from me this Christmas Season! Bunny poop! Somehow, I'm not sure, but somehow, some pellets made their way into his Christmas boxes, when I was going through my stuff to move out. I'm such a giver!

I LOVE the holidays! I get so excited! This year, WG's daughter is going to join us for Christmas. I dunno how much of an adult I will be, my momma warned him how I am. I don't get what the big deal is man, if you act like you don't like opening presents, then you will go to hell for lying.

My BF is so sweet. He has sent me the sweetest text msgs today! He always knows how to make me smile. Just so we're clear, if he hurts me, he dies....right?

On a sidenote: my supervisor at job 2 saw the SAME shooting star on Friday as me. Does this mean I have to share my wish or what???

Today's Question:

What has been your most difficult break up?

Of course, my ex husband. Even though he is a prick bastard!!!

Sign. Sealed Delivered....

Happy Monday? Monday...already? Big fucking deal!

I had my date this wknd w/WG. It was a real date. He drove us. He opened my car door too! We went to eat. I tried crab legs. ME. I tried more new things w/WG in 4 months than in a lifetime. I dunno why I trust his judgement or something? It wasn't disgusting either, I wouldn't eat it by choice but if I was like stranded on an island I could survive on them. After dinner we went to Ambiance. You know.......the sex store. LOL. It was fun being able to go with your boyfriend and not be embaressed! We are so perfect for each other.

After that, we had to kill an hour before the movie and we went to Borders. That is where I got my sign. If....you believe in those sort of things, which, I really do. I headed straight for the Metaphysical section, as always. The first book I looked at in the shelf said "Soul Mates" on the spine. The authors last name, directly under the title, was WG's last name. Same spelling, and everything. That right there, was a sign. Then, I opened it randomly and the first thing I read, talked about what we had just recently discussed.

About changing. How, you don't necessarily change "for" a person, but that you realize that things about yourself need to change, and it may benefit your partner, it isn't about either of you giving up anything. Sometimes change comes naturally. It was a really interesting book, about how family and friends are included as your soul mates. And, how people in your past guided you to where you are today. (which is also the lyrics from 'our song') If you were with people you didnt like, it was to teach you not to be that way.

The movie was pretty good, not what I had expected. We saw Flight Plan w/Jody Foster. It was the only decent movie playing at the theater we wanted to go to. The movie was over at 12. We somehow got on the age-old subject, of...bachelor parties. I'm sure this will come up again before we're married so I'll talk about it then.

I talked to my brother for about 2 hours at 2am when WG passed out. I was up til 5am. There comes a point when you pass being tired. Found out, he was home last wknd when we stopped out. Nice of him to answer the door! He purposly ignored us! MEN!

WG was Mr. Fix-it yesterday. I dunno what it is, but men doing mens work just gets me hot! ha ha ha! I love watching a man work on stuff. He fixed my brakes AGAINNNNNN turned out to be a missing bolt! NICE! Then he put on a new sink faucet in our bathroom, cus it was gross, and cruddy and I tried everything to clean it, plus it leaked. So we found one for 6 bucks, a cheapie, cus hey, it's only an apt. not like I own the joint. And, he fixed the holes I put in the walls from my treadmill. (one was from my foot but we won't go there!)

Then, yesterday, seemingly for no reason, and out of nowhere, it happened. Our first official fight. I call it our first official fight, because any other time we'd had disagreements neither of us raised our voices. It was simply debating. Easily solved. This lasted all night. We were up until 2 a.m. And it was stupid, as most fights are. Basically we wasted a day together by fighting. We don't get to see each other much as it is with all the work we do.

Bubba and her fiance (first time using that) came over. It was sorta akward. Embaressing. But, it's part of life! I wish he would've just put it behind him but he couldn't. Today, he realized that it was mostly his fault. He said I'm allowed to write that it was 99% his fault. Although, he said in my journal, not my blog. LOL!

I'm not just saying that. We got into it, over an RF Modulator, on my TV. That was what triggered it, you know it never is about one thing, but I said this has got to be the stupidest fight I have ever had! Today is another day. We are going to start over. We are still very much in love. I can't ever stay mad at him. Another sign.

Today's Question:

What is the greatest thing you would sacrifice to find true love?

I don't think you need to sacrifice anything, it will find you when the time is right.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Cus Everything You Read In Maxim Is True.....

First, go ahead and be jealous, because I got gas for $2.09 yesterday! I didnt use my card for a discount either! That was the price! I remember when you could roll pennies to fill your tank! Thooooose were the dayyyyyyys!

While reading another blog, I clicked a link to another blog, and in that blog, was another, and I ended up at some weirdo's blog who had pics of himself w/some old chick 'skull fucking' her. Those are his terms! Nice! Let's learn a lesson from this shall we? It is safe here, have no fear!

So, I like to peruse the Maxim magazine. So what? It is hilarious! Same reason you catch your man flipping through your Cosmo....the shit is funny they say about the opposite sex. This months issue, has a list of '100 things you should know about women' and I have decided to list here some of my favorites, for shits and giggles. These are the ones I most related to, personally:

#100. Girls enjoy always having something kind of wrong, like a headache or cramping or something. Remember: No matter how bad it sounds, she’s going to outlive you
whatever! we are too busy taking care of your whiney asses 99% of the time, so we have to get some sympathy now and then! Your moms ruin you!

#98. No matter how much she reassures you, if you can’t get a hard-on she assumes you’re not attracted to her.
yea, I'll agree with this 100% guys get hard ons looking at magazines, if the flesh aint workin for ya, we think its us!

#90. Just started dating? Women want you to drive, even if it’s their car.
Ummm no, MINE!

#89. A girl would prefer to get a $100 gift from Tiffany & Co. than a $500 gift from Fortunoff. Why? Because her friends will ask where she got it.
Good Advice! Who doesn't love Tiffany?

#84. Sixteen percent of American men have been with a prostitute—scientific proof most women are decent in bed.
Ummm. Gross.

#83. Women always want to believe what you’re saying is true.
Key word 'want' to believe. Lie to us once, we will never 'truly' believe another thing you say to us. We might say we do, but we're watching you!

#79. Never trust the woman who gives you the best blow job you’ve ever had.
and why not????

#78. “I hate when my boyfriend is sweaty and tries to lie down on top of me or cuddle after I’ve come. Wait five minutes.”
If you had sweaty sex, you totally rocked! Cuddle me whenever baby!!!

#77. The average woman kisses 79 men before getting married.
I don't even know 79 men, let alone, kissed that many! I've never kissed anyone I didn't date. I'm an angel!

#76. She hates your Xbox more than she lets on. Blow her off for some gaming and she’ll soon stop wasting time on a dork like you.
Keyword here is 'blow her off' playing is fine, but if you blow her off, thats asking for a fight!

#74. “Girls who buy their men lap dances and pretend to enjoy it are kidding themselves. They’re trying to keep him happy with some controlled freedom.”
So what? Why do you need that kind of freedom in a relationship? You can do this for your guy, and go all the way, they shouldn't need to pay some skank for it!

#72. During emergencies, women are likely to remain calmer than men. Though it should be noted that inventing minor crises on a weekly basis gives them more practice.
Not me! I am horrible in an emergency!

#70. Unless they’re lesbians, she won’t approve of your hanging out with other girls. Even if they’re ugly. And, really, even if they’re lesbians.
Yea! Maybe if most men weren't pigs, and most women skanks, we wouldn't worry about this.

#69 If you have something to hide, she’ll find it.
It's a gift. You know, CSI? same thing! We find clues, have intuition, dig a little deeper, and YOURE CAUGHT! Its only a matter of time til we find out your secrets.

#66. They can't live without tension. Every once in a while she's gonna pick a fight with you for no reason. Accept this as a running, inevitable theme and your relationship will make a lot more sense.
We just want to know that you care about us!

#65. The most painless way to end an argument: Let her win.
Maybe men aren't so stupid???

#61. When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions.
Mars/Venus thing. We like to 'vent'! We don't need fixed. We have girlfriends for that.

#60. Women often cite manhandling of breasts as the biggest foreplay faux pas.
Go ahead manhandle them! Just touch them! If a girl says 'ouch' then you have a problem!

#57. Most women think they’re better drivers than they are. Don’t point this out while she’s at the wheel or she’ll freak and crash.
We understand, you want to feel superior to us, because you so are not. This makes the men feel good, so they can think it.

#54. A woman might say she just wants sex, but sleep with her for a while and she’ll change her tune. “I’ve known so many women who think they can pull this off, but they always develop feelings for the guy,” says Evie, 22.
Eh....sometimes its just fucking for us too! ..

#51. Don’t call her “cute.” In her mind it’s the same as “not vomit-inducing.” “Sexy,” OK. “Hot,” yes. “Fucking awesome,” only if she’s at least slightly buzzed.
A compliment is a compliment! We love 'em in all forms!

#49. They dream of one day peeing in a urinal.
I wouldn't say we DREAM of it. We just think it would be cool. I'd hate not having a stall though.

#46. Women want to talk dirty, but they’re afraid you won’t respect them in the morning. Reassure her that letting go in bed doesn’t make her less classy and she’ll probably go wild. Jäger helps.
Respect? It's just hard to do. Be a good girl. Be a bad girl. You wont get married...we get fed this shit from birth.

#38. Let her beat you at something once in a while—poker, chess, Ping-Pong—and she’ll be more likely to give you what you want, like some peace and quiet.
Yeaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!! Let us win!

#36. “At one point or another, I’ve gone through your things looking for any evidence from past relationships. I’m talking photographs, postcards, mementos, address books, diaries. If you don’t like it, get rid of this stuff before letting me in your apartment. It’s not about trust; it’s about curiosity, and it drives us crazy till it’s been satiated.”—Caroline, 28
I plead the fifth!

#31. Got a new girl coming over? Your (tidy) bathroom should include clean linen, a box of Puffs Plus, and several full rolls of TP.
The bathroom should be clean. We are easily disgusted! Remember, we prefer to sit down to pee, not hover. If its dirty we'll have to hover and not be comfy!

#30. “Don’t caress our faces while we’re kissing, unless you really, really, really like us.”—Rachel, 21

#25. At least one of her friends wants to sleep with you.
Not all of us have friends who are skanks! I trust mine 100%. Maybe someone I know, but not a 'friend'

#23. Every woman is self-conscious about her ass. Tell her you love her ass and you’ll see it more often.
This holds true for everything you wanna see....

#22. If you want more sex, tell your girl an attractive woman hit on you that day. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.
This will make us jealous and wonder if you hit back on the chick. A better idea, is to tell us how much we turn you on. Then, we'll turn you on!

#21. More than half of surveyed females between 18 and 25 would prefer to be run over by a truck than be fat.
Ummm you can lose fat, but you can't get your legs back! Thanks though!

#18. Once in a while, let her pick the movie and don't complain about it.

#17. Any good woman will tell ya, honesty is not always the best policy.
Only a man would say this!

#16. Chicks aren’t afraid to get kinky; you just have to have the nerve to ask.
All men should follow this! Just ask, we don't wanna seem like its OUR idea! We're good girls!

#14. Don't take a woman to a concert you really want to see—she'll just want to leave early.
I can have fun at any concert, take me take me!

#13. “Women appreciate a big penis, but having one doesn’t give you an excuse to suck at foreplay.”—Elena, 28
Yea, but generally they like to use it as a weapon. And, its all about the session, big or small, if you suck, you suck!!!!

#11. She likes one of your friends.
Only if you suck, and your friend pays us more attention when we're out than you do.

#10. Ugly girls like to hang out with pretty girls because it makes them feel like they're more attractive. Pretty girls hang out with ugly girls for the same reason.
Sorry, but I think all my friends are pretty. If that makes me the ugly one, so be it. I don't compete w/my girlfriends.

#9. The minute she decides she’s even mildly interested in you, she starts making mental pictures of what your kids would look like and imagining her first name with your last.
For me, it's how you treat my pets. Who are my children. And, the name thing!

#8. Sixty percent of women in the United States color their hair, according to L’Oréal (who are obviously hoping they can peer-pressure the other 40 percent).
So what? We're afraid to get gray hair and God forbid look old so you leave us for younger women!

#7. Dated a stripper? Keep your mouth shut, stupid.
Especially if you ever want us to take it off for you...to music!

#6. Rub a sheet of medium-grade sandpaper across your face. That’s your five o’clock shadow when you kiss her. Now rub that sandpaper on your inner thigh. (Mind you, we’re not suggesting you shave.)
Ouch! True! Theres scruffy and theres painful! (ask Bubba about the love bump!)

#3. The one breakup line she’ll never be able to argue you out of: “I’m sorry, but I no longer have feelings for you.”
Well, at least we wont try to get you back. EVER!

#2. Buying a present for your girl? She’ll hate it (and you) if she finds out you took along another woman to help pick it out.
Unless its jewelry, and you suck at picking stuff out, then by all means, take my friends along!!

#1. You'll probably never know how many guys she's slept with. The standard lie is five. Which really means about 12.
Well, if you are a skank maybe you lie. I have never had a reason to, I'm not ashamed.

Today's Question:

Ever read your guys magazines?