"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Monday, October 31, 2005

All About Forensics!...

I like forensics. If I were smart in math and science, I would go into pathology. But, I'm not, so I'll settle for playing one on TV, er, watching it on TV.

I like the forensic files. Not the crappy stupid-ass CSI shit that is on TV. I like the real deal. The show might be based on actual cases, but they fluff it up with "humor" (i use this term loosley) and "acting". It's gay! WG likes them, millions of Americans do, I do not. And, since my opinion matters more, thats all that is important!

But, lately there has been a marathon on court tv. I like those, and the ones on A&E and HBO. It's like reality TV, probably why I like it.

This is how I know, that Ohio has the highest number of serial killers, and psychopaths. 1 in 2 shows is about someone in Ohio. I think that it gives people ideas on how to not have a sloppy murder case. I told WG if he wants to cheat on me, he better just leave me. Cus, if he kills me he will be sorry. Then, I say, if you cheat on me, I'll kill you. I'll make your life hell, you know, idle threats.

Maybe I should shut up cus if faced with death, or killing someone, most people would kill someone else. That night, we were snuggling close face to face in bed. He was breathing his hot air in my face.

Me: "Are you trying to kill me?"
WG: "What?"
Me: "I'm having a hard time breathing your hot expelled air"
WG: "I'm keeping us warm"
Me: "sure, I think you're trying to kill me"
WG: "how is that trying to kill you?"
Me: "because you have sucked all the oxygen out of the air, and you are blowing your old air right in my face, forcing me to breathe it"
WG: "I don't think that'll kill you"
Me: "you've thought about it?"
WG: "no, and there is still oxygen in my air"
Me: "maybe, but not enough, with time, it would kill me, like if I fell asleep and breathed it all night I might not wake up"
WG: "I'm not trying to kill you"
Me: "you better not or I'll kill you"

Probably not a good idea to watch forensic files, cus I'm all about conspiracy theories. I always think someone is out to get me! I had a nice nights sleep after that. He didn't try to kill me. I told him I don't have much insurance money, and he'd have to pay my bills when we're married.

So, the secret project on Saturday, was actually a ghost hunt. It was awesome! A great opportunity to investigate this place! It was called Lakewood Manor. It was lake something. I think Lakewood. It was in Macedonia. There was the manor house, the servants house, a couple barns, and grounds with a lake. They reported hearing voices, and footsteps, and doors opening and closing when they have been renovating the house. We took some EVP's on someone else's recorder. I don't know if they found anything on ours, but they did find one on another girls, when she asked if anyone was there, a voice said slowly "I AM". Won't know much until the pictures come in and the video is reviewed. But a few people have reported seeing a door open/close in the bathroom. WG and I witnessed this, but felt nothing. It was obviously the way it sat, because every time you opened it it closed, nothing ghostly. There was another small door that people said opened. So they set up a video there too.

It was really, only my second official time hunting with the group. I did go to a bonfire before, and of course, Mansfield Prison. There was a girl there who 'communicated' with a girl named Mary. The people from the historical society were there to keep an eye on things, and they said the housekeepers name was mary. So, that was interesting. I was really excited that WG enjoyed himself. Because, this is my thing. I am really interested in this stuff, and he took an active interest in it!

Today's Question:

What is the most beautiful sight you have ever seen?

I think the prettiest thing, is in the fall, right now. The red, yellow, and orange leaves, against a clear blue sky, is the most beautiful thing to see. It makes me appreciate the life I have been given.

Friday, October 28, 2005

And Another Thing!....

We all know, I am psychic! (in that sometimes I am a good guesser, and have feelings things are one way...but I'm not 100% accurate, and I can't be called upon in a pinch, because I can't control it!)

This is my horoscope for today:

When you least expect it -- which just might be now, the way the stars are looking -- someone you haven't heard from in forever will visit, extend an invitation from right out of the blue, or reenter your life quite suddenly with all kinds of niceties, from actual gifts, to apologies to sudden offers to give your relationship a second try. If you're unsure -- and at this point, it's hard to imagine being sure about anything -- don't say anything other than, 'Let me think about it.'

I would like to predict that my ex Z will call me. Because, he called earlier this week, and last night at work, I had a lot of people w/his name, as did WG. Whenever his name is brought up, he calls. I say lets not bring him up anymore and see what happens!

However, is it wrong to accept gifts if gifts are extended? What if it's something of value? I hope it isn't tonight because I have a hot date with my man, and there had better be NO interruptions. At. All. No. One. Call. Me. Tonight. After. 11!!!!!!!!!! Consider me out of town!!!! It's been DAYS!!!!!

And, this is a funny, I found a funny website link for those of you who are considering having a little bundle of joy. It is reason for us that do not want kids, to not have them. We will end up in this blog! I found this while reading one of my favorite blogs, Content Whore.

Goals. Good to have!

My goal is to stop eating the nestle crunches in my halloweenie bucket on my desk. I got into my jeans today without being smothered and suffocated. And, I can't stop eating these stupid things!!!!

A Little Ray of Sunshine....

This is SO not a happy post!

I did a new thing due to exhaustion! I got in the tub with my t-shirt on!!! I sat down, and realized, I had my shirt on! It's always something! This is more retarded, than putting shampoo on my face, or lotion in my hair! I blame it on not being able to heat my apartment. It's so cold, I didn't want to be naked before entering the warm tub. Heat costs money. I'm saving as much of that as I can. With paying off my washer/dryer, xmas, dreams of a fantastic wedding, and 7 kids, I have no money to spare.

My drain is also clogged, it takes about an hour to drain the tub. Gotta love it!

I love to be helpful. So, I found something to help with Bubba's hump. Or, anyones hump for that matter! Its called a Zeno. You can have one too! It heats and gets rid of pimples. Hmmm..... Kids these days are gonna grow up to be such fucking wusses! They don't have to deal with anything we did. They all have dermatologists, and dentists, and stylists. I bet the geeks today are nothing like the geeks in my day.

I bet kids don't eat glue, or pick their noses. Or, use paperclips to pretend they have braces, or wear glasses. No bad perms, or big thick glasses to be made fun of. Everything is so easy for them. *Sigh*

At job #1, I got an award. We get them from our peers, for being exceptional employees. Not everyone gets them, personally, I have 5 now. Cus, I rock. (its ok to toot your own horn now and then) This one was for working on the catalog I complained about almost daily. All of us involved got one from the product manager. It's nice to be recognized.

I was recognized at job #2 also. I was written up. Why? You may ask? ATTENDANCE!! Can I first stress, that I have 5, count 'em FIVE years perfect attendance at job #1? I use my personal time for sick time. I do call off sometimes, but if I do, I use MY VACATION time. Cus, you know, I get that at my job unlike job #2.

How many days did you miss this year Mon?

9. 9 days. 6 of which, were to attend trade shows for my primary job. 3 were sick days. (well 2 were sick days 1 was a day to see 50 cent!) I know people, who miss 9 days a month!!! So, yea, I got written up. I can only laugh because its stupid. They don't give us any time off, and you earn like 1 hour every week. so it takes a month to get a 4 hour shift off. If you dont have that time, you are marked as an 'incident'. GAY! I need that stupid job though!!

I got an award, and a write up, all in the same night. WG said my karma is evened out. Ok. Sounds good to me!

I got home after a long day and night of working 2 jobs, and what do I behold? My trash can. Full at the curb. I pay 30 dollars for my freaking trash pick up! That means, I get a freaking trash can, cus I pay my trash bill. Lets remember, the neighbors have used my can before, cus their lazy assholes, who cant afford their trash bill apparently. FINE! Use your OWN trash can!!!! They give you a big ass can to use when you pay your bill. So, they decided to pack MY TRASH CAN full of THEIR TRASH!!!!

What do you do in this situation? You turn it over, dump out their fucking trash, and take your can up to your garage! I have no tolerance for that shit! I dont enjoy paying for my trash, but I am also a law abiding citizen. If they havn't moved, I'm reporting them to the trash company! I'm tired of paying for THEIR trash pick up! I suspect though, that it's just gonna be me and Tayray in the building! WE OWN THAT BITCHHHHHHHH!

Happy Halloweenie Weekend! I am going to help on a top secret 'project' for my ghost hunting group. I get to take WG along. I said, "you realize, that you have no clue what you volunteered for, right?" I personally am thrilled that he even WANTS to go. No other guy has ever taken an interest in my interest in the paranormal. Let alone, volunteer for a secret project, without knowing what the project is! We're also going to a party of Beth's friends. I am going as myself. I really would just LOVE for someone to try to steal THAT idea from me! Go ahead, and try!

There is a big game at my neighbor city tonight. Canton-McKinley and Massillon. Good luck to whomever, cus neither is my alma mater. I'm tired of hearing about it though. And, if one of those mother fucking kids smash my pumpkins, I might cry! Me and WG carved the cutest pumpkins ever! His is a wolf and mine is a cute face! I have pics for Monday viewing.

Me and Kat are gonna go see SawII Sunday. ohhhhhhhhh spoooooookey! It had better freaking rock, that is all I know!

Today's Question:

What was your favorite halloween costume?

I have never had anything spectacular as a costume. But I think my favorite just might be the time I wore my sister's Burger King uniform. That's got to be the gayest idea ever. Yet...I did it!

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Hair Today, Gone Tomorow....


I was in the tub, plucking my eyebrows (I find this is the best time to do this personally) and there it was. A freaking BLACK hair....growing right there under my chinny chin-chin. Now, it was a good 3/4" long. No one told me. I have been on the look-out ever since I found my last stray hair, (which, I might as well admit now, was on my BOOB!

I inspect my body daily for stray hairs! So, tell me how this hair got past me?!!

And, honestly, what the hell is it about age and hair? I use to make fun of my mom and sister for plucking at themselves all the time. Is this my payback? Because I never made fun of them for getting them, just that they were always looking for them. I do mine in private.

I told WG that I found it.

He said it was no big deal and he still thinks I am beautiful. (see why I love this man?)

I dunno what y'all know about body hair....but I do know my mom is in her 50's, and she told me that your pubic hair turns gray too.

Ugh, can you imagine? I told WG he will have to shave it off for me, cus I can't stand the thought of it. (And I also can't stand the thought of SHAVING!)

I watched Dr. Oz on Oprah again. Talking about diet, exercise, and how important your blood vessels and heart are in regards to aging. He said the reason we get wrinkles is directly linked to our blood vessels. If they aren't healthy the skin wont be healthy, and it will crack.
Also, how well you exercise shows how healthy your heart is. And, that it doesn't pay to kill yourself working out, he said 1 hour a week is all you need. He did go on to say, that it takes up to 1/2 hr to reach your target heart rate depending on the person, and he means 1 hour of your heart rate being at target.

My new goal in life? Keeping my blood vessels healthy. It will also benefit my heart which obviously in my family, is a good thing! (and I wont get wrinkles!)

I like to be on the up and coming for new products. I saw an ad in my Oprah magazine, for this lotion, that is to cure 'chicken skin'. What's that? SOMETHING I GOT! I have lived my whole life with these red bumps on my arms that look really stupid. I've hated them, dry skin the Dr. says. I've tried every lotion available in the stores. I lube up twice a day with something or other. Ive tried....Everything. I've even tried the stuff I use for my concrete feet (this is a patented term) on my arms. Well, now I know what it's called. Keratosis Pilaris. And, I am getting some lotion for it. It's 36 bucks for a small tube, but you know what? Happiness has no price! I would be so thrilled to have normal looking skin! I mean, live your life with something and have no idea what it is......I've looked for a term for years! My sister has it too. We are blessed with chicken skin!!!!!

Today's Question:

What was the most disgusting thing youve ever had to do?

Being the good mother that I am, I went 'fishing' for something my dog ate. I couldn't get it and she had to go to the hospital for them to get it out, but the fact is, I tried! LOL!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005



What else is good that's 50?

50 cent.

According to Entertainment Weekly, 50 is the new 30 where television viewing is concerned.

50 states. (actually isn't there 51? don't laugh, math, geography = things I don't know shit about!)

50 first dates. An ok movie.

50/50 A kind of raffle that you get scammed on cus you never win.

The great 50 days that starts the day after Easter.

Penecost means 50. We use to go to a Penecostal church. So, I went to a 50 church?

I think that 30 is going to be sorta like, having sex for the first time. Or, getting your period. Or, growing boobs. You hear all the hype, and when it finally happens to you, your like, ummmm what was all the fuss about???? helloooo?

God, can you make my turning 30 more like having sex for the first time, than gettin' my period? I much preferred the having sex for the first time. It wasn't great, but it was something to brag about. No one really gave a shit when I got my period.

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was 12. (we're talking periods here NOT SEX!)
I was minding my own business, watching TV. I went pee, and there it was. My period. I had already been through family living, so I had a book about adolesence. I knew what a period was. It's when you need to buy a belt and sanitary napkins. (sure, we didn't have these in my day but my book said that was what I needed)

I didn't tell my mom, I showed her my toilet paper! AHHHH HAAAA! And, in my moms true nature she told her friend she was on the phone with, that she had to go because "Mon just started her period". I should have known that would be only the beginning of the embaressing things my mom would do. She did hug me. I didn't feel happy about it at all. Big deal! Never mind that I was still wearing a training bra, hot damn I got my period!

I still thought boys were gross. I was a late bloomer.

I'm pretty sure she told my brother too. Cus, sure, he needed to know! I don't however, remember when my terrible cramps started, but I suffered from them all through school. I'd miss days. I'd cry. I really had some doozies. I got em from my mom. THANKS MOM! She had them too. I use to get some good drugs for them back in the day. Then I got on the pill, and they went away almost completely. But, like most good things, there are drawbacks. I gained weight.

I also started birth control right before my senior prom. They made me sick to my stomach, and I had flu like symptoms for the prom. Good thing my mom accidentally exposed my film and I don't have 1 picture from the dance, cus I wasn't lookin to great anyways! I didn't get lucky prom night. I puked all night. Showed everyone my underwear as I fell out of the limo. Didn't eat the dinner I had to pay 30 bucks for either.

I am taking off 14 days of work in December. Great time for vacation! And when I say 'taking off' I really mean, still working, cus I get no time of my second job. I'm gonna call off a couple days of course, but thats besides the point. I dont care cus our incidents reset in January.
But, I get 3 wks vacation, and I have had to piss it all away this year, next year I'm enjoying it!
I can't wait to have time off work, and not working anywhere! It'll be such a special treat, I wont know what to do with myself!!!!!!!!!

Today's Question:

What is the biggest bribe you have ever taken? And given?

Bribery! Ummmm....my ex husband always bought me jewelry (on OUR credit card) when he was an especially big asshole to me. so I guess you can consider that a bribe.
I dont remember bribing anyone. Im sure I have but I cant remember.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Flippin' Sweet!...

You are all so totally jealous of me, that I can pretty much smell it from here!

Some Things Never Change....

First of all, I had a freaking awesome dream, that I was doing Wentworth Miller from Prison Break!!! He was damn good, and it was a freaking awesome dream!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dunno what it is about sex dreams....but they ROCK!!!! We got it on in the back of a truck. The bad thing was, that I was dating WG in the dream and he caught us, and left me. Literally. We were camping and he left me there! And, it turned out, he only did me cus we were drunk. So, it was good and bad, but it was only a dream, so in the dream world, I got some killer ass!

That was all stopped when I woke up. You know, I'm having the typical woman day, hate my hair, hate my clothes, hate my life. I'm tired of getting up early only to be even more late to work in the morning. I dunno what it is. I'm wearing yesterday's pants, because all my other pants smell like wet ass, they've been hanging to dry since Sunday. It's too cold for anything to dry at my house. I can't afford to heat it!

So I played that game on the way to work, you know, where you decide what a song will mean then push the search button. First, I decided the kind of day I would have, and up came 'Unanswered Prayers' by Garth Brooks.

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers, remember when your talkin to the man upstairs that just because he may not answer doesnt mean he dont care...some of Gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

I blame WG for that cus he likes country. I didn't ask for anything this morning, but for my hair to fix. God didn't answer that prayer. I'm over it. I disregarded it, and decided the next would be the kind of night I'll have:

My love is like...Wo My kiss is like...Wo My touch is like...Wo My sex is like...Wo My ass is like...Wo My bodies like...Wo Im lookin like...Wo Can u feel it? (Wo) Can u handle it?

Another bust....cus I'm on my period. Joyful. I got to work and I had a hello kitty purse on my desk. Our operators daughter cleans nights, and her daughter told her to give it to me. Cus, she likes hello kitty too. It's way cute! I hate my hair. It wont do anything. I wanna rip it all out. You know what kinda day I'm talkin about! My boobs are 10 times bigger than usual, which is big. It's been raining for like 5 days straight! UGH!

So...every now and then, you just need a little boost to make yourself feel better. You know, like when you get down on yourself, about anything, you see someone who is a bigger loser, and then you feel good. (This is the only reason to watch Jerry Springer....)

Last weekend my friend Kat saw my ex husband. The loser. She said she didn't talk to him but he came to the bar he use to hang out at, by where we bought our house. She said he asked her friends brother for 'papers' so he's still a pothead. She also heard, that he was in jail last year for coke. Funny thing is, I read about him serving jail time on our trusty county court website. (which is a very handy tool!) I thought it was for failure to pay child support, cus that is what he is in there for mostly, not paying child support. And it didnt' really say what his jail time was for. But, it makes me laugh.

Laugh, because she said he is big, fat, bald, and wore a 'phat farm' sweatshirt. LOL LOL!
Funny, because, he always called ME names. Always blamed ME for the wrong in our relationship. I was never going to amount to anything. I was a loser with no life. I was pathetic. I was not desirable. (yet he came back for the poo tang more than once thankyouverymuch!)

I found out he cheated on me, and his solution was to try to have a baby. Yea, so he could fail to pay me child support! I'm SO GLAD I'm a smart freaking girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yet...let's just see here, where am I now? Oh...yes, I am me! I have everything I need! I am bettering myself, and I have self esteem. Something he took from me.

Funny, how the ones who try to break your spirit are usually the ones who are broken. They try to bring you down because they are down. That's one lesson I've learned. It took me a long time, but here I am, moving on with my adult life. No baggage.

He has 2 (or more) kids by different baby momma's. Apparently, still has a coke addiction, this will be about 6 years now. He claimed to do it because of me. I drove him crazy. You know, I'm so good at that. Some things never change. And some do.

And, I don't care that this makes me laugh inside. It is sweet satisfaction! That is what you get for trying to ruin me, and make me feel worthless. You REMAIN worthless. And, if I ever see you myself, I will happily laugh at you to your face!

Did I mention that Tayray found another mole in her house? She can keep the moles. I guess spiders arent that bad. Except, moles don't bite like spiders do. I get some funky bites. Some day I'm gonna get a flesh eating disease from the damn things. Maybe I'd rather have moles? Hey, did I say that I love nature, and living by the woods? Cus I use to, until it started invading our homes! I'm thinking when I unpack my xmas stuff....there'll be a happy family of mice or moles in the tinsel and garland!

Today's Question:

Where would you most like to be right now?

Ummmm. At home. In bed. Allergies suck. It's cold! Rainy! depressing! PMS! Need rest! Want vacation! Will settle for vacation in bed! Have cramps, and bad hair!

Monday, October 24, 2005

How We Do It....

Happy Monday Morning! It's cold, and rainy here! Ahhh, Ohio fall! We get 2 weeks of beautiful crisp weather, then it rains. It should be snowing in no time! I have PMS so I am allowed to be a downer! Friday was so much fun! We ended up, of course, going to the Bier Haus...original plan was On Tap, but shit changes. I met Bubba and Tayray there, and WG came, then Beth, Brandon, and Todd came out all the way from Akron.

The real DJ wasn't there, some guy that is always there was doing it. But he played requests. We got to hear of course, the must-have' 'pussy control'. We all did the butt, and the hula hoops came out before Bubba and Alan left. While I usually drink, I hadn't gotten my 'drinkon' in quite some time. Proof being, that I danced.

I think everyone spilled at least a drink at the table. I didn't spill one but tapped Tayrays beer so she'd drink it fast and she didn't so I tried to stop it, but you know, that never works, and it squirted all over the place! I resisted the pizza. Which, was my #1 accomplishment this wknd. I got 20lbs to lose man!

We closed the bar! I havn't closed the bar in a long-long time! Ugly lights and all! It was fun! I did nuts and berries shots all night, but Tayray wanted to do tequila. So, we did one. BLE!

Tayray met someonnnnnnnnnnnnne!!!!! Well, I guess you can't really say that, cus he's been around for a while, but they were talking at the bar, all on their own, it was only the cutest thing ever!!!! Then they went out Sat, and Sun too! Drinking! I don't think he'll complain about her drinking! Ahhh, young love! It warms my heart! And aren't they the cutest? Ahnolde who????

Bubba wanted me to display her 'hump'. See if you can find it! lol! This picture, made me laugh for a good 5 minutes Friday night!

After the bar, I went over to Tayray's. WG left at like 12:30 so he was zonked out when I went to Tayray's. He had to work at 5:30 am! I got home at about 3:30, and watched Madonna's documentary for a bit. Ate some food and drank some water, took some advil. You know, hangover stopping techniques.

I got my hair did on Saturday. It was a crappy rainy day. Got my hilights a bit darker. It's winter time you know! We stayed in all wknd and watched Lost. And movies. I got my OH-FISHAL library card from the library in my new town. They have a pretty nice library!

They did away with my team, for real this time at job 2. I wont be making near enough money there. I dunno what im gonna do, its better than nothing, but no way will I be taking home 700 a month!

Only like, 3 wks now until WG moves in!!!! He keeps saying things to scare me, like that things will change or whatever. So I told him to stop. I like how things are, if they change it has to be for the better. Then he told me that everything would be ok. I just need reassurance! The good thing is,I can't stay mad at him. When he ticks me off, it usually doesn't last. And, I hold a grudge. So it's a good sign! I'm thinking of revealing him in my blog. Only cus he asks why I havn't. I was protecting his innocence. (sha!)

I made dinner on Sunday. Ranch chicken and angelhair pasta. I used my fresh chives, and Parsley. You know, try to impress the man. I don't think it worked. He said it was good. After I asked. I don't care, cus I liked it! He made pecan pie, and it didn't turn out perfect but it tasted good and I brought some in my lunch today.

(how's that losing 20 lbs going for ya????)

Today's Question:

What question do you avoid the most?

How much do you weigh.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Ugh! Lucky!....

I enjoy reading Pink Is the New Blog. It gives hope to all bloggers, that fame and fortune can be yours. (ok, so maybe not, but the first step, is having kick-ass read-worthy material such as this)

Ummm, Hello, Madonna?

Dude got to meet MADONNA?

And, as if that weren't cool enough, he got a story about him in another blog, about how he got to meet Madonna? A picture? With Madonna? Hey, I was in Detroit in September, getting gas, does this mean I am cool too Madge???? (It's ok, I know the answer already!)

Can I go on a moment, on how I am worthy of meeting this material girl?

I've loved her since I was 8. Seeing how I am pushing 30, this means I have been a fan for 23 years. Thats longer than some people I know have even been ALIVE! And a fan? Loves an artist for their work! I didn't laugh when she changed her look. I never thought she was a hoe when she slept around. I have bought every album. I never called her a sell out! There is being a fan, and being a fan of someones music. I am a fan. I love all that is Madonna. I understand that she can't sing the same pop music from the 80's!

My first cassette tape? Madonna, Madonna. My first favorite song? Burnin' Up! I swear my first coveted peice of 'jewelry' was black O-rings. I spent countless (and I mean countless) hours in front of the mirror, with an old telephone cord as my microphone, singing her songs. I might not have done it well, but I did it. Sometimes I lip synced, but only when my throat was sore from the high notes. I use to put on my sisters prom dress and sing Material Girl. (I don't think I ever told her this...SUPRISE!)

If I weren't ashamed, I might even tell you, that I would sit on the toilet and act like I WAS Madonna, being interviewed. Now, it sounds like I had multiple personality disorder. And for some reason, the toilet seemed the most appropriate place to me. I made up dances to her songs. A favorite routine was to 'White Heat' off True Blue. The breaks in the song with talking, made for dramatic dance tempo changes! I also, have the dance down pat from the True Blue video. I can still do it, if you wanna see. It's mostly hand movements, but thats dancing!

I remember all the hours spent at the radio, waiting for the premiere of 'Rescue Me'. Fingers on the record/play button, cus at any moment, the song could be on! Times were tough. We didn't have cable! I didn't get MTV! I had 23 Music Magazine with Billy Soul! (local yocal!)

I didn't have the internet! No downloading! If you wanted that song, you had to put in your due time at the radio recording! After a few years, we got the cassette singles! Then, the maxi-singles! God, am I sounding like a Fogey or what?

When I was 12 I stayed at the TV all night, waiting for the Pepsi commercial, that premiered 'Like a Prayer'. Ah, I remember it like it was yesterday! I thought she had the coolest blond streaks in the front of her hair!! I had to try it myself! I soaked my hair in bleach. Real bleach. (this doesn't work for the record)

I have a music book of Like a Prayer. All the songs. I played them on my trumpet. I was the coolest chick ever! I had the posters, the magazines! (if you wanna be REAL jealous, I also have a New Kids on the Block comic book!) I even had this 6 foot tarp of Madonna from Truth or Dare. My brother's friend got it for me. My mom threw it away and she will never admit to it, but she did. I spent the wknd with my sister, and she ordered Truth or Dare on pay per view for me. She even made me peanut butter cookies! She realized, this was an event!

I am part of Madonna's inner-most circle. She sends me emails from time to time to let me know how she is doing, and what is new and up and coming on the horizon. She calls me too, well, she doesn't say my name, but it's her on my phone! I get all this courtesy of the fan club. You know, it only costs $50 to join! But you do get cool shit!!!

I was like a virgin, before I even knew what a virgin was! I was livin in a material world, thinking, material was what my mom made crafts from. Later, I stayed up til all hours, to watch Justify My Love. Because, you know, it was so racy! People are having sex on TV now, but we couldn't watch some lezbo tongue action on cable?

I don't even like kids and I have her kids books.

She is also the only woman you'd hear me say this about:

"heck yea I'd do her in a heartbeat"

And, only cus I love her so much! Deeply......

So, watch her new documentary! It's on Friday 10/21/05 on MTV at 10pm!!!

Now, while Edwin loves me, and we understand each other, we are not on a communication basis like I am with Madonna. So, it would be hard for me to choose. And, since same-sex marriages aren't really allowed in all states, I might have to pick Edwin, if only cus we could live happily ever after....legally. But I can't say for sure, cus, I wouldn't want to miss out on any opportunities!

I am going out tonight. Long...Long...Long overdue, seeing how I didn't go out at all last wknd! (no alchohol touched these lips!) Karaoke at On Tap! I think it might end up being girls only. But, as long as they got beer, I could really care less! A guy from job 1 is going but he counts as one of the girls. lol. I really miss kickin it with my homies!!!!!

Today's Question:

Does anyone love a singer/group the way that I love Madonna?

Thursday, October 20, 2005


I have 2 shocking tidbits!

I got electricuted.

How, you might ask?

Not listening to the man when he told me something.

I have these lamps I got at the goodwill, their a matching set. I am impatient, and slammed my trunk on one and bent it before I even got it home. I need that lamp, so I asked WG if he thought he could fix it. Only the top where the bulb goes, was bent.

He said he couldn't fix it.

I said why not? He said to trust him, he couldn't fix it.

I don't listen so well. I decided I could fix it. I put the bulb in and plugged it in and it didnt work, so I took the bulb out, and took the sleeve off, and rescrewed the bulb in, and ZZZZZZZZZ I got electrocuted! It popped and zapped after it got me, and blew out. It doesn't work, needless to say. Maybe that will learn me to listen, but I seriously doubt it!

Then, since I am a pillar of health, I have recovered nicely from the bird flu. (i have no evidence of this other than we were sick for days) WG on the other hand, got worse. He had the poops at work last night, and was shaking and freezing. You know, I don't mean to knock the poor guy, but men ARE babies! He wanted to go to the hospital! I said I'll tell you what they'd say! Clear fluids! Rest! So I left work at 9 and got him some gatorade, and pbutter crackers. Told him to drink it all, and eat it all!

Then, I left and went to get him some advil, and saltines. I made him chicken broth. I MADE him chicken broth, didn't open a can. Took his temp, gave him some advil, soup, crackers, a cold washcloth, pj's, a blankie, and a sleeping pill! (I am my mothers daughter after all) He felt better in no time. Not 100% but his fever broke cus he stopped shivering. I made him drink another glass of water, cus he isn't drinking enough! I bet he wakes up today a new man! I have faith in my nursing abilities!

So, I'm pretty proud of myself. I am not normally the best care giver. Seems I got this sickness and in health thing, down pat after all!

Today's Question:

What is the slowest realization you have come to?

Ummm, if he says he doesn't love you anymore, he probably is telling the truth! Get over it! Live in the now! lol

...And Found....

Ok, so before I get to this week's episode, here is a little bit from season 1 that I found important after seeing the whole show.

There is a lot of talk about birthdays with various people, asking when's your birthday. Perhaps they are all the same sign.

When Jack has drinks with Ana Lucia before their flight, she seems to know an awful lot about him. She says to him, the hard part is over. When they part. They discussed his dad dying, so did she mean the hard part with his death is over? Or, is Jack dead? Are they a plane full of dead people? LOL!

What is it with kids on the island? Danielle (frenchwoman) had to kill her daughter 'the sickness' got to her. She tried to steal the baby from Claire, thinking it would bring 'the others'. Then, 'the others' took Walt away. Maybe something only affects the children on the island?

The more times I watch the episodes with the monster, the more it sounds fake. Even Danielle said it is a security system to protect 'the island'. I think it is obvious that pushing the button has to do with a security measure. If they don't push it, what could happen?

At the end of season 1 when the 'others' take Walt, in the scenes with the men on the boat, it appears to be snowing. Not on the islanders, but on the others. They mentioned earlier the only body of land near them was Antartica...could they be in a protected biosphere? And when they said that they crashed on a plane, the guy seemed uninterested. "A plane huh?"

Locke has more to do with this whole thing than anyone. I wondered if there was a link with all of them to Hurley. Hurley owned all these companies, one of which, being the box company that Locke worked for.

Claire and the psychic, who told her she had to take her baby to LA to give it up...he has to know more than he let on. He has to have known the plane would go down. Maybe he knew she would die? Maybe their all dead? Theories...Theories....

I'm interested if this will have any supernatural qualities, since most 'paranormal' activities can be explained by strong magnetic pulls. I watched a ton of shows on this, due to my interest in ghosts. Most situations in hauntings were recreated with strong electromagnetic force. Things breaking, moving, floating.

I read in the msg boards, that in the season 2 episode where Hurley is eating the food, there is a picture of Walt on a Milk carton. Now, I remember watching carefully, and missing it. I saved it to re-watch though.

This explains the strange time lapse. How Jack was running with Desmond, and then Desmond has been on the island for years. How? How is Walt missing? And how did he appear on a milk carton on that island? I also saw on a website, a flight tag from Jack's Luggage. Dated 9/21/09......Weird! Weird! Weird!

I also wonder, was the mental patient, that kept repeating the numbers, where Hurley heard them, by chance, the man who was with Desmond, and died??? It wouldnt make sense time-wise, but considering other time lapses...at this point, anything is possible!
Last nights Episode....
Well nothing really stuck out in my head from last night, except that it gave me chills when 'the others' went walking by in the jungle! I wonder if they are ghosts?

Why wont the tail end lost folks, talk about their experiences? Yea, I guess there wouldn't be a show then! But you catch my drift! I don't even get what the back story on Sun and Jin had to do with anything....?

3 week hiatus? Did you catch that it wont be on for 3 weeks??????

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

All About My Humanization of Animals....

I thought my title sounded quite professional. I was searching for a new sweater for my doggie, Little Hill. (or, Lil' Bill, Bill, Billy, Hillbilly) Lately I call her Bill. Because someone was drunk at my party one summer and his name was Bill. He thought my dogs name was too, and it just stuck. She likes me to call her Billy. I know, because she tells me...DUH!

So, Bill is old. She is going to be 10 this April. She gets cold in the fall and winter. She shivers she has old achy bones! So, she wears a sweater. I feel the need to justify this, because people make fun of her. But, clearly, she loves to wear her sweater, I mean, just look at her!

This is Billy Bear, wearing her sparklie red chenile sweater. It's real chenile people, because she is worth it! Granted, she is about a month overdue at the groomer in this picture, but you cant deny that she's the cutest dog ever, in her sparklie holiday sweater!

While perusing for a new sweater, I came across cat sweaters!!!! BRILLIANT!
I have 4 long haired cats! 3 persians, and 1 siamese/birman mix. Sweaters would enhance their look! Don't they just look smart?? You can learn to make these at their website. Momma, I think this is a great gift to be passed down from grandmother, to grandcat. I think they would cherish them always and forever.

Seriously though, I just might take up knitting, and I could have a different look for each pet. I love this for my pupper!

I have no problem believing my pets are people. Their more people than children are. At least, when I tell my dog or cat to shut up, they listen. Proof, that they understand english more than human kids.

They love me too, no matter what. Even if I am screaming about something and throwing books. I won't get in trouble for child endangerment! They just wait til mom calms down and give me lovins!

I definately love my furkids!!!!!!

X Factor.....

I've been under the weather. My whole body hurts. My cell phone was also shut off. As in, no service. It isn't like me to not be at work. I could've been dead and my family would be none the wiser......*sigh*

My ex called me again. 'Z'. Just told him to stop about a week ago. I don't want to keep telling WG about it cus I feel stupid that I allow it to keep happening. But then, I will feel like I'm lying if I don't tell him. So, I'm kinda stuck.

He calls me at work, and I can't really say what I want because I share an office.
He acts like things I said, I never said to him, about not calling me etc.... Just acts like old friends! And, then, for some reason there is the fact that I can't go off on him. I am still I guess afraid? I dunno.

Z: What's up?
Me: Workin!
Z: How's things w/you and your boyfriend?
Me: Great, and soon he won't be my boyfriend.
Z: You getting married?
Me: Yes
Z: Your going to get married AGAIN is that a good idea?
Me: What do you mean by that? What's wrong with that?
Z: I dunno, it didn't work the first time.
Me: It had nothing to do with me. It was him.
Z: I asked (girlfriend) to marry me.
Me: Did you? That's great!
Z: I guess, I have a hard time thinking I will only have sex with the same girl for the rest of my life.
Me: You didn't pick the right girl then.
Z: I like her fine, it just gets boring. I think I need to add another woman to the mix.
Me: yea, your girlfriend outta love that.
Z: I guess now, it would be cheating for you.
Me: It would've been the last time you called
Z: Well now that you'll be getting married. It's like cheating.
Me: Cheating is cheating. I don't think it matters if you are married or not! I tried to get together w/you when me and TWDSO broke up. But you were difficult to pin down.
Z: Yea, I know. I just miss it.
Me: Well you know you could have fun w/your girlfriend if you tried. Or you could get online and look at pictures. lol.
Z: Nah. I need hands-on, in the flesh.
Me: Well, did you think that I would be alone forever?
Z: Not at all. I'm home now so I gotta go.

So, I sat and contimplated the conversation. Why did I talk to him? I don't know. I told him in email to piss off. It was easy that way. WG said he knows men and he is trying to find a weak spot by keeping asking me.

WG kissed me and told me that I am much more than that to him. I am the whole package. He is the sweetest guy ever. I am secure in that he can make me happy forever. It is hard to make me happy, period. And, he does a hell of a job of it. I think I require too much attention. I think I have always thought that.

I hated telling him about the call. I guess that should make me want to tell Z to piss off even more. So I don't have to be telling him about phone calls. Instead of trying to figure out why I can't do it, I should just hang up. I don't even hang out in that side of town because I don't want to put myself into that situation. I never once did when I was with TWDSO especially, because I know he could've worn me down. The same way our 'relationship' started.

I was late to my second job last night. by 2 minutes. You know, they count you as being absent that entire day, for being 2 min late? By all rights I should've gone home except that I live 1/2 hr away and I need the money. I did better last night, made $40. I'm getting the hang of my new job. The guy w/tourettes there, showed a girl next to me pics he took of himself on his cell phone, having a tick! LOL LOL! I'm not kidding, he really took pictures of himself doing it!

WG is moving in the end of November. I'm excited, and I'm nervous. Once I quit my second job, I am soley depending on him for his 1/2 the bills, or we're screwed. He gets paid on commission only. He said he won't let me down. I hope I am doing the right thing. I feel like I am. I just am scared to death cus I'm not working 2 jobs to support both of us. I'm mostly afraid to quit my second job. I am accustomed to my lifestyle! I'm working 2 jobs to save $ to pay off bills, and now, a wedding. Which, he will have to help with too! I opened a new account! I now have my savings, and 2 checking accts. My new account I changed my second job pay to direct deposit into. So, I can get use to living off my main pay. It's gonna suck!

My electric bill was $89. Now, I don't have a gas bill, it's all electric. But, that month I never ran the a/c. And, though it's doubled since WG has been staying there most the time....we are still there the same amount of time. I have no idea what runs the bill up!! I can't imagine the bill once neither of us is working 2 jobs, and we're home more! Ridiculous!

I'm cat sitting for Tayray. Bullwinkle, won't eat when she is gone. I go over and none of his food is touched! So last night I had my dinner with him. He sat and rubbed on my legs the whole time and didn't eat! Maybe he is full on eating moles???

I got another X story for tomorrow. And, don't forget LOST tonight!

Today's Question:

What is the strongest drug you have ever tried?

I tried coke. I only did once, and I hated it. I didn't like feeling anxious and conspicuous.

Monday, October 17, 2005

The Love Boat....

We've been pretty much doing nothing, but watching Lost. WG has finally admitted he is powerless over its addictiveness! There is a LOT you see when you go back and rewatch the season! A ton of stuff, that I'm like, now, after seeing it all, they make sense, at the time it seemed useless! Again, great writing! Love it!

Saturday I went shopping with Kat. She gave me these bezel set garnet earrings.....which match the leverback garnet earrings she gave me before! Yea, i said GAVE! Loves it! I took their picture. We went to Hartville and wanted to hock some stuff but they weren't buying. Of course, we looked at all the sparklie diamonds. It's nice to have dreams. We visited her necklace in layaway. It's really pretty, really expensive! There is a beautiful tanzenite ring I want there, for 300. Some day I'll put it in layaway! Forever! She said you can have it in as long as you want to!

Yesterday, we took a cruise on the love boat. Well, that's what they called it when we were on board. They also played the gilligans island song which wasn't funny. It was freezing cold yesterday, the sun came out for approximatly 15 min and we got to go up top and enjoy it. It was really romantic! The people who worked there were super nice. The food was awesome! Even though, WG wouldn't eat his cheesecake. (he doesn't know what real cheesecake is, he likes the pudding crapola) We danced. We have no proof cus WG asked the DJ to take pics, but didn't turn my camera on first. LOL. He taught some people how to do the boot scoot boogie, which was entertaining. There was a wedding reception on the boat, a small one. Their song was what he wants our song to be. I'm holding out for Edwin though. But...we'll see.

We had to go to Tayray's about 10:30 last night, 'something' was in her laundry room. It was quiet. She said it was in the dryer hose, and she turned the dryer on. WG pulled the tube off, and out fell a cute little mole, all disoriented, half dead. He boxed him and I set him free. Basically I set him free to die. I felt bad for it, he was cute. Tayray, ran out of the room when it fell out of the tube! ha ha! She is afraid of toads too, so can't blame her!

We discussed our official co-habitating date. Which will be Nov. 18th wknd. I can't believe it's happening! One thing I don't understand is why men think it is their job to decorate? Obviously, this is up to the woman! A man should get a 'room' or an 'area' but not an entire house. And trying to mesh our styles will not work, their totally different. I'm old, antique, americana...maybe a smidge country. He likes indian stuff. To me, this is tacky. He isn't happy with putting it all in a room either. I dealt with a Star Wars house, I guess I'll get over it. Everyone knows I have impeccable taste, and that its not my stuff!

Then I got PMS which ruins most good things, so by the end of the night, I felt like complete crap, and felt unloved. For no reason. But, thats the nature of my evil hormones at work. I'm depressed, that's me!

I came in to work 1/2 a day cus we both got sick. I dunno from what, maybe from the food? It tasted good going down! Even my eyeballs hurt. WG is spose to come get my car and fix it. It is really messed up and it scares me to drive it. It's scraping bad, the brakes. Even when I'm not pressing the brakes, plus the front wheel rattles. Yea, I use to love my car. For about 1 1/2 years, but lately I hate her. I just know it'll be something WG can't fix cus thats my luck. Xmas, washer needs paid, and something major will undoubtedly go wrong with my car!

I'm so burned out working 2 jobs. I can't stand it anymore. Of course, I can totally stand the money, and again, this is probably just the PMS talking.

I don't FEEL good. Everyone thought I got engaged. Newsflash.......I'd be on the phone telling everyone it happened, I wouldnt' just be quiet and not come to work! C'mon! This is ME we are talking about!

Today's Question:

I really wanna know how people deal with men wanting to decorate their homes!

Friday, October 14, 2005

The Awakening....

This spent a lot of time on my refrigerator. I held on to this for the past 4 years. I still read it from time to time. It helps with loving yourself, and letting go of control. I edited it from its long form. Lot of relationships are in turmoil in my life lately, so it inspired me to post...Hope it helps someone.

~Author Unknown~

A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when in the midst of all you fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting, crying and struggling to hold on.

And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change....or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that neither of you is Prince Charming or Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and that's O.K. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself...and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and it's not always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself..and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings. And in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with....and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive.

You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love.

How to give love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. And you learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly O.K.... and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So, you take more time to laugh and play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve...and that much of life truly is self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different that working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn no one can do it all alone...and that it is O.K. to risk asking for help. You learn the only thing you must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live on your own terms.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, you learn not to personalize things. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the things that we take for granted, things that millions of people on this earth dream about, a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind, And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage you take a stand, you take a breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.

I Dream Of....

I have this in my side bar. I think it goes overlooked. What a person writes in their blog is their business. No one forces you to read it. There is an old saying that goes a little something like:
"You made your bed, now lie in it" Sucks to see that you are an ass sometimes, but thats life. I always change the names to protect the (not so) innocent! Bite Me!

So, I have posted a while ago, that ever since moving out of TWDSO house, that I have not had my recurring dream of losing my teeth. I had it all the stinking time.

Their always vivid, and I always remember them detail for detail. It starts with a loose tooth, then it falls out. My mouth is filled with blood, which I can taste too. I even feel the rough part under your tooth, like when its loose and you cant stop tonguing it. Then, they come faster, another, and another. And, I also lose mouthfuls of them, they get stuck in my mouth, and I spit mouthfuls of them out with blood into my hands. I always think, please dont let the front ones fall out, cus I am terrified of the dentist in real life too. And I figure I can hide losing all but those. lol.

This past weekend, I had that dream again. Twice. This, after finding out that my future is indeed solid with WG. You would think, it would be a reason NOT to have those dreams.

My book at home says it is a fear of losing control.

I told WG about them, and he said that it is a good thing, because when you share your life with someone you have to give up some control. He said there are things he wants or likes to do that he knows he can't do anymore and that is part of our life together. I guess that made me feel a little better, but I still dreamt it again!!

Here are a few other descriptions of what this dream means:

Loss of one's teeth, then, signifies fear of castration or of complete failure in life, or inhibition; it represents an attitude which is the inversion of that of the Primitive, who acceording to the findings of anthropology, commonly adorned himself with the teeth and claws of conquered animals. Some interpretations underline the significance of teeth in respect of the sexual aspect of energy.
Dreams of teeth, in general, are often about your fears of being embarrassed, or having an action or behavior that you're not proud of revealed to other people. If your teeth are rotten, crooked, and/or falling out this could mean that a lie, however small, may be hurting someone and you will soon be found out. Or, if you are keeping a secret, you may subconsciously be scared of having it revealed.
Teeth often represent decisions, therefore problems with teeth may represent long-standing indecisiveness or an inability to assimilate, analyze or make decisions about incoming data. Losing teeth may represent an identity crisis, ugly gossip or talking too much.
Dreams of teeth are generally assumed to have sexual significance.If the dream teeth stand for sexual potency, then they also symbolize aggressive tendencies. Teeth which fall out can be seen as a symbol of general loss of potency.

Ok, so the one that says a loss of sexual potency, really sucks ass! Who knows WTF it means. But I still think it is so weird, that we can all have the same dreams. If you get me started on how and why we are all here I'll never shut up. It amazes me that we can be so different, and so similar! It scares me cus I have been tooth dream free for like 8 months. And I have been dream free for a couple months. (I don't remember them and normally I do I have a really wacked out dream journal) And now, I remember the crappy ass losing my teeth dreams, that I always associated with bad.

I updated my amazon wish list yesterday. I have like 7 pages, and 180 some items. I want a lot of things. But, I use it mostly for me, so I remember what I want. I am the one who buys off of it. Now, you can have a profile at amazon. It told me to make one....so I did. I put my smiling face on there, and wrote about my life, and how im happy, and how WG and me are gonna get married (unofficially, official). When I saved it, it said you have 2 amazon friends. I said I DO?
One was my sister, and one was TWDSO. I laughed. So, I clicked on his name, and there I am, as one of HIS friends, and theres my big smiling mug! He'll have to look at me if he ever gets in his profile, to delete me. Sweet satisfaction.

How's thing's goin' for ya TWDSO? Still a big self-important manager of a stupid cell phone store? Thought so. I shouldn't be mean. But, I'll never forgive him for being too pussy to dump me. But--I thank him. Because now, I found the love of my life!!!!

Speaking of....we are going on a cruise Sunday for Sweetest Day. We are 'brunching' on the Nautica Queen. It's our first real 'dinner date'. And, this is WG's horoscope today....

If this isn't the right time to propose permanence, cohabitating or maybe even The M Word to the person you adore ... well, there just may not be a better one. That said, why not be brave, be willing to get those feelings out and let your loved one know that you're no longer thinking in terms of 'occasional,' 'casual,' or 'informal.' You're thinking that it's time to start making a lot more reservations for a party of two. Period. Why not get their opinion on that subject over your first two-party dinner?

Today's Question:

When did you have the MOST fun in your life?

Tough one, but I'll pick the time period after dating Z and before dating TWDSO...me and Beth were single gals, and went out all the time. Many a night was spent on my nice, cold, tile bathroom floor back them!!!! Those were the dayyyyyyyyys! Back when I use to still go to the clubs.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Fun With Words!...

As always, I strive to bring fun to the masses. (well, to whoever reads my blog at least! guess if ya don't read you don't have any fun now do ya?!)

For even MORE fun that visiting the Merriam-Webster website, and making the computer speak dirty words....

Go to Quizilla, and make up a song. You type whatever you want, and various artists will sing your song, for you.

Is There A Dr. In The House?....

Main Entry: love·sick
Pronunciation: 'l&v-"sik
Function: adjective1 : languishing with love : YEARNING2 : expressing a lover's longing

I have some kind of sickness. First, it invaded my mind. It took away all the doubt I had that love was real. I thought it was somewhat strange, but I really didn't miss it, so I shrugged it off.
I can mainly only focus on one person, and one person only. (suprisingly it is NOT myself!) I try to think of other things, but he is alway's there.

Next, it affected my stomach. It makes it flip, and flutter all the time. It doesn't hurt, it feels a lot like going down a hill on a roller coaster, a rush.

My heart, scared me. I feel a tingle in my heart. I thought surely, I am having heart palpitations, but it didn't hurt either. It felt nice.

My knees, while they have always creaked and cracked, now seem to not hold me up so well, their weak. This sickness gives me weak knees.

I have another feeling that I cant describe as anything but a longing. An addiction. A feeling of always wanting to be with him. And. I. Mean. Always. I thought well, maybe I have the fear of leaving the house? Because when I leave him, I am leaving the house. I feel like I leave part of me behind. But, then, it happens when I am anywhere, and we part ways.

He told me, that he feels like this is a dream, that he is afraid to wake up from. Could you just die? Is he not the sweetest ever??

You have to understand, I am miss independant. I didn't need anyone. Let alone, a man. I was established in my life. I had my jobs down pat. I had my own place. Paid my rent. Paid my bills. Paid my way!

I have my 'kids' that I care for. I had things how I liked them. I had order. I had structure. I had what I wanted when I wanted it, and no one could tell me I couldn't have it. If you were my boyfriend, I didn't do shit for you. I did that in the past....I was the wife. I was the giver. I got nothing in return, but used. I would have love dangled in my face, and as soon as I reached for it, it was yanked away from me. It broke me. It made me bitter. It made me hate all things that were love.

The only trouble with that was, that I forgot what I always wanted the most.

It was Love.

I can't explain how or why things happen, just that they do. But years back, I was a really sweet girl. I didn't like myself that way, because I thought I was weak. And...I thrive on being strong. The truth is, that no one ever appreciated me.

I make myself sick. Thinking about him all the time. Wanting to be with him all the time. Forcing myself to have some me time, cus I really don't dislike spending time with him. I love it.
I love the way I feel when I am with him. I love that 5 minutes after he leaves, my heart hurts and I want him to come back!

I just had to let everyone know, that I am totally, without a doubt, completely in love with WG.

Today's Question:

When have you been most silent?

Me? Silent? HA!
Well actually when I work nights, it hurts me not to speak. I long to use my voice! Lately though, I have been branching out and making friends w/o Bubba there. So no more quiet time for me!

Lost Today!...

Ok, so, what is going on with this show now?
You think you learn something, then, you get more questions!

I liked the back story on Hurley and how he won the lottery. (loved the guy from Road Trip being on too)

I wonder what on earth is going to happen with the 'others' now? Are they all from the same flight? Or, are they from different times? I know the one guy was the husband of a woman on the beach with the original lost people. But were they all on the plane? If so, why is that one dude dressed up like he is in a tribe?

And still, who took Walter? Havn't seen those people around! If they are all dead, and they are in purgatory, maybe Walter wasn't dead. He was there communicating, cus he is psychic.

One of the writers in the bonus DVD said he was psychic. I didn't know what to call it. But you know, he read the polar bear comic, polar bear came. A bird died too, when he saw it on the island. Maybe the people that took Walter, were people from this time period, you know, come back to life Walter! And he is gone from the island, meaning, that alternate universe?

I read a book similar once. I loved it. About death being a parallel universe. It goes on like here, only certain people arent here, they died. Their in another world without us, thinking we died. If you get into it, it can be pretty deep people!

So, I still think Walter can communicate through his dog. Only because I like to predict things and have them be true, then I feel way smart!

Sooooo....anyone got any ideas whats going on yet? ha ha ha! Seems like there are a lot of new people on the show. I think they will probably mostly die, or be killed. That is too many people.
I did the math, there is around 60 people, with the 2 groups. And, there may be more.

But the question is still.....

Why did the others capture Jin? Tie him up? Why did they put the guys that escaped in that hole? Who the hell do they think they are?

And why did Sun bury the messages in the bottle? To let everyone have false hopes? I bet she is gonna get it on with someone else, and her husband will be pissed when he gets back.
But, I'm just trying to stir up some sex on the show. It's only a matter of time before the girls start calling the shots. Cus, the men seem to be outnumbered. If they wanna be gettin any....they'll be nice!

WG tried to get me to not watch the new Lost cus he isnt up to date. I told him that I had a public that counted on my thoughts. I had to watch it! So, don't disappoint me, and let me know what you think about the show. Save my rep!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

What it Feels Like For a Girl....

Hurt thats not suppose to show
And tears that fall when no one knows..
Do you know, what it feels like for a girl?

Gather 'round kiddies and learn 2 new words with me:

Main Entry: 1whore Pronunciation: 'hOr, 'hor, 'hur

whore, hOrr adulterer, Latin carus dear --1. a woman who engages in sexual acts for money : PROSTITUTE; also : a promiscuous or immoral woman2 : a male who engages in sexual acts for money3 : a venal or unscrupulous person

Main Entry: adul·tery Pronunciation: &-'d&l-t(&-):
voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a married woman and someone other than her husband; also : an act of adultery

Seems that in today's society, there is no respect for a thing called boundries. Or love. I am really sad to live in a world like this. Girls are mostly skanks, who have no respect for themselves, or each other. There was a time when you could have this conversation with a friend:

You: "Omg, that guy is so cute, he is funny, and smart, and I'd like to go out with him"
Your Friend: "Yea, but he's married"
You: "Damn, too bad...."

Not these days.

The "Damn, too bad...." is now replaced with "so???....."

Marriage is a sacred thing for most people. I've been married. I've been in a really shitty marriage, where I was abused, and cheated on. It destroyed my self esteem...but you know what? I was married. I respected the sanctity of it. I didn't feel the need to go out and screw someone else's life up because mine sucked. I've made mistakes. I have been a cheater. When I was being cheated on, when I was no longer married. 2 wrongs do not make a right, sure, but it seems more justified.

I couldn't say....go out and cheat on someone who I knew loved me, and wouldn't suspect me of cheating on them. I will just say that its happening to someone that is a really good friend of mine, and it makes me sick!!!

Enough of my time wasted on the BS of adultery!!! (which is a freaking sin and you will burn in hell for it!)

Karma is a big, fat, mean sonofobitch, and you cannot hide from it!!!! I have faith that it'll bite that mofo in the ass in time. Especially since he thinks he has done nothing wrong. HA!

We had an impromptu girls night after Job 2, Bubba and Tayray came over. We had some laughs. While I love my man and being w/him always, theres really nothing like hanging with the girls, being stupid, and laughing til you cry. Or, was that just me? I made WG's lunch while Bubba was there. She laughed at me.

Bubba: (laughing) "look at you!"
Me: "I know, can you believe this? "
Bubba: "No! "
Me: "Make sure you tell WG cus I don't think he gets how big a deal this is! I think this is the third time I've done it!"
Bubba: "That's not enough mustard"
Me: "I got more on there, under the meat! "
Bubba: "Oh"

Love makes you do crazy things. I guess. This is all new to me! Guess what else? When me and WG get married, I will be a stepmom!!!!!! I did think about it before. It's not so bad cus she is almost a teenager. But he brought it up last night. I aspire to be a nice stepmom unlike mine was. (a.k.a "stepmonster") I could have a kid her age, if I started right after I graduated.

His family seems to be worried that I am a freaking party animal! It kinda worries me that they think I'm keeping him away from them. He said he told them we don't have time. We both work 2 jobs. I don't even see my own family! Or my friends! Unless, that is, you wanna come over at 10pm and kickit with me, I probably wont see you!

So no one is doing the weight thing at work anymore. I lost 2lbs on my own. I have 17 more to go by Dec. 14 to meet my goal. I can do it!! It'll make me feel better about being 30.

LOST IS ON TONIGHT!!!! So is the Ghost hunters from Mansfield!

I think I am going home, and going to bed. I have to get my freaking ass back to the gym starting Saturday. I pay for it out of my paycheck but do you think I've gone in 4 months?? Granted, They close at 9, but I can still go on the wknds! I am so going on Sat. I also have a vet appt, and a work meeting for my second job.

My hair is such a mess. I can't get my wig split until the 22nd. And we are going on our Sweetest Day cruise this wknd in Cleveland. With my grown out roots, and hair that wont fix.
I will be so happy when my freaking washer/dryer is paid off. I'm tired of worrying about it.

They changed my job at job 2. The job I work on was cut down to 15 keystrokes per document. Sooooo, I use to make on average 10-15 bucks on a batch in an hour. Now....It takes me about 15 min to do the same batch. And, I only make 5 bucks. That is what I like to call, getting the big screw!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Working 2 jobs may not be worth it if this keeps up! I went from making 50/60 a night to 20/30!

Today's Question:

What room of your home do you spend the most time in?

My bedroom. I sleep for about 6 hours a night. That is the longest that I am even home. Lets not get me started on how I devote 14 hrs to work, and I am only physically home for 9 hours, 6 of which is sleeping. Now....I'm depressed!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

The Great Pumpkin.....

Sunday, WG and me went on the great quest for pumpkins. We went to Walsh Farms, which is near my house. I am worse than a friggin' kid I swear. I get way too into things that kids like. I blame it on being the baby mkay? I was like lets go lets goooo see the animallllls! There is a petting zoo.

Normally, they have this big barn, with baby cows, and goats, and sheep, and donkies, and runny babbits, and ducks, and piggies!! Well, we sure got the big screw dilly oo this year! They tore the barn down! Alls they had in a little lean to shelter was 3 baby cows. And a buffalo. (Tayray, it was a baby buffalo, and it wont get you lol)

I was kinda mad, they also didn't have the llama this year. It's cage was there, but we didn't see it. (Tina you fat lard, eat the foooooood!!!!!) I wanted to tell it to eat! I am so easily amused!

We set out into the muddy grey yonder, to find our pumpkins. You get to pick your own, which, is great fun. Suprisingly, I picked my pumpkin way before WG did. He had a method. I am not exactly sure what his method was, but it involved, getting several 'perfect' pumpkins together, and ruling several out. Kind of like, the bachelor on TV! The perfect size, shape, and color, the way it sat, and the stem were all factors in his selection. I guess I am happy he picked me for his girlfriend seeing how picky he is!

Tayray was being a hater, and said that she was gonna steal our pumpkins! She besta leave them alone dammit, their our pride and joy!

What else happened on Sunday? OH! LOL! We took viagara. My sister will be mad. She said we could die. lol. We were careful and took 1/2 a pill. And waited......It only took like 20 min for me, and I was feelin' it. He took another half, and then he was feelin it ha ha ha. I wanted to try it because of Sex and the City, when Samantha took it, she seemed to be pretty stinking happy.

Well, so was I! It made me tingly, and happy just sitting there! I kept giggling. I am not really sure if it was the pill, or if it was cus I knew I took it that made me laugh so much. Sex....yea, it was really freaking good too, it was more intense. And we had more of it! =) I recommend it for something new, definatley! We both got really tired after a couple of hours. I blame the sex and not the drugs though. Work Monday....I was still feelin' it! I think it is pretty obvious that I got some good lovin on Sunday! I usually do get some good lovin, but we had more of it. He challenges me sexually. And that is important to me cus I love me the sex!!!!!!! (I love WG too of course, which makes it that much better!)

We have had fun talking about our future together. I am so happy that I finally found someone that I love the way I do, and that loves me back the same. I have loved people, but never felt the same back. Or, I have felt that for someone, and not loved them the same. Love is a crazy thing! You just can't beat it!

There is a new guy at work. (job 1) It is so funny, because we have like 50 or so people in the office, were tight knit. There are a few young girls (the youngest being early 20's a.k.a TAYRAY) but all the men are old. So, this guy that I sit by is a Mgr. and his son is working here now. They brought him around to see us all. Parade around the fresh meat so to speak. He's cute. He's young, but cute. But, it caused such a stir, that it makes me LOL! People are saying nice to have a man around, and Dave that I sit with said go ahead and say it, its nice to have a guy around who isn't an old fart! ha ha ha. Dave said we were going to get in trouble for sexual harassment. Who....us???

He is doing Tayray's old job, as she has moved on, and moved up in the world. Ahhh...Tayray....I'm so proud of her! The first step to success, is leaving the customer service dept.! Been there!

Today's Question:

What is the worst thing you have done on account of money?

Hmm. Cash advance. Going to 2 cash advances. So, that I had to go to 1 to pay back the other because I got too much out of both. I think its against the law or something too cus you have to go to certain ones that dont share information with each other. That sucks. I did that for 2 stinking years!

Monday, October 10, 2005

The Night The Lights Went Out In Btown....

Yes. It's Columbus Day!
Yes, I had to get up and go to work!
No, the drive wasn't bad cus everyone else in the world was off work.
Yes, I get the day after Thanksgiving off instead of today, which when that day comes, I will be thankful!

I had a pretty decent wknd! Friday night Tayray came over. I got some cleaning done, and we got our drinkon. Man bashed. (you can still do this even though you are happy to help a girl out) When WG came over after Job 2, he gave us the male perspective. It is like the quote I have on my blog from Chasing Amy with WG. He's been around, and now he is with me. Some people might be scared off, but for me, I know he has done the stuff that most people worry about so I have no worries. And, we are also hap hap happy.

Friday at Job 2 wasn't too bad. Bubba was there, she calls off a lot so we miss each other and when she's there it's a bonus. Even though, she blames me for not making money. We got paid. I was off for my Canada trip,,,,,,ummmmm yea, I got a 1 week paycheck so I'm dirt poor!

I'm tired of pretending that I don't know, but WG did tell me that he has a little something in the works for me. It is not Edwin McCain as previously planned.....The man actually wants to marry me!!!!!!!!! He already has my ring....well making pmts I guess? He showed me a claim check. He was trying so hard last week to throw me off the course of thinking that was happening, that he caused a bit of a rift with us. So he spilled the beans. He also told me not to tell anyone he did it. (so I posted it on my blog!) lol. Oh well. I said you can't tell me that, and then expect me not to tell a soul. (which, it turns out he has already told all my friggin friends!!) I couldn't even tell Bubba...he told her too! Sheesh! Brother, momma, everyone knows. What I don't know, is how, when, where etc... so no one spill the beans about that.

Saturday, I think it could have snowed out. C-O-L-D!! brrrrrr I swore that I was not turning on the heat until it was November. Saturday, I broke down and turned the living room on to 40 degrees. LOL! WG made fun of me and said that it was warmer outside! It's expensive to turn on the heat man! I did a lot of laying around and watching lost. I'm trying to get WG addicted to it, so he watched 3 or 4 episodes with me. I watched the bonus footage. I didn't learn anything, but that I felt bad for the wild boars on the show, they starved them to get them to chase people. Ugh....I just love the animals.

We had our bowling league. Beth loaned me her ball. (Cus, TWDSO swears that he doesn't have my ball, but he is driving around w/my ball in his trunk, in a box labeled with my freaking name on it, one day, his lies will catch up with him. It'll crack him in the head and he will be sorry!) Anyhoo, I broke 70 with her ball. Lol! I got a spare. (for me this is good!) We bowled, it turns out, with my dad's neighbors. I thought the name was familiar, but I'm stupid like that and don't talk to people. The mom came up to me and asked if I remembered her and I said no. lol. I said do you know me? She said her name, and I said, my dads neighbor???? I use to play with their daughter when I stayed at my dads. She was there too, and the husband. The husband told me stories about my dad, and how much he liked him, and how helpful he always was, and how smart he was, and how he worked with HIS dad at the aerospace. Small world!

I also saw my ex boyfriend's dad's name on the bowling list. I dunno why I must be tortured. I hope he doesn't recognize my name. I never actually 'met' him.

Then the lights went out.

Literally. There was a power outage. We bowled 1 1/2 games, and the power went out. There was a fire down the road, so we had to sit around in the dark for like 1/2 hr til they decided we could go. Mind you, we bowl underground. Not underground, like cool, bowling, underground like in a basement. So, I didn't think it was the best idea to be hanging around if there was a fire, but...what the fuck do I know? We did get our drinks for free, because WG was running a tab and they couldn't run his card. Bonus!!! Now we gotta spend the next week bowling for like 5 hours, and that is no lie. It is not so much fun as it is like work. It's 3 games. And 12.50 per time we go! It was the first meeting with the wife, since finding out WG was still married to her. Shouldn't be long now. lol. It wasn't bad. She really is nice, and doesn't make me feel stupid or anything.

We went home and watched Lost. Snuggled under the blankies.

I get to take an HTML training session. I am going to be too smart for my own good! I know the basics, but it goes in depth.

Sunday update tomorrow. Since Sunday was an especially good day! =) And, I got pictures to download. (Well, WG has to do it for me, we will see!)

Today's Question:

What is the least you have ever worn in public?

I was like 11 or 12 and my friend stephanie and me went to the IGA grocery store in tshirts with belts. lol. We pretended to be in a play. I dont think anyone asked us about the play so I dont know why we concocted that stupid story.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Ghost Post!...

This is to just let everyone know, that the show 'Ghost Hunters' will feature Mansfield Reformatory this Wednesday, October 12th 9pm on Sci-Fi.

You can watch a preview of this episode here.

This is big news in our ghost hunting group. Many are mad, because they have spent 8 years investigating the place, and wonder what they will find in 1 episode that they havn't found in 8 years of investigations. Pretty much, just T'O'd that they aren't the ones on TV.

Our group, use to be the 'official' investigators of the prison. Meaning, we got special priviledges. And our name on the website. There was a falling out over something with the people there and our coordinator. He was kind enough to keep it to himself, and not spread gossip, so we don't really know the full story. Just that, no one goes there 'officially' as a group anymore. And a group out of WV I believe is now their investigators. Pretty messed up since its in OHIO and we are the OHIO GHOST HUNTERS SOCIETY! What everrrr!

Myself, I'm pretty excited to see the place on the big screen. (close enough) It's an amazing place. I can't wait to see what they say about it. If they get the same 'eerie' feelings I got at certain places. If they find any EVP's. I know that people have gone several times a year and got nothing, and other times you go once and get something. It just isn't guaranteed. There is definately a feeling there that makes you feel like your being watched, your hair stand on the back of your neck. The best time is around 3 a.m. when the 'amatuers' poop out and go home, and there are less people there.

So everyone tune in, and be a part of the fun! I am really excited about this one!! I can't WAIT!

The crappy thing is, we didn't get to go this year because it sold out. Now, it will be impossible to visit them after being on TV. The good news is, now they are accepting reservations for next year. Normally, they only accept 2 wks in advance to a hunt date. So, I could schedule something now for next fall, which I think I will do!

Divine Intervention....

So, I get a call at 11 from WG, that he wont be over for a while, Bubba was in an accident!!!! Our night supervisor called him and told him, so he called me. She was on her way to work and he was leaving work so they were in the same vicinity. Isn't that the most romantic thing ever....? Like, he genuinely cares about my best friend? Imagine THAT! So I called her, to see what happened. She was hysterical. Hyperventalating. Hard to understand. But she couldn't believe she was alive.

No one was involved but her. No one was hurt including her. All that happened to her car was she dented the rim and broke the mirror out of the holder. She hit a construction wall, and was thrown into another lane. She has a little fuckus (focus). All I can think of is that someone was looking out for her, and it is amazing that nothing bad happened to her or anyone else!!!! Thank God Bubba's OK!!! I'd have just died, but let's not think about that!

This is about the gap. Just the other day WG asked if the Gap was still around. (we will forgive him for being clueless about fashion, so long as he learns....Gap and Old Navy are like cousins, so they have to get along to love me!!)

We started talking on break at Job 2 about the Gap commercials. Don't you remember the cool Gap commercials? No, he didn't.

I was listening to my Madonna Remixed and Revisited CD last night at work, and it dawned on me, MADONNA DID A FRIGGIN' GAP COMMERCIAL! DUH!

The song is on my CD! (where'd you get them jeans?) Her and Missy Elliot. Remember? How awesome! So, that reminded me, of, the Madonna jeans! In the video, she has on these cool capri-like jeans, with studs on them, and an M on the pocket and a kick ass belt. I wanted a pair.

One day, me and Bubba sat around calling the Gaps in the phone book. She asked them if they had 'those Madonna jeans on TV'. If she didn't get the answer she wanted, she'd call back and ask again. LOL! Of course, we thought it was friggin' hilarious. One person told her they had the jeans, but they didn't come with the studs or the belt. LOL.

Ummm, then you don't have 'the Madonna jeans'! She even called Gap kids trying to find them. She is the bestest friend!

I had this useless thought yesterday. If I worked at a convenience store, or gas station, I would spend my time lighting lighters, and wasting all the fluid. Cus, apparently, someone does. You pay 2 bucks for a bic, and its half empty. You shake them all and their all like that. 2 bucks just doesn't buy you a good bic these days!!!

Good news! WG said it'll only take about 2 weeks to get divorced. Joy! My boyfriend is divorcing his wife. I so sound like a candidate for Jerry Springer!!!! I know it sounds like I am the other woman, but really, trust me, IM NOT!

And all this talk about boobs reminded me of a time when I had no boobs. So, I looked it up in my journal. I was 16. I was a string bean who thought she was a heffer, and I had no boobs.
This is my entry for that day:

"I got my dress for homecoming. It is strapless, black velvet, so pretty. It was only $90. It fits everywhere but the chest. Mom took it in for me, but it is a little loose. I met her at Clicks for a new bra. She said I needed to pad my bra. She made me get these things that look like shoulder pads. I felt like the biggest idiot, cus she knew the cashier of course. I could have died from embaressment."

My mom...is famous for embaressing me. One day I will post all about that. But, she always talks to strangers.

"That's what I do for a living" she would say.

But, who woulda thought I'd have no boobs. Those were the days. I also was sickly and not healthy so I guess I'll take my boobs over that any day. Another thing, who the hell pays $90 for a dress? I would never do that now! But, when you are 16 it's ok? You do think differently when you are young! My poor mom! I remember crying cus I had to have my dress when I was 15, and I remember, it was $176. I wonder what dresses cost these days?

I also talked to my brother last night. We're gonna go see the new Fog in a couple weeks after work. I can't wait! I love the original, but the new one has like, believable fog and stuff!

I bought Season 1 of Lost yesterday....I am officially addicted, seeing how I only got a 20 hr paycheck from my second job, and it was 1/2 of what it normally is so I am poor now. But, while I'm poor, I will be watching Lost! And I watched the bonus DVD. It was neat! Im gonna start them over this wknd. It was interesting how the story came about. Feeding your addiction is fun!

Today's Question:

What would you find hardest about being in prison?

MMMM...No TV. I'd say no sex, but I'm pretty sure I could find some woman to satisfy my needs. AHHHHHHHHHH! Desperate times man! Desperate times!!!!